Although good, this story lacks any major plot points; merit points, challenges, etc. are good for a side plot but not as a major plot. Also, Harry seems to have no other interests besides studying, and this makes him a pretty one dimensional character. Finally, Hermoine, i've always hated her no matter how she's written but w/e.

 

Avitus: Have you actually read my story? First of all, the magical internet thing is based around programming. Second of all, THIS IS NOT IN A CANON UNIVERSE. They are not backwards retards. I was planning on having them hand in their work with minicomputers, but then I forgot about it. The connect: movement thing was designed by American Wizards to specify which of the numerous voodoo charms they wanted to use without actually collecting multitudinous reagents and singing long chants. I also introduced this spell in around chapter 4.

KillGinny009: Yes, the challenges were kind of a bone to throw to the masses because nothing is going to happen until around November. Nothing ever happens until around November in school. If you hate her so much, you can replace her name with Su Li wherever you see it. Just paste the chapter into wordperfect, or word, or whatever you use, and ctrl+f replace all Granger with Li. There is a reason for all of the studying.

 

Very nice response to some constructive criticism (don't know if you caught that sarcasm, jackass). If you had actually bothered to READ my post, you would have seen that I said I LOVE this story, I have been following it since you first posted it. I understand your magical system is run off programming, and therein lies my reluctance and misunderstanding of it - BUT I DO NOT FAULT YOU FOR IT, THIS IS YOUR STORY DO WHAT YOU WILL WITH IT! I never said they were "backwards retards", they simply have no need for the technological advancements Muggles have made over the past hundred years, and thus would not use such terminology as "Connect: Movement". It was a suggestion to have the spell named as such... a spell.

 

Okay, that's fair. I apologize for being a jackass. If it makes you feel any better, I've been a bit of a jackass to all of the people who have reviewed me today. Thank you for the constructive criticism, but I don't think I'll use it.

 

Lets see her, yeah nothing happens till around november but there are always hints at the plot.
PS/SS: gringotts break in, hagrid retrieving the stone from gringotts.
CoS: the dueling club incident, Dobby.
PoA: Sirius Black is mentioned on the muggle news early on.
Need i say more? Maybe you have hints and i haven't picked up on them, in case you didn't notice, your story has been nominated for atleast two awards here on this site, one by me, so don't fucking be such a wise ass and take everything so personally, we just say what we would like to see but it is your story.

 

As I said before, if it's been any kind of consolation, I've been a jackass to all of my reviewers today. I have given hints. They are just extremely subtle. I'm referring to things that will not be completely revealed for a good deal of time.

My Apologies,

JJ

 

Got it, i'm gonna go back and re-read now.

 

yes nice opening but this type of stories gets boring after 3-4 chapters

 

I'm finding this story pretty interesting.
I like the way the author has gone into more detail about the everyday life of the students, I like how the merit system is introduced and explained, Hagrid's new role is pretty amusing and the Vikings remind me of stories of US universities.

I'm looking forward to the next few chapters, seeing how the rivalry turns out, etc.

 

So this story is pretty good? I couldn't get past the first chapter. It was just Harry getting a staff that did it, and Snape being nice... To a Potter. Please tell me that ends and I might just read it, but otherwise it just seems cliche.

 

it is anything but cliche

 

I would concur with Avitus that, as interesting as your programming/magic thing is, naming your spells as one would a computer program is to me a bit naff. Make your spells spells. Ok, it was a spell created by Americans, but unless your a follower of "The US wizarding world is teh shiz, and is integrated with Normals, we don't call them muggles because that's racist" ideal, then you should probably follow the general thread created by canon, in that, spells have incantations, and are named after the incantations.

 

Meh. Wingardium Leviosa is something like, "Feather-dealie, lift!" I can do whatever I want.

 

I don't mind the adjusting of the wingardium leviosa spell, but you could have at least used some form of bastardized Latin instead of plain English. Takes away from the mystique of magic.

My opinion, now that I've read it, is somewhat unclear to me. Parts of it have me laughing, parts have shocked me (like the language from eleven year olds - they'd have to come from a fucked up place to talk like that straight into school), and parts have had me nearly screaming in frustration.

Especially Hermione's characterization - she's supposed to be fucking smart in canon, nevermind being accepted into your Hogwarts, which only takes the best, and you've made her a fucking dumbass that can't figure out a flame freezing charm. Overall you've created a load of OCs and given them canon names.

Other than that and Snape being nice (what happened to the Snape/Potter emnity?) its a pretty good story, though I'd describe it as intriguing than genuinely good.

3-4/5 for the amount of effort you've put in to it.

P.S. What kind of 11 year old can work out a sum with pi in it, in their head? What kind of adult can do that?

P.P.S. Oh! And why would England use the Library of Congress Catalog when we don't even have a Congress?

 

I don't care all that much for the mystique of magic. Considering how long they've had magic (and they've had it nearly forever), they have a pretty good understanding of at least some of it. Think of physics-- we have a hella good understanding of most of it, but we're still trying to figure some things out. Or, even, Mathematics.

The idea was that she had tried it, but hadn't had the necessary force, which Harry is forced to use, in order to subdue the flame.

Have you ever liked someone's kids, but not their parents? Or maybe liked the parents, but not the kids? Think of it that way. Snape hated Potter, but from the history I've given you, Snapes and Potters actually go back pretty far.

3 or 4 / 5 is around what I'd give it too (although for different reasons), so thanks.

JJ

P.S. It's a product, and pi is ridiculously easy to use if it's in both of the equations. It's just a number, like Euler's, or three, and the difference between the volume of a sphere and the area of a circle is easy to see. A sphere is 4/3 pi (radius cubed), while a circle is pi (radius squared). Eliminated the pis, assume that 4/3 is around one, eliminate that too, and you're left with radius cubed to radius squared. That's all you need to think about. I learned this in grade school.

P.P.S. I may or may not have addressed this. Why would Britain use the dewey decimal system? Britain didn't have a Dewey, either. The Dewey Decimal system is inefficient, and America-Centric. The library of congress method is significantly more efficient, and is used in several elite private schools, as well as many colleges. American Colleges are different from British Colleges. American Colleges are what the British, and most of Europe, consider Universities. Because I suspect that British Universities wish to be as efficient as possible, they have probably switched over from the Dewey Decimal System to a more efficient method, which may, or may not be, the library of congress method. None of the Brits I talk to seems to attend University right now.

 

you should have made some suitable characteristic changes in some spells

 

JJ: umm what? that math, while not the most difficult, may be a little more difficult for 11 year olds, if they were 13 or 14 i would understand but not 11. But i understand you logic for using it.

 

I know that it isn't uncommon for 11 year olds to swear like that. At around 10 it becomes the cool people who swear every other word, and, while it may not be like that in this story, it still isn't untrue that 11 year olds swear like that.

 

I was using pi in equations at around 11, so I see no reason why the wizards of this Hogwarts should be any diffrent. Remember that in this story every child that attends Hogwarts is basiclly a little genius. Each and every one. Hogwarts is the elite of the elite in this story.

 

How is Hermione stupid in this fic? She's smarter then everyone with the exception of Harry. In addition to that, it's an AU, all the characters are different then canon.