I agree with most of the other reviewers here: the first chapter wasn't that good. If I hadn't read the reviews here first, I would have quit reading the moment I spotted the letter. (I dislike reading letters. Especially in the middle of fics.) But I do understand the whole first chapter was necessary for the story... And the folowwing chapters were pretty good. The whole Harry-as-a--delivery-boy was funny, and the fight with Snape amused me greatly. I don't really mind him going back to Hogwarts, as long as he doesn't lose his independence again. (Oh, please don't let him reveal himself to his friends! Not yet, anyway!)

 

Good chapter. I really enjoyed the ward explanation and the h/luna interaction. Was Luna's patronus really a crumple horned snorcack? and everyone just accepts that Simon is a metamorphagus?

 

I like the story. I just hope it isn't going to become Harry/Luna. And it would be great if we see some more Harry-as-delivery-boy action. Maybe with some more action. I'll give this story 4/5 stars

 

Wasn't he using his version of polyjuice to change into people. I thought he didn't have the talent to do that yet.

Also I'm enjoying this story. At least Harry is not outsmarting everyone, makes the story more believable to me.

The author seems to be updating very quickly which is great hopefully it'll keep happening

 

He was, but i thought people thought he was a fully developed Metamorph..

 

At the will reading in June, he made comments to Tonks that he had some shifting abilities. After the talk with Moody, he changed his glamours a bit more every day and even between classes (developing a reputation for being able to do such.). Eventually after everyone has accepted his ability to change his appearance (even though he never did a public demonstration like tonks), he polyjuices himself to look like various people.

Some comments are made about the original lock of hair being insufficient for repeated polyjuice usage. When I wrote that he had a lock of hair, I was imagining something my mother kept from when I was a child. A chunk of hair about as thick as a pencil, and six to eight inches long (family tradition is not to cut a child's hair untill they reach their second birthday and save a lock, not sure why but it is a good luck thing). Now that is easily a few hundred hairs anyway, but chop it into tiny pieces and powder it in a mortar and pestle. Harry has a vial of this powder but mostly relied on glamours and such for everyday life. When he needs an image that cannot be dispelled (say defense class where the standard cancelling spells will be used to undo the effect of spells) he uses the polyjuice. So one or two days a week when he has a few hundred hair samples isn't too bad.

Combine the few hundred samples of Simon with his new tendancy to body swap and concievably he has several years before he is discovered. Reality on the other hand may well have other ideas about when he is revealed. Or if. He may never be unmasked publicly but it might become one of those "open secrets" for people who are too nosy for their own good.

 

The problem with that is that the hair has a shelf life. When Crouch was impersonating Moody, one of the reasons why he kept him alive was because he needed fresh hair for the potion. The other being to question Moody so Crouch could impersonate him better.

Also, I don't think turning the hair into powder would be a good idea.

Potions is very exact, to the point where the ingredients have to be prepared in a certain way. We see it clearly in the third book when Malfoy was making Harry and Ron prepare his potions ingredients for him by proxy of Snape. In that scene we find out that how carefully the ingredients are prepared can affect the potion when Ron butchers Draco's daisy roots and then has to carefully fix them when Snape makes him switch them for his. We don't know exactly what it does, whether it makes the potion less effective or gives it different properties or after effects we don't know. But we do know it is undesirable.

In Polyjuice, the hair is whole, so from what we do know about potions is that it should remain whole or something undesirable would result.

 

I enjoyed the chapter. Good theory on warding, and the Harry/Luna interaction was very entertaining. Good job. Keep it up, and update soon.

 

Regarding the polyjuice potion, I thought there was something we were missing about the hair. So I double checked one of my copies of HP&CoS (I have the American version and the British adult version (the difference betweent he British adult and childrens versions being the cover art)). WHen Hermione is explaining what they need for the potion, she says they need 'a bit of the person they're changing into' - not 'a hair from the person'. That tells me that using a hair is a convenience, not a necessity. Why do I say that? Because Hermione's a stickler for precision. If only hair would do, she'd say 'a hair from the person'.

So - to me, at least - that should mean that you could use other things than just hair. Finger/toe nail clippings. Teeth (probably more brutal to aquire than hair, and adults only have 32 (if they still havet hem all, not a given with some of the wizards we've seen). Skin - just lurk a few days after a sunburn when they're peeling. Blood, though again with the ick factor. Possibly hangnails. Sneak into the hospital wing after someone's been injured - exactly how does Madam Pomphrey dispose of used bandages and such? Shed skin flakes on clothign and bedding. Not to mention more adult bodily fluids that might involve much ick and/or a higher rating to acquire.

.... and maybe I've seen too much CSI.

 

small action packed update

 

An update, mostly filler, but it contained the defining moment of an indy harry fic

 

I like where this is going, even if Harry's super friends are needlessly dragged along. Leaving Hogwarts behind was the right move, while forming a security company seems like a great idea - get rid of Voldemort + get rich. Cool.

 

It took me a while but I was going to get there eventually. I know I still used a few cliches and deus ex machina here and there, but I don't think the complete break should be a sudden "one afternoon of realisation" choice. It's a gradual decay before ultimately finding an issue neither can compromise on (Snape and Harry's location). Also, I like the Trio so I had to engineer an excuse for all of them to break away (though Ron's probably impulsive enough to just haul off and do it, Hermione would be tougher damn values and standards).

For the future of the fic... Ah to be young, impulsive, sure that you know best, and have a dream... Don't you wish you could be that naive?

 

The future of this fic.... A series of action filled or drama packed or .... package delivery jobs that quickly move Harry's russian persona into a james bond/clint eastwood parody contrasted with "the stories of sales wizard genius simon black"
Providing security the the weird sisters (in a spinal tap type scene)
Selling wards upgrades to Mrs. Longbottom (first client)
Dealing with collecting money on the first bounced check(who would of
thought the greengrass family would kite checks)
Dealing with a flaming gay quidditch player (or a sexy female one?)
scrambling to meet payroll (ok guns to iran, such and such to , pick up the diamonds, head to the amsterdam....)

Well it is just a thought, you are doing great, your are taking us to to new magical places, showing use a darker side of life than many of these independent harry reveal.

Regarding "speakin' sothern" I think you do it well and it adds flavor to the story. But I am a highly tolerant of fan fic accents, I have seen many complaints that just leave me saying "um unpaid hobbyist writer, he can do what he wants you troll". I liked the hog wrestling comment. If you google Greg Newby, you may find his old web page about a teaching at a southern college (or not it has been an easy three/four years ago) If it is still up you may find some fodder for ron jokes or something. I checked, try www.petascale.org/south-tips.html
Honestly ron you are such a redneck in your own british way.

What did you do to Hermione? Do we need to call the plastic surgeons?

 

I like it pretty well not my favorite fic at the moment.(Stained Future and that Fic by Cervus that I cant spell) But good none the less. The only fic I can remember reading with this much new stuff is A Second Chance at Life which was great in the beginning but went down to the pits with the Slash and the total destruction of anything canon just about. But unless you put in alot of slash and destory everything canon this could turn out pretty well.


3.5/5

 

Well the story has been updated. I have predicted certain events.
Why can't I predict the lotto numbers?

 

But can you tell me whether Harry will talk his way out again or will he finally get what he deserves (cocky little bastard)? That part is already written and unfortunately he lives either way. Maybe I should have given the guard more bullets. Damn prophecy...

I'm looking forward to writing the "Wolf Pack" and crazy guy though. Already written a few bits and pieces for the future. Hermione finding large chunks of his profits disappearing from the books mysteriously, Madam Bones confronting him about just about every aspect of his business, and a few scenes of the group doing thier job.

 

Ah well, I am the last person to consult regarding middle east smuggler/gun runner manners.
For a day you had me wondering how bad H was injured. You seem to have taking the unhappy medium road, which is fine. You lots of options about what to do with the trio, I am looking forward to what happens. I foresee fights, angst and growing up fast, no sorry that was in the fortune cookie that came with dinner.

 

Updated, now with very clever Harry getting in and out of trouble.

A Challenge to The Caitiff: We have had the "magic carpet imports to Britain"
bounced around in a few fan fics before, work it into the story, it could be used to introduce new characters in the ministry, showing the reader the back door deals, touch on the local economy, or just be a long running joke. Or not.

Thanks for the update, write well.

 

Still a nice story. I like Harry's character, as well as interesting colourfull subplots taking him around the world.

On the other hand, I don't understand what's the big deal with pushing Hermione and her mum and dad everywhere, even if they obviously don't belong. I somehow feel that they'd be more interested in rebuilding their lives (dentist practice and Hermione's education) and moving on with their lives, rather then getting tangled up in international underground.

Also, I don't understand Harry's character. What's his ambition? He's already rich enough. Why would he want to become a criminal?