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Entry #7

Discussion in 'Q2 2019' started by Rahkesh Asmodaeus, Jun 14, 2019.

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  1. Rahkesh Asmodaeus

    Rahkesh Asmodaeus THUNDAH Bawd Admin DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2005
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    Location:
    Atlanta
    Harry really hated the sea.

    He hated its smell, he hated its seeming endlessness, he hated its boring, bland uniformity, and he especially hated its ever-so nauseating sway.

    The cell was appalling. He could barely make out the minuscule droplets of water dripping steadily from the rotting, creaking boards of the ceiling. The putrid smell of mould and mildew was threatening only to further heighten his nausea.

    A sudden, sharp jolt of the ship brought him back to his senses.

    He was a prisoner, wandless, on a ship going who-knows-where, overseen by an obnoxious rabble of muggle military men speaking a language he didn’t understand, and trapped with seemingly no chance of avoiding his unpleasant fate.

    Perhaps, in retrospect, undertaking a mission to the continent at this time was a guarantee that he would land himself in trouble—he was perfectly aware that the French wizards had been stirring up a bit of a fiasco with the muggles—and perhaps, in retrospect, it was a bit of a miscalculation to arrive in the Netherlands very obviously as a wizard without speaking the slightest word of Dutch. But still, go where he will, do what he must, spontaneous plans had always been his forte.

    It was quite a bit of a surprise, then, when he was surrounded by a cluster of drab grey and detained. He’d already been carted to and fro by rabbles of muggle military men for two months. His new beard was starting to scratch quite annoyingly, let alone the mess of blood and grime that matted the top of his head. He didn’t really think of himself as a dandy, but the unbearable filth of his hair was only exacerbated by the extent of which he was forced to degrade himself.

    He had been starved, beaten, starved, beaten again, and unceasingly interrogated about the “esoteric secrets” of Revolutionary France. He didn’t think he looked French, gave off any indication of being French, or displayed any of their infinite arrogance and disdain (perhaps he might have done), but his captors were assured of the fact that he was every bit as French as the now headless King of France’s loafers.

    Perhaps it might have had to do with the fact that he only spoke English and French, and that he might have introduced himself in French to the soldiers of the Amsterdam port. Perhaps it might also have been because he was clearly magical, and perhaps, seeing as the French wizards were currently the only statute-defying wizards in the world, the Dutch presumed that magic was inherently French. Perhaps he should have realized that the coalition soldiers would immediately arrest any person who spoke French. Granted, he didn’t think he was that conspicuous. Yes, he was a bit distracted by his attempts at removing the pigeon excrement frustratingly stuck to his broom, but surely the soldiers patrolling the streets shouldn’t have automatically assumed that a perfectly mundane-looking broomstick would be a clear indication of his magical nature.

    His explanations that no, he was certainly not French and no, he was certainly not here to spy—perhaps he was—but definitely not for the French had resulted only in increased beatings from his interrogators.

    The French magical community, in all their wisdom, had decided to overturn a century of established order by overturning the Statute of Secrecy. Why that was, Harry wasn’t exactly sure. Quite a few years had passed, and he still didn’t really understand.

    He couldn’t really find any drive in him to sympathise. They found it boring that they couldn’t go outside without mildly inconveniencing themselves by dressing as muggles, they found it boring that they couldn’t use spells amongst muggles, they found it boring that they couldn’t wear colourful robes: those were too obviously magical, and they found it boring as well they couldn’t even wear expensive robes: those were also too obviously magical. Of course, they didn’t understand that a bit of boredom was a fairly reasonable exchange for the security and survival of magical world.

    Nevertheless, feeling oppressed, they revolted.

    He wasn’t ever supposed to be at all directly involved in this conflict. He was a nobleman’s son, not a fighter, not a leader, and for Merlin’s sake barely even a diplomat. It had absolutely nothing to do with him that a bunch of stuck-up wizards decided to overturn their perfectly prosperous century of stability. It made absolutely no sense whatsoever that they, the completely uninvolved magicals from the other side of the channel would need to shoulder so much of the responsibility of remedying this huge fiasco.

    The ship lurched violently, suddenly becoming uncharacteristically silent. The swaying stopped; the musky air of his cell was eerily still. He basked in the silence.

    A flurry of enraged shouts all of a sudden resonated from the upper decks, penetrating the silence. Harry blinked. He wasn’t sure if his knowledge of the Dutch language was that out of touch, but he could have sworn that he’d heard the word “cavalry” in the midst of the chaos. He wouldn’t think much of it anyway, there was not any doubt in his mind that there was some sort of attack taking place. If there was any correct time to attempt his escape, it would be now—even if he had to swim through the entire North Sea.

    Now adamant in his resolve, he frantically began to scour his surroundings for any possible means of escape. He scrunched his nose in disgust. It really was disgustingly rancid here, he remarked, continuing to scan the cell for anything at all that could be of help.

    A tiny glimmer of reflected lantern light caught his attention. He could probably just break his way out directly, the guards didn’t seem to be posted near him anymore, he remarked, channelling his magic in his attempt at undoing the extremely muggle padlock on the entrance. It really was funny, he never would have thought his seemingly redundant ability to do simple spells without his wand would actually come into a real, practical use. Then again, he never would have thought he would be parted from his wand.

    The lock unclasped; the door creaked open. There wasn’t a single indication of life in the corridor. His wand, however, was waiting for him somewhere in the ship. Attempting to minimise his presence, he carefully trod through the ship’s narrow corridors in search of his beloved eleven inches of holly and phoenix feather, paying deliberate attention not to make the slightest noise.





    The air was piercingly cold, but Daphné felt none of it. She shouldn’t have, after all, it was all her doing.

    The only thing she could really feel was triumph as she gleefully rode alongside the ranks of the Revolutionary Army into Den Helder. She would never have admitted it, but she was almost astonished that the Dutch campaign had managed to pass so smoothly.

    She brought her horse up to the colonel.

    “Are the regiments in position? We won’t have much time to spare after I cast the spell.”

    “Don’t be so hasty Mademoiselle Daphné,” the colonel remarked, unnaturally calm, “Impatience is not befitting of a woman of your status.”

    Refraining from formulating a response, she gritted her teeth, gnawing on the inside of her cheek. The air was already intoxicatingly rife with victory.

    The soft pats of the covered hooves were becoming all too grating. They were just a stone’s throw away from victory, a tiny nudge towards being one step closer to achieving their ultimate goal. Soon, the Dutch wizarding community would be able to join their French compatriots in their open existence alongside the muggles.

    Daphné felt for the small locket tucked below her collar, softly smiling as she detected the textured bump. Her mother had taught her to be proud. She would never defer to any other person, and she would never think of herself as anything but perfect. The idea that she was forced to hide this perfection, this pride from the vast majority of the world had always greatly unsettled her. At Beauxbâtons, she could never understand just how all her peers were content with sitting there, hidden from the greater world, hidden from attaining their full potentials.

    She scoffed. Her peers still could not understand how monumental these passing events were. When the Civil Constitution of the Clergy was passed, she rejoiced, proud to be free from a century of oppression, proud to be liberated from her restrictions. Most others, instead, used it as an opportunity to frolic about, creating unnecessary chaos that only served to be a detriment to their cause.

    Daphné wasn’t one to complain, however. She just couldn’t believe she was at the forefront of all this.

    The icy wind blew across her face. The satisfaction of her impending triumph was unbearably close. Each gallop of her horse, each shout from the officers served only to increasingly frustrate her. They had received word from the Dutch muggles that they had captured one of the French wizards. Daphne scoffed. How exactly they expected that would make them acquiesce was beyond her.

    A deep voice from behind drew her from her thoughts.

    “Ready when you are, Mademoiselle.” The colonel drew his horse to a stop.

    Her fingers tingled with anticipation; her trusty laurel wand unnaturally warm. Her horse, seemingly sensing her trepidation, halted at the shoreline.

    The bay was calm, tranquil, undisturbed by the turmoil ravaging the country, its waters nearly as still as ice. Daphné scowled at that thought, nearly was not going to be in any way enough. She shut her eyes, feeling the familiar sensation of her magic in her wand. Tendrils of white mist began to slowly manifest from her wand, penetrating the chilly air in coiled spirals. The unreserved commotion of the battalions suddenly ceased, blanketing the entire area with a suffocating silence.

    She opened her eyes to observe her success. A deafening crack resounded across the bay, disrupting the silence. The calm, tranquil waters seemed to freeze in place, bringing the before waving masts in the distance to a standstill. It was all rather peaceful, serene even.

    Pandemonium erupted in an instant in the otherwise quiet port. Waves of cavalrymen rushed into formation, storming across the newly formed ice with apparent ease. Daphné let out a breath of relief. Her spell had worked considerably better than she’d expected.

    She sighed, bringing her horse forward into the ranks. She still had an obligation—to rescue some incompetent cretin from some nefarious situation brought about by their own wrongdoing. Really, could it have been that difficult not to be captured by muggles?

    Her trusted steed steadily traversed the ice, conspicuously clopping its hooves across the frozen surface. The frosted peaks of the warships’ masts began to shimmer into view, the details becoming finer as she gradually broke through the murky haze.

    The Admiraal Piet Heyn was majestic, or it would have been if it were not for the near total darkness of the winter night. It was beautiful nonetheless, Daphné thought, observing the moonlight’s shimmer off the frosted hull. She disembarked from her horse, taking heed on the slippery surface. She calmed, the air around her blurring as she gracefully ascended the upper decks of the ship, softly touching down onto the frigid planks of the top deck.

    She hesitated, carefully descending into the lower decks. Head high, she briskly made her way towards the stern of the ship in search of any clues to aid her search. The door was ornate, Daphné remarked, tastelessly exuberant.

    Drawing her wand into her hand, she summoned her magic, the door steadily creaking open. She stared, gaping at the mop of horridly messy hair before her, the owner’s horridly uneven complexion and more importantly—what was surely a wand that he seemed to be clutching.

    Her nostrils flared with indignation.

    “Just who exactly are you supposed to be?”





    Harry couldn’t believe his luck.

    He had managed to sneak through the entirety of the ship without being noticed by any of his muggle captors. It really was a fluke of luck, save the fact that his wand was nowhere to be found.

    The narrow corridors were becoming oppressive; the walls seemed to be pressing in on him, becoming closer and closer with each step he took. The ship was seemingly endless, each ladder leading to another, each corridor only serving as an extension of another. His nausea threatened to overwhelm him as he stumbled through the decaying planks in search for his wand. He hesitated momentarily and painfully hit a final, ornate door.

    The light reflecting off of the brass handle was almost blinding, the detailed images on the carvings threatened to jump out at him. Harry halted, momentarily deliberating. Shaking, he placed his hand on the cold metal, pushing open the door with surprising difficulty.

    It was obnoxiously swanky, in the centre of the back wall stood a portrait of a rather plump man with an oddly distinct chin. A meticulously carved desk was planted in the middle, with brass-handled drawers begging to be opened and searched. The walls were lined with shelving, its contents separating themselves from Harry with uncharacteristically luminous panes of glass.

    For quite some time, he rummaged through the room, searching through every nook in every drawer of the desk, his frustration only increasing as he continued to no prevail.

    He took an upwards glance at the clock fixed on the wall. It struck midnight, the shouts from outside only increasing in volume. There—behind the glass—in the shelving, a familiar rod of holly was inconspicuously resting, further enticing him to reach forward and grab it, to relieve his frustration.

    The transparent pane swung out before him, lightly creaking on its hinge. His arm extended; his hand outstretched, relaxing as he closed onto the familiar warmth.

    A familiar grinding noise sounded from behind, forcing him to knock his knees against the unnecessarily sharp edge of the desk in his surprise. A decidedly feminine voice filled the room.

    “Just who exactly are you supposed to be?” A strong smell of lavenders penetrated his nose.

    His wand flew out of his hand. Alarmed, he sharply turned around, again colliding with the edge of the desk.

    A sudden cold burst caused him to shiver. An immaculately dressed woman stood before him, twirling his holly wand in her hand. She looked young, about the same age as him, but carried herself with significantly more maturity. Her expression seemed to exude confidence, her refined symmetry radiating a sense of condescension.

    His limbs froze into place, and he collapsed onto the hard planks.

    “It would be rather nice if you answered my question.” The woman demanded annoyedly, stepping towards him. His wand continued to weave in between her fingers.

    Harry faltered, putting his best effort into avoiding her piercing gaze. Her blue eyes were frighteningly bright.

    “I said,” the woman restated, now holding the wand tightly, pointing it at him, “Would you please answer my question?”

    “Vernon Dudley.”

    “Don’t. Lie.” She gritted through her teeth, eyes narrowing.

    Harry recoiled. “I’m Harry Potter, the muggles on this ship took me. Now, would you please return my wand and unbind me?”

    “From where?”

    “England. I was with the Ministry of Magic.”

    She shut her eyes momentarily, sighing. “As strong as my desire is to never see you again, you’re in all likelihood just a bit too valuable.”

    She levitated him into the air, leading him through the now strangely liberating bowels of the ship and onto the top deck, unceremoniously dropping him onto the cold, hard surface.

    “What use am I to you anyway?”

    “You wouldn’t understand.”

    “I’m not moving an inch without an explanation.”

    “You don’t have a choice.”

    He was again lifted into the air, slowly and steadily gliding towards the edge of the deck. The ice underneath was illuminated by the torchlight of the cavalrymen. He looked back at the woman, making out the outlines of her face in the dim light.

    “Who are you?”

    Refraining from formulating an answer, she released her spell, painfully dropping him onto the back of her horse.





    Daphné was annoyed.

    Her time of triumph should have been… well… triumphant. Instead, she was advancing towards the general with this imbecile tied to the back of her horse.

    “I’ve taken a prisoner.” She descended from her horse, gesturing towards the haggard-looking man still conjoined to her steed.

    The general began to respond. “Surely you must have a better reason for…”

    “He’s a wizard.” Daphné cut him off.

    “And naturally, Mademoiselle Daphné, he would clearly be your responsibility, no?”

    She briskly turned on her heel and re-mounted her horse, releasing an exacerbated sigh, leading her steed towards the glazed beach, away from the commotion of the lingering soldiers.

    “Nice to meet you too Mademoiselle Daphné.” An obscenely grating voice rang from behind her.

    She scowled, disembarking onto the snow with a light crunch.

    “Might as well get to know each other.”

    Daphné pursed her lips, drawing her wand into her hand. A loud crack reverberated through the air, brusquely throwing him through the ice and into the cold, salty depths.

    She released a long, drawn-out breath she didn’t know she’d been holding. The water before her bubbled, giving way to an annoying familiar mop of black hair.

    “You could just let me go, you know.” He’d managed to climb back onto the bank, significantly shivering.

    “That would be too logical, Potter.” Daphné glanced down at the soaking man.

    “It’s cold.”

    “Presumably so, yes.”

    “Will you at least warm me up?”

    “I can’t.”

    They rode with the army for quite some time, traversing the expansive, flat countryside. The landscape was entirely white, buried under a heavy layer of snow, its vast expanse becoming dreadfully suffocating.

    “Why don’t you use a broom?” Her prisoner had again decided to speak.

    Reminded of lavish excess of the wizards back home, she furrowed her brow, concentrating on following the procession in front of her. He really was grating. “Horses are… more refined, Potter. Not that you would know.”

    “These ropes are awfully uncomfortable, you know.”

    Daphné refrained from answering.

    Her prisoner had been unconscious for quite a stretch of time when the convoy eventually came to a halt at the edge of an almost picturesque village, completely devoid of life, vacated in light of the passing armies. The commotion soon erupted, a makeshift camp quickly erecting out of the previously barren field.

    “We are not staying in one of those tents.” Daphné descended from her horse, shooting a stinging hex at her prisoner, rousing him with a sharp jolt.

    A sluggish voice slurred in response. “Why not? They sound quite comfortable.”

    “Because, crétin,” Daphné retorted, leading her horse towards the village street, “One of us hasn’t degraded themselves to spending months in a prison cell.”

    With the sun slowly escaping, she soon brought them to a stop before a small cottage. The windows did not emit a single ray of light, its stone walls weathered by years of harsh winters.

    “If you told me this was here I might not have been so reluctant.” Her detainee was now freshly alert, restrained on the horse, with his back straightened.

    “You shouldn’t question me, Potter. It’s for your own good. Get inside.”

    Potter momentarily struggled on his bindings. “I think I might be having a bit of difficulty doing that.”





    The cottage was quite nice by muggle standards, Daphné presumed. She almost felt bad for the muggle family that had abandoned it. There were beds with soft straw mattresses and scratchy linen sheets, a woodstove covered with a layer of grime from years of heavy use, a surprisingly gorgeous dark wood table, and mercifully, a large wooden bathtub. She lightly crinkled her nose but refrained from expressing her grievances. It was all remediable.

    With a light flick of her wand, the tub transformed, the rough, dark wood smoothing out into a brilliant white porcelain. A pool of water steadily rose to its rims, bubbling with soap suds.

    “You,” Daphné started, grimacing at her reluctant companion, “will be getting rid of that awful stench of yours.”

    He didn’t hesitate, immediately stripping off his torn and tattered rags, flinging them onto the layer of dust settled on the ground. The water sloshed as he lowered himself into the bath. He began to shiver; the water was disturbingly cold.

    “It’s freezing.” He chattered through his teeth

    Daphné spoke distractedly from the corner, transfiguring the scratchy linens into soft silk. “I can’t exactly do anything to fix that.”

    Harry groaned, stretching back onto the cold porcelain, immediately recoiling. He struggled for an instant to channel his magic, the warmth tingling in his fingers. He collapsed, exhausted, resigned towards the unbearably cold state of his bath.

    It was steaming when he passed out, exhausted.





    The water was still warm when Harry woke.

    He struggled to open his eyes, stuck together by a layer of discharge, making way to a soft candlelight. The windows were now pitch black, with his own weathered face reflected off of the lustrous glass. He reached for his face, finding it uncomfortably sore. It was uncharacteristically smooth; all traces of that horrid beard were vanished.

    He looked across the room at his companion, her blonde hair tied in a tidy plait, her blue eyes almost black in the tint. He paused to reflect on his situation, letting out a light, incredulous laugh. He’d been liberated from months of horrid mistreatment by his supposed allies and forced into the hands of an enemy who would, in all likelihood, remove his head cleanly off his shoulders.

    He wasn’t sure which one he preferred.

    The bath was quite comfortable—no, scratch that—heavenly. He revelled in the warm, soapy water as he scraped the sedimentary layers of dirt and grime off of his skin. His muscles relaxed; his soreness temporarily relieved by the warmth of the water and the feeling of his now unblemished skin on the smooth porcelain of the tub.

    He continued to gaze at his captor, slightly mesmerised by the ripples in her gown, the intricacy of her plait, the slight furrow of her brow as she was paused in deliberation. He attempted to muster the strength to speak, the words struggling to escape his mouth.

    “I’m stuck with you, aren’t I?” His voice was raspy, the mucus trapping his speech.

    “For the time being, yes.” She spoke dismissively, sitting on the edge of the bed, toying with a silver locket in her hand, opening and closing it arbitrarily. It was quite beautiful reflected in the candlelight, the ornate carvings encapsulating the room with a pattern of stars.

    They sat there for quite some time, the bath eventually becoming lukewarm in the chilly room. Harry sighed, the temporary comfort had left, leaving nothing but his continually increasing sense of dread.

    Deciding not to remain domicile, he began to lift himself out of the tub, wincing as he exposed his aching muscles and sores to the chilly air. He gently placed a foot on the strangely lustred wood flooring, shrinking it away as he came into contact with the cold surface. Slightly mortified, he spoke.

    “Euh… Mademoiselle…” Harry flushed slightly, stilted, “Would you mind, y’know, getting me a bit of clothing?”

    She gently turned her head towards him, immediately averting her eyes at the sight presented before her. Harry wasn’t sure whether or not it was out of embarrassment or disgust. Slightly fumbling with her wand, she hastily conjured a laced linen shirt and breeches, banishing it in his general direction.

    Tripping over himself, he caught the freshly formed garments in his arms, hurriedly dressing, painfully suppressing the shivers that threatened to overwhelm him. Fully clothed, he made his way over to the second bed, collapsing onto the soft silk. It smelled familiarly of lavenders.

    His eyes were steadily fixated onto the dark, rough beams of the roof. His companion’s delicate, drawn-out breaths resounded in the silence, puncturing the quiet, cool air in the cottage. He decided to interrupt this peace.

    “Why do you do this? This entire mess—it’s just so grating. Everything’s gone to Merlin-knows-where, and there’s no end in sight. I’m tired of it.” He sat up, leaning against the wall.

    Daphné shut her eyes. “It’s much more than that.”

    “How would that be?”

    She pressed her lips together, staring blankly in front of her, deliberating. “Do you know why we fight? Do you know why I fight? I’m tired too, Potter. But no—I’m not tired of working for what I believe, I’m not tired of going out and protecting what I deserve. I’m tired of having to hide, I’m tired of having to swallow my dignity, I’m tired of having to relegate myself to the shadows just to placate some ignorant muggles.”

    “It’s not that. I just think it’d save us a lot of pain, it’d save everyone a lot of pain, if—Merlin I don’t know—we just swallowed this dignity, stayed in the shadows, everything would be alright.” Harry released a deep sigh into his hand.

    “And then, what would be the point? We’d lose who we are, and in the end, that’s all that matters, no?”

    “I don’t know, there has to be something else to it. It’s just… awfully fatalistic putting it that way. I think we could base our identities somewhere else, you know, not somewhere so… impassioned, so dubious.”

    Daphné pulled her sheets closer, sounding mildly upset. “It’s never that simple, not that you’d understand. Good night, Potter.”

    “Good night Mademoiselle. Perhaps…” He trailed off.

    She wasn’t responding, already in a deep sleep.

    Relaxed, Harry allowed himself to fall back into his bedding. The strong lavender scent again overwhelmed him as he descended into the realm of Morpheus. He found it strangely comforting.





    When Daphné opened her eyes, the sun had almost completely risen, its rays brilliantly shining through the clear glass windows of the cottage. A blinding beam of light viciously attacked her visage, endeavouring to remove her from the seeing world.

    She struggled to lift herself from her nest, softly groaning into her hand, attempting to shield herself from the dazzling sunlight. Minute specks of dust perforated through the air, accentuating themselves in the brightness.

    Her prisoner was already awake, back propped against the textured wall, seemingly deep in his thoughts. She ignored him.

    Groping for her wand, she conjured a small mirror and began to carefully preen the details of her visage, ascertaining to the impeccability of her maquillage. This continued for quite some time, with occasional groans sounding from her companion as his contemplation appeared to be beginning to get the better of him.

    Eventually, this peace was disturbed when the door unceremoniously swung open, making way to a rather squat soldier carrying a tray assorted with bread, cheese, and fruit.

    “Your food.” His gaze was fixed firmly on the ground, avoiding eye contact with the intimidating witch or her equally intimidating prisoner. He hurriedly dropped the tray onto the table, hastily exiting the room, closing the door with a slam.

    Potter snorted slightly. For the first time that morning, he spoke. “You’re that intimidating?”

    “Wouldn’t you like to know?” Daphné scowled, allowing her magic to slip the grey Brunswick over her body.

    “I don’t think I’ve ever met anybody quite like you.” He leaned on the edge of the table for support, toying with the crusty, somewhat stale bread. He starts to chew.

    “I’m touched.” She approached the tray, lightly nibbling on a piece of cheese, numb in her mouth.

    Daphné wasn’t really sure what to think of her prisoner. For an enemy, he’d been surprisingly cooperative—if not obnoxious—and a bit naïve. She wasn’t very sure what use he was yet herself, honestly. It might have been a better choice to let him free on the ship, but a nagging feeling remained inside of her, telling her that he was of some use.

    A slight rustle forced her to focus on the scene before her. Placing the slab of bread back onto the tray, Potter began to inquire. “How long will I be here?”

    She frowned. “Until I figure out what to do with you.”

    For several minutes, they ate in silence, the soft chewing echoing through the undisturbed air.





    It wasn't so bad being Daphné’s prisoner.

    It also wasn't so bad that she was quite easy on the eyes.

    Anything would have been a better alternative to those Dutch muggles, Harry presumed.

    Pleasant wafts of lavender crept their way into his nose as he sat at the back of Daphné's horse, the flat, white landscape seeming almost liberating. He delighted in the fresh air—after months without any access, it was intoxicating. He was a prisoner, a captive, travelling with an army at war with his own, but strangely he'd never felt freer. He felt less constricted than he'd ever been.

    It was a nice feeling, but it would have been much nicer to have his wand.

    A shorter horse strode up to their right flank, its rider carrying a scroll of textured parchment.

    “Message for you, Mademoiselle.” He was looking into the other direction as he clumsily handed over the scroll, quickly galloping away, disappearing into the blue sea of uniform.

    Harry watched from behind as she unwound the rough paper, lightly shaking her head.

    “It looks like,” she began with another small shake, “we’ll be on our way.”

    A sudden wave of fear rushed over Harry. “Where?”

    “Amsterdam.”

    “What will happen to me?” He was now extremely afraid.

    “No idea.”





    Daphné wasn’t sure who she disliked more—the French wizarding community, the Dutch wizarding community, or the—now admittedly—decently presented man seated behind her.

    The habitually bustling port city seemed a bit subdued. Scores of uniformed soldiers patrolled the streets, individual muggles seemed to be wandering around, carrying about their daily errands. The buildings were all pristine, neat, clean, and very obviously completely unaffected by the recent occupation. The only disturbance in the entire city seemed to be the light layer of snow blanketed of the streets and buildings.

    She was just confused.

    There was not a single indication of magic in her midst. She wasn’t expecting the same overexuberance she’d become acclimated to back in France, but she was at least expecting the Dutch to have some reaction to their newfound freedom from the restrictions of the Statute.

    But there wasn’t anything, and it didn’t seem like there would be.

    Her companion spoke, his voice oddly restrained. “I never thought I’d be back here again.”

    “A big surprise?”

    “I just thought—I don’t know—it would have looked a lot different from before with the passing armies and whatnot but—it’s all the same.” He shivered slightly.

    “It is rather unsettling.” Daphné grimaced at her surroundings.

    They slowly passed through the narrow streets, receiving odd stares from the passer-by as the horse rhythmically clopped its hooves on the smooth cobblestone. The steady brouhaha of the city streets seemed to falter in their presence, again picking up as they passed. The canals were frozen over (her doing, of course), speckled with hurried skaters rushing past each other in the commotion.

    There still wasn’t the slightest hint of magic. As such a cultural and commercial centre, Daphné would have thought it to be the next bastion of freedom, a symbol for wizardkind, unrestrained from its shackles.

    But it didn’t feel free.

    They drew to an abrupt halt before a formidable brick house. Several uniformed guards were posted in front, the bright blue of their coats harshly contrasting the dull red brick. Daphné stepped off onto the path, lightly clicking her heels on the stone.

    A guard spoke up, voice gruff. “The general will be waiting inside, Mademoiselle.”





    The interior was beautiful, but all Harry could feel was dread.

    An intricate chandelier hung from the high ceiling, illuminating the hall and its elaborate furnishings, accentuating the deep shadows. A grand marble staircase stood at the centre, towering over him intimidatingly.

    “Come.” His companion’s heels clicked on the smooth marble of the staircase.

    He attempted to follow, but his legs were immobile, seemingly weighed down by a block of ice. He struggled to keep up with her pace. Each step he took became increasingly difficult as if his body sensed the danger before him.

    He eventually reached the top, trembling, tracing Daphné’s light steps through the corridor. He came to face with an elaborately carved wooden door, shaking in trepidation as she rhythmically tapped her knuckles on the hollow wood.

    The door opened, making way to a characteristically familiar room, brightened by a soft candlelight. The man appeared younger than he’d expected, his long, slightly greying hair giving away an indication of his age.

    “The prisoner, mon général.”

    The man was staring directly at him. “Thank you, Mademoiselle. You may leave us.”

    Daphné gave a curt nod, turned, and promptly exited the room. The smell of lavenders failed to linger.

    “General Jean-Charles Pichegru, pleased to make your acquaintance.” His hand was outstretched.

    Harry reluctantly took the hand into his own, feebly shaking it.

    “Harry Potter.” The words barely registered out of his mouth.

    “Seat yourself, Monsieur Potter. Do you play?”

    He nodded weakly, knees buckling, and he fell back, almost collapsing onto the plush velvet of the chair. A board lay on the desk, rather intricately decorated, its bright colours contrasted by the scatter of ominous skulls on its spiralled spaces.

    “I was quite surprised when I received the missive that we had a foreign wizard in custody. All the way from Britain! Needless to say, I had to meet you.”

    A pair of smooth wooden dice lightly turned in the general’s hand, dropping onto the flat surface.

    “I’m honoured.” He tried to swallow, but his mouth felt awfully dry.

    The general picked up a metallic piece, moving it several spaces on the board. “Now, Monsieur Potter, would you be willing to enlighten me on how exactly you’ve landed yourself here.”

    “I was arrested in Amsterdam for being a wizard.” He could barely see the board in front of him, his vision hazy in his fear. The dice felt awfully cold in his hand, the wood digging into his skin, numbing it.

    “And please tell, Monsieur Potter, what were you doing in Amsterdam? It’s a turbulent time nowadays.”

    “The war hadn’t yet reached the city.” The game piece was heavy, very troublesomely so.

    “That does not answer my question.”

    Harry’s vision cleared and he sat up, straightening his back the best he could in his vertige, eyes tracing the general’s hands. “I don’t see why the affairs of wizards are in any way your concern.”

    “But they are Monsieur Potter! This revolution was started by your brethren, and it’s quite odd, is it not, that you seem to appear in the clutches of our enemy during our time of triumph?”

    He leaned closer to the desk, attempting not to falter before the general. “And tell me still, mon général, how exactly does this become your concern?”

    “The revolution perpetuates for liberty Monsieur Potter, and I only serve to protect it.”

    Harry sighed. If there was anybody that could save him at this stage, the general seemed to be his best bet, save Daphné perhaps. He fixed his gaze into Pichegru’s beady black eyes, maintaining firm eye contact.

    “Mon général, I am a wizard,” A small flame danced at his fingertips. “I have no liberties to protect, my magic gives me all the freedom I need.”

    The general’s piece landed on a skull, reflecting the orange glow as he moved it several spaces back.

    He continued. “I have no need of obtaining any more freedoms, I have no need of maintaining any pride, I am only concerned about my own security and that of others around me.”

    The general stared intently at the board.

    “Which is put at risk by your civil constitution and your revolution.” Harry toyed with the dice in his free hand.

    He blinked, eyes wandering the drawings. “A small price to pay for the greater good.”

    “But is it worth all the pain, mon général? Wizards and muggles don’t mix well—they never have—and getting rid of this separation—this shield—will only cause more trouble than it’s worth.”

    There was a slight, awkward pause. “It is never that simple, Monsieur Potter. We do not fight for our own selfish whims, we fight for humanity, and that include both wizards and your so-called muggles.”

    “You will be leaving with Mademoiselle Daphné.”

    Harry dropped his piece. “You’ll let me go that easily?”

    The general responded. “The Mademoiselle seems to have more use for you than I.”

    “Just think about what I said, mon général.”

    Harry stood up, carefully retracing his steps as he exited the room, shutting the door behind him with a slam.

    Both game pieces were still stalled near the beginning of the spiral.





    The city was on fire, and Harry would have liked to think it wasn’t his fault.

    They’d just regrouped with the army at Luxembourg. The city was surrounded, the army already in the process of dismantling the supposed last bastion of oppression in the Low Countries.

    Harry just felt out of place.

    He was still a prisoner, he still didn’t have his wand, but it seemed that he was now in some form accepted within the ranks of the army. Daphné had stopped binding him after his meeting with the general, and therefore, physically, he was unrestrained.

    None of that meant he could go anywhere, however. His wand was still in Daphné’s possession, and he had absolutely no idea how to escape from the continent with or without it.

    But that didn’t mean he wasn’t able to cause a whole lot of trouble, unintentionally or not.

    The heat of the open flames clashed violently with the freezing winter air, the smoke billowing from the timber roofs, encapsulating the atmosphere with a heavy charring. Daphné stood next to him, visage slightly distorted and discoloured by the bubble-head charm she’d cast on herself.

    The troops were paused at the sight, mouths wide open as the ribbons of flame endlessly spiralled through the air, engulfing everything in its path. The battle seemed to be stopped, both sides ceased by the sheer incredulity of the situation.

    “Just how exactly did you manage this?” Daphné turned towards him with an unbelieving expression.

    He cowered. “I’m… not sure.”

    “You can’t surely… do something like this by accident, can you?”

    Harry winced. “It seems so.”

    She huffed. “I can’t believe it. You don’t even have your wand.”

    They were interrupted by an intense barrage of artillery fire, rousing the previously stalled chaos of the siege. Daphné waved her wand, deflecting the shrapnel in their paths with seeming ease, completely disregarding the total disorder unfolding around her.

    He braved a question. “What exactly are you trying to accomplish?”

    “I’m trying to capture the city, petit malin.” Daphné glared at him.

    They continued, alone, up the deserted street. A burning beam fell out of the sky next to them, immediately melting the patch of snow on the ground.

    “How exactly are you going to go about doing that?”

    “Wait and see.”

    The buildings continued to smoulder, the dark smoke only adding to the already extreme disarray, obscuring their visions in the haze. Harry struggled to keep up with her pace.

    “We’re past the front lines. Are you sure you’re not out of your mind?”

    “Quite certain.”

    They continued to traverse through the cobbled streets, astonishingly coming across little disturbance as they drew increasingly nearer to the towering inner-city walls. Compared to spotlessness of Amsterdam, the streets of Luxembourg weree strangely invigorating. The effects of the passing war were completely visible, parts of the city were heavily damaged, and an enormous tension seemed to shroud the entire area.

    It was quite delightful, in a way. He delighted in the feeling as if the world was rushing around him, moving on without his involvement. He delighted in the pace of events, each passing second seemingly overturning the previous. He delighted in the scale of the battle, the thousands of individuals congregating together to participate on a single platform.

    The city must have once been extremely beautiful. It still was, in a gruesome way. Once, not so long ago, whole families had regularly crossed the now desolate streets, carrying on their lives without worry, or knowledge, of the upcoming turmoil that would be brought to their homes. It was liberating, in a sense, to carry on without the presence of any stability—without the presence of anything grounding. The lifelessness of his surroundings seemed to indicate that—the previous inhabitants had moved on, in death, or somewhere else.

    They eventually came to a stop behind a whitewashed, timber-framed house, still almost unaffected despite the devouring flames in its proximity. Daphné soon became deep in concentration, twirling her wand in intricate patterns, releasing thin wisps of light blue frost into the air, cloaking the environs with a layer of light, dusted particles. The frost settled, extinguishing previously burning roofs, leaving nothing but heavy charring and mild bits of moisture.

    The scene was remarkably pleasing, Harry thought. The faint tendrils of steam were almost cleansing, bringing a certain serenity to the chaos. The way the heat and flames just vanished, assimilating into the coldness around it was refreshing. It really was strange. There was death, destruction, and violence all around him but where he was—in his little bubble—he felt safe, protected, even if it was only momentary. He would have been content just dying right there, he thought, lost in the tranquillity of the very instant.

    He shut his eyes, relishing his feeling of euphoria, his warmth despite the icy cold, his comfort despite the clearly uncomfortable situation. The warmth continued to linger, however, and soon it became uncomfortably hot, scalding.

    When he reopened his eyes, the only thing he could see was red.





    The city was on fire, again, and Daphné knew it was definitely Potter’s fault.

    The siege had not been going in their favour when they arrived, and hours later, it was certainly still not going in their favour.

    She pressed her palm to her forehead, exasperated. “Potter, out of everything you could have done accidentally, could you please have done something of help?”

    Her companion was staring at the ash-covered ground, avoiding her gaze. “I’m… really not sure. Besides, we’re supposed to be enemies, aren’t we?”

    “It would be rather nice if you were of any help,” Daphne responded stiffly, “Considering that I’m the only thing that’s been keeping you alive.”


    She released a deep sigh, scanning her surroundings. There was panicked shouting coming from all directions, each crumble of the collapsing structures furthering the extent of the commotion. Unlike the previous instance, the fighting continued, the explosions and shouts only increasing in intensity with each passing second.

    For the first time in her time with the Revolutionary Army, Daphné was at a loss for what to do. She bit her bottom lip frustratingly. She’d always prided herself in her capabilities, but at the very moment, she felt helpless, completely at the mercy of everything around her.

    It wasn’t a nice feeling.

    Her prisoner had now recovered from his embarrassment, looking at her intently, and with curiosity. She’d always been proud, but now, she just wanted to cower, to hide from the shame of not being capable of handling the situation. Even if it was from one of her inferiors, before whom she promised to herself never to show any sign of weakness. She struggled to keep herself from hyperventilating. She was supposed to be confident, sure of herself, and able.

    But she felt weak.

    It was still all his fault, of course. The absolute cretin had managed to disturb her spell not once, but twice with his ridiculous accidental magic. She knew he acted like a child, but it was completely out of the question that he would suffer from the same afflictions as one. She’d prepared for the worst situations imaginable before the left for the front, but it never would have been—should have been something completely unimaginable amongst fully-grown adult wizards.

    It was the coldest winter in decades (she might have had something to do with it), and all the men were starving, freezing, and ridden with disease. Supplies were extremely scarce; they’d been surrounding the city for months, and every single bit of the surrounding area had been emptied of all of its resources. Somehow, absolutely none of those issues were as disastrous as what her obnoxious prisoner had managed to do accidentally. She had trained for years to perfect her skills and Potter had the gall to set the outer limits of an entire city on fire accidentally?

    She looked around agitatedly. She didn’t know how to remedy this—her spell was ruined, the troops were panicked, dying, and Potter was most likely still inclined to muck up the situation again in some form. Taking deep, drawn out breaths, she began to stumble towards her prisoner.

    “Is everything alright?” He seemed to have recovered from his daze and was now looking at her inquisitively.

    Daphné only glowered at him. The chaos around her felt completely irrelevant, the smouldering around her seemingly disappearing as she directed the entirety of her attention onto Potter. She calmed, bottling up her thoughts, refraining from erupting for a moment.

    Without warning, she began to yell furiously. “Out of everything you could have done, could you not have compromised our entire success? The entire operation is collapsing just because you couldn’t hold back something you should have had under control as a child?”

    Her companion visibly flinched; his expression annoyingly perplexed. “I swear—I really have no idea what got over me. I was distracted for a moment, and the next thing I knew, it was absolutely scalding, and everything was burning.”

    He seemed quite flustered, and Daphné couldn’t really sympathise. He had, after all, managed to spoil the entire conquest of the Low Countries, possibly delaying for days, weeks—even months.

    Now, surrounded by a panicked, retreating army, artillery barrages, and enveloped in a sea of flames, there was only a single possible target for her ire, and she was determined not to let go of any of her grievances.

    “I wouldn’t suffer any consequence if you died right here, right now.” She spoke softly, voice laced with daggers.

    “And so,” she inched closer, almost touching the charred flakes on the tips of his eyebrows, her laurel wand prodded into his chest, “you will not do anything that will harm, or even inconvenience us, intentionally or not, because I will be requesting that you be executed the moment you step just a finger out of line.”

    Daphné almost laughed at the display before her. His bright green eyes seemed to be literally exuding fear; his ruffled complexion worsened by his very obviously frightened expression. She withdrew to a more comfortable distance.

    The structures were still collapsing if the constant noise and debris on the ground was any indication. The smoke was still overwhelming, severely inhibiting her vision. She knew, however, that her comrades were long gone, fled from the scene of battle amid the chaos, retreated to recuperate from their losses. It was slightly problematic, because of this, that they were still trapped in its wake, fortunately unnoticed by anybody in the vicinity.

    The only issue was that there wasn’t anybody in the vicinity, and the defenders had already passed their current retreat, placing themselves between the two magicals and the rest of the army.

    They were in for a bit of a challenge, but Daphné wasn’t one to give up.

    She moved her hand beneath her neckline, smiling slightly as she felt for the hard, textured silver beneath the soft fabric. She would eventually prevail, of that there wasn’t any doubt.

    She turned towards her still slightly startled companion. “Come, Potter. We’ll be needing to find a way out of here.”





    It seemed to Harry that his luck had finally run out. He’d managed to survive much longer than he’d expected, nevertheless, so he shouldn’t have really minded.

    He minded very much, however. He quite liked living, even if he was trapped for the foreseeable future. Whether that was an issue, he thought, was disputable. He’d grown to quite like his captor, despite how frightening she could be some—no—all of the time.

    He groaned at the burning structures in his proximity. There didn’t seem to be anything around that wasn’t dangerous, there didn’t seem to be anything around that could work to their benefit, and there didn’t seem to be any way to rescue themselves from the situation. He’d have felt much safer with his wand.

    A wand that was currently in the possession of a certain badly-tempered blonde witch.

    It was of no matter, if he was going to die today, he would be much more satisfied if he died with her to an Austrian soldier rather than to her.

    He ventured to speak. “Where will we be going, Mademoiselle?”

    His captor scowled, a sight he’d grown used to seeing. It was quite a nice scowl.

    “We’re quite trapped, in case if you haven’t noticed.”

    He risked a quip. “I did escape from a prison once, Mademoiselle.”

    The cobbled streets were now covered with a thin layer of light grey ash, merging with the small patches of snow that had not yet succumbed to the heat. Their feet crunched against the ground as they inched themselves closer to the tanned stone of the city walls.

    Harry baulked. “We’re going this way?”

    “I’m not exactly keen on crossing the entire army in the other direction, Potter.” Daphné tapped her wand on the bricks.

    “Into the city?”

    “It seems so, yes.”

    “Won’t we be captured?”

    “Hopefully not, we don’t exactly look like soldiers, do we? I think I’d much rather confront a few guards instead of an entire army.”

    She waved her wand, vanishing the soot that had previously blanketed them. The wall rapidly animated, manifesting into a symmetrical archway, behind which lay a second wall, this time out of red brick. It reminded Harry awfully of home, of trips to London—to Diagon Alley. He shook the thoughts from his mind. He couldn’t afford to be homesick now, in all likelihood he’d never set foot in Britain again, even if he survived.

    Carefully crouching through the archway, he looked up. The timber roof of the house they’d entered behind was still immaculate. The brick was pristine, if not slightly mossy. The scene reminded him of Amsterdam—seemingly completely unaffected by the destruction in its midst.

    Harry stopped in his tracks. “This is… the exact same city we were just in?”

    He could have imagined that Daphné snorted. “You haven’t burned all of it down, thankfully. If you haven’t forgotten, the outside looked like this a few hours ago. Now, please don’t be too obvious. We’re in a muggle city and they’re bound to hold a quite a bit of dislike for us.”

    He grimaced. “I think I’ve learned my lesson.”

    “You better have.”

    They exited the alley and came to face with rabbles of city-goers, seemingly tense with the ongoing siege beyond the walls. Life as usual seemed to be continuing, however, its people pacing about, running errands, working, and doing whatever muggles did on their own.

    It was suffocating.





    Daphné wasn’t sure how she would get them out of the city.

    She supposed they were safe, not any of the passing muggles shot a single suspicious look at them, and they were in the heart of the city. The only issue was that they were trapped, but she could resolve that, she hoped.

    And if not, it wouldn’t be so bad if they stayed in the city until the end of the siege. At least they didn’t risk dying here.

    Her prisoner was still with her, looking perplexed. “Where exactly will we be going?”

    “Not certain.”

    The streets were narrow, crowded, but they were sheltered. Nobody would suspect them here, they appeared as ordinary muggles, integrated into their surroundings.

    She hoped it would last.

    They slowly pushed their way through the pack, through the winding streets and narrow alleyways, up the hill into the city centre. Daphné wasn’t sure where they were going, but she was determined to distance herself as much as she could from the army just outside the walls.

    “Just why are we right in front of the Ducal Palace?” Potter seemed exasperated.

    She wasn’t sure either, but she wasn’t going to let him know that. “They wouldn’t expect us to be here.”

    “They wouldn’t expect us to be anywhere! They don’t know we’re split from the army and they don’t know we’re inside of the city.”

    “We’ll be fine, Potter. We’ll find a way out. Just shut your mouth and follow me.” She was growing less and less confident with each passing second.

    “I’m not very sure of your definition of ‘fine’” He sighed, continuing to allow her to lead him through the city.

    They soon turned into a wider street, still subject to the hustle and bustle of its residents. The crowd was less dense here, disrupted by a convoy of horses crossing its length. They seemed important, Daphné observed, officers of the army, judging by the red and gold lining their uniforms.

    The exact type of people they needed to avoid.

    She pulled her prisoner closer to her, murmuring softly. “We need to hide, there are Austrian officers right over there.”

    They hastily rushed through the crowd, pulling themselves into a cramped alleyway, stopping for a momentary repose. It was dark, the faint winter daylight unable to shine past the timber roofs. The smell was revolting, she didn’t dare to think about the composition of the ground underneath her.

    “I don’t think we can wander around like this anymore,” Potter began, “I got caught in a rather similar situation back in Amsterdam, and I don’t think I’d like to go through that again.”

    “We haven’t exactly any other course of action.” Daphné responded snidely, the city was large and dense, wandering would surely get them to someplace useful.

    Potter put his face in his hands. “I just think we need to know what we’re doing. We’ve been at this for a quite a while, and we’re obviously not getting anywhere.”

    Daphné approached him. “What else could you possibly suggest?”

    “We can use magic, can we?”

    “It’s not exactly inconspicuous here.”

    “We can use it to find a different way out.”

    Her eyes narrowed. “Are you suggesting we fly?”

    “Nothing of that sort, I promise.” He put his hands up. “What we’re doing right now, it just feels… unsafe.”

    “Have you any alternative?”

    He creased his forehead. “Not for the time being, no.”

    She started to walk towards the other opening. “Hiding here isn’t going to get us anywhere then, is it?”

    “I was feeling quite safe here.”

    “Safe isn’t going to get us out of here.”

    They emerged into the blinding daylight, re-immersed into the perpetuating congregation. It was difficult to see through the moving crowd and its endless flow, which blocked most of Daphné’s vision. In an attempt to determine her bearings, she stood on her toes, gazing over the endless ocean of heads into the city.

    A rhythmic promenade of horse hooves was sounding from behind, pacing across the cobbled street. It suddenly ceased; Daphné felt her sense of dread return, there wasn’t any reason for anyone to approach them. She turned towards the previous source of the sound, meeting the gaze of an elderly, uniformed man.

    “You must be the good Mademoiselle who froze the sea.” His voice was raspy.

    Several soldiers had surrounded them, pointing sharp bayonets at the ends of their rifles. They were clad in grey with plumed black hats that must have doubled their height.

    “Excuse me?” For the first time, she felt intimidated.

    “Baron Blasius Columban Freiherr von Bender, pleased to make your acquaintance.” He moved with surprising agility for his appearance, descending from his horse with apparent grace. His hand was extended, seemingly challenging her to take it.

    She reluctantly took it into her own, looking concentratedly into the Baron’s eyes as she firmly shook it.

    He turned towards her companion. Even standing on level ground, he was quite a bit taller than Potter, neck angled downwards as he addressed him.

    “And who might you be, Monsieur?”

    He grudgingly answered. “None of your concern.”

    “Perhaps. Perhaps not. You don’t sound particularly like her countryman, but you were accompanying the Mademoiselle.”

    He turned back towards Daphné. “Would the pair of you be willing to accompany me for a meal? I’m sure it would be quite… enlightening.”

    “Do we have an option?”

    “You always have an option, Mademoiselle.”

    A light, hard jab on her back told her the contrary.





    Harry was feeling a bit of déjà-vu.

    For the second time in the past year, he found himself being led by a group of muggle soldiers, again forced to resign himself to an unpleasant fate.

    He had a companion that would fall with him this time, at least.

    It was stifling to again be paraded through the streets, to again be the centre of attention for every single passing city-goer, to again be taken for something in which he wasn’t at all involved. Perhaps he was this time, but that was an irrelevant detail.

    He kept pace with the steady march of the guards, rhythmically counting each step, aligning his feet as he brought himself towards his doom. And the doom of his companion, he imagined.

    He looked over to the woman on his right. She seemed to be deep in thought, concocting some sort of infernal plan, deliberating over her next action. He supposed that he was still confident in her ability, but was slightly disconcerted by the thought that he might be an unfortunate casualty in her plan.

    It was of no matter, for now, they were trapped and completely subject to their captors’ whims. The sun was setting, the winter haze slowly descending into darkness. The streets were now sparsely populated, the residents returned to their homes, shielding themselves from the possible happenings of the night.

    For what seemed to be an eternity, the rhythmic steps continued with no pause, the uniform, hard stone beneath his feet only adding to the monotony. Eventually, they’d circled back to the same large structure they’d passed previously—he remembered—the Ducal Palace.

    They drew to a halt, and Harry almost laughed despite himself. They were actually willing to put them, tempestuous enemy wizards, near the most important people in the entire city? He supposed he wasn’t exactly an enemy himself, but it still was quite ridiculous.

    They wandered through a seemingly illogical maze of halls and corridors, lined with ornate tapestries and colourful paintings. He swore he’d seen some magical ones trace them as they moved deeper and deeper into the innards of the palace.

    A final set of doors opened, revealing a massive chandelier and a long table, neatly embellished with expensive-looking cutlery and fine china. Breaking the frustrating long silence, the Baron spoke.

    “Please seat yourselves, you are our distinguished guests after all.”

    Daphné seemed to come out of her thoughts. “I’m extremely honoured to be given the opportunity to negotiate the terms your surrender, milord.”

    What? Harry looked at her incredulously.

    “Perhaps, Mademoiselle. Please, make yourselves comfortable.”

    He took the time to take a closer look at Daphné. She seemed to have regained her confidence, again wearing the haughty expression that he’d grown used to. She was somehow completely clean, pristine, immaculately coiffured. The wands in her possession hadn’t yet been taken, Harry observed, either the muggles were extremely confident or lacked any magical knowledge. He dearly hoped it was the latter.

    The Baron’s sudden dialogue brought him out of his thoughts.

    “It’s an honour to host you, Mademoiselle, I’ve heard so much.”

    “All good things, I hope.” Daphné appeared to be in her element.

    “Of course, of course, you’ve had quite an impressive career. The entire coalition is talking about you.”

    “I’m flattered, governor. I pride myself in my success.”

    The Baron nodded. “Appropriately placed pride is difficult to come by nowadays.”

    Through what magic Daphné back managed to further straighten, Harry wasn’t sure. “I’m here, however, to ask for your surrender. It will be honourable, of course.”

    “On what basis, Mademoiselle?” He seemed to be in contemplation.

    “We will eventually wear you out and you will eventually be obligated to capitulate. It would be a better alternative for you to surrender honourably before you suffer even greater loss. You will be preventing a shameful defeat, governor.”

    He raised an eyebrow. “And if we are not defeated?”

    “We have magic on our side. You don’t.”

    He sighed, accentuating his wrinkles. “I’m afraid we will have to decline, Mademoiselle. I heard about that disastrous fire earlier, and it does not seem to me that magic always acts in your favour.”

    “I look forward to facing you in your defeat.” Daphné stood up, glaring. Uncertain, Harry mimicked her.

    “That will not happen, Mademoiselle.” He beckoned, and the guards at the entrance began to advance towards them.”

    She withdrew her wand, placing Harry’s back into his hand. “It seems that we’ll be on our way. Farewell, milord.”

    In a flash of light, the muggles crumpled to the ground, unconscious. The way they hit their heads did look quite painful.

    Harry momentarily relished in the familiar warmth of his wand. “How exactly will we be escaping now?”

    “You wanted us to use our magic, didn’t you? Do you suggest anything?”

    “No time like the present.” He scanned his surroundings, making his way towards the window. He vanished it with his wand, climbing through the empty gap in the wall.

    The courtyard was empty, dimly illuminated by lamps strewn across its area. His companion emerged beside him, wand in hand, carefully closing the distance between them.

    He whispered. “You dismissed it earlier, but could fly our way out of the city after reaching the wall.”

    She stared at him through the shadows. “You’re insane.”

    “They won’t see us in this night, it’s pitch-black past the lights. Would you rather slip through guard filled passages and excrement-filled sewers?”

    She sighed. “I’m shouldn’t trust you.”

    Harry almost grinned at that statement. “I know, but have we any other option?”





    The walls were even more menacing at night, Daphné thought as she stood in complete darkness, tapping her wand against the rough stone.

    She couldn’t believe she had agreed to Potter’s hare-brained scheme, to fly, completely exposed, past an entire garrison of soldiers that were all completely capable of shooting them out of the sky. He was definitely insane, and she was too judging by the fact that she’d agreed to his proposition. It wasn’t her fault, she justified, she didn’t really have any other option of escape, at least not one she could execute immediately.

    Maybe he wouldn’t have concocted this insane escape if she hadn’t returned his wand. Daphné didn’t have many regrets, but she was coming to face with all of them at the very moment.

    A strangely warm gust of air blew through the archway as it manifested. She stepped through, the area still seemed to be smouldering, the strong smell of charring remained in the air.

    “Your doing.” She remarked.

    “How is it still warm?”

    “No idea.”

    The continued their way through the rubble, occasionally banishing large obstacles. It was still near total darkness, but they pushed forward, afraid to draw the attention of any of the nearby camped soldiers.

    The uneven surface eventually disappeared, making way to a slightly uneven layer of snow, disturbed by the earlier commotion. She could make out minuscule balls of fire in the distance, light from the Austrian camp, she assumed.

    They steadily crossed the flat terrain, careful not to make the slightest noise. They were quite exposed, and Daphné knew that if they were noticed, it would mean certain death.

    They could now clearly make out the outlines of the tents, slightly intimidating in the torchlight. Half the garrison must have been camped there after the day’s battle; the camp seemed to be rather extensive.

    Potter whispered. “Do you know where the camp is right now?”

    “Not too far past from this one,” Daphné responded in a low voice, “The Austrians are defending the city, after all, so they shouldn’t have retreated too far.”

    He appeared to be stifling a groan. “As long as we make it past the Austrian camp, I suppose.”

    His left arm outstretched, and Daphné grabbed onto it, waving her wand to apply a strong sticking charm. “I am not letting you drop me out of the air.”

    “It never would have come to mind.”

    They rose up into the sombre silence. The chilly breeze was more distinct here, she could feel Potter’s light shivers as he slowly steered them over the camp, attempting to shelter them from the incriminating torchlight. Her previous doubts seemed to wash away, the open air felt free, sheltered from the conflict despite the very present and very threatening army right beneath them. She didn’t worry, however, they’d already come so far without being noticed. She found herself questioning why she had doubted the plan in the first place.

    It was euphoric. They’d quitted the constraining boundaries of the city, and were now liberated, free outside of any responsibilities, outside of any external forces. It wasn’t to remain like this, Daphné knew, but she found she rather enjoyed this temporary freedom. It was what she involved herself in this conflict for, after all, the freedom to exist as she was, unrestricted by any societal norms, unrestricted by any restraining tenants.

    She knew she had to succeed if only to find this euphoria again.





    Harry was a bit too surprised at their luck.

    They’d just touched down before the French camp, completely unnoticed and completely undisturbed. In retrospect, it wasn’t exactly a sound idea, he was still a prisoner with the French army. Harry didn’t mind in any case; he was just glad that they’d managed to escape an untimely demise in the hands of the Austrians.

    It was completely silent, save a small shift of guards standing at their posts, steadily dozing off in the peace of the approaching dawn. They found an abandoned fire, its ashes still slightly burning, and seated themselves on the makeshift stools. Daphné levitated a few logs from the corner, placing them gently into the shallow pit. He felt for his magic, manifesting a small spark to kindle the fire.

    For quite some time, they sat in silence. It was comfortably warm.

    Harry supposed he’d be content staying with the Revolutionary Army. Not because he believed in their cause, not because he had any personal stake in the conflict, but just because it was comfortable and familiar. And he rather enjoyed it, he thought. He felt as if he belonged, even as a prisoner.

    “It’s quite a bit of luck we escaped.” Harry remarked, drawing himself out of his thoughts.

    “I never doubted your plan for an instant.”

    He chuckled. “Not even a bit?”

    “Not at all, I knew we would get out alright.” She raised her chin.

    “Your demands for their surrender were quite bold.” He poked a stick into the flames.

    He could have imagined he heard a giggle escape from Daphné. “I wouldn’t have lost anything more if they didn’t accept.”

    “I’d imagine so, the governor seemed to think you were insane.”

    She was smiling. “He won’t be doubting me after he wakes up with that massive headache.”

    “Presumably so, he hit his head quite hard on the ground, didn’t he?” He couldn’t help but grin in return.

    He drew out his holly wand, extending it towards her. “I guess you’ll need to take this back now?”

    She shook her head. “Keep it. As long as you don’t try to escape with it, I won’t mind. The muggles aren’t exactly aware of its purpose.”

    He shrugged. “I haven’t much where else to go at this point. It’d be a bit of a challenge to leave the continent through here, wouldn’t it?”

    “Nearly impossible.” Her grin was enormous now.

    “Never fear then, Mademoiselle,” Harry said, slightly inclining his head, “you’ll have a perfectly domicile prisoner for the rest of your time here.”

    “I’m honoured.”





    Daphné was a bit afraid to see the general. She’d never held any particular deference to authority, but she was still frightened of the prospects he would bring up.

    With good reason, of course, the previous day had been a complete disaster.

    The tent was spacious, but Daphné thought it was awfully constricting. The general appeared to be busy, surrounded by officers, all bent over a large table, discussing some charts and diagrams that she would concern herself with later. She was here to resolve the previous day’s happenings, after all.

    She seemed to be unnoticed as she approached the group, engrossed in their presumably important discussion. The scene felt oddly ominous, the shadows on the inside darkening the outlines of each figure.

    She interrupted the planning. “Mon général, you asked to see me?”

    He seemed startled, abruptly standing straight. He gestured towards the other officers. “You are dismissed.”

    If the officers were surprised at the order, they didn’t show it. She watched as the uniforms calmly filed out of the entrance, feeling a slight breeze as they audibly pushed the flaps of the tent.

    She turned back towards the general, who seemed to be deep in contemplation. He looked sickly despite his apparent youth.

    “Your prisoner stirred up quite the disaster yesterday, Mademoiselle.”

    “A spell gone awry.” She kept a neutral expression.

    “We suffered heavy losses. The siege is now prolonging for weeks, perhaps even months.”

    “An unfortunate tragedy in the event of an accident.” She responded, maintaining her composure.

    “I cannot allow this deed to go unpunished, Mademoiselle.” The general removed his hands from the table. “The winter remains difficult, and this prolonging will only further inhibit us.”

    “The winter will pass, mon général.”

    “Perhaps, but not easily. It was guaranteed as such, and our men are suffering as a result.”

    She narrowed her eyes. “A small price to pay for our ultimate victory—”

    “—which was severely delayed by yesterday’s disaster, Mademoiselle.”

    “An anomaly, mon général, my task has not yet started.”

    “It will not. You will be returning to Paris without your prisoner.”

    “He will be executed? You have no jurisdiction over these matters without magical oversight!” Her voice seemed higher than normal.

    “I assumed it was your responsibility to serve as that, Mademoiselle.”

    She gritted her teeth, staring into the general’s blank eyes. “I refuse, he still serves his use. I will take him to Paris where he will meet his fate.”

    “He is dangerous.”

    “Only to you, mon général. I am certain that he will become a useful asset to the republic.”

    He looked tired. “This is not a choice for you to make, Mademoiselle.”

    She drew her wand, pointing it towards the general. “Likewise, this is not an authority you can assert, mon général.”

    “Your defiance will only serve to your detriment.” He said, eyes lined up with the tip of her wand.

    A soft, blue glow filled the room. “Your health will as well, mon général. Farewell.” She turned on her heel and briskly paced out of the tent.





    Harry was confused.

    He was back on Daphné’s horse, again riding through the vast, flat countryside to Merlin-knows-where. This journey was quite a massive improvement from the others, he thought, he wasn’t even restrained to the horse and he had his wand in his possession.

    She had found him after her talk with the general, appearing rather enraged, and demanded for their immediate departure. Harry wasn’t really one to refuse, he hadn’t exactly anywhere else to go without Daphné. It was a bit concerning, however, that she refused to speak after that, silently simmering as they hurried out of the camp. He sincerely hoped she would soon reveal what exactly it was they were doing if only to determine whether or not his sense of dread was justified.

    The flat meadows were already gone, replaced by dense forests when she finally broke the silence.

    “The general wanted to execute you, you know?”

    Harry reacted with a flinch; he’d been removed from his surroundings for quite some time. “What?”

    “He said you were too dangerous to keep.” Daphné responded, staring intently at the path before her.

    “Am I being taken to my execution?” He began to panic.

    “I refused him.” She deadpanned.

    “You what?”

    “I disagreed with his sentiment.”

    He furrowed his eyebrows. “Why did we leave? The siege is still taking place.”

    “I was dismissed from the army. The general will be as well, considering what I did to him.”

    He couldn’t help but smile. “What did you do?”

    “Cursed him.” This time he was completely sure that a giggle came out of her throat.

    “In what manner?”

    “Blood boiling curse.”

    He shivered. “A bit extreme, don’t you think? Is he alive?”

    “Most likely. I’m not very good at these types of spells.”

    “You always seemed a bit frosty to me, Mademoiselle.” He quipped.

    “I think it’s about time we make our introductions. I’m not particularly sure if you’re my prisoner anymore, after all.”

    “Harry James Potter, pleased to make your acquaintance.”

    “I’m honoured, Monsieur Potter. Would you be willing to escort this vulnerable damsel back to Paris?” She was audibly chuckling now.

    “Of course, Mademoiselle.”

    “You can call me Daphné now.”

    “Of course, Daphné.”

    The bright rays of the sun had managed to sneak their way past the clouds, illuminating the path in their wake. To Harry, the world now seemed unrestricted, liberating, free.

    He would have to face his problems another day, but that day seemed very far away. Breathing in the strong wafts of lavender, he felt comfortable on the back of Daphné horse, not knowing where tomorrow would lead him.

    And that was all that really mattered.
     
  2. BTT

    BTT Viol̀e͜n̛t͝ D̶e͡li͡g҉h̛t҉s̀ ~ Prestige ~

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    I really dig the way you gradually built up the reveal that this is set in an AU world. You open with Harry in a cell, leading us to think of Azkaban. Then you subtly mention he's on some sort of ship, so clearly we're not in the realms of canon, exactly. Then you mention the French stirring up troubles with the Muggles, which piques interest - and then you drop the bombshell of this being set in Revolutionary France. I thought that was really well done. It being set in the moment where French cavalry took Dutch ships because of ice? That's brilliant.

    There's a number of smaller touches littered through the story that I also appreciated. Using words like maquillage and the accent gives Daphné a very French sort of air. The story does have some errors (missing articles, for instance), but they don't detract too much.

    That said, there's a couple of points that could have been better.

    First is the scene in the siege. It's unclear to me where, exactly, in the city of Luxembourg they are and who they're fighting. The magical district, going by the fact that they later move into what is presumably the muggle district. Harry sets it on fire accidentally (??) and is promised a date with the headsman for this, but what's actually burning? The rest of the city seems fine, so does that mean the muggles of Revolutionary Army attacked the magical district of Luxembourg? Why are Harry and Daphné "trapped"? Apparition apparently doesn't exist yet, but why can't Daphné just put out the fire and head back to the Army? I also don't really get the point of this scene, what it really adds to the story.

    Second, much like previous entries the ending could use some work. Daphné curses the general offscreen; Harry's attempt to sway him doesn't pay off. (Considering the historical setting I vaguely entertained the notion it might be Napoleon, but at the time he ought to have been in Italy and there's no real hints to him being Napoleon instead of the historical Jan-Willem de Winter. ) The real climax of the ending, therefore, is presumably the escape from the Ducal Palace, but that goes pretty easy. No duels are engaged in, the opponents are all muggles; they steal brooms and get away. It's a bit of a letdown.

    Still, the setting and generally excellent writing add up to a rating of 3.5/5.
     
  3. Microwave

    Microwave Professor

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    There's the same problem in this one as a lot of the others with the weak resolution. It also seems like it would do better with some subsequent chapters, or a sequel. The climax doesn't feel particularly climactic, and the way Daphné and Harry sort of landed themselves in their main climactic moment feels very contrived. It just doesn't seem to be there.

    Half of the scenes don't really feel like they add anything to the story, I feel like more emphasis could have been put on how they grow together as characters throughout the story up to its resolution. The last scenes in Luxembourg feel sort of just hammered in without much foresight, as do a lot of the interludes.

    The historical setting is nice, it adds to most of the charm of the charm of the story. It builds up into a nice connection with actual historical events, which is pretty fun. It's kind of disappointing that a lot of it seems to be awkwardly put into the story just to stay consistent with the setting.

    I'd give it a 2/5, points taken off because the plot doesn't really seem to be very fixed place, more improvised to fit into the historical setting.
     
  4. Halt

    Halt 1/3 of the Note Bros. Moderator

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    First bolded part is unnecessary. Prior paragraph shows that well enough.
    Second is unnecessary as we're deep into Harry's thoughts at this point, so the bolded part only hurts the immersion

    There seems to be a PoV shift from Harry to Daphne. How does Daphne know his fingers are tingling, or that he's trying to channel magic? Or that the water was disturbingly cold?

    realm of Morpheus? Yuck.

    These two should be in the same paragraph. The break implies different people are speaking, when that isn't the case, and your lack of tags only makes this more confusing.

    Can't we?

    I really like this AU you've given us. I thought it was yet another Azkaban story, but was pleasantly surprised when you built up to him being on a ship, that was in Amsterdam, in the middle of the French Revolution. Really cool worldbuilding ideas here. The initial scene works well to capture the reader's attention and really hook us in this world.

    In the middle of the story, there's some magic that goes on, but it's a bit unclear to me what's happening beyond stuff burning down really. Where are they? Who's being affected? Why is the french army delayed by it?

    Like the others said, the ending was a bit weak. I think it needed more tension to it, more flash and substance rather than the escape happening so easily. Perhaps showing us what was going through Daphne's head, give her some inner turmoil when she makes her choice. I can understand intellectually why she did what she did, but I don't grasp it on an emotional level. I don't buy it because I don't see her struggling with the choice - the decision to set aside compatriots a leetle boi.

    Part of the problem, I think, is that there are quite a few scenes that don't really build up a relationship between them. That would normally be fine if this were meant to be a longer piece with another plot tied in, but that doesn't quite work when it's a oneshot - it kinda feels like a dangling thread I want to scratch at.

    3/5
     
  5. Raigan123

    Raigan123 Banned

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    This started off well. Harry imprisoned by muggles because he was caught unaware. Then came Daphne’s POV and the flowery prose. The longer I read the more it grated on my nerves. By the end I could barely read the descriptions anymore.

    It also seems to be an entirely different magic system from canon. No apparition, no warming charms, no disillusionment charm and no who knows what else. I quite dislike the nerfing of Harry Potter magic. It is so exciting precisely because you can do so much with it.

    There was interesting magic as well. Daphne freezing an entire lake and Harry accidentally burning parts of a city would have been interesting if it wasn’t for the way it was presented.

    Something that bothered me immensely was Harry’s actions. They just don’t make sense. After he is captured by Daphne he just goes along with everything that’s happening. I realize he doesn’t have a choice as a prisoner, but what about his thoughts? He doesn’t seem to resent being a prisoner at all and by the end seems to just go along with the revolution for no apparent reason. I would have thought leaving his country behind would be difficult but whatever. His spinelessness was also annoying, but that’s just my preference. I’m used to a little more defiance and courage from Harry Potter.

    The structure of the story is meh. It has a beginning which is engaging and a middle which drags on needlessly. The ending is somewhat anticlimactic. There doesn’t seem to be any kind of payoff for all the words

    I just realized there is a lot of negativity so far which might paint the wrong picture of my impression of this story so I’ll give this a rating. 3/5 for decent writing technique and the setting.
     
  6. Blorcyn

    Blorcyn Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    (Read the other reviews on this entry? Sir, No Sir.)

    General opinion:

    I really liked this, and it was almost a home run. It's interesting, it engaged me, it did a lot of things really well on a technical error. It had a much stronger beginning and middle than it did an ending but - from what I've read so far - I'd carry this on if there were more chapters and keep up with it. The AU of this faux-magical republican France business and what you've done with Harry and Daphne is fascinating.

    The good:

    So, firstly, characters and characterisation. Harry and Daphne are very well done here, and you've contrasted them incredibly well. Everything they encounter works to highlight the differences between them. If Harry is invigorated by a war-torn city, Daphne is unsure and off-balance. If Harry is powerless, casting only simple wandless spells (and mostly fire), then Daphne has fantastically versatile magic in every-way except firey magic. Where she lives up to her posh background, Harry is very understated in every traumatic situation he encounters. It hints at just how opposing their viewpoints will be on the most central issue of the wizarding-muggle unity vs. secrecy argument. This gives them both very unique voices.

    Speaking of which, secondly, the opening. The opening was incredibly strong, and I loved it from the beginning. The perspective of Harry, and the gradual reveal from a little problem (I don't like the sea) to a big problem (I don't like being beaten and imprisoned, without any recourse to magic, by muggles, in a climate of wide societal upheaval being shipped to goodness knows where) was so good that I didn't realise how much exposition I'd just had stuffed in my eye-holes until we switched to Daphne (where to be fair, it was a little bit more noticeable).

    As said earlier, I enjoyed the AU a lot, it gives the whole narrative an element of mystery that kept me reading. I kept wanting to see what was around the corner. I'm always a fan of a Sharpe/Hornblower style feel.

    Stylistically, this was well written. Few copy-edit problems - maybe one or two sentences that need cleaning up and were difficult to parse in the moment.

    The bad:


    The main bad point for me is the ending. It did sort of become less strong as we went on. I wouldn't say it squandered the opening but definitely, it didn't live up to the promise of opening and the conflict up to about when they entered the city, or were trapped by the Baron.

    After they reach there, it feels a bit like you run out of steam. Gone is the beautiful heightening of tension, but without the prettiness of a worthy and weighty climax for both characters. It all didn't feel quite enough for the level of Daphne's break from this nebulous army. Nor did the speed of the resolution feel like it had elucidated the new status quo quite thoroughly enough.

    That's pretty much all I've got to say until I read the other reviews. Good job, well done, all that funky jazz.
     
  7. Sorrows

    Sorrows Queen of the Flamingos Moderator

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    This one had me a bit confused. On the one hand, the idea and for the most part the excution of the setting is excellent. Setting it in revolutionary France is a truly original idea and there are a lot of little details that really sell it. The problem is that you don't quite give us enough information to show/tell us where and how things are different other than the time. The setting is recognisable, but there is not quite historical groundwork here for people who are not already familiar with the French Revolution. Daphne and her army, what role they play and why they are attacking the Dutch and how the rest of world is dealing with Frances fallout do not feel quite explored enough. Aspects of the world (such as the magic system) are different, but there is not enough to tell you quite how they are different.

    Daphne seems to go around mostly confused, she doesn't know what to do with Harry, she seem to mentions he might be valuable but does not receive any orders about him. Their relationship feels ill defined and does not seem to progress (Harry does not come to appreciate her ideals about muggles and magic, they share no bonding moments etc). Harry seems to have no goal once captured and no plan to get out of his situation.

    The plot seems to go nowhere and the tension sort of dribbles off at the end.

    This feels negative, but over all I really liked this one. I think you have a real flair for writing and you turn a nice sentence and set a good scene. Your opening was cracking and your setting was a great idea realised with style. I think you might have been served better defining the edges of your AU and planning the motivations,and relationships and charecter arcs of your charecters but that is easially fixed in a rewrite.

    4/5
     
  8. Nevermind

    Nevermind Minister of Magic

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    Oh, how I could have loved this. If only the bloody French… erm, never mind.


    In all seriousness, I really like the tactics you employ in the first scene. The gradual reveal of Harry’s plight and the self-ironic, somewhat deprecating voice make this scene for me. You have a strong grasp of connecting the little to the big picture, which continues through the rest of the story, and let the reader form images in their mind without ever getting too obnoxious.


    The AU aspect is what makes this story special, and as a person who considers themselves very interested in history, you have my thanks for writing and refining this setting in the way you did. Not only that, but Harry and Daphné are fully-formed characters as well, each with their own moments of triumph and despair, and they match up extremely well against each other in every situation. In this story, I am also somehow not overly bothered by the scenes that don’t seem to fit into the narrative quite as neatly, or don’t further the plot as much, which I believe is ultimately a compliment to the world you have created more than anything else.


    Sadly, though, the ending falls just a bit short of the lofty expectations I had built up. In the end, it all comes a bit easy to our heroic pairing. After so many thousands of words of build-up, the climax and denouement both arrive in a hurry, and, while they wrap everything up neatly (and potentially set up a sequel?), I cannot help but think there was quite a bit of wasted potential here. Daphne’s thought processes in particular could have been expanded upon a bit.


    For my final point, I had a bit of a look around the other reviews and was relieved to find that I wasn’t the only one confused by the fire. So I think that could have been clarified beyond what we saw in the story.


    Ultimately, though, I still really, really liked this entry, and can live with its flaws. 4/5.
     
  9. BeastBoy

    BeastBoy Seventh Year

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    I don’t like the opening very much. I feel underqualified to offer advice on how to do it better, but as it is it just seems bland. We have an interesting set-up: unrest on the continent, Harry is captured and beaten and interrogated because of it, France breaking the Statute for unknown reasons is all very good stuff, but we just start with him ruminating on the sea. It didn’t draw me in.

    I do think you do a very good job about setting up the world, and Daphne and Harry’s place in it, without feeling like an exposition dump. I get that Harry is working for forces in Britain and Daphne is an official for the French. We get some small hints about her background and even some hints as to how the French Wizards framed their decision to break the statute with their Civil Constitution of the Clergy.

    Really great quick worldbuilding at the start.

    I was really into it at the start, because I think you introduced the world really well and the initial interaction with Harry and Daphne feeling each other out was interesting to read, but as it got more into the minutiae of their war effort, and the strategy surrounding the city I had to start fighting the urge to skim. It also ends weirdly.

    Like some other stories, this feels like the first chapter rather than a full arc. And that could work if I had the promise of more story ahead, but reading it on its own you can’t help but feel let down as the story just sort of peters out.

    Still, I think this is a 4/5 based on the supreme worldbuilding to start it off. I would maybe just try to tweak the opening line.
     
  10. enembee

    enembee The Nicromancer DLP Supporter

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    Note: I know who the author for this is and that they intend to continue this as a longer piece of fiction. However, I'm going to review it as though it were a short story because as far as I know, this is a competition for short fiction.

    Synopsis


    On the whole, this entry is decent but is, unfortunately, it is let down by some very poor structure. The story starts 3 or 4 scenes earlier than it ought to and then goes on to be unnecessarily flabby in the middle.

    This is compounded by some unnecessarily poor technicals that should never have made it past the edit. You wobble between tenses, you repeat words and ideas, you often tell when you should show and vice versa.

    Structural


    I was bored by the end of the third introductory scene where not very much happens. This story would have been so much stronger if it had started from Daphne's POV, they'd done the assault, and then opened the ship's brig to reveal Harry Potter within. Not only would it have cut out 90% of the unwanted chaff from the opening to this story, but it would have been a good surprise reveal.

    I think I've said this to nearly every entrant so far: stop adding words for the sake of words. Unless the scene/sentence/dialog is doing 2 important things at once (world building, character building, plot development, etc.) it should be a prime candidate for removal from your story.

    If you want to exposition the state of the war, have Harry and Daphne exchange flirtatious banter over it. If you want to berate the French, have Harry speak to someone who is French and contextualize the berating. I'm not saying that you always have to do these things, but on the third or fourth expositional digression in as many scenes, I'm losing patience for it.

    Stylistic

    enembee was wondering if a scene might begin without a lone sentence.

    This is a fine stylistic choice when it is used to give eminence to a sentence. The problem is that when nearly every scene begins with one it rather loses the effect, nearly, in your case, becoming a pastiche of itself.

    But this is, really, the hallmark of the stylistic choices in this piece of prose. You take a stylistic flourish and then flog that horse all the way through the resulting funeral, right in front of it's bawling granny. Parenthetical asides, lone sentences, thesis statements, dialogue beats — if they're used once, they're used often, and in quick succession.

    Lastly, stop repeating what you say. Repeating what you way, stop. This happens constantly. I can't speak for the other reviewers, but I am not a moron, and I don't need to be told everything twice. Additionally, on this same point, leave some things unsaid. 'Daphne frowned. She had been frowning a lot. It was a nice frown. Harry was growing to like it.' This isn't your writing but it isn't far off. If you tell your reader that Harry was growing to like her frown, you don't need any of the rest of it, it's all implied by that one sentence.

    Worldbuilding

    I'm giving you a section I haven't given anyone else, because I have a lot of things I think about this.

    I tried to do something somewhat similar to this with The Skitterleap, and I'm not going to insult you by saying that I did it better, because I didn't. But I do think we both failed to achieve what we set out to, and recentlyI've been doing a lot of thinking as to why that is. As such, you're going to get both barrels now.

    Your world is flat, and boring. And that's nothing to do with not having enough detail, because there is. The problem is that we don't see how this world has affected your characters. Right, we see that they're in different circumstances, we even see that they think and act slightly differently, but this story misses a clear and causal relationship between the world and the characters.

    For example, many of GRRM's characters are such a product of their environment and the world he has built, that they wouldn't make sense in any other context. Tyrion Lannister is a product of his father and his siblings, who in turn are a product of their parents, who are in turn a product of the world. The character that he is has been inextricably shaped by the universe he inhabits.

    I don't know that we get to see that at all in this story, the characters feel as though they were shaped to inhabit the story, rather than shaped by the world itself. And I think that's an intrinsic part of making your world feel like an authentic, interesting place, and making me care.

    That said, other reviewers have complimented it, so I guess take what I say with a pinch of salt.

    Conclusion

    I wish I could say that I liked the AU, or the world-building, or whatever. But I honestly didn't. I didn't find the story particularly engrossing, or well crafted. I didn't find the characters interesting or engaging, and I didn't feel like they particularly broke any moulds. Though perhaps this last point is not the purpose of fan fiction.

    Generally, this is fine. It's about what I'd expect from these competitions. With a bit of refinement, I think it would probably make a 4/5, but right now I'm thinking more of a 3.

    Two things, blah blah blah:

    1) Make your readers work a bit more, infer some things. Jump from a to d, rather than going through b and c.

    2) Edit, edit, edit. I didn't make a big deal of this before, but the general level of technical competence was let down by a particularly egregious set of errors that you would have caught if you'd been thorough in your editing stage.
     
  11. Majube

    Majube Order Member DLP Supporter

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    So, this got off to a strong opening with it seeming like it’d be about Azkaban. It was an interesting twist that it was set in the past instead though. As the story went on though I got annoyed at Harry’s inner voice and how it was just unlikeable and how this was a Harry in Name only. I think you could’ve had more background on Harry’s past in particular and also expanded more on Daphne’s as well.

    Speaking of Daphne I got tired of that accent halfway through, it was cheesy and a poor way to signal that she’s french and always has been in your story and I don’t think it was necessary.

    I didn't see much technical errors so props for that. But the formatting and spacing could’ve been better, the paragraphs of info were hard to read at times and I struggled to not skim through parts. There were multiple times when reading it that I got lost at boring sections and had to go back and reread through them again. I really believe this story would have benefited from cutting it down a lot.
    It also had issues with pacing, I think that parts of it were way too long like the start and then the middle was too short for the action scenes and ending.

    If this had been edited more I would say it’d be a 4 but I give it a 3/5 as it is.
     
  12. 9th Doctor

    9th Doctor Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2013
    Messages:
    360
    I like it.

    You took Harry and put him in a different setting. You made him less reliant on his wand and drew Ice and Fire parallels between him and Daphne. The setting makes me think of the Richard Sharpe series, and I love you for bringing magic into that era. (I've had a similar idea with doing something with Ebenezer from the Dresden Files in the Revolutionary War.) I enjoyed how you slowly entangled the characters, gradually showing that they were more reliant on each other than they wanted to be, and how you were subtle with Harry's affinity to Fire, and not subtle about Daphne's affinity to Ice. You flipped the stereotypes about fire=brash ice=slow creeping death and for that I love you.

    The ending of riding off into the sunset gave it a feeling of "This isn't over yet!" That said, there wasn't the feel of closure that I was expecting, so it was a bit jarring. In a TV series when the shows have individual plots but an overarching storyline... that would have been a perfect way to tie this up, I'm just not sure how to do it with what you did.

    Your tension was definitely "Magicals vs the World," which was fine, but it did seem a bit odd to have two previously enemies getting along so well so fast. I'd be interested in more build up there, and seeing into their heads about why they end up making those choices more in-depth than we already saw.
     
  13. Typhon

    Typhon Order Member

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2010
    Messages:
    803
    Since I'm a bit of a shit who has waited until the final moments of the review period to get around to, y'know, reviewing, this will be a somewhat abbreviated review. I've also not read much of the other feedback, and none of it in the last week. You have my apologies for both. To the former, if you want to discuss your story further after this is all said and done, respond and I'll look at it some more; to the latter, I guess you can take it as an extra voice to the chorus if I don't have anything unique to offer.

    I may or may not actually finish these by Ched's deadline, but vote or no vote on my part I will finish them. You guys wrote something, so you'll get something out of me.

    Okay, this is a lot. Let me sling you my components of writing spiel because I think that's good standard advice and then I'll try to dig into particulars.

    There are - for me - three legs on which every story rests:
    1. The quality of the writing - this, for me, is primarily about style and clever word choice, but high quality writing is also, of course, minimally technically sound.
    2. The quality of the characters - obviously this is much to large a topic to summarize in a sentence, but some questions for guidance might go something like this: Does a given character feel like a real person? In other words, can the reader get in the character's head to see what drives them and why? Do they have depth, or do they serve only to make the plot work? On a different but no less important note, is the character interesting? Mileage will vary on that point, I'm sure, but if your characters are bland you had better be bringing some prose that'll make Rothfuss sit up and a plot that Palahnuk wants to crib from because otherwise people are going to dump you story half read out of sheer ennui.
    3. The quality of the plot - much like characters, plot is tricky to define. Some questions for plot might go something like this: Is this an interesting story; that is, do the readers care about what's happening? Is my plot very clever? Heartwarming? Poignant? Why am I writing this? This last question is a biggie, so I feel it bears repeating. Why are you writing this?
    Like a stool, a story stands the strongest with three sturdy legs. Also like anyone who has ever owned a stool can tell you, three strong legs can be hard to come by at times. That's fine. You're writing for a fanfiction short story competition, no one is here to rip you a new asshole for not being literally Hemingway (tm). You do need at least two reasonably sturdy legs, though, or else one hell of a leg and a keen sense of authorial poise.

    Still with me? Cool.

    Like I said, this is a lot. I mean that in essentially every conceivable way. There are a lot of words here - too many, really - but that's only part of it. More than that, there's a lot going on. This piece feels like nothing so much as a novella compressed into a short story. That probably feels like a weird hair to split, but what I mean is there's just a bit too much going on for this to work as a short story, I feel. Mild AU is fine for a short story, I think, but something like this is just too expansive a change.

    I say that on the basis that it's almost impossible to contain enough worldbuilding while also crafting a good short story inside the limited word count. Either you end up with a world where your reader has no idea what's going on in the broader world and thus feel like the characters and plot exist in a void that is whatever it needs to be, or, worse, your readers come to understand the world but have no idea why they should care about your worldbuilding document. As it turns out, there's a third option, where you try to do both and end up only partially successful in both respects. Yes, you do have a world, and characters and a plot that are taking place in that world, but the connection between the two is tenuous. If you think about the characters, really think about them, they don't feel as though came out of the world - they feel crafted and placed in the world, and that makes everything... ring false? I'm not even certain I'm making sense now, so I'll let this stand.

    If you're really attached to the concept you have here, maybe cut a fair number of scenes? Offhand, this doesn't need anything before Daphne shows, almost any of the scenes of them in the cottage, and at least one of the meetings could be trimmed. Doing that would help retain reader attention, I suspect, as well as let you focus your ideas so that more things serve multiple purposes.

    This is something I really want to like. With a metric fuckton of polish and a full story, I think this could be quite a decent piece of fanfiction. Unfortunately, it is a weak short story. You would be wildly better off, I think, to either reserve this for a fuller treatment or else to hard dive into character and plot and just deal with the fact that your clever worldbuilding will go unseen, because as it is you try for everything and end up the worse for it.
     
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