Why don't you tell them then hm? It sounds like fun, but I can't think of a way to phrase it. That and they'd probably only end up pissing people off with their rants after awhile. So, in the end it's best not to.

 

Exactly. While it's certainly fun to bait fangirls into massive rants, things start getting sour when they decide to bring their pre-teen friends into the fray, clogging up the forums with posts no one wants to read. I've seen it happen in other boards. :/

Btw, here's my obligatory badfic:

 

How cliche do ya like it!? Dracos Secret How stupid should the plot be? How poorly written should the romance be?

Summary: durring thier 7th year the fall in love..this is my first fanfic... hermione gets raped...and is pregnateyou'll love it!

This one doesn't think she loves it...

ROFL!

Uh-huh, sure; one night on the beach messing around like brats is enough for a lifelong declaration of love. How disgustingly chickflickish. Scenes like these were perhaps ripped some some random romance movie.

And when it comes to fangirls ranting, indeed it's only fun until their friends get involved. Then it's hilarious until everything starts getting, as you said, clogged up, and they refuse to stfu and go away.

 

I'll just quote the introit for you:

 

What indeed? Wait... what does slash have to do with Jesus?

 

Honestly, I don't know if I shoudl keep on reading. Being a Christan and a HP fan, I'm slightly scared right now.

And since I am bored, I have stumbled into the HP section ff.net and found this lovely peice of work entitled And Never Been Kissed by Caligryphy

So you're getting a brain transplant this year Caligryphy?

He's handsome. That counts for something.

I NEED AN ADULT! I NEED AN ADULT!

Okay, I can no longer read this without feeling sick.

 

You felt sick? Heh. I thought it was hilarious.

Now, for the badfic:

 

http://hp.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600007637


Apparently a guy can have a womb and also be in the most f*cked up pairing too. Look at the summary it looks fine doesn't it.

 

(PsychicLunar looks at story, sighs, and mournfully watches the numbers representing her faith in humanity drain away further into the negatives)

Really Monarch, you had to do it... bah.

Harry's Rape
It's a... well, I hesitate to call it a poem. Summary: well duh, Harry's raped by whoever you deem suitible, most likley an enemy, rated M becuase its gravical...ish enjoy!

Not really bad enough to consider revenge against you for dropping my ever-falling faith, but it's my contribution. I think I put it in worst summaries though...

 

Harry Potter & the Gate of the Timeline by Godric of Gryffindor reviews
Hogworts is attacked! The Murauders are exterminated along with Dumbledore! Harry trys to time travel back in time to save them.
Harry Potter - Fiction Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 600 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 11-9-06 - Published: 11-9-06​

It's labelled Sci-Fi ... will Voldy and Harry battle with light sabers and laser guns?

No! They are battling with grammar and spelling!

Harry was drenched and muddy and bloody as he sat down at the Gryffindor table. Malfoy had opened the carradige door as he was passing him and "accidentally" broke his nose so that there was an indent were his nose shold have been! Madame Promfriy had been so mad . She yelled"Every year you always seem to get something broken & at the begining of the year too!" He had missed the sorting & was just in time for the feast.​

And with brackets and punctuation and capitalization, too!

Dumbledore rose and said his usual "welcome new & welcome old" speech. Later as the dishes cleared & Harry & a few students started to get sick from drinking too much butterbeer.(They latter found out it was butter beer flavored grade A Fire Wiskey that Peeves had put in the bottles and swiched around.) Dumble door feeling a bit nausua, stood up & woblled a bit. "Now it's time too welcome our new defence against the Dark arts teacher, & you know him Professor R.J Lupin.(It took Dumbledore three attempts to say his name right.)​

It's T-rated. Hmmm ... he mentions kitchenware.

Hagrid chose this unfortunate time to colapse & took out the central table with him. The Cutlery then slid down on to his head and when the fork hit pirced his forehead he woke up with a start.​

I only wonder about one thing. How do you pronounce & ?

 

GET THEM OUT OF MY MIND!

{Sobs}

...

Seriously, How can any of you read far enough to get these quotes? These look like the type of fic were I get half a page in and then attempt to gouge my eyes out! All I can say is that the lot of you either have a great deal more faith in the average Author than I do, or else you have WAY to much freetime on your hands.

I gotta admit though, some of these are sad enough to be considered parody's if we didn't know that the poor author was serious when they wrote it...

 

It hurts... it really does... hundreds of years from now scientists will discover an ancient civilization that died out because of horrible HP fanfiction...

 

Feeling particularly bored and curious, I opened the FFN search browser and looked for HP crossovers with any random/lesser-known/not-likely-to-be-crossed-with anime I could think of just for the hell of it... kill me now. I regret my actions! I didn't think anything would come up!

Fruits Basket meets Harry Potter
Harry Potter x Fruits Basket you have you read to find out


Here's a quote:

 

How the hell can you become really good friends on one train ride and who the hell is Kaoru? Looks like attack of the killer gary-sues.

Heres one I found particulary awful:

<a href="http://www.fanfiction.net/s/782409/1/">
Ron...</a>
Wow!My title is so original!I suk at these things,but basically,Ron just gets into alot of crap.Poor Ron.

I serously thought the author was being sarcastic with the summary, so I clicked the link and was bombarded with grammar and spelling mistakes from hell.

How the hell can an author write this stuff, it's just plain pathetic.

 

Author's make HP stories full of fruits normally, no crossover needed.

 

{snort}

so sadly true, the question is WHY do they do so?

 

Golden rule, Manatheron, people are stupid. And angsty. And.... Well, you get it...

Have a compimentary piece of fiction:

Christmas Games by Sam'sGirl16 reviews
Most of the Hogwarts students leave for Christmas Break, but not our trio. What happens when they play Truth or Dare, among other 'interesting' games? What about when the other houses and teachers get involved?
Fiction Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 3252 - Reviews: 67 - Updated: 1-1-07 - Published: 8-3-06

I hate when people pull the "truth or dare" card. Ulgh.

Oh, and one more:

In Da Club by HarryPotterFreakEver reviews
Ginny is at a club, partying with her friends, when suddenly, a guy asks her to dance, and everything unfolds itself after that.
Harry Potter - Fiction Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 13 - Words: 22082 - Reviews: 186 - Updated: 8-27-06 - Published: 4-24-04

I just went Hraelsvegr right now reading that. - Tinn Tam (Because it applies)

 

..........

 

Can I just shoot myself in the head instead? Pretty please?

 

Haven't posted for a while, so let's see what sort of garbage I can dig up.

Great; Malfoy plays Filch for a while. And has anal sex with kittens. Too bad God didn't kill this one when all those fanboys rubbed one out.

"Yes, Professor," they chorused together. Are you quite sure they're not married yet? And since when does Snape speak softly?

...friendly petting? I think not, children.

"Duhhhh... me tell Dumbledore! You! Pet cat!" And Blaise kicks kittens! What's with that? Oh, right. It's the "metrosexual" male Blaise that ends up doing Hermione, Snape and Draco (after he's had his fill of Harry, of course) at the same time.

Well, that's one mutilated eyeball, let's stab the other one out, shall we?

Tales of the Sexy Slytherin and the Georgous Gryffindor? Must be a Harry/Daphne. What? It's a Draco/Hermione? Must be some odd definition of the word 'sexy' I've never heard of. And georgous? Bushy and buck-toothed is not georgous. Emma Watson is not Hermione. A fistfight? Well, that sounds okay. Locked in a room together at night? *cough* RAPE! *cough* But it'll never be completed. That's right, the author is making some new, immortal character named Dramione. The pain will never end. Oh, actually it will; once the Harmonians and the Harry/Draco fankids get ahold of you. And I'll be waiting to dance on your grave for deceiving me with that title.

First of all, it's not Mwuahahahahahah. It's 'Nyah ha ha'. Get it right, or don't do it at all. Second of all, Ron doesn't cry; his freckles run, stupid. Thirdly, they have to be pranking. Why are they always pranking? That was something James and them did way back then. This new generation is supposed to fight evil, and snog each other's sisters, and... shit. Fourth? Well, "THE MUDBLOOD'S MINE!" Harry screamed like a little girl. Yeah. Doesn't sound like Harry, he doesn't scream like a litle girl. That's Ron. And 'The mudblood's mine'? Doesn't sound like something Harry would say, in a little girl voice or otherwise. Lastly, because I wanted to point this out, eyes don't widen to the size of TV screens. That's GOATSE, fool; that's the other end. Very happily moving on.

Okay, so it's not two in the morning, and the Dark Arts teacher - not Defence, they're doing something right for once - 'Ariel Joustin' is hot. Right off the bat, you can tell that 'Ariel Joustin' is an alias. Not a Mary-Sue, an alias. This 'Ariel' person is so very clearly Chrys Potter. I mean, hottness? That's how you can tell. Then, the author proves that she's colour-blind... blonde hair? Hazel eyes? You've got to be kidding me. Blah, blah, blah, then Pansy comes in. Apparently, Pansy Parkinson is a nine year old whore. She's 'trying to find Draco so they can do naughty things'. Oh, my apologies. Pansy Parkinson is a nine year old bank robber. Next thing you know, Draco will be acting Yiddish - don't make me spell it out for you. Then he uses 'OMG', which is Internet slang for Obviously Mentally Gandicapped, both alluding to the author's mental state, and the fact that inbred blondes can't spell. Also, Hermione's voyeristic tendancies emerge.

I bet you noticed how I gave a nod in the direction of my story? That's called 'shameless self-promotion', not at all like that 'shamless self-promotion' selenepotter was doing a while back.

That is all for this installment of 'Who's Retarded Now'. Join us next time, when we think you know what we'll be examining.

Good night.