Spoiler

I don't like the idea of Dumbeldore having horcruxes. It's a bad plot point.

 

I did not like the

Spoiler

Vault shit

that has been going down in recent chapters.

However, I did enjoy

Spoiler

Nine…Nine thousand millions?

He had approximately nine thousand millions galleons in his vault? Or as the Americans put it: nine billions?

He…He had…He…He was…how much gold did Fort Knox have to begin with? He had more! He had frigging more gold than Fort Knox! He was…

He wasn't rich. He wasn't even filthy rich. He was bloody damn well the richest man in the whole damn wizardry planet and that…

"Which brings you ninety-seventh on the scale of richest wizards in the world." Meant he was ninety-seventh?

It was a nice touch that brought down what would otherwise have been utterly ridiculous (and it still is sort of ridiculous).

 

So I caught up to the last chapter. Still giving it a 3/5. I despise Lillian. I hope Voldemort takes over Harry, then tortures her for months until he is bored and gives her to the centaurs which then rape her with their horse dicks until her colon perforates.

Also no one is allowed an angst fest of over 250k words of 'Who am I' unless you can do it as well as Blank101.

However, other than the main annoyances above and of course a lot of small ones that aren't worth mentioning, the story itself isn't terrible. I did enjoy reading it. There are quite a few ideas that were intriguing and held my interest.

 

I'm on the thirteenth chapter and I'm extremely surprised that this stories managed to draw me in. From what I've read it definitely qualifies for a 4/5.

 

Well, so the beginning was weak, but it gets better. I found at least forty or fifty examples of those anachronisms, none of which ultimately add anything useful to the story, so far as I can see. Harry could still be playing older computer games, he doesn't have to keep referencing StarCraft. It just seems unnecessary, and that's why it's a problem. You also need to be careful about typos, there are a bunch of errors in the text (spelling and grammar). But the story is pretty good.

 

The story arcs are bi-polar to the extreme. I made it most of the way through Chapter 36, having stopped and restarted the story multiple times with the thought "I just can't handle reading this anymore", but this finally became too much.

One second the protagonist is an average boy who just wants to go with the flow, then the next he's proclaiming himself a revolutionary who wants to reshape the world by ... not sorting students into houses at Hogwarts.

Meanwhile, everyone has taken a side. Sometimes multiple sides with multiples of the same person. Oh, and Grindlewald somewhere in the mix, free from his prison with no sense of back story.

I can't take the author, the idiocy, or the amount of character warping that leaves me so confused it's mind boggling. I won't make it to Durmstrang, despite it being the only reason I continued to read this story, because the author is a nutter.

Plain and simple. 1/5

 

The Bi-Polarity is explained. In the First Book Harry gets Oblivated and his minds breaks, after which he is possessed by the Ghost; Their Personality shapes his Mind, by creating alter-egos.

In the Third Book, It is explained that the Dementor Wand is actually Salazar's Horcrux, which has been active and influences him, The hand-watch prevented him from total possession, The Lapses and how-why is also explained in that Book.

Spoiler

Voldemort has a Horcrux in Harry called King.

Grindewald's Arc is in the Third Book. It is explained How he broke Prison; He designed the Very Prison he was locked into, He made the wards, in which He was paranoid enough to make Loopholes for this very situation.
None of the Guards have yet realized he has escaped. I forgot Why.

The Fourth Book is being written and will covers The Reason for the Ghost's actions.

This should cover all the why's, Currently only Book 1 is written, Book 2 is under-works.
Guide to Harry Dursley and the Chronicles of the King

 

I am a loyal fan of this franchise. However, the sheer complication this story is headed to is eroding my interest bit by bit. It all started with Dumbledore's horcruxes and his new found insanity. Trust me, Partially Kissed Hero is still going on and on and on.

Hope Gellert comes back soon and balances the scales.

 

Spoiler for Rache, if he really wishes to know:

Spoiler

Actually you will discover that the Horcrux of Dumbledore are absolutely useless.
It is anti-climatic, but at the same time logical. I mean...who's there from a future where this things already happened?
And Gellert will be back, only not yet.

That said, first chapter is just now back from the beta, has been corrected and will now be uploaded soon.

And by soon, I mean just as I'm posting here.

 

Grammar and spelling gets better, but it's in no way really good by Chapter 71. The story in and of itself (not counting the quite irksome personality shifts and the unnecessary OCs) is worth a read, I guess. It held my attention up until now and I will continue to read it, so it can't be too bad in the end.

3/5

 

Happy Birthday @Shadenight123. The entire time-travelling bit requires re-reading twice to understand the leaps in logic. Very well done indeed.

And the real Voldemort is coming back.

I am reinstating my rating to 4/5.

 

I've only read ten chapters, and will leave chapter by chapter reviews on ff later this weekend.

First, I like the sense of humor (for example: Someone had forgotten to randomize the facial expressions.) and the bits of canon connections.

However, the one thing that made me wary was Lillian Potter. She smells of Mary Sue-ness.

The language does get confusing at times. It gets worse as the chapters go on. As an example, here is a sentence from chapter 8: "Being a veterinary was so much not cool, in Harry's eyes at the time, that he had pouted and crossed his arms over his tiny chest, keeping quiet for a long time."

I do like some of the mysteries introduced (such as who Harry's father might be and why certain people are being helpful).

Yet, I don't feel compelled to keep going so I think I would say 3/5 and if I read more and it gets better, will update here.

Update:
I reviewed the first 12 chapters on FF. The problem is that so far Harry is an extremely passive character. Events occur to him and once in a while he reacts but he doesn't do anything active to uncover who his parents might be or why he's getting the mysterious books or why a character forgot to meet him.

His wand issues seem a little overdone, we know he's picked up a "super wand" so eventually he'll become "super-wizard."

I stopped reading but might come back if the author works with a beta and revises for the language\transition issues.

 

Well, I read it all the way through. Some parts of the story are well done, but his writing style seems to get more and more annoying as the story develops. Even the few author notes I've bothered to read are written in the same over the top style.

But yeah, once you get to:

Spoiler

Dumbledore Horcruxes, constant time travel, Goblins loving Harry, Harry inheriting all the vaults of all the founders and Merlin, Grindelwald being in the city of the dead, for some reason Harry still pursuing the need to become "The King" even though all evidence seems to point to that being a retarded idea, etc it just reaches a level of unbelievably annoying that its hard to read on any further. The time travel especially is annoying, and a contrived way IMO to continue trying to keep the "mystery" of the story going. However, the overly mysterious parts of the story have continuously been the shit bits.

Oh, and not to forget Salazar is blatantly coming back. And Peeves being some sort of all powerful being is just retarded, imo.

It becomes hard to read any further. There have not been many likeable characters, either - I guess so far actually Grindelward has been my favourite, and Harry in some parts. Don't think I'll follow any more updates, but I guess the story is about a 3/5 on the whole. At least nothing about magical cores has surfaced so far, although "magical exhaustion" has...

 

Hermione Granger is turning into what Bellatrix Lestrange is to Voldemort.

THAT is something I never read in HP fandom. The whole time-travelling is making my head spin. Peter Pettigrew's life overview was excellently handled.

Now I am just waiting for DLP's babe Fleur Delacour to make a full fledged entrance.

 

Well, I didn't certainly expect that. The quality of the story and the plot just climbed back to it's peak.

Let's see what you got in store for the DOM.

And what about posting the beta'ed version in the DLP WbA?

4/5.

 

Story is now complete.

I think that over 500k words is main problem, this would work way better after reducing it to say 300k words ("I have made this longer than usual because I have not had time to make it shorter."). For example start is good, with interesting hints, later it is obvious what is happening and than it is dragged for entire chapters despite the fact that it is repetitive, situation is no longer interesting and plot in this situation is unable to progress.

The first part of the King stuff makes no sense (complete inactivity of Dumbledore, Ministry etc).

Crossover with Arthurian legends are for me always irritating (I am not sure why), but maybe this is just me that this theme was infuriating.

I never really liked battle/duel/etc scenes, but at least naval theme was something new.

But in end I rated it as 4/5 thanks to Durmstrang, Grindelwald as creepy grandfather, Flamel=Spoiler and character development.

It is too often that Harry is evil/"dark"/whatever as the premise of the story (usually one that makes little to no sense) or there is infuriating "Harry cannot turn evil due to some sort of innate evil-repelling property" - frequently explicitly stated by the characters.

Here what happened with Harry (especially in the ending) was well done, interesting, realistic and terrifying.

And what Happened with Hermione is all of this plus AFAIK it is completely original.

@Peeves - I liked it, interesting idea.

@vault situation - for me it was nice bit of humour making fun of this theme.

@mystery - yes, I think that mystery bit was more or less failed (I skipped significant part of time-turner chapters, the beginning would benefit from making it significantly shorter).

 

The sequel is up and Grindelwald is no dotting creepy grandfather. It's going to be a four sided war in Europe now.

The sequel is titled 'The Duties of the King'.

 

I remember reading this till the scene Bella tortures Harry in Snape's office scene. Does it get better from there?

 

Hmm.... Yes.

Btw, what story is your signature from?