Harry Potter Random Story Title Generator

Aekiel · Apr 9, 2013

Captain Trips said: ↑

Dwarf's Agony
Warped Idol
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I've found my next Dwarf Fortress name and group.

wordhammer · Apr 9, 2013

Colin Creevy and the Medallion of Atlantis - Of all the dead to be resurrected, why him? Because he was innocent, loyal and brave enough to find the Medallion. Whether a young wizard with the knowledge of millennia and no obvious ways to harm him can stay innocent and loyal and brave is another thing entirely.

Dobby and the Forbidden Flame - Harry challenges his elf friend to push the limits of his kind of magic, so that he can be useful in the war against Voldemort. Dobby focuses his efforts on Fiendfyre, to spectacular effect.

Fred Weasely and the Chaotic Sorceror - (again with the dead people?) Fred calls up a patron spirit in hopes of fixing George's ear as well as helping in the war. Instead he unleashes a different sort of magic, long left dormant for very good reasons.

Lucius Malfoy and the Talisman of the Slayer - fearing his loss of position, Lucius uses some of his more esoteric resources to dredge up a magical bodyguard; what shows up is a twelve-year old American named Buffy.

Professor Snape and the Warlord of Transformation - the slash is strong with this one

Ron Weasely and the Ancient Mask - Instead of the cognivores, Ron discovers Loki's Mask. Accio Brains, indeed!

The Fat Friar and the Library of El Dorado - In search of... Helga's lost Cookbook.

Sn0rkack · Apr 10, 2013

Harry Potter and the Sorceress of Azakaban

Dark!Harry, Betrayed!Harry, possible sexy times with Bellatrix.

These ones are great

Harry Potter and the Cloak of Infinity
Harry Potter and the Golem of Elysium
Harry Potter and the Unicorn of Bone
Harry Potter and the Cape of the Mage
Harry Potter and the Scribe of Forever

I lost it at this one

Harry Potter and the Terrible Necromancer

Ched · Apr 10, 2013

Does anyone else find themselves constantly cringing at the various misspelled words?

Weasely. Azakaban. Creevy.

...still fun, just arghlblargh.

Harry Potter and the Eureka! -- Harry discovers sex.

Harry Potter and the Avoid Fate -- Harry steals one of Dudley's old game systems and learns how to type in Up-Up-Down-Down-Left-Right-Left-Right-A-B-A-B-Start.

Fred Weasley and the Crossbow of Time -- The "real" story behind the loss of that ear.

Lord Voldemort and the Death Star -- This needs no explanation.

H_A_Greene · Apr 10, 2013

CheddarTrek said: ↑

Harry Potter and the Avoid Fate -- Harry steals one of Dudley's old game systems and learns how to type in Up-Up-Down-Down-Left-Right-Left-Right-A-B-A-B-Start.

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*B-A-Start. Otherwise it is Right-Left-Down-Up-A-B-Start.

Harry Potter and the Grimoire of Elysium

For eons, the Grimoire of Elysium has foretold the passage of events taking place everywhere throughout the world where Man is involved, and even predicted reactions to-come in the immediate future surrounding them. It has seen the rise and fall of cities, empires, and entire nations, as the hands who hold it transpire from good to evil and back again. It has been sought greedily since the fall of Rome two thousand years ago, but not until Lord Voldemort stumbled upon it in the lost legion's resting place in Albania has it resurfaced in the modern world. And now, fifteen years after the fact, will the coming second-war have any hope for the Light?
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Harry Potter and the Unknowable Prophet

Legend says that the creator of the Grimoire of Elysium was tortured by the guilt of his prior failures to the world; research into immortality, to cure sicknesses and early death, only introduced a plague more vile than any other in human history - the Dementors. Time spent trying to rid them from the world lost when no known spell, charm, or curse would permanently suffice. And in the end, when the Patronus Charm was invented by another after thirty years, it was not joy but immense bitterness and grief that wracked him, so potent that he would eventually expunge his own identity from the history books - no memory would recall his face, no stroll or record would retain his name, and even the Grimoire could not recognize his actions. Now Harry Potter must figure out how the Unknowable Prophet escaped the fate predicted by the book if he is ever to vanquish Voldemort forever.
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Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Gateway

'At a central junction between two lines, a Gateway beyond this realm dwells.' Such is the quote attributed to the ancient Sorcerers Gateway from which the Unknowable Prophet learned his lessons and created so much at so great a cost, and in the end put to use to remove himself altogether. Others who have stumbled upon one in recent millennia have created the legendary Deathly Hallows as if from thin air, and later still the Veil of Death held closely within the Department of Mysteries. But it is Herpo the Foul who reaped the most benefit from the Sorcerers Gateway in ancient Greece, and who sacrificed more of his humanity than even Voldemort could manage despite mangling his soul. What must Harry Potter sacrifice, and what will he gain in return? For he does not know that the Gateway can not grant the same result twice, even if the same sacrifice or greater is made.
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Harry Potter and the Litch's Wand

With the fall of Albus Dumbledore at last, the prowess of the Elder Wand has flowed into Voldemort's control. But while the Elder Wand is mere imitation of Death's own wand, there exists one most truly fashioned from the ethereal currents of the underworld and brought forward into this plane, as desired by Herpo the Foul three thousand years ago. Its vile corruption ate away at his sanity and his flesh, for that which is dead is not meant to co-exist alongside the living. When he finally rotted altogether and should have faded into the afterlife, the very first horcrux kept his spirit tethered and his skeleton animated. It is said that Herpo forsook his given name for the title of Litch, befitting his new form. The Litch endured well into the middle-ages, and was put down at last by Myrddin Emrys, who banished the wand and its maker into the deepest recesses of the world in remembrance that it would be needed again one day. In exchange for his soul, and unknowingly sacrificing the horcrux in his skull by chance, Harry Potter is likewise blurred from proper recognition by the Grimoire and guided along the Litch's path by the Sorcerers Gateway.
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Harry Potter and the Chalice of Bones

While Voldemort goes into further madness in trying to figure out where Harry Potter has vanished, the latter descends through spires of grating stone and rotting vegetation far beneath Ireland, walking through craggy fissures and beside molten rivers, until at last he arrives in the Deep Dark nearest the gap between reality and the afterlife. All that remains of the twisted, broken Litch is a Chalice of Bones filled to the brink with the Wand's disjointed ectoplasm. When nothing he does solidifies it proper, Harry Potter realizes he must drink the hideous concoction and become the next Litch before the Wand will recognize him- a small price to pay after the rest he has lost so far.
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Harry Potter and the Ice of Death

As soon as he finishes the last drop from the Chalice of Bones, Harry's body is wracked by hideous agony, and the rapturous life contained within him begins to pale and diminish. The Litch's Wand gradually seeps out of his hands and encompasses his natural holly and phoenix feather construct, imbuing it with a power unmatched, and hours later, when the pain finally settles to a constant throb and splinter within every cell, Harry Potter rises and begins the trek back to the surface world. When he emerges six days and nights later, he feels no warmth, no pain, and nothing at all within the thin and hollowed figure he has become. Garbed in the Invisibility Cloak, he marches upon London as a dying reaper, and the Litch's Wand his scythe.
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Harry Potter and the Cold of Infinity

In the six months sense Lord Voldemort arose again, in the mere weeks since he slew Albus Dumbledore and the Order of the Phoenix, he has worked to bend the world to his complete control. The Grimoire of Elysium has allowed him to send the Death Eaters instantly throughout the world to murder any sign of opposition, and with the Statute of Secrecy in utter tatters, even the muggles have been cowed with their leaders slaughtered. The only obstruction to his satisfaction is the disrupted scrawls explaining where, and what, Harry Potter is and is doing. It all comes to a close when Harry finally dissolves the barriers protecting the Ministry of Magic from unauthorized access, simply pointing his dead wand and siphoning the life away from any and all that cross his unseen path, and he confronts Voldemort for the second time in his life. Anticlimactically, it takes no more effort to vanquish the Dark Lord and sever his ties to the Horcruxes than it had anything else, and gathering the Grimoire up, he departs for the Sorcerers Gateway to cast both book and wand back into the ether they came from - and finds himself pulled inward as well, and spun out somewhere else. Death is but the next journey after life.
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Probably not the best plotline, but I just wrote most of this up over the last hour.

abcd_z · Apr 12, 2013

Book titles from the M:tG Generator.

Year 1: Harry Potter and the Goblin Caves
The Goblin Caves is actually an amulet that would make a person immune to conventional magic. Harry must find it and make sure that Voldemort doesn't get his hands on it.
The plot twist here is that it only works for goblins with a connection to their tribal roots, so it wouldn't make Voldemort invincible anyways. Voldemort's pawn discovers this, much to his chagrin, when he is weakened by the amulet and then defeated by children.

Year 2: Harry Potter and the Talas Explorer
An explorer from the magical city of Talas seeks sanctuary in Hogwarts. Dumbledore agrees to shelter her, but other factions are at work to retrieve her. Harry gets a crush on her.

Year 3: Harry Potter and the Auriok Bladewarden
A dangerous fugitive from the Middle East has travelled to Hogwarts to find and kill Harry. At least, that's what everybody believes. In truth, it's the DADA teacher that the Bladewarden is targeting, for betraying him and his teammates for money and leaving them to die. The Bladewarden works with Harry to survive the DADA teacher's attacks.

Year 4: Harry Potter and the Tomb of Urami
Voldemort is being reborn in the Tomb of Urami. Harry must find it and stop the ritual, but it was a trap to get Harry there! Voldemort arises.

Year 5: Harry Potter and the Soul Burn
Voldemort has enacted a ritual to destroy Harry's soul and boost his own power at the same time. Harry eventually manages to break the ritual, but in exchange he becomes indebted to a member of the Unseelie Court.

Year 6: Harry Potter and the Essence Warden
Harry tried to defend a dryad from Voldemort. Harry arrives too late to prevent her death, but with her last breath she grants him the power to draw strength from the battlefield. The more people are fighting, the stronger Harry becomes. This marks a major turning point in Harry's dedication to the fight.

Year 7: Harry Potter and the Wrath of God
Voldemort is trying to get his hands on a weapon that is the magical equivalent of a WMD: indiscriminate destruction with a radius of miles. Harry sacrifices his life to redirect the energies and destroy the entire Death Eater organization. Because of his sacrifice he ascends to a higher plane of existence, briefly appearing before his friends to inform him of his new status before disappearing to do whatever new dieties do.

Crack fic titles:

Harry Potter and the City of Ass. (I don't even what is this)
Harry Potter has come out of the closet and must find the mystical City of Ass for his most important quest ever: getting laid!

Harry Potter and the Toy Boat
Harry Potter just wants to relax and unwind in the Prefect's bath. Too bad for him, all hell is breaking loose outside, and he's the only one who can stop it. Well he ever get to relax and play in the bath with his toy boat? (Probably not.)

M-rated:

Harry Potter and the Night-Clad Veela (Kind of a stretch: the original Magic card is "Vela the Night-Clad".)
Harry is visited in the nighttime by the Veela Queen for amorous activities. The only problem? The last Veela queen died years ago, and as far as everybody knows, the royal bloodline has died out.
Harry knows differently, and he intends to prove it.

ShadoWolph · Apr 12, 2013

This needs to be a challenge thread.

H_A_Greene · Apr 12, 2013

ShadoWolph said: ↑

This needs to be a challenge thread.
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That would be fun.

Harry Potter and the Torch of Death,

Fire has embodied many, many different thematic forms throughout the ages since its introduction to our kind. It has been our first true discovery, our first reluctant-friend, and our first source of an higher type of knowledge. With the advent of magical prowess many thousands of years later, it evolved alongside us into a tool beyond all others; changing shape to entertain our young, illuminate our caverns and nights, and finally becoming a vast arsenal of weaponry shaped and guided by our desires. We have ever sought to tame it and create it in equal measure, and to that end have even born some seeds from this nihilistic task during Uther Pendragon's age; for while Myrddin Emrys' Phoenixes may come to respect and serve us for a generation or an single day, Fiendfyre exists only to consume all before its path in a pyre of suffering. It was born of Morgan le Faye's Torch of Death, and it shall ever return there and spring forth anew when the Torch's voracious appetite needs feeding. A thousand years since the fall of Camelot will bring a new tide of burning death and despair to its spiritual-successor, Hogwarts, disguised as the fabled Goblet of Fire.
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Harry Potter and the Soldier's Fire,

There exist few known ways in our world that may resist the overawing might brought on by a surge of Fiendfyre; the dead void within the breadth of space, suffocating the malicious will that binds it together without mercy or care, and the Soldier's Fire, born from the embrace of the Phoenix bond at an sufficiently potent level. Few could imagine that the Torch of Death might resurface again, but Fawkes has known since the predictions of it's maker that terrible days await the era once it is. When Albus Dumbledore is smote during the faux-Goblet of Fire's rekindling, and great swathes of dark-flame spread to swallow up half of the Professors and opposing school students in the next moments, the Phoenix must make a swift decision over who-next shall inherit it's bond, and how to contain the Torch before it feeds any further. Only one name stands out as immediately worthy - Harry Potter. But will Harry be able to bond with the agitated, furious creature to the necessary level, or will the Torch consume ever-more victims in the meanwhile, including all of Hogwarts itself?
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Harry Potter and the Divine Fire,

In the first seconds of its reawakening, the Torch of Death has already consumed the entire Professor's table and made imminent progress on devouring the opposing students. In the next several it advances upon the four Hogwarts house tables. Fawkes is only able to appear and grab a small handful, those nearest to Harry, and escape again before the Fiendfyre approaches it - and for just one short, harried moment, Phoenix Song mourns Dumbledore's death and repels the vile inferno back into the Torch once more, if only temporarily. In the coming days Harry must learn more than he had ever thought there to be regarding Phoenixes, including how, and more particularly why, they and the Torch were created so long ago. Both were born from the dying stars observed in the night sky, but while Myrddin Emrys' reserved his loyal creations to only the most distant and nearly depleted of these, Morgan le Faye matched him and more in the choice of supernovae for her pet-project. Hogwarts begins to crumble as more and more of the Torch's power renews and it sends out new waves to demolish the school, clashing violently with the poor bursts of Soldier's Fire that Harry can manifest to hold it back. The Ministry of Magic only makes the situation worse by trying to interfere, and the wards holding Hogwarts together begin to buckle under the combined onslaught of such destructive energies.
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Harry Potter and the Apocalypse of Fire,

The worst at last comes to pass, as the Torch of Death finally processes the lives it has eaten and the magical strength contained therein. Surpassing Harry's struggling Soldier's Fire and the pitiful assault brought forth by the Ministry, it explodes out of the failing wards and into the world at large, spreading without restraint across all of Ireland and slowed only to a crawl by the great oceans between it and the rest of the world. Harry must come to understand Fawkes on a level not seen since before Myrddin passed and the Phoenixes wept molten tears in their mourning, shattering many of the bonds that had tethered them to their current forms from their grief, and he must find a way to gather the Phoenixes back together again in the aftermath if he is ever to overcome the Torch of Death and destroy it forever - thereby ridding the world of Fiendfyre at long last. But even if he succeeds, what will be left of the earth? Will humanity find a way to survive in the wake of this apocalyptic razing?
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H_A_Greene · May 13, 2013

Eh, I suppose that was a little too cliche and or bland last time. Still, filled in my 500 Club entry more or less for that day.

C'mon folks, don't let a fun thread die!

Sirius Black and the Talisman of the Summoner
When Sirius Black fell through the Veil within the Department of Mysteries, he expected that his life would be over. And in one definition of the word, that is indeed true; he is certainly no longer capable of living withing the wizarding world that he knew. No, when he awakens from the abrupt darkness and unconsciousness that had swept over his mind mere moments after stumbling into the Veil, he finds himself trapped in his Animagus state and crouching across from a kneeling dark haired boy with odd red markings down his cheeks, a bizarre metal headband inscribed with some kind of rune in the middle of it, and blood dripping down from between his teeth where one thumb had been bitten into quickly. While the smoke clears and a heavy talisman is revealed beneath the boy's left hand, the only thing he can think is that Dumbledore was right yet again; this is definitely going to be his next great adventure, whether he wants it to or not.
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Sirius Black the Ninja Dog! The Inuzuka clan! Horrible Naruto-based crossover! What isn't to like? :awesome

Harry Potter and the Star of the Crusader
In the far middle-east, rumors have swept among the mystic villages for weeks now that the ancient Star of the Crusader is due to pass into celestial harmony for the first time in nearly three hundred years. Anyone with even an ounce of darkness in their pasts recognizes the significance of that heavenly alignment, and the old fears preserved by oral tradition send a flurry of panic and chaos flooding through every heart; superstitions scowled upon mere days before are treated with the highest respect, modern conveniences abandoned for their ancestors simple means, and ancient gods are prayed to for the first time in generations. But despite their seaming repentance and attempts to avoid further sin, in the heart of Damascus, the Gathering calls to the children of the Crusaders, no matter how far removed they are throughout the world... and they will know who truly has atoned and who has not.
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Harry Potter and the Holy Crusader
As his fourth year at Hogwarts comes to a close, Harry Potter feels an unknown and undying stirring within his blood to go forth and do something. Something so potent and necessary that it is as if he were stricken with the need the same as hunger or thirst - a natural aspect of his body crying out for response. With at least a basic idea of the greater means of transportation available to wizardkind, he departs with a sense of understanding gradually surfacing - where, and when, if not the why. With every kilometer he approaches the destination the greater the sense grows within himself; and so to does the imminent feeling of dread and relief, of sorrow and determination. After two months travel by air, boat, and broomstick, he knows what his calling is. He knows why he has been pulled toward Damascus, and why the apparent reading of every person around him feels decidedly bent, as if they are corrupted to one degree or another. The time of the next Crusades has come, and the Holy Crusaders are ready to purge the world once again.
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Harry Potter and the Holy Savagery
Empowered by the Star of the Crusader burning brightly within the celestial skies, Harry and the other Crusaders hold the one and only meeting necessary before they depart; at a glance they may read the karma of the individual nearest and judge if they are worthy of living in the new world, or else must be executed for the sake of purifying the darkness. Now they must decide the issue of magic for the first time since the witch trials in the middle-ages and sixteen hundreds, and decide if those who wield it must be weighed the same as those who can not. That several of the gather hundreds are capable of it does not distract them, even if their own karmic measurements are skewered and undefinable. In little time at all the Holy Crusaders have made their decisions... and the world itself is sacked, pillaged, and burned anew with a savagery not truly seen since the age of the mongols long before.
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Harry Potter and the Blessed Stone
Ten years after erasing the old world-order and abolishing the outdated Statute of Secrecy, both muggles and wizardkind have learned to fear the Holy Crusaders once again. Guided by a supernatural force, they march upon a city and ravage it thoroughly, punishing each sin as if it were the greatest; with death and dismemberment. But though their horrific course, the world has been tamed. Murder, mayhem, and mere disobedience within their control has gone extinct. Only the smallest and most heavily fortified domains resist still, and the Star of the Crusader has also grown farther and farther away after the very first year, taking back what enhancements to their preternatural abilities that it had endowed them with earlier on. When the last scraps of wizard-lead resistance stumble upon Lord Voldemort's lingering wraith again, they desperately place all of their final hopes upon his vindictive shoulders and deliver the life-blood of their own survival to date... the Philosophers Stone.
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Harry Potter and the Ethereal Armor
Preserved by his horcruxes, resurrected again by the strength of the Philosophers Stone, and carrying the plans carefully constructed over several years following his second brush-with-death at the hands of Harry Potter seven years before, Lord Voldemort pulls together resources unseen in almost a thousand years; the knowledge honed from his studies into immortality and the Dark Arts refined to the highest degree. With the Holy Crusaders ever-diminishing with the Star's passing, they must make fewer and fewer attempts to patrol the world and crash against the few and scattered domains of resistance, and they are ill-prepared for the caliber of Lord Voldemort's preparations, let alone the might carried behind them. And like a jagged spire of stone enduring the crashing of the sea, he weathers their pitiful attempts to slay him anew and castrates their own until only Harry Potter, the last Crusader, stands in his way again.
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AceOfSpades · May 14, 2013

Harry Potter and the Crusader of Beauxbatons

Instead of being placed with Lily Potter's sister, Harry Potter is moved to France to live with a cadet branch of the Potter family, the Potier family. Part of the Wizarding French Nobility, the dukedom of Gesvres, the Potier's are a moderately wealthy Pureblood family. Harry grows up learning etiquette, swordsmanship, and other quirks of aristocratic life. When he goes on to attend Beauxbatons Académie de magie, he is forced to re-evaluate his outlook on those he once thought were of lesser blood and peerage than himself when he is defeated in a duel by Fleur Delacour. As he struggles with all that he has been taught Harry begins to feel something for Fleur and is at a loss as to what to do about it.
(There actually was a French dukedom of the name Potier, the last Duke of Gesvres, Louis-Joachim Paris Potier was guillotined during the French Revolution.)
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Harry Potter and the Soldier of Ravenclaw

Harry Potter was always a bright lad. Curiosity and a natural tendency to question everything lands him in Ravenclaw House at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Here he finds himself surrounded by knowledge gathered over a thousand years and a secret society of students known as the 'Soldiers of Ravenclaw'. Formed by Rowena Ravenclaw herself they have stood as protectors of knowledge, a group of mystical warrior-scholars, that fight the remnants of Morgan Le Fay's disciples, a group of Dark witches that have passed their creed and special magics from mother to daughter.
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Harry Potter and the Rock of Lemuria

Of the lost island of Lemuria, adrift in the Indian Sea, there are many legends. Furtive whispers in corners, hastily scribbled notes in the margins of dusty old tomes with no name. One legend speaks of a stone, a perfect sphere of white marble which weeps a potion of great healing. Harry Potter found this legend deep in the venerated halls of the Library of Hogwarts. Now he is consumed with feverish passion to find the lost island and the stone it holds. With a devotion matched only by the warrior-monks of the Crusades, Harry delves into the most ancient books he can find and sets out on a quest which will take him halfway around the world. Through the last remnants of the Kingdoms of the Greek Wizard-Lords, the fabled, lost Library of Alexandria and the ruins of the Tower of Babel, Harry fights for the power to heal those most dear to him.
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I actually want to write these now but I doubt I can do all three of them proper justice. Maybe just the first one. Always wanted to write a political story.

Damask · May 14, 2013

Harry Potter and the Silent Dragon -- Skyrim crossover. Dragonborn!Harry, hoarding the power of the Voice all for himself.

Harry Potter and the Hidden Coward -- After a moment of consideration, 11-year-old Harry decides that owning a snowy owl that can carry messages is not the coolest thing ever. Instead, he decides to relieve this ginger boy he's just met of the burden of caring for his pet rat Scabbers.

Harry Potter and the Famous Medicine -- The wizarding world has never been inoculated against the enticing claims of sketchy Viagra vendors.

Harry Potter and the Myth of Knowledge -- Rambling pseudo-philosophical fic featuring Solipsist!Harry.

Harry Potter and the Mighty Cold -- Hogwarts in winter. "Merlin's bollocks, Harry, it sure is mighty cold in here."

Harry Potter and the Forbidden Silver -- He knew it was wrong; he knew it was against the Hogwarts rules and the law itself; but even as he envisioned those dreadful afternoons spent with Filch in detention, he could not take his eyes off those shiny tempting Sickles left unguarded -- a quick, silent Accio was all it took.

Harry Potter and the Myth of Hogwarts -- The life and teachings of Vernon Dursley, who dealt with too much spam mail.

Harry Potter and the Singer of Rock -- Your typical shitty emo songfic.

Harry Potter and the Death of Ravenclaw
Harry Potter and the Death of Ravenclaw (got this one two times this round)

"What is dead may never die, but rises again, harder and stronger."

ShadoWolph · May 14, 2013

Harry Potter and the Perfect Rock
The Philosopher's Stone as told by an 8-year-old.

Damask · May 14, 2013

Oh god, there's more:

Ginny Weasley and the Professor's Loss

She told them it would work.

Once again, the surly Potions master was the reason why Gryffindor ended up with the fewest House points at the last count. Ginny understood as well as anyone that this had to stop. It had seemed very clear to her what it would have taken for Professor Snape to begin treating them more favourably, and despite obvious lack of support from her Housemates, she had taken it upon herself to implement her strategy.

So why did he seem not at all pleased with the sight of her nude form posing languorously on the desk in his Potions Office?

"This is an outrage! A scandal! Unbelievable that a Hogwarts student could sink so low!" Indeed. There's hardly a man in Hogwarts as stinking ugly as you. The way Snape stormed around the office sputtering indignant remarks reminded her of a crazed bat. His eyes did, however, linger on the perfect round shape of her breasts before saying with disgust, "Fifty points from Gryffindor. Tomorrow I shall raise the issue of your expulsion with the Headmaster."

Ginny squeezed her eyes shut. This couldn't have gone more wrong. "I beg of you, Professor, think of how much fun it would be," she said in her best sultry voice. "It must get so cold and lonely sometimes in this dark dungeon of yours -- do you never long for a beautiful woman's touch to soothe you?" Well, there's always your hand...

"A hundred points from Gryffindor!" bellowed Snape. Ginny's face went pale. Her hair is red like that of Lily Potter -- no, Evans. "And get out of here before I have to employ forceful means. Just get out."

When Ginny looked like she was going to stay where she was, he began, "A hundred and fifty--"

At once, she slipped into her shoes and began gathering her belongings -- lacy underwear, transparent pink nightgown. Reluctant as she was to admit it, it still stung to be rejected by such a repulsive-looking man. Despicable. Ugly. Greasy.

Virgin. "Fine, I'll leave." She made for the door, not before turning to spit out one more icy reply to the scandalized Potions Master.

"Your loss, Professor."

ScottPress · May 21, 2013

I haven't laughed so hard in weeks.

Colin Creevey and the Stupid Druid
(Made me spit out water.)

Dobby and the Dementor's Halitosis
(I tried to think of something, I did.)

Gilderoy Lockhart and the Devil of Stupidity
(I'm just no good at making up plots for crackfics.)

Gregory Goyle and the Chocolate of Infinity
(Greg couldn't turn down anything resembling food, even if it came from the Weasley twins.)

Narcissa Malfoy and the Coffee of the Inquisitor
(After convincing herself that Dolores Umbridge was ultimately responsible for her son's humiliation at the hands of Potter's friends, the vengeful Narcissa plots to commit the perfect crime. The odds are in her favor. After all, who would turn down an invitation for tea from Lady Malfoy?)

Narcissa Malfoy and the Ice Cheese
(Dolores Umbridge still lives and breaths. The tea party is in full swing. Where the botched up poison failed, asphyxiation through transfiguration shall succeed.)

Professor Snape and the Sticky Secret (The real reason behind His Greasiness's greasiness.)

Vincent Crabbe and the B-Movie of Vallhalla (While Greg is learning an important life lesson concerning food from the twins, Vince secretly befriends a muggle who introduces him to the wondrous world of film.)

Nearly Headless Nick and the Wraith of Disco (There should be a fic for this title. Why isn't there?)

Ched · May 21, 2013

Harry Potter and the Underwater Broom
The key to defeating Voldemort is hidden within the heart of Atlantis. Follow Harry as he travels in search of the fabled lost city via the legendary underwater broom.

Harry Potter and the Passive-Aggressive Archer
Pride and Prejudice retold using characters from Harry Potter with 100% more bows and arrows (all of which go to the knee, given what I read in another thread about that meaning marriage).

Tom Riddle and the Unknowable Story
HP / Neverending Story xover, starring Tom Riddle.

Professor Snape and the Blasphemous Magician
Stage magic proves capable of putting a stopper in Death.

The Bloody Baron and the Oracle's Itch
The real reason behind the origin of his appearance.

Gilderoy Lockhart and the Soap Trident
A brief stint in a muggle prison convinced Gilderoy Lockhart that perhaps Azkaban wouldn't be so bad after all.

Victor Krum and the Library of the Bum
It rhymes! I wish I could come up with something more clever here, but I am stuck giggling at the rhyme and the fact that it's the library (Hermione).

Professor Slugworth and the Mighty Underwear
Fanfiction written by Horace Slughorn, stars "Slugworth" in the Captain Underpants Universe.

DLP Flash Christmas Competition + Writing Marathon 2024!

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Harry Potter Random Story Title Generator

Aekiel Angle of Mispeling ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

wordhammer Dark Lord DLP Supporter

Sn0rkack Professor

Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

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