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Oneshot His by mickeysam - M

Discussion in 'Trash Bin' started by Stalin's Pipe Organs, Mar 10, 2013.

1.8148148059845/5, 27 votes
  1. Stalin's Pipe Organs

    Stalin's Pipe Organs Auror

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2009
    Messages:
    667
    Mar 10, 2013 #1
    Title: His
    Author: mickeysam
    Rating: M
    Genre: Horror/Noir
    Status: Completed
    Library Category: Dark Arts
    Pairings: Harry/Dominique
    Summary: The first time he saw her he knew he could never let her go. She was supposed to be his and he'll do anything to make it so. But how far is too far before love becomes obsession.
    Link: http://hp-darkfest.livejournal.com/68285.html[FONT=&quot]

    [/FONT]4.5/5

    Really creepy fic.

    Reading it also works better if you imagine that when Harry lost the small piece of Voldemort's soul inside him, it badly damaged his psych.
    [FONT=&quot]

    [/FONT]
     
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2013
  2. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

    Joined:
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    Mar 10, 2013 #2
    Haven't opened it yet but just wanted to ask -- who the hell is Dominique? Is this a crossover? If so what is it crossed with? Or is this a random OC?

    ...meh, let's see. *opens*

    Okay, for anyone else debating reading this: Dominique is Bill and Fleur's second daughter. I guess that's technically canon but I am used to seeing Victoire more often and the name didn't click for me.

    Story is just under 8k total, so it's fairly short.

    Writing itself isn't bad, but it's not good either. Feels really stilted. Things like:
    Just doesn't flow that well. There was a party. It was when they fit several parties into one. It was harder to celebrate when kids were at school. Permission was granted so the kids in school could attend the party. Blah blah.

    This story is actually fairly disturbing. Here's a spoiler for those of you who like spoilers:
    Harry has been in love with Dominique since she was only a few hours old. He kidnaps her on her birthday, when she's a teenager, and then proceeds to keep her locked up in an old hunting lodge. She is not pleased with the situation. He sleeps with her and hopes they can have a daughter -- I got the implication that he intended to be "in love" in all the wrong ways with said daughter. Later he gets off on hurting Dominique, who continues to call him "Uncle Harry." And so on -- it continues more or less in that vein.
    Hermione is characterized in a ridiculous manner. I mean, wow. She is not nearly pissed off enough, and I doubt she would ever consider even remotely letting something like this slide in any shape, form, or fashion.

    But then again... it's not like Harry isn't massively OOC, so maybe the author is just going for both of them to be this crazily OOC. *shrug*

    If the writing was better I could see this being a lot more disturbing and interesting. As it is... well, for one thing, I don't like the story (at all). The writing itself is, again, mediocre .

    This belongs in almost recommended, not the library, in my opinion (though I could easily see it making the Recycling Bin, for folks who enjoy this sort of thing). 2/5 from me though, I'm really am not a fan of Pedophile!Harry. I can't really come up with anything redeeming about this story, save for the creepy potential that it has (which it does have, it's just mostly mitigated by the average writing).
     
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2013
  3. Rapscallion

    Rapscallion Groundskeeper

    Joined:
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    Mar 10, 2013 #3
    "So beautiful when you cry,” Harry murmured, lips on her skin still. "More beautiful when you bleed."

    "Just...be less noticeable."

    A big sister always takes care of her little brother, no matter what.

    Creepy.

    There were few small breaks in writing throughout the fic. But the writing if not awesomely good, wasn't terribly bad in itself. I think it did went with the theme well enough. It did create some of the effects it wanted.

    On the characterization itself, while yes they were OOC, it didn't strike me too much. I never minded any fic which had Harry with damaged psych post battle. And while I do agree that Hermione's reaction was somewhat ridiculous, the author did try to hint some unhealthy/ unnatural relation between them. If not totally justified, it wasn't like it came just out of the blue. For instance, if it would have been any normal fic, I would have closed it as soon as I read that sentences I put up in spoiler. Tbh, it made the feel of fic even darker.

    The underlying tones in the flashbacks was done well, imo. Also no scene was rather explicit except one.

    All in all, it's a sort of fic that I would always read with morbid curiosity but I don't know if it truly belongs in library. Like some of those fics in MWba.
     
  4. Scott

    Scott Professor DLP Supporter

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    Mar 10, 2013 #4
    It's more then fucking creepy. It's sick.

    Dominique is his niece and he rapes her. But first it shows flashbacks of him watching her when she was a Toddler. A baby playing with toys.
     
  5. yak

    yak Moderator DLP Supporter Retired Staff

    Joined:
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    Mar 11, 2013 #5
    DLP and "sick" have a long and loving history together. Anyone who thinks otherwise should read our Mature WbA subforum some time.

    The stiff writing and bad characterisation though? Unforgivable!
     
    Last edited: Mar 11, 2013
    The Fine Balance, Feoffic, Averis, Oz, Captain Trips, Myduraz, TheWiseTomato, Tehlaziboi, T3t, Aerylife, FreakLord
  6. Andrela

    Andrela Plot Bunny DLP Supporter

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    Mar 11, 2013 #6
    I thought it was good time killer. Probably material for Almost Recommended.
     
  7. Saot

    Saot Groundskeeper

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Mar 12, 2013 #7
    I think Hermione's characterization could work with fairly minor tweaks. Imagine if instead of her feeling indebted to Harry, it was suggested that she couldn't bring herself to criticize him too much because she's even more broken and didn't hold the moral high ground. This would be slightly less OOC, and would increase the general sense of horror as the reader is left to wonder just what she did that's even worse.

    As it is, it's decent. Writing's a bit bland. Did a good job of being suggestive without being overly explicit until the climax.
     
  8. The Fine Balance

    The Fine Balance Headmaster

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Mar 12, 2013 #8
    While I don't mind reading about a pedophile, it does get irritating when that person is utterly boring, absolutely unrealistic, and idiotically un-reflexive.

    2/5
     
    methor
  9. R. Daneel Olivaw

    R. Daneel Olivaw Groundskeeper

    Joined:
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    Mar 15, 2013 #9
    Pedophile Harry? Why?

    The author tried to show how Harry became a sicko, but it really just didn't work. I think if they used less familiar characters it would have worked out much better. There just was not even close to enough story to make the transition believable.

    The writing was alright, but not even close to good enough to make this story fun to read.

    2/5
     
  10. Mordecai

    Mordecai Drunken Scotsman –§ Prestigious §– DLP Supporter

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    Mar 21, 2013 #10
    Its not the creepy and weird basis that puts me off this fic, its that its completely fucking boring. It reads like they were trying to write something weird and creepy for the sake of it. Its got no depth, no hook, no nothing.

    1/5