This story is great. I read it earlier, but forgot about it after i had read all that been posted so far. I didn't forget because it was good, just because I read to man stories i between posts. Again great story.

 

Ok, I'm back. It took much longer than expected, but chapter 18 is up in the work by author section.

http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?t=3018

Not the most exciting chapter (although it has a little action), but necessary in the overall scheme. It's probably a little bit rougher than normal in terms of spelling and such since I only re-read it once, so if you catch any errors feel free to point them out if you want, but don't feel obligated to. I'm hoping to wrap up the third year in the next chapter and get into the summer, but let me know if you think I'm moving too fast.

As always, all comments are welcome, and please put your comments on the rough draft in that thread rather than this one.

-the Jack

 

Whoa! Jack is back! Great chapter and finally GG sword in action.

 

Ok, chapter 18 is up (officially).

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2869936/18/

It's pretty much identical to the one in the work by author section, so if you read that one it's probably a waste of time to read it again.

As always, all comments appreciated.

-the Jack

 

Well you did name Padma Patil as Pamda Patil. Got a chuckle out of me. Being indian makes me kinda used to having names butchered but rare to find it spelt wrong. Did find it funny though. Will blame the automized spell checkers since they most probably are responsible. Anyways great chapter. Really interesting harry so far. Quite different from what I have read. Keep the chapters coming

Swapnil

 

Nice filler chapter - not really much to comment on plot-wise. I think that the scale of the Gryffindors' hypogriff prank may have been too large in that the Gryffindors are too clever and/or the teachers are exceptionally stupid - I mean someone'sgot to notice a huge Hippogriff in the castle and most of the students gathered in one place. Eh, it's only a minor point anyway.

I would recommend getting a beta or checking through your chapters a bit more meticulously just to iron out the small lapses in grammar and the such. It may seem like nothing worth bothering with but it makes the difference between very good and great.

Glad to see you churn out a chapter again. Well done.

 

Thanks for putting up a another chapter, though nothing exceptionally big happened it was still a good read. I'm glad everyone will be able to stay with Sirius, and will we be seeing much of Snape in the future even though he won't be teaching? Anyways keep up the good work.

 

I'll just say that my favourite part of this chapter was that very insightful and interesting conversation between Harry and Blaise, about the insecurity of living inside wizarding world.

Keep up the good work.

 

I like this story much better then most of the tripe on ff.net i personally like how harry actually sticks to his guns so to speak and will not allow dumbles, or well anyone to mess with him or his family better than other stories were it appears he has this attitude and then the mudbllod and weasels convert him to pussy!harry and he becomes string puppet of dumbles

Keep up the good work

 

I enjoyed Harry's and Blaise's discussion as well. To be honest, that was the first time I thought of the wizarding world that way. Everyone has the potential to do it, but not neccesarily the motives. Nice work, keep it up!

 

good chap, as u said not a lot of action but flowed very nicely. the conversation between blaise and harry was very well done, it always gets talked about how the muggle world uses better technology etc, but this is the first time that some1s (at least that ive read) talked about the security and how you could just kill some1 soundlessly in the wizard world etc. keep up the good work and cant wait for the nxt chap

 

Yeah, this is a pretty good story. It seems similar to HArry Potter and the Harem of Honeys, but without the Harem or cliche.

I like the whole plot with SNape. THAT should lead to an interesting confrontation. Still, it's a little superharry, but not as bad as some.

Has it been updated?

 

A very nicely done chapter. Considering Harry was recently in a life or death situation, I am surprised that Dumbledore wouldn't believe that Harry would err on the side of violence if threatened. It will be interesting to see if Buckbeak lives or not. The dynamic between Harry and Hagrid could be interesting if the hippogriff doesn't. Then again, Harry could have been correct in that the concentrated musk would have driven the creature over the top. Considering the claws, who says that Hippogriff mating is a kind and gentle act.

What will Dumbledore do? He needs to assert control over his school. Nice bit with Diggory too. Your version of him is shaping up.

Jim

 

Good chapter, although I find that Harry has been a bit too lenient with some of the Gryffindors (read Fred & George, and now Seamus).

Harry's actions with his own house and all the others are almost the polar opposite as his actions towards the other houses. Malfoy and the other Slytherins were immediately dealt with while anyone else just doesn't seem to run out of second chances. This is the second time that a Gryffindor has put him in a threatening position and I'm hoping that Harry shows at least some of the side that he has shown Draco and his cronies.

 

The rough draft of the next chapter is up in the work by author section:

http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?t=3165

If you can, check it out and let me know what you think.

Also, thanks for all for the comments on the last chapter, and I'm glad to see that people liked the conversation between Harry and Blaise. Carnival - I know it may seem like Harry is too lenient with the twins, but you have to realize that he isn't blindly vindictive. Malfoy attacked him directly with the intent to hurt him, and he reacted accordingly. The twins are more guilty of stupidity than anything else, and therefore he will react differently. They will have words about the hippogriff thing, though, because they put Row in danger, and that's different. He knows he can fight his way out of any of their pranks, but his sister can't.

The next few chapters are mostly going to be character development and interaction, but there's a few things that I'm hoping to show, so hopefully they will still be interesting.

As always, all comments are appreciated.

-the Jack

 

Ok, chapter 19 is up.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2869936/19/

Thanks again to everyone who commented on the draft, I took a lot of your suggestions and made some changes (what happened to Buckbeak, Padma asks about the sword instead of Hermione, etc). I also edited the conversations with Sirius and Dumbledore to include more families than just the Weasleys, and I definitely think it works better this way (hopefully you agree).

As always, all comments appreciated.

-the Jack

 

Nice new chapter. I especially like your Daphne Greengrass characterization. Most of the time, authors describe Slytherins just as dark and mean and not sly and cunning.

 

Excellent chapter, definitely worth the wait. I liked the reaction by the school, at least harry got some peace at last. I think sirius might have given into Dumbledore a little to easily considering he had been imprisoned for all those years thanks to him, but I guess Dumbledore is really persuading.

Daphne's character is perfect I think. The plan to trap harry is genius, but i do hope you have him figure it out soon since im really not a fan of Harry being manipulated.

Keep up the good work and I eagerly await your next update.

 

You have a great characterization of Sirius Black, and how he's unsure of himself while Dumbledore tries to influence him.

Daphne also has a great characterization. I see you having two options here for her: first, you can redeem her and make her follow and respect Potter-unlikely, but she'd be a great ally-or you can make her cause a lot of trouble for Harry. But make sure that you don't get caught in the trap of concentrating on mundane school matters (of which Daphne is one). Make Harry go beyond that-fight Voldemort or something.

Oh yeah, and make sure Daphne knows Occlumency. Otherwise Harry'll just read her mind to find out her plan-after all, he seems like the type to do that in your story, unless you give a good reason for him not to do it.

 

The problem is - Occlumency is an obscure art; and the mere thought that some Slytherin bitch might know what that art allows is unreal.