I agree Harry vs. Snape right now would suck. I meant later on when Harry is more or less equal with Snape. You know he has to become Snapes equal at least to be Voldemort's equal.

 

yea i thought you meant next chapter..

 

Great new chapter. I really enjoyed the Goblins being quite skilled fighters but not OTT unbeatable, the idea of golems was also very interesting. A sort of stone trolls I guess.

I wondering though what Harry will do when he discovers that Luna's health has been compromised. (I think the deal was that the captors were not to be harmed until after the trade) I can just imagine him giving half a prophecy for half a Luna (especially the half Voldemort has already heard).

Keep up the good work

 

Chapter 20 is up.

Chapter 20 - Okay here it is.

Scene 1 - I wanted to do a little riff on Magical ER. I also wanted to portray someone who is blessed/cursed by a seer gift. I wonder how many people bother that John Edwards guy (whether he is for real or not) on a daily basis? As you can see Susan survived, but she won't just spring back into action. I've always found magical medicine to be a bit to easy as Harry spends a couple of days in a hospital and voila everything is fixed again. Jack touched on it too in his work with Harry not being fully healed from Snape's curse and having lingering soreness.

Scene 2 - Recently Draco664 had a rant where a few of the bible thumpers went at him for bringing the Church into his story. I commented at the time that what he had done, which was actually very tame and respectful paled in comparisson. I expect a few flames in my reviews but I doubt it will be from any of you guys and gals. Assuming that magic exists and has existed it is likely that the Catholic Church would be well aware of it. Also considering that when muggleborns manifest there accidental magic it is quite possible that the parents especially in countries with a Catholic majority would seek out their clergy for advice and even possibly and exorcism. Accepting all this and the belief that 'we are all god's children', is it not possible for the Church to recruit it's own order of magical people. Anyway, another part of this scene lays the groundwork for a possible follow on story or at least later chapters if the Wizarding world ends up in a world war.

Scene 3 - A tease for later in the chapter.

Scene 4 - The hostage exhcange. Obviously letting Peter realize how much they plan to use the map in the upcoming year would be foolish. Plus who cares how many times Penny is obliviated. I decided not to use Stonehenge to save me needless hundreds of words explaining why Voldy would respect it and its significance. For the record Fred didn't know Luna was under the imperius curse. He would have said something. As for the Hogwart's wards, the way I pictured it was the Death Eater's could attack, but the wards would have defended the group. If they had been able to goad Harry into attacking first, then the wards would not have protected Harry. Seeing that they failed at provoking Harry, they left with Penny and the memory Harry provided.

The scene carries over to the hospital. Susan's anger is believable IMO. Anyone that has ever had a loved one in a hospital can probably relate at being snapped at like that. In reality, Susan has had nothing to do for 7 hours other than relive the fight in her head. She doesn't see herself doing well. She sees her ass getting kicked.

Scene 5 - The start of the battle that I have been promising you folks for awhile. The greyback sightings were either Tonks or someone using polyjuice to impersonate him. They popped in to some of his known locations was seen, but didn't stay long enough to be 'scented' by the other werewolves. It's now apparent who the guy in scene 3 is.

Scene 6 - Harry is planning something. Speculate all you want, I probably won't confirm or deny any of your theories, but I think you will be impressed.

Scene 7&8 - Aragog the spider-king. A better ending than he got in the HBP. I hoped you liked the thoughts of the giant spider. I pictured a real rock-em-sock-em throw down with Dragons, a giant, fluffy, werewolves, DEs. All leading up to a Dumbledore showdown. Hagrid's assistant in scene 3 was Charles Vector (yeah he's a guy - supposedly according to hp-lexicon he is actually a she but its AU anyway so who cares). Vector and a couple of others are in the woods maintaining the anti-escape wards. Hopefully you liked it ending on a Voldy cliffhanger. The storyline and your interest in my version of the Dark Lord actually made it possible for me to write it from his perspective and actually make people wonder how it will turn out.

And now for your comments ...

Jim

 

Not a ton of comments springing to mind. Nice evil cliffie here leaving us hanging and wanting more. Surprisingly snag-free trade of hostages.

Spoiler

Though the one thing that really stood out was Harry's promise "On my magic, this is the memory of what I witnessed before I destroyed Dumbledore’s office." And as we all know, it wasn't until after Harry destroyed the office that he found out about the prophecy. It'll just be a memory of Harry being locked in and raging like an angry teenager.

Mainly you've nicely built up tension and left me wanting to see this battle.

 

I put off reading this fic for a while, but I finally got around to it. I really enjoyed the battle scene. I thoroughly enjoy your portrayal of Voldemort. He isn't completely insane, just an evil genius.

 

Great chapter. This was everything that I was hoping for, and more. The two cliffies with Voldemort and Ginny are kind of frustrating, but that's okay. I very much enjoyed the ambush, and how Harry found out about Susan and their reactions to each other were very well-written.

Great job, once again. I guess that your grammar is improving a bit, since it seemed like a pretty cleaned up chapter.

Keep it up, and update soon.

 

great chapter, the voldy cliffy is kinda mean. any chance ur just going to throw ginny out there and let the de's take her but have a tracking charm on her? nonjon r u sure that he got the prophecy after he destroyed the office, i thought he destroyed it because he found out about it, but im probably wrong.

on another note since the oath isnt that binding couldnt the memory just be a picture of dumbledoor or something since all he said was "On my magic, this is the memory of what I witnessed before I destroyed Dumbledore’s office." it kind of leaves a lot of little wholes but maybe thats what you intended.

also i really liked the way you described the last battle, most fics dont actually describe the spiders fighting, and if they do its usualy for harry which is kind of retarded since they clearly wanted to kill harry in Cos

keep up the good work

 

This chapter just illustrates what some of the Wizarding World's more level-headed citizens have been trying to say all along: if you put any sort of power into the hands of sub-humans, they will use it to hurt the innocent.

As was reported in the last chapter, Mr. Marcus Flint, a wizard of good reputation who lead a long, hard-fought battle against mental illness, went into Gringotts to carry out a normal, everyday transaction. Of course, he had no choice but to deal with a surly, violence-prone non-human to do his business, as the Ministry refuses to curb the goblin strnglehold on the Wizarding economy. Unfortunately, the slovenly, inattentive creature that handled Mr. Flint's transaction managed to trigger the young wizard's disodrer, causing him to start a rant that most of the nearby sub-humans found offensive. How do they react to his episode? Do they subdue him, then quietly escort him to St. Mungo's so their mismanagement of his illness can be rectified? No, they have six large golems *eradicate* him, then turn on the rest of the humans in the building.

It a shame that the Ministry didn't pay more attention to the warnings issued by some of the philanthropists of our society, like Lucius Malfoy. Mr. Malfoy has long lobbied for upholding the rights of humans in wizarding society, to ensure that the common man is not overrun by the self-serving non-human hordes, or by sub-humans who would undermine the foundation of wizarding society by diluting it with non-wizarding customs and concerns.

It's interesting to note that the Malfoy family was directly responsible for the erection of the St. Mungo's Reeducation Center (SMRC). The SMRC has treated many of the mentally ill members of our community and helped them to once again become productive citizens. Marcus Flint had been a successful graduate of one of the SMRC programs until his untimely demise at the Diagon Alley branch of Gringott's.

Granted, Mr. Malfoy's recent peace talks with the last member of the Slytherin dynasty proved to be unsuccessful. Once again, the Ministry chose to mis-represent and undermine Mr. Malfoy's efforts. Unsurprisingly, these Ministry actions were initiated by one of Mr. Malfoy's political opponents, Albus Dumbledore, to lend more credibility to his own political platform. Sadly, Mr. Dumbledore and his apprentice, Harry Potter, are two of the more famous mentally ill members of our society. In spite of repeated offers of aid from the SMRC, Mr. Dumbledore and Mr. Potter adamantly refuse treatment. Instead, their increasely unstable demeanors and actions make them an ever-growing threat to stability in society.

It's not too late, but if wizarding society doesn't act soon, the time when Mr. Malfoy's wisdom could help us will have passed.

~ A Concerned Citizen

 

BTW, TFTCD is an increasingly interesting work. Definitely a thought-provoking story. I can't verbalize how glad I am you chose to spotlight someone non-typical like Susan Bones alongside Harry.

Also, I hope my earlier rant about Malfoy didn't *bug* you.

 

Thanks for all the early praise. I'm glad the chapter seems to be so well recieved. I pictured one of those big melees from when I used to play D&D lo those many years ago. Your character "Lord Voldemort" and your party consisting of 5 Minions and your Necrodragon is attempting to formalize your alliance with the werewolves. Suddenly there is popping noises and about 40 giant spiders appear in your midst. There is also a giant, a cerebus and a young dragon. Roll for initiative.

Nonjon - Thanks for the compliments.

Lord X - I take a good deal of pride in delivering a Voldemort that could actually run the world he conquered. It's okay for the flunkies to be insane like Peter and the late Bella, but the head honcho has to have the majority of his/her oars in the water. Thanks for reading the story.

Fue - I already responded directly to your review on ff so I'll just say thanks again.

Elvin) - There's always a chance, but that's not a really good plan on Harry's part. Glad you liked the battle.

Zany - Not only was I not annoyed by your post. I thought it was positive rep worthy. I got a good laugh out of it. Of course if your propaganda writer were covering the "Battle of the Barn", I am certain there would be much more to add to the non-human blight terrorizing the wizarding world. Of course Mr. Malfoy may need a time in his own hospital wing after an adverse week of chomping on Peter's corn nuggets.

Jim

 

Too much info. How about we leave that topic alone for awhile. Say, forever?

 

Wouldn't that be hilarious though?

 

Good Chapter.
I like how you made Aragog. Aragog isnt used as much as he should be. But if he was it would become like Phoenix's way over used. Aragog is just as strong magically as Fawkes to me and isnt used near as much.

Voldemort cliffie was evil. Just dont make Dumbledore die yet. I say alot of bad things about him and call him names but I still like the guy. He isnt weak, He is strong.

Knowledge is power. Dumbledore and Voldemort might be equal more or less in pure magical power. BUT there is no way Tom has as much Knowledge is his what nearly 70 years as Dumbledore has in his 150+ years.

Overall 4/5

 

Great story. Very well done. Thank you for taking the time to write this story. I enjoyed the chapter...Lots of wiggle room in the possible memory(s) he gave snape. Nice to see the story move around and expand the HP universe a bit.

 

Very nice. Cliffhangers may leave us wanting, but they are an integral part of story-telling.

I hope that they fix Luna. I like her, and it would probably break Neville.

I was at first upset that Harry seemed to be getting ripped off with the extra trade, but after reading previous posts, I now just hope that he didn't actually give the prophesy.

Great chapter.

 

If Luna was fixed than Neville would have minimal reason to seek revenge because he would be relieved to have Luna back. If Luna is done for good than he would really want revenge, not only for her, but for his parents as well. Having people you care about being tortured into insanity is a good motivating tool...

 

Great chapter Jim. I figured I'd drop by the board and see whazzaguion.

Nonjon, nice catch. It's frustrating as a writer to spend hours working little clues into your story only to have readers rush through a chapter, missing all the subtle clues, and only occasionally catching the anvils to the head clues. (Something, of which, I am guilty of doing repeatedly.) When I read through that scene, something in the back of my mind said... gee there's something fishy going on here... but I didn't bother to think about what it might be.

On Neville, well. I for one have my galleons on a touch of betrayal. Jim's clues have been there. Neville's pissed about Harry's decision to rescue Fred and the fact that Harry basically blew him off when Neville asked to talk to him about it. I think we'll soon see Peter, the model DE, Pettigrew have a chat with our friend Neville.

 

Having not yet posted, I'll first just say that it's a brilliant story. Strong pacing, well-written, good mix of characters, character building, etc. Solid use of POV shifts. I admit I was a bit wary when Harry developed the spontaneous ability to make portkeys at the beginning, but thankfully there were no repeats of that without due cause, and if I recall, you did actually explain the portkey thing.

As for the prophecy, I didn't scrutinize Harry's exact wording, because I expect that Harry wouldn't have given it up, and instead would have found a way to both have his cake and eat it. I do wonder though if magic should be so easily fooled by such a technical reading of the words. Being that is a force that doesn't bother obeying anything as pedestrian as rules, you'd think it would incorporate intentions and facilitate a "meeting of the minds."

Others have mentioned how great your Voldemort is, and I'd second that. I would also be very curious to see how he interprets/deals with the full contents of the prophecy. Your Dumbledore doesn't seem to think that he's invincible, since he appears to have the intention of duelling him, and since Voldemort is already hell-bent on killing Harry and ruining his life, generally, I'm not sure what more he could really do.

I haven't read every single post, because there's a lot of them, so I don't know if this has been mentioned earlier. Earlier in the story, Dumbledore mentions how Harry's been generally successful so far and that he hasn't tasted defeat. I'm really curious to see how/whether your Harry will end up facing adversity of that nature.

 

Chapter 21 is up

Thanks for the comments, Quill Runner, Darth B, Dranco, bock's car, KillGinny, Fairy Q and Cubdom sorry I didn't get back to reply sooner.

Okay chapter 21 author notes-

Scene 1 - Just a little bit from Susan's perspective. I wanted to capture the feeling of helplessness after an injury, though I am told that this section is heavy on the sexual innuendo. I don't know what they are talking about. *grins* I think KillGinny said it best - nice scene now get to the damn fight.

Scene 2 - As I said in the limited author's notes at the end I was slightly disappointed in the fight between Voldy and Dumbles in book 5. It lacked something. Hopefully this is a suitable substitute. No childish spells here. I've seen stories that have Voldy dueling with reductor curses and what not! Gah! Here is a quick translation of the spells I used.

Contrico Tonare - Crushing Thunder
Contego Veneficus - Magic (Mage) Shield
Attreo Glacies - Touch of ice (Ice shards)
Invito Volatillis Leo - Summon Flying Lion
Corpus Inflatus - Corspe Blast (in tribute to Diablo II's necromancer)
Calx Manus Frendo - Stone Hand Strike
Lanitus Contagio - Ripping Infection
Abrumpo per Incendia - Sever with fire
Telum Glacies - Spear of Ice
Praesentia Fluctus - Power wave
Acidus Lampas - Acid Torch

Did you like Dumbledore using a corpse explosion?

Scene 3 - Harry decompressing after the fight. Nice little Hr/R scene. The 'trio' still exists, they are just busy. I rather liked how I portrayed Hermione in this scene. Hannah is suspicious of what Harry is doing with Ginny.

Scene 4 - Mostly a transitional scene of Snape being a triumphant twit and leading reinforcements to the ambush.

Scene 5 - A bit of storytime for Hagrid. Norbert tearing into the Necrodragon like it was an abomination, should be a good visual for you.

Scene 6 - The conclusion of the battle. I try and establish some limits for wandless magic. The battle turned suddenly and Voldemort was initially able to drive Fawkes off. The dialogue with Hagrid was good, but ChuckdaTruck helped me make it better.

So there you have it, a nasty battle in which the only real survivors were Voldy, Dumbles,5 giant spiders and Grawp. Dumbles is still alive, but he's in a bad way. The 3 allies in the forest lived, but they weren't really participants.

Let's hear your comments.

Jim