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Entry #4

Discussion in 'Q2 2019' started by Rahkesh Asmodaeus, Jun 14, 2019.

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  1. Rahkesh Asmodaeus

    Rahkesh Asmodaeus THUNDAH Bawd Admin DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    Harry wandered through the dark corridors with no real aim in mind. Curfew was just around the corner, and he didn't have his map nor cloak, but he didn't feel like returning to Gryffindor tower and facing Ron and Hermione yet. They were good friends, but lately, they just didn't seem to listen.

    Frowning, he looked around and found that his legs had carried him to the basement corridor decorated with still life paintings of everything from humble snacks to extravagant feasts. Oh well, he could do with a bite to eat. He slunk toward a low-hanging portrait of a fruit bowl and tickled the pear, making a face at the shrill giggle echoing down the corridor, then yanked the doorknob it had morphed into and stepped inside.

    Warm air smelling faintly of freshly baked bread wafted over him. A small fire crackled gently in the great fireplace on the opposite side of the room, illuminating the currently unladen counterparts of the house tables a floor above. Most of the house-elves were absent, no doubt resting before the breakfast rush tomorrow.

    He took half a dozen steps inside before he noticed the girl. It wasn't because she was inconspicuous—her long blonde hair and bright blue eyes would've turned heads even in a crowd—but she sat in a shadowy corner, still as a statue, a spoonful of something white and fluffy frozen halfway to her slightly ajar mouth.

    "Um," he said.

    Her face didn't so much as twitch. Had her eyes not bored into him with such intensity, he might've thought her petrified by a basilisk.

    "Um." He took a step back. "I'll just leave you to it."

    With the sound of a chair scraping the floor, the girl moved. He blinked. One moment she was sitting in her corner, and the next she was standing before him, the bowl of what he could now identify as ice cream clutched in her hands, blue eyes staring into his from an uncomfortably short distance.

    "Don't," she said.

    "W-what?" He patted his pockets for his wand, trying not to make it too obvious.

    She looked down, took a breath, then met his eyes. "Don't tell anyone."

    He gaped. Her lips were trembling, and the knuckles of her slender fingers had gone white from clutching the bowl. Was she serious? Who would he even tell—and, more importantly, why?

    The handle of the spoon clinked lightly against the rim as the girl's hands shook. "I understand," she muttered, so quietly he suspected it wasn't meant for his ears. "Have to buy your silence. But how..." Her brows furrowed.

    "Um..." He seemed to be saying that a lot, but he rather thought it justified given the situation.

    Her gaze followed his to the bowl, and her frown cleared. "Very well," she said ruefully, spooning up some ice cream, "if that's what it takes."

    Harry was about to speak his mind at last, but could only sputter as the spoonful was abruptly shoved into his mouth. He jerked away, the spoon almost sliding out, then froze as a creamy, minty coolness flooded his taste buds. Without thinking, he licked the spoon clean.

    She drew back, peering at him anxiously.

    "It's... it's good," he said, feeling chocolate chips melt on his tongue.

    A breathtaking smile came over her face. "Isn't it? My god, it's like winter fairies having an orgy in my mouth. Tori and I made a pact, and I thought I could endure for a few weeks, but it just made me crave the old mint and chocolate more and more until I ended up getting the elves to make me some on the sly. You mustn't tell her, Potter—she's been obsessed with watching her figure, what with her birthday party coming up and all, and I reckon she would curse my ears off if she found out I was stuffing my face while she... ohmygod." She clammed up, staring at the spoon in her hand with something akin to horror.

    For some reason, the image of tiny winged figures writhing in a sweaty pile was the only thing from her frenzied babble that stuck in his mind. He pressed his lips together to smother a laugh.

    Her gaze lifted to his face, widening to almost comical proportions. "Sorry!" she squeaked, and thrusting the bowl at him, ran off.

    Harry swiveled in time to see her vanish into the corridor with a swish of blonde hair and black robes. He stared at the door for a minute, then contemplated the cool bowl in his hands. The three chocolate-flecked scoops it held had partly melted, forming a creamy puddle on the bottom. Licking his lips absently, he sought out a chair.

    Wasting food would be bad, after all.

    ***

    "That sounds like Daphne Greengrass," Hermione said. "She's a Slytherin in our year."

    "Huh." Harry reclined on the couch, staring at the snowflakes falling beyond the arched windows of the tower. "Doesn't ring a bell."

    "Harry, really, it's been six years... Although I suppose you no longer have any classes together." A thoughtful expression came over her face. "Where did you run into her, anyway?"

    He tried to sound nonchalant. "Er... around. I was just curious. We haven't even talked or anything."

    "Hmm," Hermione said, sending him a piercing look. "Well, I'm not surprised. She's got a bit of a reputation, you see. They call her the Ice Queen—"

    He snorted. Ice Cream Queen, more like.

    "What's so funny?" Hermione asked, planting her hands on her hips.

    "Nothing," he said quickly, "only it's a bit of a silly nickname, isn't it?"

    "Oh, I suppose. She lives up to it, though." Huffing, Hermione sat down beside him and crossed her arms. "She never smiles, and I don't think I've ever heard her speak outside answering Professor Vector's questions. It's like we're all beneath her."

    Harry hmmed noncommittally. All he could think about was the glowing smile Greengrass had given him yesterday.

    ***

    Over the next few weeks, Harry's mind kept returning to the incident, and he would often duck into the kitchens for a late snack even when he wasn't feeling particularly hungry. He wasn't sure whether he was relieved or disappointed when every one of his forays ended with him pigging out on admittedly delicious treats with no one but overexcited elves keeping him company.

    His eyes began to stray during dinnertime, meticulously avoiding the Ravenclaws to search the table beyond for a head of pale blonde hair. Whenever he found her, Greengrass would be seated at the farther end of the Slytherin table, straight-backed, consuming her dinner with regal poise as conversations unfolded around her. It was difficult to reconcile this image of cool beauty and his memory of a flustered girl with a smudge of chocolate on her lips.

    After she was done eating, she would dab her lips with a napkin and lay it atop her plate. Her gaze would lift and scan the hall, so fleetingly Harry thought he had imagined it the first few times, before she would rise and stride off without a backward glance. He wasn't the only one to occasionally eye her retreating back, but no one ever called nor chased after her.

    Harry would then return to his cooling meal, invariably more puzzled than before, and make half-hearted attempts to quell Hermione's and Ron's incessant bickering. Greengrass never noticed him watching.

    Or so he thought.

    A small yet strong hand latched onto his upper arm as he was leaving the Great Hall, Ron and Hermione having gone ahead on one prefect duty or another. Before he could so much as voice a protest, he was dragged into a cramped alcove off the entrance hall, Greengrass squeezing in beside him. He tried to extricate himself, but his knee brushed her leg, and he drew back.

    She peered at him from inches away, a hint of pink in her cheeks, her chest heaving lightly. The look might've been cute on someone less mad.

    "Potter," she said, narrowing her eyes, "what do you want?"

    "I don't know what you're talking about." He glanced out of the alcove. People kept filing out of the Great Hall, but no one was looking in their direction.

    "You keep staring." The grip she still had on his arm tightened to the point where Harry was certain it was going to leave a bruise.

    Heat rose in his cheeks. "I—I wasn't..." He gulped at her glare. "Sorry—Daphne Greengrass, right? Hermione told me who you were—Hermione Granger, you're in Arithmancy together. Um, I didn't mean anything by it. It's just that the last time we met... I mean, you ran out on me and..." He gestured vaguely. Damn, had someone hit him with a Tongue-Tying Curse?

    "I see." She let go of his sleeve. "That makes sense."

    "It does?"

    She ducked her head, her voice dropping to a murmur. "I suspected you might still be angry... So you go asking around about me, observing, trying to figure out my weaknesses... Pansy always said the Gryffindors had it in for us..." Her head whipped up. "Alright, Potter, it's your victory. Spit it out."

    He flattened himself against the wall. "I don't understand what you want from me."

    "That's my line," she said. "What will it take to buy your silence?"

    An incredulous laugh bubbled up in his throat, but her grim expression didn't change. He opened his mouth, choked back a chuckle, then tried to speak again. "You're misunderstanding something, Greengrass. I don't particularly want anything from you."

    Her large eyes blinked once. "Really?"

    "Really." Flashing her a smile, he added jokingly, "Although I wouldn't say no to you feeding me more ice cream—"

    "I understand." She nodded somberly.

    He released a relieved breath. "Good."

    "Meet me before the main staircase at three p.m. this Saturday." Squeezing past him, she tossed her hair back, spreading a light flowery scent through the air, and strolled off.

    "Hang on, that's not..." The hand Harry had extended toward her retreating form sagged. Recalling the taste of the dessert she had foisted off on him, he smacked his lips. It hadn't quite measured up to treacle tart, but Hermione always said it was important to broaden one's horizons.

    ***

    Harry loitered in the entrance hall watching students stream past. Clustered in pairs and small groups, sporting mittens and mufflers, everyone was eager to enjoy the last Hogsmeade weekend before Christmas. Whenever Filch grumpily checked another group off his list and the great double doors creaked open to release them, a gust of frigid wind would intrude into the castle, making Harry shiver. At least Greengrass and he would only be going as far as the kitchens.

    Muffled chimes of the tower clock reached his ears from the outside—once, twice, thrice. Rubbing his hands together, he craned his neck impatiently.

    "Potter."

    The voice nearly made him jump. Whirling around, he found Daphne Greengrass standing before him bundled up in a thick woolen scarf and a knit cap. Of course, she would come from the dungeons and not the stairs.

    "Greengrass." He eyed her attire dubiously.

    She nodded as if that concluded the niceties and strode toward the small line that had formed before Filch. Harry gaped at her before hastening to catch up.

    "Er, just so we're clear," he said, "where are we going, exactly?"

    She sent him an uncomprehending glance. "Hogsmeade, obviously."

    "Yeah. Obviously." He glanced helplessly over his shoulder, wondering if he should double back to the dorms for proper winter wear, but Filch was already waving them closer. He would just have to tough it out.

    "Hello, Mr. Filch," Daphne said, stepping forward. "Greengrass and Potter."

    Filch squinted at them, then at his list, his grubby fingertip sliding down until he located their names. "Everything's in order, miss." He reached back and nudged the door open, letting in more cold air.

    Inclining her head, Daphne stepped outside. Harry lingered at the threshold, astonished by Filch's display of civility.

    "Go on, then!" Filch barked.

    Ah, all was right with the world again.

    Squeezing through the gap before the caretaker could shut the doors in his face, he was greeted by wind cold enough to take his breath away. Sticking his hands down his pockets, he caught up to Daphne, who waited for him before setting off across the grounds. A thin layer of snow crunched beneath their feet, glittering in the sunlight peeking through the clouds.

    Glancing her way, he cleared his throat. "So... why Hogsmeade?"

    Slowing a little, she gave him a mystified look. "To fulfill your request." Her eyes narrowed. "Is this some kind of a test? I keep my word."

    He opened his mouth, then closed it again. "No, nothing like that. Can... can you take anything I ask at face value for now?"

    Daphne pondered his request for a time, then said solemnly, "Very well."

    He perked up; so this bizarre life form could be reasoned with. "Why are we going to Hogsmeade? I thought we'd just nip down to the kitchens again."

    "Because the limited edition flavors are only available around this time of the year," she said in a tone one would use when speaking to a particularly slow child. "I thought you liked ice cream."

    Not as much as you, clearly. "Er, I wasn't aware."

    Unease suddenly crossed her face. "I just assumed... I hope you'll find it to your liking."

    "It will be fine, I'm sure," he said. He wasn't picky, after all.

    They were fast approaching a row of hooded carriages, for which Harry was grateful as he was losing the feeling in his fingers. Most of the Thestrals in the harnesses stood deathly still, their black hide drawn tight over the bones beneath, only an occasional puff from their nostrils betraying their nature as living creatures.

    The small crowd milling about the carriages parted before Daphne and Harry like a sea, trailing them with curious eyes. Paying them no heed, Daphne strode up to the foremost carriage and turned to Harry expectantly.

    He blinked. She stared. He glanced at the carriage in confusion. She tapped her foot.

    At a guess, he pulled open the door. That seemed to be the correct choice, for Daphne edged closer to the steps and stuck out her mittened hand, palm down. Giving her a bewildered look, Harry hesitantly raised his bare hand to meet hers. Daphne's hand came down on his heavily, and she used it to assist herself into the carriage.

    He stared as she made herself comfortable until a gust of wind made him shiver and climb hurriedly inside, where he settled on the seat opposite hers. What a mystery. One moment she seemed perplexed by the simplest things, and the next she acted like a haughty noble out of a historical drama.

    The door he had closed swung open without warning, revealing a quartet of pink-faced younger girls.

    "Hi, could we squeeze in?" the lead girl chirped, then shrank back as Daphne turned to regard her. "N-never mind, sorry!"

    The door slammed shut and they began moving. Before the thestral took them away, Harry heard a barely-hushed voice pronounce, "Ice Queen and Potter are going together!" to a chorus of squeals.

    He grimaced. "Aren't you worried people will get the wrong idea?"

    "What do you mean?" she asked blankly.

    "You know, us going to Hogsmeade together. Sharing a carriage. Holding hands?" His tone grew a little more desperate as each successive detail failed to elicit more than an expression of mild befuddlement.

    "Holding... Ah. What wrong idea could anyone get from that? My father assists my mother, sister, and I all the time. It's just common courtesy." Uncertainty flashed over her face. "Isn't it?"

    "Er..." Harry shifted under her intense stare. "I guess." What did he know, anyway? Regular people didn't ride carriages drawn by skeletal winged horses either, but there they were.

    Mollified, Daphne turned to watch the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest passing by the window. He studied her profile, her pale cheeks reddened by the cold, the hair flying out from underneath her cap tangled by the wind, until she glanced askance at him, and he quickly looked away. He feared she would accuse him of hatching some evil plan again, but she did not, and so the ride went by in relatively comfortable silence.

    The thestral trotted to a halt at the edge of the village, and without being prompted, Harry leapt out first and assisted Daphne out of the carriage. When she gave him a barely-there nod, he couldn't help but feel a little giddy. Odd, that, when she had told him it was just manners.

    Daphne set course for the main street, marching over the icy cobbles with confidence while he lagged a step behind. They passed the pub and the icicle-eaved houses in the village's center before she ducked into a side alley and paused before a small teashop. Harry's elation vanished; the shop's signboard was hidden underneath gaudy Christmas ornaments, but he didn't need to read it to know where they were.

    "We're going to Puddifoot's?"

    "Best ice cream outside of Mr. Fortescue's," Daphne said reverently and pushed the door open.

    Harry glanced around, tempted to escape by latching onto the first acquaintance he saw, but the alley was lamentably empty. Resigning himself to his fate, he followed inside.

    If he thought the outside was gaudy, it was nothing compared to the interior: a Christmas tree stood in each corner, decorated with glass baubles that clinked as golden cherubs fluttered from branch to branch playing their minuscule harps, and red candles floated overhead bathing the place in hazy light. His glasses fogged up immediately, but freezing as he was, he welcomed the warmth.

    Daphne was already making her way toward an empty table deep in the back, passing underneath clumps of white berries hanging off the ceiling without batting an eye. Harry took care to evade the mistletoe, and thus arrived later and slightly out of breath. He had the presence of mind to draw her a chair, to which she inclined her head and smoothed her robes before taking her seat.

    Madam Puddifoot waddled over, her shiny hair done up in her customary bun and her plump face creased in an enormous smile. "What would you like, m'dears? We happen to have some new flavors of—"

    "Dark chocolate gingerbread sundae, large," Daphne rattled off before directing an anxious look at Harry. "Will that be satisfactory?"

    "Um, sure." Truth be told, he would've preferred something hot, but Daphne looked like she might've started crying if he said no.

    "Splendid, oh, splendid," cooed Madam Puddifoot, clasping her hands together as she beamed at Harry and Daphne in turn. "Coming right up, dears."

    Daphne tilted her head quizzically, but Madam Puddifoot was already retreating toward the counter, humming something that sounded suspiciously like "A Cauldron Full of Hot, Strong Love". Harry couldn't be sure, for the melody was interrupted every few seconds by huffing breaths.

    He considered Daphne. She was staring straight ahead, not so much at him as through him, as she tapped a single finger on the table.

    "So... you come here a lot?" he asked.

    She twitched, and the dreamy look in her eyes was replaced by the usual cool glint. "Whenever the opportunity allows."

    "Alone?" he guessed.

    "My sister joins me on occasion, although she prefers the company of her friends." Her brow creased. "Why do you ask?"

    Harry looked around pointedly. Every other table was occupied by a couple. Hang on, was that Bullstrode and Creev—never mind, some things were best left unknown. He turned back to Daphne, who just gave him a blank look.

    "Forget it," he said with a sigh.

    Daphne nodded slowly, but she was now peering at him as if he were a riddle to be solved. He squirmed in his seat, regretting ever bringing up the subject.

    Fortunately, it didn't take long for Madam Puddifoot to return. Wheezing a little, she set down a bowl filled with scoops of rich brown ice cream topped with candied ginger, cocoa nibs, and drizzles of chocolate syrup.

    "Here you go," she said cheerfully. "It's on the house."

    Daphne's hand froze midway to her pocket. "I'm perfectly able to pay—"

    Madam Puddifoot waved her off. "Nonsense, dear, I won't hear a thing about it! It warms my heart to see you finally brought someone along."

    "If... if you insist," she said haltingly.

    "I do indeed. You have fun, now, and give me a shout if you need anything else." Gracing her with a smile, Madam Puddifoot shuffled off.

    Daphne's stumped expression cleared when she took in the contents of the bowl. She began pulling it over to her side of the table, then frowned.

    "The proprietor appears to have made a mistake," she said. "I am used to ordering just for myself, but it would be common sense to ask us both what we wanted, or at least bring each of us a portion of the same. How peculiar. This never happened when I was here with my sister."

    Harry swallowed. "She must've thought we were, you know... a couple."

    Lifting her gaze, Daphne blinked at him once, then let out a dry laugh. "Oh, nice joke, Potter."

    His stomach clenched. That was... unexpectedly hurtful.

    "We shall proceed with what he have," she declared. Picking up one of the spoons, she neatly scooped up some ice cream and extended it toward him. "Come closer, Potter, I can't reach."

    He goggled at the spoon in her hand, then at her expectant expression. "I can eat myself—"

    "Don't try and trick me. If I don't do this, your demand won't be met." The spoon inched forward as she leaned over the table.

    He wilted under her icy stare. The spoon shook slightly in her extended hand, and a droplet splashed onto the tablecloth below. Grimacing, he bent forward and captured the spoon with his mouth. His eyes widened at the taste, and he licked off the morsel before drawing back.

    The spoon dipped into the bowl once more before making a return trip. His back prickled from the imagined stares, but when he glanced around, he found that no one was paying them any heed—well, no one save Madam Puddifoot, who turned away to hide her smile.

    Come to think of it, such sights must've been commonplace here.

    He took the proffered spoon into his mouth, properly savoring the taste this time. It wasn't bad, not bad at all, and some part of him even found that being hand-fed by a girl enhanced the experience. If only she looked more like she was enjoying herself rather than fixing him with that unflinching stare.

    "How is it?" Daphne asked.

    "Delicious." He might have to reconsider his opinion of this place.

    "Describe the flavor," she ordered before shoving another spoonful into his mouth.

    "Hmm... creamy and chilly." That didn't seem to impress her. "But it's got a bit of a spicy kick to it. Sort of lingers in your mouth."

    She gulped, her gaze flicking from his face to the bowl. "And the chocolate?"

    "Er..." He desperately thought back to the cooking shows Aunt Petunia would occasionally watch on the telly. "It's like... rich and velvety... and melts in your mouth. And the little bits on the top are crunchy... with, um, a hint of bitterness?"

    Daphne gurgled. At his incredulous stare, she covered her mouth, her cheeks flushing. "Excuse me."

    He eyed her thoughtfully. "You know you can have some too, right?"

    Her head rose so quickly he feared she had given herself whiplash. "I can?"

    He suppressed a smile at her hopeful expression. "I thought that was obvious. This is too much for me alone, anyway."

    "Obvious... yes, of course." She gave a nervous laugh, then gingerly laid the spoon atop the rim of the bowl on his side and picked up the unused one.

    Harry's hand stretched absently for his spoon before stilling. So that's what had Daphne so flustered during their first meeting. He felt his cheeks heat up. It was no big deal, right?

    A steady clinking of metal against ceramic brought him out of his reverie. Oblivious to the world, Daphne was scarfing down the sundae with ravenousness that would've given Ron a run for his money, each trip of the ice cream-laden spoon to her mouth accompanied by tiny noises of pleasure.

    "My god, you weren't joking," she said once she saw him looking. "It's like someone took gingerbread and eggnog and the essence of Christmas itself, ground them up, and sprinkled chocolate on top. The spice burns a little, so you have some more to cool down, only the burn kicks in again, and you can't stop, and it's just so good." She deposited another spoonful into her mouth, then moaned and clutched her forehead. "Ow ow ow."

    God, this girl was hilarious... Also quite mad, Harry reminded himself.

    He watched in amusement as she wiped her eyes and resumed demolishing the dessert until a mosquito-like buzz caught his attention. A tiny cherub was weaving its way through the floating candles and toward their table. Its beady eyes met his and its lips stretched into a creepy smile.

    "G'way," he murmured, waving at it irritably—but the creature merely squeaked out a laugh and danced out of the way.

    Daphne lifted her head. "What are you doing?"

    "These pests like to toss around confetti," he explained sheepishly, still trying to shoo the giggling cherub away. "It's bloody annoying."

    Her gaze went icy as the cherub's chubby fist rose over the bowl, and a thin pale wand appeared in her hand. The temperature seemed to drop a few degrees. Shuddering, the cherub pivoted toward her, then squealed and zipped off, bumping into the candles and trailing confetti in its wake. She trained her wand on its back.

    Harry held his palms up in a pacifying gesture. "Er, I don't think they're going to bother us anymore."

    Daphne watched the trembling cherub get comforted by his fellows before nodding and stowing her wand. She reached again for the ice cream before giving him a curious look.

    "Aren't you going to eat?"

    He startled a little. "Oh, um, sure."

    Taking his spoon, he scraped some ice cream off the scoop closer to his side and popped it into his mouth. Sharing like this felt embarrassingly intimate, but a surreptitious glance at Daphne revealed her to be as unruffled as ever. Great, now he just felt silly.

    "For a Gryffindor, you aren't as much of a bully as I thought," she remarked in-between mouthfuls.

    "I was never a bully to begin with," he said indignantly.

    She gave that short, mirthless laugh again. "You blackmailed me, Potter."

    "Is that how you really see it?" He sighed. "It was a joke, Greengrass. You ran ahead with it before I could say anything. I never wanted to... to force you into this."

    She slowly lowered her spoon. "But you're a Gryffindor. And a Potter. Pansy and Draco always say—"

    "Forget those little..." He raked a hand through his hair in frustration. "Just... think about it. Do I look like the sort of bloke to go around blackmailing people?"

    Daphne's lips pursed as she appraised him as if seeing him for the first time. She stared. Then she stared some more. Harry tugged at his collar; it felt as if he was on trial. The judge better announce the verdict soon, or his heart might just give out from the tension.

    A flush crept up Daphne's cheeks, and she averted her gaze at last. Her voice was small as she asked, "I misunderstood? All of it?"

    Finally. "Um, yes. Yes, you did."

    Clasping her hands in her lap, she ducked her head so low the curtain of her hair hid her pink face. Her lips moved, muttering something too quiet to make out, until her glistening eyes rose to meet his fleetingly. "Why didn't you explain?"

    "I tried!" Even to his ears, the excuse sounded hollow. Daphne scooted back on her chair, staring down at her hands. Oh hell, not another Cho situation. He was beginning to suspect someone put a jinx on Madam Puddifoot's aimed at him specifically. "It's just that... I thought it would be a lark. You looked like a funny—a fun person to be around."

    Daphne's head rose slowly. "A fun person? Me?"

    He nodded vigorously. It wasn't even a lie, if almost cracking up at her antics counted.

    Her face broke into a bashful smile. "This is the first time anyone has said that to me." The smile wavered. "It's not another joke, is it?"

    The pang of guilt took him by surprise; he imagined kicking a puppy would feel similar. "I mean it. Coming here together was... more fun than I expected."

    She looked away and toyed with a strand of her hair, her smile widening. "I think... I think so too."

    They grinned at each other like a pair of loons until there was a muffled sob to their side.

    "Oh... forgive an old woman her meddling," Madam Puddifoot said as first Harry, then Daphne turned toward her. Sniffling, she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "You two looked so precious I couldn't help it. Can I bring you anything else?"

    "Actually..." Harry trailed off, shooting Daphne a hesitant look. "Would you like to drop by the Three Broomsticks? W-with me, I mean."

    "Absolutely not," she said coldly.

    He hung his head. That's what he got for growing overconfident. Maybe he would visit Myrtle afterward and have a nice cry together. He asked, almost pleading, "May I hear why?"

    Daphne's right hand clenched into a small fist as she glared into the distance. "The raspberry sorbet I had there last summer was a crime against wizardkind."

    Speechless, Harry stared at her, then at Madam Puddifoot, who bobbed her head promptingly. Oddly encouraged, he turned back to Daphne. "Shall... shall we have more ice cream?"

    "With pleasure!" Her shoulders slumped suddenly as emotions warred on her face. "Oh, but my sister will never let me hear the end of it if she finds out I was gorging myself while she was doing her best... But this is the last opportunity to have the cranberry and white chocolate chip this year..." She worried her lower lip.

    "My dear, everyone knows it doesn't count if you share it with a special someone," Madam Puddifoot said wisely.

    "It doesn't?" Daphne peered at her as if she were an angel descended from the heavens.

    "That's right. Sit tight, it'll only be a minute." Stooping over the table to pick up the empty bowl, Madam Puddifoot used the opportunity to give Harry a wink.

    "You must stay, Potter," Daphne pleaded. "Until we try at least two more flavors. Maybe even three?" Her lips parted slightly and her eyes glazed over.

    "Er, sure," he said with a sidelong glance at Madam Puddifoot. He could've kissed the woman—well, maybe not for real, but it was the sentiment that counted.

    ***

    "Will someone please pick up their mail already?" Ron exclaimed. "That bird is creeping me out."

    Lifting his head from the third draft of his Transfiguration essay (the first two having been rejected by Hermione), Harry looked around the common room. A great horned owl had alighted on the sill outside a window and was peering at him with round yellow eyes that seemed to admonish him for not noticing it sooner. Ignoring Ron's startled "didn't mean you, mate", he sprang up from his armchair, skirted Hermione, who was deep in her Arithmancy book, and went over to open the window.

    It was only when the frosty breeze hit his face that he realized the mail might not have been meant for him, but he needn't have worried—the owl flicked its ear tufts as it sized him up, then stuck out one leg to which a small scroll was tied neatly with a length of cord. There was no envelope, which meant a short journey. His heart did a little flip at the thought.

    "Who's it from, big guy?" he asked as he untied the letter.

    The owl hooted once and took off. He watched it veer toward the Owlery before pushing the window closed and unrolling the scroll.

    Dear Mr. Potter,

    I would like to arrange a meeting with you in the courtyard at six p.m. this Thursday to discuss some personal matters. If this is not convenient, please let me know. Otherwise, I shall be waiting at the specified time and location.

    Yours sincerely,
    Daphne Greengrass


    He barked a laugh; that was so her. Suddenly, an arm was slung around his shoulder, and Ron's grinning face loomed close.

    "Someone seems awfully happy. Who's it from, mate?"

    "No one." Rolling the letter up, he was about to pocket it, but Ron yanked it out of his hand. "Oi, give that back!"

    "Let's see who this 'no one' is," Ron said gleefully, using his gangly stature to keep the note out of Harry's reach. "Aha! It is from her... Blimey, a bit stiff, innit? Looks like something McGonagall would write."

    "That's private, Ron," Hermione chided, walking up.

    Harry's arms fell to his sides as he gave up trying to recapture the letter. "You'd sound more convincing if you weren't peeking over his shoulder."

    Hermione had the decency to blush. "We're just worried, Harry. You've never shown any interest in Greengrass, but we return after the holidays and suddenly you and her are the talk of the school."

    "I told you it wasn't like that. It was just..." Ice cream and misunderstandings.

    "But you're still going to meet her, aren't you?" Hermione asked slyly.

    He rubbed the back of his neck. "Well..."

    "'Course he is!" Ron said. "You don't just decline an invitation from a looker like that."

    "Even though she's a Slytherin?" Hermione's tone was suspiciously innocent.

    Ron waved dismissively. "Slytherin, Shmytherin. Who cares?" He faltered a little under their stares. "I'm just saying—there are Slytherins like Malfoy, and then there's... her."

    "Oh?" Hermione said coolly. "So houses don't matter as long as it's an attractive witch we're talking about?"

    "More or less, yeah," Ron said with a shrug. Turning his back on the sour-faced Hermione, he grinned at Harry. "Gotta say, you sure know how to pick 'em, mate. What personal matters will you be discussing, I wonder?" He wagged his eyebrows.

    Hermione made a disgusted noise. "Honestly, that's all you think about—and what are you smiling for, Harry? Ugh, you two are such boys."

    Exchanging a look, Harry and Ron broke out in laughter. After a moment or two, Hermione cracked a smile as well.

    "Good luck on Thursday," she said.

    "Use that old Potter charm on her, eh?" Ron added, elbowing him.

    Harry grinned. "Cheers." As much as he was looking forward to meeting Daphne, he had a feeling he was going to need all the luck he could get.

    ***

    Harry pulled his collar higher around his neck as he scanned the shadowy colonnade along the edges of the courtyard. The elegant columns did little to shield him from the elements, but it was a blessing in disguise: no one would be out for a stroll in this weather.

    A faint voice drifted to his ears, and he pivoted, spying a black-robed figure with billowing blonde hair under one of the arches. His lips stretched into a smile, and he gave a glance at the clock tower before heading that way.

    Ducking underneath the arch just as the clock began striking six, he halted in his tracks. Daphne was engaged in a hushed conversation with a shorter, curvier girl who shared the same shade of blonde hair and blue eyes. Upon seeing him, the stranger grinned, her slightly upturned nose lending her a mischievous air.

    "So you've come, huh," she said, jutting out her chin.

    "Uh, yeah," Harry said, his eyes alternating between the girls. God help him, the weirdos were multiplying.

    "I apologize, Potter—once she heard about our meeting, she wouldn't let me come alone." Daphne gestured. "My younger sister, Astoria."

    "In the flesh," Astoria said, giving a small curtsy. Straightening up, she blatantly looked him over from head to toe. "Honestly, Daph, I think you could better... but there's no accounting for taste. It should at least allay mother's worries about you ending up a spinster."

    "Tori," Daphne said, "I told you, you're misinterpreting the situation."

    "Are you sure you're not the one doing that, sister? Did you or did you not go to Madam Puddifoot's together and sample every one of her limited Christmas ice cream flavors?" Astoria's voice was tinged with envy.

    Harry clutched his stomach in queasy remembrance. To think, after all that, Daphne still looked like she could have eaten more. Must be some secret family magic.

    "That was..." Daphne gazed off into the distance, the corners of her lips rising, before she shook her head. "We went together as fellow connoisseurs of the finest dessert known to wizardkind. I don't understand why anyone would interpret it otherwise."

    Astoria sighed exasperatedly, then stepped up to Harry, stood on her tiptoes, and cupped a hand to her mouth. His gaze was drawn to an animated Golden Snitch leaping from one green-painted nail to another.

    "See what I have to deal with?" she whispered. "You've got to take her off my hands, Potter. And don't you bother denying it—I've watched her go red-faced and run off to her room whenever our parents asked her about school enough times to know what's up."

    His eyes darted toward Daphne, who was gripping her upper arm and glancing their way.

    "What are you whispering about?" she asked.

    "Merely reminding him to take good care of my sister," Astoria said, drawing back to fix him with a stare. If she was going for intimidation, the sparkle in her eyes rather ruined the effect. "I might not look like much, but I can cast a mean Ear-shriveling Curse. Just so you know."

    "It really isn't like that," he said wearily.

    "I told you not to—" Astoria's face twisted before she doubled over in a coughing fit. Pressing one hand over her mouth, she reached into her inner pocket with the other and drew out a murky potion vial.

    "Tori..." Daphne grasped her shoulder.

    Uncorking the vial, Astoria knocked it back before giving her sister a faint smile. "Just the cold. You know how it is." She deftly stowed the vial into her robes before jabbing a finger at Harry. "Anyway! Don't you forget what I said, mister."

    "I won't," he said, deciding that arguing with the crazy wasn't worth the effort. "I happen to be rather attached to my ears."

    Nodding smugly, Astoria took a step back. "I'll be watching." She pointed two fingers at her eyes, then jerked her head back as her painted nail poked her eyelid. "Drat. Let's pretend that didn't happen."

    Harry snickered, earning a mock glare. Giving him and Daphne a wave, Astoria bounded off across the courtyard, vanishing in the darkening shadows.

    "Sorry about that," Daphne said. "She's a little weird."

    He laughed, waving off her questioning glance. "No, it's alright."

    She stared at him for a moment before looking away, her lips pursing as she appeared to gather her thoughts. Harry waited patiently for what pearl of wisdom would come out of her mouth.

    "People are stupid," she said.

    He snorted. "Tell me about it."

    Daphne seemed to take his words literally. "They pass me notes in class, they approach me in the corridors, they interrogate me in the common room. If I tell them it's none of their business, they get upset, and if I explain we aren't dating, they think I'm lying. It's irrational."

    Leaning against a column, he crossed his arms. "Yeah, I figured something like this would happen."

    "That's right," she said slowly, "you did say that."

    Harry resisted the urge to preen. It wasn't every day that someone sounded so impressed with him.

    "I apologize," she continued. "The idea seemed so ludicrous I discarded it immediately."

    "It's fine," he said quickly. "I was the one who agreed to go with you even though I knew to expect something like this."

    A look of relief came over her face before her brows furrowed. "I still don't understand why everyone is gossiping about us. Madam Puddifoot's is always full, but I don't see anyone bothering the other patrons."

    "Well... I'm a Gryffindor and you're a Slytherin, for starters."

    "I see," Daphne said as if she had been granted a profound insight.

    "And I suppose there's the matter of both of us being famous, in our own way." He chuckled as he recalled the lower-years' prattling. "Potter and Ice Queen, and all that."

    A scowl marred her delicate features. "You said you weren't a bully."

    He blinked. "What do you mean?"

    "Don't play ignorant, Potter. People use that nickname to mock me. I thought better of you."

    "I don't think they're mocking you, necessarily," he said, but Daphne's eyes remained chilly. "Sorry. I won't call you that again, promise."

    She peered at him as if gauging his truthfulness, then nodded. Harry released a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. Retreating further into the alcove, he stuffed his hands into his pockets to shield them from the stinging wind. Daphne didn't seem inclined to speak further, and the silence was growing a little uncomfortable.

    "So," he said. "Why did you call me here?"

    Daphne gave a little start. "That's—that's right. Potter." She took a deep breath. "I have a mutually beneficial proposition for you."

    His lips quirked up. "Alright, let's hear it."

    "I believe I found a logical solution to our problem. It might not stop people from talking, but if we match our stories, it should put an end to the wildest speculations. Taking into account that you didn't appear particularly distraught about being associated with me..." Her hands clenched the fabric of her robes as she faced him. "We should pretend to date."

    Harry's jaw sagged. He wasn't sure if he wanted to whoop or groan in frustration. Standing before him, Daphne squirmed more and more the longer he stayed quiet.

    "I'll treat you to all the ice cream you want," she said, not looking him in the eye. "I know the best places. Although we'll have to share because then it doesn't count. I checked with Tori, and she agrees—a blunder on my part, not knowing that sooner. The kitchens would do on occasion, but we would have to make a public appearance every now and then. My parents might want to meet you eventually, but I can convince them to leave well alone. I'm not opposed to interacting with your friends, although I'm not very confident in my acting." She drew a shuddering breath. "Pleasesaysomething."

    He hadn't even been surprised to learn her true motivation. The idea of touring Britain's ice cream parlors with her wasn't unappealing, but... Alright, second round.

    "Does it have to be a charade?" Despite his best efforts, his voice came out a little shaky.

    Meeting his gaze, she blinked. "How else would we convince—"

    "Couldn't we"—he swallowed—"do it for real?"

    "Ha!" Daphne said.

    He ducked his head, wishing the ground would swallow him up. Myrtle's bathroom was looking good this time of the year. Even the firsties would have learned to avoid it by now.

    "Potter," she said in a small voice. "That... was a joke, right?"

    He shook his head mutely. Daphne's feet shuffled under her flowing robes. He dared look up. She was fidgeting with her hands and studiously avoiding his eyes.

    "Did you mean it... in a romantic sense? As in, a man courting a woman? You and... and me?"

    "Well," he mumbled, "essentially."

    She glanced at him, then away, then at him again, her cheeks reddening until they practically glowed in the evening twilight. Her lips moved without a sound until she suddenly gasped and hugged herself. "I'm not easy!"

    "Excuse me?" he choked out.

    "My mother warned me many times not to get taken advantage of," she said, taking half a step back. "If you're after my body, you should give up right now. I think such things should wait—maybe not until m-marriage, but five... six months of dating? I would have to ask my dormmates about the universally accepted practice. And there must be love." She nodded briskly to herself. "Yes, definitely. I'm not willing to compromise on that."

    Harry realized he was smiling. "Relax, Daphne, I'm not interested in your body." He pondered what he just said with a sinking stomach. "N-not that you're unattractive or anything! It's just that I'm not the kind of person to... you know. So it's not like I'm entirely uninterested... I mean, I agree with you. That there should be love and stuff." Groaning, he slapped a palm to his face and shut up before he could dig himself any deeper.

    Daphne's brow knitted. He could hardly blame her, given how he no longer understood what he was talking about himself. A muffled giggle reached his ears, but glancing around, he saw no one in the courtyard. Probably just the wind playing tricks on his ears. The alternative—that someone might've been listening in—didn't bear thinking about.

    "Alright, Potter." Her voice was barely audible.

    His eyes flicked back to her. "C-come again?"

    "Let's date." She tilted her head as if trying to recall a foreign word. "For real."

    He gaped at her before throwing his arms skyward. "Whoo! Who's the man!"

    She stared at him before her lips parted in laughter—and it wasn't the dry, mirthless laughter like before, but one he wanted to hear again and again. "You're weird, Potter."

    Grinning sheepishly, he lowered his arms. "Am I now?"

    Their eyes met before they both looked away. The silence that followed was laden with tension.

    "Potter—"

    "Harry's fine."

    "Harry. I don't..." She tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, her cheeks pink. "Should we do something couples do? It would seem... appropriate."

    His gaze suddenly focused on her lips, and he couldn't wrench it away. He swallowed. "If you want to."

    "Then... a hug?"

    Any disappointment he might've felt disappeared after one look at her timid expression. Opening his arms, he waited until she stepped into his embrace. He gingerly wrapped his arms around her, feeling her stiffen until she hesitantly returned the hug. As she rested against him, the flowery scent of her hair tickled his nose.

    A squee echoed in the distance. Harry lifted two fingers to point first at his eyes, then out into the gathering darkness. There was a distant squeak, and he fancied he could see a small shadow dart from under an arch on the opposite side of the courtyard.

    "What was that?" Daphne asked, pulling away and looking around.

    "Just the wind," he said innocently.

    She shook her head fondly. "I better bring her indoors before her cold gets worse. Don't look so surprised, I know my sister." She gave him a searching look. "Shall I... write you again?"

    "Er... How about we meet after dinner tomorrow? There's something I want to show you."

    "Then..." She bounced on the balls of her feet. "I'll see you tomorrow."

    He smiled. "See you, Daphne."

    An answering smile curved her mouth. She looked like she was going to say more, then mumbled something and fled. Grinning, Harry watched her skip off into the darkness. She must've been rubbing off on him already, because all he could think about was seeing if the Room of Requirement could be turned into an ice cream parlor.
     
  2. BTT

    BTT Viol̀e͜n̛t͝ D̶e͡li͡g҉h̛t҉s̀ ~ Prestige ~

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    Was this inspired by Taure's sig on r/hpff? It's definitely clever either way. I approve.

    I really like this; it's my favorite of the lot. It's light and romantic with being overly so, a little silly. It's perhaps the sort of thing a more PG vlad would've written. (Before, y'know, his untimely demise and all that.)

    There's a few quibbles with spelling or grammar that could've used a second pass, but nothing serious. Other than those, there's little to criticize from my part. The only thing is maybe that you could've made it a little clearer why she's called the Ice Queen at all; I don't really see a reason for it. You sort of hint obliquely at it being a sort of bullying moniker, but where did it come from? Who started it? Is she actually bullied?

    I'd easily rate this a 4/5.
     
  3. Microwave

    Microwave Professor

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    It was cute and silly.

    Some of the dialogue might have felt a bit forced and stilted, but it wasn't really enough to take away from the integrity of the story. Daphne might need a bit more fleshing out, she just seems to be and not much else, but that's not exactly an issue in this case. Other than that, I haven't really any qualms with it.

    Daphne's character is nicely put together. She shifts as her relation to Harry gradually changes, and her cluelessness is pretty charming. It's nice and circular, and it concludes on a high note. None of the characters are particularly omniscient, and just seem to follow the pace of what happens, including Harry himself, which gives it quite a lot of its charm. Astoria, Ron, and Hermione seem to just be revolving around Harry and Daphne's newfound acquaintance, reacting accordingly without any idea of what happens.

    The only thing I'd probably like to add is more focus on these characters, and how Harry and Daphne's relationship develops through, and around them, because they seem to be playing quite a big role in dictating the actions of the two central characters.

    4/5, I liked quite a bit, it was cute and fluffy but not to the point of annoyance.
     
    Last edited: Jun 15, 2019
  4. Halt

    Halt 1/3 of the Note Bros. Moderator

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    Dialogue here struck me as odd. I think you should use It'll, as reading it out came across more stiffly than was normal for Harry.

    Good use of magic and worldbuilding. Really captured the essence of HP magic - adding fantasy to the most mundane of things. I'm stealing this for one of my own stories.

    You're adorable Daphne.

    IT'S HAPPENING.

    I was really drawn to this and ended up liking it much more than I thought I would. It's fluffy, and silly, and fun, and it's not ashamed about it. At the same time, it doesn't devolve into full crack and maintains cohesion. Silly things don't happen for the sake of them, rather you build on Daphne's love affair with ice cream and her Ice Queen persona stemming from her autism and the story evolves organically from there.

    Also "Ice Cream Queen" was a good laugh, and clever. Daphne being an adorable autist who doesn't understand teenage social interactions, and so ends up coming off as aloof is something I've never seen done well before.

    The shift from Daphne's cluelessness and her ongoing relationship with Harry, from blackmailer, to friend, to pretend love interest to actual love interest was endearing to watch. There's not a lot of tension in the story, and yet it builds up nicely into a climax of them formally going out.

    This story also works well in encapsulating the DREAM model for Daphne, while Harry bumbles along.
    1. Denial - Potter is blackmailing me, ergo he's a horrible person.
    2. Resist - Well at least he also likes ice cream
    3. Explore - The blackmailing thing was a misunderstanding, and I can use him as an excuse to eat ice cream!
    4. Accept - Pretend dating
    5. Manifestation - The hug

      This piece works perfectly for the length it's at, and doesn't extend the story beyond what it needs to to get the job done. I think extending the story would actually work against it, as the silly nature of it might start to wear down.
     
  5. enembee

    enembee The Nicromancer DLP Supporter

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    Summary:

    This is honestly a super good story, and that's the first time I've acknowledged that so far in the competition. This compares favourably to Contemplating Clouds, which is about the highest praise I can give a romance.

    There are a few things that I'm going to note, that are matters of personal taste, rather than particular criticism.

    1) I think the contrivance of Harry being the bewildered protagonist, and Daphne the exceptionally naive ingenue strained incredulity, and also went on a little too long. But, given that this is a light and fluffy piece, not exactly aiming for realism, I think that it was still acceptable and executed quite well for what it was.

    2) I felt that the general inclusion of Astoria was pointless in the context of a short story, but if you intend to expand this into a longer story, I think it probably sets up an extra character.

    Developmental:

    I'm not the right person to give commentary on the developmental aspects of a romance as anything other than a lay-person. But here are some comments regardless:

    The dramatic tension of miscommunication overstayed its welcome and felt a little juvenile as it progressed. I feel as though it might have been better served by either one fewer scene (from the kitchen straight to Hogsmeade) or with the realisation at Madame Puddifoot's coming somewhat earlier in the scene.

    Daphne as a character might have been fleshed out a little better, particularly what Harry thinks of her. What I gathered from the piece, Harry likes her because: 1) she is attractive 2) she is a little socially awkward 3) ... icecream is tasty? I think the story would have been better served if we'd found out what about Daphne interests Harry, rather than just saying that he can't stop thinking about her.

    There's an interesting part in the opening of the story about Ron and Hermione being too wrapped up in their own stuff to listen to him. I feel as if you'd emphasised this point during their conversation with Harry, and played into this more in other aspects of his interactions with Daphne, there's a kernel of some motivation there. But then he and Daphne have such a catastrophic misinterpretation of each other, perhaps it wouldn't work.

    Stylistic:

    I think your writing style is pretty good, on the whole. It reminds me a lot of my own stylistic choices, so I can't really fault it.

    That said, you have a tendency to stuff your sentences with unnecessary words.

    'Harry wandered through the dark corridors with no real aim in mind.'

    'Harry was about to speak his mind at last, but could only sputter as the spoonful was abruptly shoved into his mouth.'

    'He could hardly blame her, given how he no longer understood what he was talking about himself.'

    Conclusion:

    This is great, my minor quibbles don't really mean a whole bunch in the context of the work you've submitted here. I personally would want to see a stronger, more grounded dramatic tension, but this works absolutely fine for what you have here.

    I'd personally give this a 5/5 on the strength of the writing and execution of the idea. If this doesn't place at the end, I will be very surprised.
     
  6. Raigan123

    Raigan123 Banned

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    All right. What to say: It’s great. A short romance fic hitting all the right ice cream flavors. Easily the best story so far.

    To go into detail. Harry’s characterization is on point. So are Ron and Hermione’s in their short appearances. The dynamic seems very canon-like, which is always a plus. Daphne is weird in a cute way. I was honestly smiling at the end. The dialogue is believable.

    Also this:

    "Even though she's a Slytherin?" Hermione's tone was suspiciously innocent.

    Ron waved dismissively. "Slytherin, Shmytherin. Who cares?" He faltered a little under their stares. "I'm just saying—there are Slytherins like Malfoy, and then there's... her."

    "Oh?" Hermione said coolly. "So houses don't matter as long as it's an attractive witch we're talking about?"

    "More or less, yeah," Ron said with a shrug. Turning his back on the sour-faced Hermione, he grinned at Harry. "Gotta say, you sure know how to pick 'em, mate. What personal matters will you be discussing, I wonder?" He wagged his eyebrows.

    I just love the dynamic there.
     
  7. BeastBoy

    BeastBoy Seventh Year

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    I’m immediately struck by how engaging this is to read. Sometimes I start a story and my eyes start to glaze over before you’re even into the plot. The writing in this is just the right amount of descriptive but also smooth to read.

    I really love the above as an opening paragraph. It tells us a lot in three sentences.

    God, and I’m also chuckling reading their dialog. Harry, witty as ever with his “Um”-ing and then the hilarity of Daphne’s concern and obsession ice cream.

    I just think this is a great example of writing a humorous situation without it feeling like the jokes or funny bits are forced.

    You also do a good job of developing Harry’s crush on Daphne in a delicate way, peppering in a few lines about how she “would’ve certainly turned heads” or how she has a “breathtaking smile” rather than something clumsy like “Harry felt a warmth spread through his chest while he was in the presence of the beautiful Ice Queen. If he didn't know any better, he'd think he was starting to fall for her.” Even Harry’s actions following their encounter, with him watching Daphne in the Great Hall and returning to the kitchens in hope of bumping in to her again really capture what it’s like when you’ve got a crush but feel like you have no way to contact them without seeming awkward. Or how Harry feels giddy when Daphne gives him a small nod. It felt very human.

    This version Daphne’s characterization is just so fun to read. I love the somberness with which she agrees to Harry’s “demands” for more ice cream.

    Nice bit of canon-esque whimsy you’ve done here.

    What the hell? This is so great. I don’t know what to say, really, but I was charmed by it and found it very funny. I wish there was something more substantive I could offer. 5/5 and certainly my front runner.
     
  8. Blorcyn

    Blorcyn Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    (Not the read the other reviews)

    General opinion:

    Yeah, um, I errr- um, really didn't, um, like this. See the thing about Luna that makes her really likeable is that her weirdness and disassociation underscores her deep empathy, wisdom and insight.

    Daphne here is fucking autistic. Or at least, that's what I thought at first. I was thinking at first that there was some sort of social disorder and our lad Harry had a paraphilia for the differently abled but I came to realise it wasn't that at all. Whenever Harry and Daphne were together (and then with Astoria) it was an anime, and whenever they weren't it was Harry Potter.

    I feel like I'm not appreciating something- like maybe I haven't read enough Daphne to be appreciating the deeper insight into the tropes on more than a superficial level. Was it a parody? Was it a straight up hold-my-sides comedy I mistook for a rom-com? Like maybe this is actually really good and I just can't see it, like I'm reading about a fandom I just don't know for shit. Not sure. Maybe not.

    Generally speaking, I like romance, I like characterisations, I like good dialogue. I didn't like this.

    The good:

    So, I liked your Hermione mostly, in isolation of your stylistic choices. Ron was pretty good. Nice common room. Nice Hogwarts atmosphere.

    Good choice to set it in a progressing winter, with how you were building a relationship with the ice queentm.

    Good copy-edit. It was well written from a nuts and bolts angles.

    The bad:

    Firstly, really weak opening line, and scene. I probably wouldn't have read past this in another setting. It only draws in the Daphne club, in which regard I suppose it functions well as a gate.

    Here comes the quotes:

    I hate being told by fiat something is funny.

    You do have this tendency to describe something then post-script it with the correct interpretation. It's annoying. It's tautological. Trust us to figure out Harry's thoughts as it is, or if you don't then just tell us and save us at least the unnecessary effort.

    Yeah, just. Not ideal.

    I don't know if this is a nod to JK and aping her style but you do this a lot. More than is reasonable I think, and in the context of your story and characterisations, it doesn't work for me I think.

    In a short story with an abridged romance already full of anime behaviours, additional cliches when they crop up are just tedious filler that actively detract from the vibes that make your story unique and just push us into well-formed tracts of thinking. It's not advantageous for this story.

    What the fuck happened here?

    And here.

    As above

    But also, Harry's internal and external voice is all over the fucking shop in this story.

    I think this is the point when it twigged for me.

    So yeah, Daphne. Her voice is also annoying. There are these brief moments where she talks reasonably, but the rest of the time she talks like a 18th century minister. When even the Malfoys have a grasp of contemporary informal speech, what's going on?

    I felt there were moments of interest where her attitude would be deconstructed into something she was aware of and cultivated. But then she's being bullied, but also everyone's afraid of her, but also she's the trope Slytherin always thinking of favours and politicking but also she can't bloody identify basic human emotions.

    Not you, Harry. I give it a month.


    Edit: I think, as such a stark outlier to the general opinion, this shouldn't have much sting, so that's good. But yeah, having read the others - I stand by the above in large part.

    Edit 2: in contrast to the above reviews, I think your judgements of Daphne's behaviours and then informing us they were cute and attractive was really dissonant with my interpretation of what you were actually describing. She wasn't shown as cute or desirable to me, even though the narrative said she was. She was just a caricature, not a person.
     
    Last edited: Jun 25, 2019
  9. Nevermind

    Nevermind Minister of Magic

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    This entry was very sweet, quite literally. Daphne’s sweet tooth is one of the most endearing things I have read in the Potter fandom in quite some time. In the beginning I was a bit worried Daphne might end up as some sort of Luna copycat, but that issue was thankfully resolved rather quickly through the former’s own unique brand of… quirkiness, I suppose.


    In my mind, the most important aspect of this story is Daphne’s character development, and I think you pretty much nailed it. It is not too sudden, but gradual, and always In line with her relationship with Harry; like carefully balanced scales they both support the other in their search for a state of equilibrium. Relatedly, the way the story builds itself up, with no distracting bells and whistles, is perhaps its greatest asset: It reaches exactly the right length for a story of this scope, without ever dragging on.


    My only quarrel with this story is that Ron, Hermione and Astoria’s lives seem to revolve a bit too much about their friend’s and sister’s remarkable friendship, but I would imagine that in a relatively condensed narrative such occasional pitfalls are hard to avoid. They get bit-parts, and have to fulfil their roles. That is all. (And I guess it helps that their dialogue is exceptionally well-written.)


    Ultimately, a clear 5/5 for me. I really, really enjoyed reading this story.
     
  10. Majube

    Majube Order Member DLP Supporter

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    This started out pretty strong and kept up with quality from there. It was really light and cute and honestly a step up from most of the other entries.

    I really enjoyed the character development of Daphne and the interactions between her and Harry. Harry was very believable and the plot was engaging and memorable.

    I agree that the side characters could've been expanded on more with hints of Ron and Hermione arguments and more detail in general about Astoria and what she thought.

    This was a tight story told in the perfect amount of words with not a lot wasted and a good ending.
    All in all a solid 5/5
     
  11. 9th Doctor

    9th Doctor Groundskeeper

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    This brought a smile to my face, and more than once. It's silly and awkward and in all the right ways- I feel like this is one of the more believable teenage romances that I've read. Does the ice cream thing go overboard? I'd say so. I almost would have rather seen things play out such that after the first couple of misunderstandings it just devolved into a game that they mockingly took seriously.

    I feel like I kinda want to gush a little more but I'd start repeating myself. You made me smile and reminisce back on awkward conversations and interactions with fondness. The Wimsey went overboard sometimes, but I'd be hard-pressed to point out when.

    I actually just reread it again and was cracking up at the final scene. Once this is up and published on one of the normal websites I have a couple of people I'll be sending it to.
     
  12. Typhon

    Typhon Order Member

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    Since I'm a bit of a shit who has waited until the final moments of the review period to get around to, y'know, reviewing, this will be a somewhat abbreviated review. I've also not read much of the other feedback, and none of it in the last week. You have my apologies for both. To the former, if you want to discuss your story further after this is all said and done, respond and I'll look at it some more; to the latter, I guess you can take it as an extra voice to the chorus if I don't have anything unique to offer.

    I may or may not actually finish these by Ched's deadline, but vote or no vote on my part I will finish them. You guys wrote something, so you'll get something out of me.

    This is kind of adorable. I will now pretend that I did not use the word adorable about Harry Potter fanfiction like the real man that I am.

    I'm trying to balance my hurry to finish these in time with giving substantive feedback instead of just copying and pasting the shitposting the @enembee and I did the day the competition stories were posted, but I honestly feel that I stand by my comment on this as well - this is the slightly anime-esque retelling of vlad's old Daphne story, now with 90% less frat boy. That sounds vaguely mocking, but I genuinely quite like this. I don't think I'd ever write something like this - nor, frankly, read very many more stories like this one - but I really appreciate a lighthearted, cute story given the dearth of anything like it in previous competitions. Easily the best of the competition thus far for me.

    Still, I feel I should give some substantive feedback, so here goes.

    Anime-esque isn't really a compliment. There is room for a story to be told that hits the same notes, is equally complete, and has characters that feel a little more like actual people and a little less like somewhat baffled aliens fresh to earth and normal interaction. I feel like by slipping into some trope-y writing and anime-esque situations and scenes you perform authorial sleight of hand to avoid the most difficult parts of working a story like this out. What you've done you've done well enough that I'm quite happy to call this story good fanfiction, but the way you did means - for me - it can never really be more than good. For it to be great, you need to make these characters feel more real, rather than just consistent and vaguely believable.

    I wish I had a little more time to dig into that, but I have relatively little time to hit several more stories, so I'm not going to belabour the point to incoherence. As a conslation prize have the legs of writing spiel! And, again, good work.

    There are - for me - three legs on which every story rests:
    1. The quality of the writing - this, for me, is primarily about style and clever word choice, but high quality writing is also, of course, minimally technically sound.
    2. The quality of the characters - obviously this is much to large a topic to summarize in a sentence, but some questions for guidance might go something like this: Does a given character feel like a real person? In other words, can the reader get in the character's head to see what drives them and why? Do they have depth, or do they serve only to make the plot work? On a different but no less important note, is the character interesting? Mileage will vary on that point, I'm sure, but if your characters are bland you had better be bringing some prose that'll make Rothfuss sit up and a plot that Palahnuk wants to crib from because otherwise people are going to dump you story half read out of sheer ennui.
    3. The quality of the plot - much like characters, plot is tricky to define. Some questions for plot might go something like this: Is this an interesting story; that is, do the readers care about what's happening? Is my plot very clever? Heartwarming? Poignant? Why am I writing this? This last question is a biggie, so I feel it bears repeating. Why are you writing this?
    Like a stool, a story stands the strongest with three sturdy legs. Also like anyone who has ever owned a stool can tell you, three strong legs can be hard to come by at times. That's fine. You're writing for a fanfiction short story competition, no one is here to rip you a new asshole for not being literally Hemingway (tm). You do need at least two reasonably sturdy legs, though, or else one hell of a leg and a keen sense of authorial poise.
     
  13. Sorrows

    Sorrows Queen of the Flamingos Moderator

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    This story is adorable, I smiled all the way through it. It is also engaging, I found myself reading evert line and enjoying them. It's sweet without being sickly and cure without being cutesy which is a good trick to pull off all by itself.

    All this does make the occasional crack much more forgivable. Harry and Daphne's personalites feel unreal and in service to the plot. The misunderstanding could be made a little more believable, as it is Daphne just looks a bit nuts.

    I think you could have taken the themes a bit further and explored their charecters a bit more. But you stayed within what you could achieve in the timeframe and word count, and that really helped keeping this a tight well paced story.

    5/5 adorbs
     
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