first off i posted a link to my story here because a penfriend told me it was a good place to get feedback. no i didnt read through every post in the whole forum but i didnt expect this sort of response...

so let me get this straight if its H/G or anything else thats een a bit out of your comfort zone, its instantly bad? how blind is that? ive already said this is my first story and i personally think its a lot better than 99% of other first fics.

how is there nothing resembling a story? are you going to expand on that or are you going to keep that as your whole review because if you do then youre the idiot.

darklordpotter not wehateginny or nazism-conformorgetout

Tinn_Tam: thanks for at least leaving some form of review rather than insulting me without reason.

im glad youve all condemned this after just 1 chapter...so if "h/cum loving slut" (unproven in canon) isnt welcome, what is? probably something ridiculous...

 

no no no ...... just......no

Cliche ...... and Harry got his brain amputated...... god... why , why did I read it ?!!!!!@$@#%^*&*%^*

and a Harry / Ginslut fuckin weasel ...... thats just.... wrong

 

Well there was a good Harry / Giant Squid story here somewhere ... hmm then there was harry/snuffles .. harry / buckbeak well these were the best ... And I like Ginnslut Weasel as long as you kill her in an original way or she gets a beating throughout the story

 

Relas that is the general mentality over here. Since you thanked Tinn_Tam, I think you should include Taure in that. He has been defending you from the wolves so as to speak.

I did post kind of an insulting pic you should check out what I wrote with it. It migh help you to know that after all this time in fanfiction world Harry Potter Universe has developed some cliches so as to speak. H/G is the most famous of those. And since HBP the pairing has had hostility developed against.

Also insulting majority members in a community you just joined will make it quite painful for you.

 

Err - nothing is sacrosanct on this forum.

Any forum will contain members who are quick to insult, quick to disrespect but frankly, this story is bottom of the barrel and their actions are excusable. There's a difference between posting this in the For Review section and seeking guidance somewhere else, perhaps in the Work By Author section.

It'll be quite demanding there, as well, but at least you're not saying, "I believe this story is good enough to be in your library," which is basically what you're doing by posting in For Review.

As for acceptable pairings? Well, there's no limit as to what DLPers will enjoy. Believe it or not, well-done Harry/Ginny stories are accepted, and have, in fact won awards in the Romance category and overall-story category. If you want the "usual" at DLP, it'd probably include a lesser-known character, such as Fleur Delacour, Luna Lovegood, Bellatrix Lestrange or even Female!Blaise Zabini.

As for DLP being a "conformist" site where we pressure you into conforming to our ethics, principles, ideals, you couldn't be farther from the truth. I suggest reading the forum - we've just recently had a falling out over PottersPlace3 that was split fairly 50/50, an issue that's just the tip of the iceberg and obviously, the most visible.

I myself, am usually at odds with the more vocal but that's the difference with this site and many others. The "blocs" are constantly changing, and when I may agree with someone on an issue, I can be disagreeing with them on the next. To have a tool that strong - one that is so blunt and honest - is a hard find. Now you can go somewhere else, and find people who'll be nice.... and they'll be nice, and you won't improve. You can find friends who'll commend you for your efforts and just say "wonderful," as well, but it'd be worthless, which is another brutal assessment.

It'd be worthless.

As for DLP hating on romantic or H/G stories? No. What you will notice though, is a passion for good, coherent stories that feature a dark or independent nature about them. Hence the title of this site - DarkLordPotter.net.

There is of course an element of roleplaying on the part of site members - that of "slightly deranged" or even maniacal in some instances but we are in fact human beings and we've built a reputation as one of the finer places to get your story adequately tested at.

You've proven that. You entered shit into the "For Review" section and it's going to get a veto. *Shrug*. The first step to fitting in here is to know respect or kudos can't be bought or whined for. Learn to understand how the site works or you won't be treated kindly.

 

The reason we hate Ginny is supposed to be because of the cliches involved, and the standardly low quality in those stories. Some members seem to interpret this as 'Hate all H/G and its shippers' This is not the case. Come on people, look at the story, not the pairing.

On to the review:
The very first scene is painfully cliche in H/G stories. Harry is sad, refuses letters from anyone, all of a sudden, 'perfect' Ginny sends an oh so very understanding letter and Harry 'realizes' that Ginny understands him. My gripe here: how? She was possessed once, three years back. Harry has fought every single year of his life. Where is the understanding?

Standard 'friends and Harry in the train' scene, where Harry notices how well Ginny has filled out, Ron chats aimlessly about the Cannons, and Hermione is a know-it-all overly studious person. Ginny is randomly given prefectship (Why? I know JK didn't justify her selections, but you can aspire to be better than her, several fanfic authors are). They all leave, and Harry is, and I quote, 'alone in the compartment with his thoughts of the redhead'. This is forcing the ship terribly. Let it develop, don't force it ahead.

Last scene: The pillow fight came out of nowhere, as does the kiss. Again, this scene forces the relationship. Try to use realistic descriptions for people's feelings. No one is going to feel indescribable ecstasy from a kiss, let alone their very first kiss. (General rule: most pleasure is describable, save indescribability for pain)

Ugh, now my head hurts and when I breathe through my nose, it smells like blood. Cliches hurt. I won't rate your story yet, since there is only one chapter, but as it stands? 1/5

 

Right, so I'm actually going to read your fic, and not judge it on the fact that it's H/G okay?

Point One:
almost-father's face
Sirius, is not Harry's almost-father, in fact they probably spoke to each other in person a grand total of three or four times. I HATE this way of referring to Sirius.

Point Two:
Ginny is right! She does understand me! Wow, I never knew how smart and caring she is! Where did this thought process come from? One letter out of the blue which probably said exactly the same thing as Ron and Hermione's letters? Why would Harry suddenly get his 'first true smile since Sirius died' reading a letter from his friends little sister that is quite frankly a bit blase about the DoM and everything following it?

Point Three:
Harry nodded absently as he stared at the girl – no, woman – next to him. He could no longer call her a girl anymore because of the way she had filled out over the summer. Her breasts had definitely gotten larger, and though she had grown a little, she had not gotten a change of robes. Harry didn’t mind, she filled the robes out nicely. All he could do was stare at her behind the entire time as she walked with a fetching sway. the 'girl, no-woman'? god I hate this cliche too, what a coincidence that Ginny becomes attractive at the same time she starts writing to Harry, god forbid that they should become friends before he starts lusting after her.

Point Four:
The pillow fight to snogging cliche. That's all I need to say.

All in all, your fic lacks characterisation and plot development, the dialogue seems contrived and the thought processes lack logic.

You wanted feedback, you got it, we on this website are not going to pander to your ego and rate your fic well if it doesn't deserve it, and quite frankly it doesn't.

 

I think most points about the ship have been driven home. I am new to this forum as well, so I will not go out and speak for the members but will like to say that I will give your story a second read if and only if you take the criticisms on this thread and revamp it.

Your Ginny portrayl is overdone

1) Give the girl something new, build on the character she had pre HBP.
2) A miniature Mrs. Weasley is not new or in my opinion attractive.
3) Instant 'save me from black depression' Ginny is the mother of all cliché.
4) Portrayl of instant love is a sign of an uninspired and impatient writer. I can not say enough about development and characterization.
5) Filling out in the right places is perfect explanation for a hard-on but little else.

I do not hate Ginny Weasley as a character until Rowling butchered her in HBP. Please do not follow her and use your own imagination.

 

Im not a Nazi I dont hate jews. I just dont like the majority of Harry/Ginny fics. And the H/cum loving slut thing not being proved in canon? HELLO HBP ruined canon. Ginny came out of no where. Sure he trained her in OotP but beyond that and saving her life how much have they really interacted. Most people dont like Ginny here as a rule but there are exceptions. WHat kinda of Pairings are accepted?
H/bella
H/tonks
H/Cho
H some Hr/
H/black sisters
H/Padma
H/ Katie
H/Parvati
H/ Fleur
/Angelina
/Alica
/Susan
/Fem Blaise
and Im still missing some. We accept alot of pairings

Also Im gonna add this. On this forum There is a HIGH standard of what Fics are good. Notice 4-5 stars goes to the different categories and what 3 goes in the bin and 1-2 gets deleted? We like good orginal Competent Harry Fics. We like it where he tortures and rapes and pillages whatever the hell he wants to torture, rape, pillage, etc.. We dont like, Like OH MI GAD DUMBLEDORE IS THE GREATEST ILL KISS HIS FEET AFTER I GET DONE DOING ALL GINNYS HOMEWORK AND BEING HER SLAVE.

 

The thing about this fic is yeah the pairing sucks but its because of the overly used cliches, and lack of a decent plot (so far, and i dont see it getting any better) that makes it a horrible story. Even with a more "acceptable" pairing this fic would still really suck, and really would be flamed just as much.

 

I can't say much beyond what many others have said beyond work on a relationship beyond the typical fangirlism cliches. Look to realistically develop a relationship beyond forced interactions and pairings. Most of us won't take H/G well as many have pointed out but if the piece itself is well developed/technically sound and not overflowing with cliches as most H/G pairings are, many will read and accept your work.

Finally, one thing to point out. Your title itself is a cliche of the typical "Potters always love redheads" theme. A revised title should be in the works if you wish to get away from the cliches.

 

Relas; it's common politeness, when you enter a house, to inquire about the rules that the occupants of said house must abide to, correct? It's the same thing here. You should have checked the rules and stickies before posting. As for the harshness of the response (to a certain extent at least), it's a common thing going on here. Not a rule per se, but a habit, a custom. Again, as a new member, you should adapt to such customs.

Read Taure's posts; he was precisely saying H/G wasn't bad in itself. Just badly done. Read my post, and click the first link I gave you; you'll get an explanation for why I personally hate Ginny's character.

As for your fiction being "a lot better than 99% of other first fics", I don't know if you're right, but I think you sound pretty arrogant. Stop thinking so highly of your fiction; I gave you my honest opinion, and many others did as well. Don't think you're being persecuted; you're not. You're not a victim. This forum isn't exactly a place for any fic that comes this way, I've personally written a few fictions that I will never post here because they just wouldn't be at their place on this forum.

I can link you to other sites that will gladly accept your fiction: MugglenetFanFiction, HarryPotterFanFiction, WizardTales, UnknowableRoom.

Exactly; how is Harry Dark or Independent in your fiction? And the nazi comment was both inaccurate and childish.

You are welcome.

You'll find out here that most of us (me excluded) didn't like HBP; and that most of us (me included) hated the romance between Harry and Ginny, romance that came out of nowhere. What is welcome here are Harry-centric stories in which he shows some independence, and, basically, has a spine. Your Harry doesn't have a spine. He doesn't even have a temper of his own, and that is going against canon.

Canon stories are accepted here, as long as the members like them. Both stories I posted here were HBP-compliant, and they were accepted. Quite a handful of stories, already mentioned, have H/G and yet are accepted.

Again, I advise that you post your story on the sites I linked you to. You'll get other responses that, hopefully, will help you to improve.

 

Let's be honest here. Your fic is not better than 99% of first fanfics but is exactly like roughly 30% of first fanfics and 100% of those are poorly written.

I don't like your story because your fanfic starts out like the vast majority of OotP fanfics.

I don't like your story because it is without any real description and that is a large mark against you in my book.

I don't like your story because you rush events past realistic expectations.

I don't like your story because you run afoul of every cliche that could occur given the plot.

By this point, changing the ship would not salvage my opinion of it because with all of the problems this story has the fact that it is H/G is a nonissue.

0/5
The trashbin is a place where a fanfic that if it fixes its problems can have a second chance for admission to the library. This fic would have to be reworked to the point where it would be considered a different story altogether.

Deletion is the only option.

 

You know if this story had about 200,000 less cliches it might be good -- because your English language skills are ok.

Then again, it would no longer exist if that happened...

 

Hum...

Look i'm sure that your a great writer, but this isn't he best place to be posting a Harry/Ginny fic. Sorry, but your not going to like many of the reviews that you'll get for this one.

Maybe next time...

 

If by this you mean executed then I agree. He can and should be executed.

And it is an excellent place to get feedback. The problem is you did three things.

1. Posted in the wrong part of the forum.

2. Posted the most cliche-fic of the post-Stained-Future era that this forum has ever seen.

3. Were arrogant enough to assume that the members of this forum would sniff your thrown like the 'tards over at ginnypotter.

Considering that there's hardly a thread here that doesn't rip on the HG-cliche pairing it's hard to believe that you can say that with a straight face.

Actually, I've read (and enjoyed) well-written non-Cliche HG stories before. My comfort zone just doesn't include cliche Harry-Ginny stories written by arrogant authors who would not have a story, or even two words to rub together, if all the cliches were removed.

*see above*

You think it's better than 99% of first fan fics, good for you. Judging by the level of intelligence you have thus far exhibited what you call "thinking" is obviously a misnomer. Try calling it "Copy pasting from random stories on ginnypotter". That way, it'll be honest.

A story is entertaining. What you've written is cliche.

I tried to read through your abortion of a first chapter and my sentiments can be found in Necrule Paens and Tinn Tams posts.

Beep! Godwins Law of Nazi Analogies I Choose You!

Godwins Law use "NOOB STFU GTFO ATTCK"

I find it rich that you, a poster who admits to not having read much in the forum can be so arrogant as to deign himself an authority on the forum he just joined. Do the world a favor and jump off of a tall building, preferably without any type of device designed to arrest the momentum of a falling object.

Every post you make from now on will be disregarded (my own corrolary to Godwins Law). After all, if you think it acceptable behavior to call anything you don't like Nazism, you don't belong here -- you belong on a pre-kindergarten debate squad.

There were plenty of reasons to insult you.

So am I. It proves that we don't need to waste time reading the rest of your bilge.

It's not disproven in canon either.

You're Very Welcome. Now do the forum a favor and never subject us to the acts of violence against literature that you call "good writing" again.

EDIT: Can someone please move this bullshit to the Trash?

 

i really don't know how to respond to that. I really don't.

How smart and caring. WTF. Who ever this person is he/she sure is a superficial writer.

I don't think he/she coming back from the lack of her post so there is no point in posting anymore.

 

...how very hypocritical.

 

Dude! I meant lack of her post. i just edited.