Title: Lighting Up the Dark
Author: Velorien
Rating: T
Genre: Action/Adventure/Romance
Pairing: None
Fandom: Naruto
Status: WIP
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9311012/1/Lighting-Up-the-Dark

Summary: 12 years ago, the Fourth Hokage gave his life to seal Kyubey, the Nine-Brained Demon Fox, into the infant Naruto. Now, the time has come for a smarter, more creative Naruto to take on a world in which quick thinking and a solid grasp of strategy are worth a dozen rare techniques, and a brilliant mind can challenge even the deepest darkness.

This fanfiction jumped out, at me particularly, because I thought the poor guy had misspelled Kyuubi in his summary. I clicked on the link out of sheer curiosity, and I'm glad I did, because this author has churned out approximately 70,000 words of pure entertainment.

This story is placed in an Alternate Universe (if you couldnt already tell) that features an intelligent and quick-witted Naruto, avoids pointless character bashing , has an over-arching plot (that has its twists), and most importantly, has its dark and serious, and light and funny moments.

The authors grammar is above par, his sense of humor fresh, and his thoughts witty and imaginative.


These are the things that I enjoyed about the story


The thing I didn't enjoy about the story, however, was the forced vibe I felt from some of the beginning chapters (I believe it was chapter 2 and 3). I believe they are called filler chapters, but who likes those?! Maybe its just my distaste for the Hinata pairing which occurred predominantly through those chapters, but you guys let me know what you think. It really gets into the plot after the first few chapters.

The story has good grammar and a unique plot line. The potential is there, the author just needs to keep up the good work.

For what the author has write now a solid 4/5 with a raise depending on how he handles the next few chapters.

On a side note, I'm new to this community (aka only 2 posts) and if I formatted this post incorrectly or missed something, let me know so I don't repeat my mistake. Thanks!

 

AU inspired by an omake in HPMOR.

inspired by an omake in HPMOR.

an omake in HPMOR.

HPMOR

:facepalm



EDIT by Minion: User was warned for this post

 

Oh god, someone said HPMOR.

On the story:

It's not as AU as I would have expected from reading the omake it's based on first.

The setup is pretty standard, with a highly skilled (for a genin) Naruto that hides his skills at the start of the story.
The big AU part of the story seems to be the nature of Kyubey (Kyuubi).

Otherwise it is competently executed, which excuses some of the clichés (like Naruto training Hinata).

I wouldn't have put up the story quite yet, since it has only just started to get going. There is a pretty interesting plot-hook at the end of the current chapter, so we'll see where it goes from there.

Overall: There hasn't been enough change from canon (or standard fanon tropes) yet to give it a real recommendation, but it is written well enough with some good characterization to keep me reading for now.

 

The constant usage of "Nine-Brains" is really throwing me off, because its mentioned so constantly, but it's never really explained or hammered in why that's the Nine-tails new name.

Writing is competent though, the fic isn't terrible, and it certainly doesn't drag it's ass slowly over the course of years for plot points like MoR.

 

So recently I've been reading fics while shitting (thanks, new smartphone!) and I had to put this down. There's something to be said when a story is so bad it doesn't make the "shitting material" mark for me.

It is "competent" in terms technical execution, I guess, but to me the tone comes across as a shitty MOR. It's like he's trying to emulate the pretentiousness of MOR without realizing that he's emulating pretentiousness. And that's the worst kind of emulated pretentiousness.

Maybe I shouldn't judge it so harshly, but this is nowhere near any type of quality I'd consider library-worthy. Not even borderline. It's a cracky-concept with poor execution. 1.5/5, rounded up. It's something for almost recommended.

 

I strongly disliked the Vash cameo. It was jarring and the comparison cheapens Naruto, reducing him to being a Vash-a-like.

The author needs to learn balance. The contents of the awful letter which Naruto left for Hinata was unsuited to the tone of the rest of the fic.

Naruto's reaction to the revelation that his girlfriend is actually a boy was very understated. What was up with that?

I can see why people are calling the fic crackish. It's a shame, because this fic could have been much better. I won't be following it, but if the author improves a little, then his next fic might really be something.

3/5