Which cameos. I think I threw a few of them in there, Ooops. ^_^

Like I told IP, there will be some explanation as to what Voldemort is doing, it just can't happen so early on otherwise a major part of the story will just fall apart.

Thanks!

 

Given how the Succubi were reaction to Harry's domination of Lilith does that mean that he now controls them as well?

 

Not directly, but through Lilith yeah.

 

It's good yeah. I enjoyed this.

WHoever mentioned Harry going through hell to get his team, i'm assuming that the next one will be easier, after all he now has a Lillith to fight with him, and I can't see the Queen Demon being a bad fighter.

I'm not sure I understand though, is Lillith bound fully to his will, like an imperius curse, or is she bound more like the bonds found in Shadows of the Night and Harry Potter and the Sisters Black?

 

I'm not entirely sure what those bonds were, but no it's not like an Imperious. She still has free thought, and they will definitely clash. The bond is more along the lines that she can't bring harm to Harry, and she has to follow his orders. She'll try and rebel MANY times.

One thing I want to point out that I haven't really, and not sure when I will, but the bond does NOT make these women fall in love with him at all. Those that don't want to be with him will fight him intially, those who do will help him.

All the ritual really does is bind their will and lives to his. He gets no extra powers from this. Anything he learns from them he'll have to be taught.

 

Fantastically written, action-packed, well-thought out and great smut. What more could a guy ask for? The plot-line is very well-developed for not being very deep into the story, and the plan of Harry seems like it is going to be one of the best ones that I've seen in a while. The only correction that I would suggest would be that every once in a while, you slip in a sentence fragment; that is, a sentence that doesn't have a verb. In some instances, it was disorienting, so I would put that high on your to do list. Other than that, a superb chapter. Great job.

One thing that just came to me, though, while reading CaptainG's post was, could Lillith indirectly cause him harm, by not protecting his back, or "accidentally" throwing an enemy into him? I'm assuming that I'm wrong, but I'd just like a little clarification.

 

She actually could. Whether she does or doesn't remains to be seen. But there would be consequences if she did something like that. It's something she, as well as others, will explore in future chapters.

 

Quick Note:

Formatting on FicWad seems to be fixed (Although it's making the spaces between paragraphs a little larger then normal.) For some reason any chapter I put in first seemed to just go haywire when viewed as an html. Added a blank chapter to fix the problem, should be ok now.

EDIT: Unfortunately I lost all the reviews in doing so, sorry if I deleted any response to DLP members there.

 

Great chappie Thalarian.

Other then what the otehrs have already mentioned, I can't fault it.

Just suggesting, but you might wanna have Harry fail in restoring one or two of the women for the realism factor in the story. I mean people have looked into bringing back the dead for centuries and Harry just jumps right in and does it; seems a lot like those 'Harry can do anything when he doesn't know about limitations' stories. Limiting the revival ritual to certain aspects on the target would make it a bit more 'realistic' per say.

 

I can understand your point, but with something like that, it would tear away from the story. Why say he's going to pull seven witches up, only to end up with 5? The title would have to be 5 Queens Of Darkness, etc. THat's not to say they will all survive, they might, might not, I haven't decided yet.

The one thing that I'm playing on here is that most wizards and witches really don't think about anything beyond the life their living. I really haven't seen much mention ANYWHERE in the HP universe about what they believe is a possible afterlife. Muggles yeah, but wizards not so much. The bringing back dead is more a fanon thing then canon.

The consequences of the ritual will be brought about soon. Just because Harry actually accomplishes bringing them back, doesn't mean there aren't strings attached.

 

I love you Thalarian.

The action was just right, the smut great, the story incredible. You are a fantastic writer.

I am utterly inspired. I was reading it like O.O

The Action Scenes.

Wow. This is the first story in which I don't mind that Harry can do Martial Arts. And the smut!

...I'm not going to elaborate my feelings on it.

You, Thalarian, have become my favorite writer, your story my most anticipated.

6/5

 

While not going quite to the extreme of amersion i did love this story and its one of my favourite active storys on any site. Really original concept and i like how u have made Harry human enough to not be a god, snape knowing what voldemort had done when Harry/aberforth/remus didnt.

Keep up the good work and i def looking forward to more 5/5

 

i actually had a moment at the end of this chapter where i giggled. it was a gleeful giggle that i havent had the pleasure to experience in quite some time. i dont even think i have ever used the word gleeful before. but thats how good this shit is. all aspects good, i just had to read A LOT before getting into it for real 2132123234234/5

 

OK so I finally managed to finish the posted chapters. Very good, id say. A 4/5 if only because the chapters are HUGELY too long. I DID enjoy the scene with Lilith though. That scene alone tempted me to give it a 5/5 but yeah, you know my complaint.

Lilith was awesome. Though as someone mentioned early; way, WAY too much focus on the Order that don't DO anything. They could have been introduced later when they came in and were useful and we wouldn't have missed anything at all.

Four out of Five for the few errors I found. Now, post a third chapter!

 

There are no words I can use to tell you how much I loved this chapter. This story is still just as well written and enjoyable as I though it was in the prologue, though now it is much smoother. There really was only one thing that I caught grammar-wise, when Lillith is awakened, and begins the comparison between Harry and a Tiger, her words run together a few times:
"What's ananacondato do?"
"Greeneyes..."
I'm not sure if that was intentional or accidental, but it just kind of caught my attention.

 

I'm really at a total loss at how to thank those kinds of comments. Almost feel like anything I say would really not measure up to how you guys feel about the story, so I can only say thanks.

Now I'm nervous as shit because I really don't want to dissapoint with future chap's and idea's. ^_^

I guess I should be happy that your biggest beef is the chapter length. Unfortunately, there's only a few people that feel the same way, so it kind of throws you in the minority group. I will, however, continue to put markers in the chapters for those who want to read partial chaps and not lose their spots.

Yeah the first one was a typo, it was supposed to be 'an anaconda to do?'. I don't know why it ended up like that. The second one was supposed to be one word. I took a couple weeks to sit back and go through the storyline again, that's probably why it seems a bit smoother. Thanks again for the feedback and looking forward to getting the next chapter out there.

 

After reading the first chapter, and then not having an update for quite awhile, I am now smacking my head repeatedly on my desk for forgetting about it! After reading the second chapter (Or first considering the other is a prologue) I have been impressed beyond all believe. I had thought that a story with this level of quality and this original of a plot line wouldn't appear. (Not to say that you other authors out there don't have great story lines) But I am now in love! This story has been made one of my top three favorites, and I am greatly anticipating the rest of it.

One complain though; I am rather fond of Morgana (Morgan) Le Fey why can't she be one!!!!!!! I mean, if you can match Merlin you gotta be packing something

 

Thanks for the love, and I'm now starting to get even more nervous for fear of not living up to the expectations. @_@ (How the hell do the rest of you authors deal with the nerves?).

I actually thought about Morgana, especially when I ran upon one of the Chocolate Frog Card pictures at HP-Lexicon. The problem is, as with most of the women I had originally thought up, was the conflicting stories. Too many different stories they were involved in (HP Universe or other.)

Every woman I've decided upon has a bit more solid backgrounds then most (Granted there are still different views upon each), and the more solid of a character I could find, the more solid her character would be in writing.

 

I would be remiss if I didn't give this story two LARGE AND HIGHLY PLEASED THUMBS UP!

(Sorry, I don't post as frequently as I used too)

Anyway, my only problem was Chapter length. Beyond that, it was GREAT.

Occasionally rambling, but overall tolerably so.

I would give this story a 4.75/5

 

Damnit, Thal, I saw 3 chapters on FicWad, only to be disappointed.