Before I start the proper post, I just want to say that I couldn't relocate the ratings guide. It needs to be put in this https://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?t=20438 thread for ease of use. So I just winged it.

Title: Enveloped by the Darkness
Author:Brigade
Rating:M
Genre:Adventure/Alternate History
Chapters: 25
Words: 143,355
Updated: March 16, 2014
Published: November 15, 2012
Status:Complete
Library Category: Dark
Pairings: None yet.
Summary: Harry was left at an orphanage after his parents met their demise. There, he finds nothing but suffering until he rejoins the Wizarding World. Dumbledore may hope for Harry to be a kind soul, but he's made mistakes. And what he gets is a future Death Eater. Harry is Dark, Harry is ruthless, and he is siding with Voldemort.
FanFiction.Net


It's better than it sounds, and has some interesting OC Dark Magic in it.



The Sequel: Embraced by the Darkness
Chapters: 6
Words: 29,851
Updated: Jul 3
Published: Mar 16
Status: Work in Progress
Summary: There is a reason why everyone wants a piece of Harry Potter; the twelve-year-old is considered a prodigy by the Wizarding World, after all. But Harry has chosen his side. The Headmaster and Minister of Magic can try as they might - Harry is a dark wizard. Now...if only he could get in touch with the elusive, recently resurrected Voldemort. Sequel to Enveloped in the Darkness.
Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10191404/1/Embraced-by-the-Darkness



Edit by Minion, August 02, 2014
As you already mentioned it, why not adding the Sequel?

 

I don't really like it, i couldn't even read the first couple of chapter

 

Read the first 3 chapters and it's readable. I worry though: it has real slash potential. I know you say no pairings yet, which makes sense given Harry's age, but my slash sense is tingling. Between the slashy title, the encounter with Voldemort in chapter 3 and several HP/LV fics in the author's favourites, I have a bad feeling...

Edit: chapter 7, semen flavoured Bertie Bott's. Wtf.

 

I'm on chapter 4 and so far, it has potential to not be terrible, although not without some irritating details, like writing numbers in speech with actual numbers instead of words in one place and Ollivander labelling Harry a Slytherin just because he said he wants to, quote, "be the best". Rating will come later.

 

There really isn't any sexual/romantic slash in it. Or in the sequel so far. Although I share your pain regarding good premises going rotten because somebody let their libido go out of control while typing. I have read a fic where the slash was warned about, and I just skipped that chapter. The worst part wasn't even the LV/HP sex, it was Draco being gay. And not just gay, but whiny, insecure and gay. For everything apparently. Like...what? Like, I just kinda rolled with gay Draco at first, but then the petulant whining. Uggh.

Every Flavored Beans bro. Every. Fucking. Flavor.

Again, none of that slash is present in THIS fic.

@Dark_Minion

Apologies, I fucked up horribly. Apparently. Sorry everyone.

 

In all honesty, this isn't bad. I'll give it a tentative 3.5, rounding up to 4 for the rating, because I think it's good enough to be rated above average.

 

4/5 for the fic and 3/5 f8r the sequel

 

Well, the sequel is a work in progress, and IIRC, hasn't progressed from Summer Potter to School Potter.

 

I've been following this story for quite some time now. I am not sure whether to rate it 3/5, or 4/5. It's somewhere in the middle. But since I've read it several times now and quite enjoyed it, I will rate 4/5. I am also completely disregarding sequel, because I don't like it at all.

 

Uhhh...hi.

I'm Brigade - the guy who is writing this fic. I had someone send me an email saying that you guys had reviewed my story. I just wanted to say thank you; it is an honor to have a forum that prides itself on reviewing good pieces of fiction to discuss my story.

It is funny, really. I find myself wanting to defend my work against your criticisms - I have answers that would probably satisfy each of you...but that goes against the whole purpose of this forum, doesn't it?

So...feel free to message me if you have questions that you want answered. If not, once again, thanks. I really appreciate it.

 

Huh? Defending yourself absolutely isn't against the purpose of the forum. Defense is a big part of literary criticism is it not? Just don't get mad and super defensive. And don't be surprised if your refutations aren't immediately accepted.

 

No, go ahead, defend away. So long as it's done in a civil manner you're more than free to disagree or discuss. If you're interested in more active criticism and discussion, you can take your story to the WBA.

About halfway through the first fic. Not quite ready to rate yet, though.

 

I meant that I'd rather this thread be compiled of reader's opinions and criticisms rather than it devolve into a situation where I'm defending my own story to everyone. Now, I think both of you are right. I think I can defend it without becoming too emotionally invested. More than anything, I want criticisms that will help improve my writing, anyway.

So here it is. Firstly, some folks were fearful that the story would just turn into another slashfest. It won't. I've received so many reviews or messages where people ask for it and I've enjoyed jerking them around. The Bertie Bott's Bean in the original story was just a fun creative decision - every flavor means every flavor, after all. It was meant to inspire a bit of thinking: how does the Wizarding World let them get away with that? Do they even know Bertie Bott's does that?

Secondly, I feel that my writing in the first...eight chapters or so is pretty bad. I've gone back and tidied it up a bit. I really need to go back and rewrite it. So let me know if there's anything that really stands out to you there as a problem.

 

Its really cool to see you here. And I think Enveloped may have made it had it not had Embraced attached to it. Anyways, the ritual stuff and the turning of Quirrel and Snape was awesome to read. Now, the first few chapters of the sequel, are best read back to back.

One of the issues with fanfiction is reading them by chapter updates. But thats all fanfiction everywhere. :/

Anyways, I frankly preferred this rather different direction you took with Harry, however, be warned, DLP really seems to be utterly filled with people so set in their ways in certain things its a wonder they bother to read any fanfiction which deviates from canon whatsoever. Of course, someone could be a real smartass, and write a fanfic in which Harry's sex is changed, and little else, not his personality or basically anything, save maybe slashing her with Neville.

And not change the series much at all. Given thats how JK Rowling wrote Harry anyways, I doubt too many here would actually complain.

But low and behold, write a fanfiction with a premise that promises a legitimately different story with mostly the same universe a characters, and these people get shell shocked from.....something different occuring. But enough of that. Cool to have you here.

 

Yes, that's right. The forum which produced The Skitterleap, The Boy Who Lived and (if I may be so bold) Lords of Magic can't handle AUs. That's exactly the problem.

 

Wastelands of Time. Circular Reasoning. The Lie I've Lived.

In other words, fuck off Knoq.

 

To return to the fic itself, I do remember actually reading a large part of it, and the slash overtones do reduce significantly as the language becomes a lot less slashy.

I do remember quite liking the way Lucius Malfoy provides Harry with Dark Arts books and how Harry engages in these rituals. I also liked the duelling pit.

As I read it a number of months ago now, I don't recall exactly why I stopped reading. I don't think there was any single moment where I just thought "this is terrible, I have to stop reading", though the centaur sacrifice was the last straw.

Rather, I think I just slowly lost interest in the story as Harry became more and more irredeemable. Dark Harry is one thing, but evil!Harry (to the point of being essentially a Voldemort clone) is someone with whom it is very difficult to identify. He has none of the motivations or values of normal people, nor the moral complexity. He's completely evil, and that's all there is too it. He's not even evil for any particularly good reason XD

 

In canon, there are a lot of weird and fucked up flavors, so why not cum (JKR probably didn't use cum-flavored ones just to keep the books PG-13 or some stuff like that)?

 

Golan: the problem is not that there exists a semen flavoured bean. The problem is that the author chose it to be the one that Harry got. Yes, we can accept that logically there would be a semen flavoured bean, given the other flavours. That doesn't mean the author has to include it in their story.

Readers draw significance from everything on the page. Putting semen in Harry's mouth in chapter 7 is obviously a deliberate decision the author has made, and so readers will naturally draw conclusions from it. If the author doesn't want the reader to draw those conclusions, the author should not include the passage in question. The readers know this. As such, readers can assume that the author did want them to draw those conclusions, since the author chose to include the passage.