DLP Flash Christmas Competition + Writing Marathon 2024!

Competition topic: Magical New Year!

Marathon goal? Crank out words!

Check the marathon thread or competition thread for details.
Dismiss Notice
Hi there, Guest
Only registered users can really experience what DLP has to offer. Many forums are only accessible if you have an account. Why don't you register?
Dismiss Notice
Introducing for your Perusing Pleasure

New Thread Thursday
+
Shit Post Sunday

READ ME
Dismiss Notice

DLP Story Competition Guest User Registration Nag SPS + NTT

Funny Pics? No Malarkey!

Discussion in 'The Humor Mill' started by Arthellion, Dec 2, 2019.

: 5/5, 3 votes

Page 49 of 108

kinetique Headmaster

Joined:

Aug 16, 2013

Messages:

1,190

Aug 21, 2020 #961

kelkorkesis, pbluekan, 9th Doctor, Kraken, Utsane, Quiddity, R. E. Lee, Blorcyn, someone010101, Download, Ash'Ura, H_A_Greene, Othalan, Kravot, Swirly Mango, oakgem217, Otters, The Iron Rose, Acquiescing Avian, Aekiel, ScottPress
Cjonbloodletter Professor

Joined:

Jan 29, 2007

Messages:

472

Gender:

Male

Location:

In Lord Jabu Jabu

Aug 21, 2020 #962

Oruma said: ↑

Not a cell phone in sight? Was that picture taken with a camera like a plebian?
Click to expand...

Still technically true though, because you can't see the Cell Phone

"It all averages out, shit happens two to three times a week, ordinary people do it in the median." Tim Dorsey, "Orange Crush"
kinetique Headmaster

Joined:

Aug 16, 2013

Messages:

1,190

Aug 21, 2020 #963

kelkorkesis, Kraken, Raigan123, Utsane, Ash'Ura, H_A_Greene, Othalan, Zerg_Lurker, Cjonbloodletter, oakgem217, Redsayn, Aekiel, ScottPress, Nevermind, Quick Ben, Crowton, Acquiescing Avian
ScottPress The Horny Sovereign –§ Prestigious §– DLP Supporter

Joined:

Apr 22, 2013

Messages:

44

Gender:

Male

Location:

The Holy Moose Empire

High Score:

6900

Aug 21, 2020 #964

Sree said:

when you look into your mom's eyes, scott
can you tell how disappointed she is that she has you for a son
Click to expand...

kelkorkesis, Utsane, Redsayn, The Arid Legion, Iztiak, Ash'Ura, H_A_Greene, Othalan, Zerg_Lurker, FlyingOctopus, Acquiescing Avian, oakgem217
Ash'Ura Totally Sirius

Joined:

Dec 10, 2009

Messages:

3,427

Gender:

Male

Location:

Texas

Aug 22, 2020 #965

Uncle Iroh said:

While it always best to believe in oneself, a little help from others can be a great blessing.
Click to expand...

James, kelkorkesis, pbluekan, H_A_Greene, Kraken, Redsayn, Quentin, Longsword, Inert, Swimdraconian, R. E. Lee, The Arid Legion, Blorcyn, Nevermind, Feoffic, Kravot, Zerg_Lurker, MonkeyEpoxy, oakgem217, Acquiescing Avian, Iztiak, Download, TheWiseTomato, Crowton, Othalan, VanRopen, ScottPress, Mishie, DarthBill
Archinist Hαn Sαlsæd First

Joined:

Jun 30, 2019

Messages:

485

Gender:

Male

Location:

Holy Terra

Aug 22, 2020 #966

Faith.

I don't know when you gave it up, lost child. Were you never loved when you were young? Did a woman spurn you, or did the system beat you down? What hardships drove you, controlled you, until you came before me today?

It's hard to keep faith when I see children like you, broken and despoiled, then tossed aside when their purpose is finished. Oh yes, my boy, you're hardly the first ringleader I've seen down here, and you might yet not be the last. You’re full of fire and fury, just like all the ones before, but you and I both know that it’s a hollow feeling. There’s a faith-sized hole in your heart, and no amount of Warp-spawn will fill it.

You don’t have faith in the Imperium. You don’t have faith in your fellow man. You can’t even believe in love, or hope, or joy and despair that doesn’t come from an alien abomination. You can’t see the ocean of corruption, yet you’re drowning in it. You’re lost in the wilderness, little child, and only you and the Emperor can know how deep you’ve sunk.

Other lost children have asked me why I stay. Minister of a sad little church, shepard of a tiny flock, drowning in the greed and corruption from above - I’m just one man. I stand here fighting a battle already lost, with the hive in flames, the Governor and his cronies dead, and the black ships standing watch above. Perhaps there is no point to this mad universe; mayhaps it truly is a galaxy spinning adrift from rhyme or reason.

Yet the Emperor, for all his power, was just one man. Horus the Betrayer, Saint Sebastian Thor, and even humble Ollanius Pius were all just men. You are one man, as am I. Each of us may be saints or sinners, as we make of the lives given us.

I look at you, strong in Warp-borne mutations and diseases, and all I can see is weakness. You were so frail that when hardship bore down on you, and when this harsh reality sunk its claws in, you bargained your immortal soul away for relief from a little pain. Your physical strength cannot hide your spiritual weakness: where better men stood fast and died proudly, you sold out your Emperor and your fellow man for your worthless life.

So come fight me, lost children. We’ve all made our choices, and now those choices have made us. I shall bring you into His light with cleansing flame and prayers, and redeem us all in death. Come one or come all, you shall not put a foot into this hallowed ground while I still draw breath.

For I have faith, and that is enough.

Kraken, Redsayn, Longsword, Inert, Alindrome, oakgem217, Genghiz Khan, Ash'Ura, Othalan, Marsupial, ScottPress, Agayek, DarthBill
Nevermind Headmaster

Joined:

Mar 18, 2017

Messages:

1,175

Gender:

Male

Location:

The Medium Place

High Score:

0

Aug 22, 2020 #967

Forever flat to the square right…

JaehaerysTargaryen, Kraken, Oment, Longsword, Othalan, Swimdraconian, The Arid Legion, ScottPress, Nazgoose, Kravot, oakgem217, Archinist, Argosh, Ash'Ura
Archinist Hαn Sαlsæd First

Joined:

Jun 30, 2019

Messages:

485

Gender:

Male

Location:

Holy Terra

Aug 23, 2020 #968

Faith.

I don't know when you gave it up, lost child. Were you never loved when you were young? Did a woman spurn you, or did the system beat you down? What hardships drove you, controlled you, until you came before me today?

It's hard to keep faith when I see children like you, broken and despoiled, then tossed aside when their purpose is finished. Oh yes, my boy, you're hardly the first ringleader I've seen down here, and you might yet not be the last. You’re full of fire and fury, just like all the ones before, but you and I both know that it’s a hollow feeling. There’s a faith-sized hole in your heart, and no amount of Warp-spawn will fill it.

You don’t have faith in the Imperium. You don’t have faith in your fellow man. You can’t even believe in love, or hope, or joy and despair that doesn’t come from an alien abomination. You can’t see the ocean of corruption, yet you’re drowning in it. You’re lost in the wilderness, little child, and only you and the Emperor can know how deep you’ve sunk.

Other lost children have asked me why I stay. Minister of a sad little church, shepard of a tiny flock, drowning in the greed and corruption from above - I’m just one man. I stand here fighting a battle already lost, with the hive in flames, the Governor and his cronies dead, and the black ships standing watch above. Perhaps there is no point to this mad universe; mayhaps it truly is a galaxy spinning adrift from rhyme or reason.

Yet the Emperor, for all his power, was just one man. Horus the Betrayer, Saint Sebastian Thor, and even humble Ollanius Pius were all just men. You are one man, as am I. Each of us may be saints or sinners, as we make of the lives given us.

I look at you, strong in Warp-borne mutations and diseases, and all I can see is weakness. You were so frail that when hardship bore down on you, and when this harsh reality sunk its claws in, you bargained your immortal soul away for relief from a little pain. Your physical strength cannot hide your spiritual weakness: where better men stood fast and died proudly, you sold out your Emperor and your fellow man for your worthless life.

So come fight me, lost children. We’ve all made our choices, and now those choices have made us. I shall bring you into His light with cleansing flame and prayers, and redeem us all in death. Come one or come all, you shall not put a foot into this hallowed ground while I still draw breath.

For I have faith, and that is enough.

Kraken, Ash'Ura, The Arid Legion, The Iron Rose, Aekiel, Alindrome, Othalan, Agayek, DarthBill, ScottPress, oakgem217
kinetique Headmaster

Joined:

Aug 16, 2013

Messages:

1,190

Aug 23, 2020 #969

JaehaerysTargaryen, Majube, Swimdraconian, kelkorkesis, Arselbengt, Argosh, Quick Ben, DrSarcasm, Oment, Quiddity, H_A_Greene, Iztiak, Kraken, Acquiescing Avian, KHAAAAAAAN!!, DR, Archinist, Inert, Nazgoose, Ash'Ura, Alindrome, The Arid Legion, Nevermind, Heather_Sinclair, Kravot, Cjonbloodletter, lopeck, VanRopen, Shinysavage, someone010101, Quentin, oakgem217, Othalan, The Iron Rose, carvell, Feoffic, Zerg_Lurker, Redsayn, Aekiel
Download Auror ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

Joined:

Aug 6, 2014

Messages:

640

Location:

Adelaide, Australia

High Score:

1918

Aug 24, 2020 #970

Amphetamine powered.

kelkorkesis, FlyingOctopus, Utsane, Krieger, Redsayn, Genghiz Khan, Otters, Phantom of the Library, Quentin, H_A_Greene, Arthellion, Ash'Ura, Alindrome, Republic, Othalan, Kraken, DarthBill, The Arid Legion, Raigan123, SeekingSerenity, Acquiescing Avian, Silirt, oakgem217
Ash'Ura Totally Sirius

Joined:

Dec 10, 2009

Messages:

3,427

Gender:

Male

Location:

Texas

Aug 26, 2020 #971

Uncle Iroh said:

While it always best to believe in oneself, a little help from others can be a great blessing.
Click to expand...

pbluekan, Othalan, Inert, H_A_Greene, Oment, Genghiz Khan, Nevermind, Kraken, Kravot, Zerg_Lurker, oakgem217, VanRopen, Churchey
Archinist Hαn Sαlsæd First

Joined:

Jun 30, 2019

Messages:

485

Gender:

Male

Location:

Holy Terra

Aug 26, 2020 #972

Faith.

I don't know when you gave it up, lost child. Were you never loved when you were young? Did a woman spurn you, or did the system beat you down? What hardships drove you, controlled you, until you came before me today?

It's hard to keep faith when I see children like you, broken and despoiled, then tossed aside when their purpose is finished. Oh yes, my boy, you're hardly the first ringleader I've seen down here, and you might yet not be the last. You’re full of fire and fury, just like all the ones before, but you and I both know that it’s a hollow feeling. There’s a faith-sized hole in your heart, and no amount of Warp-spawn will fill it.

You don’t have faith in the Imperium. You don’t have faith in your fellow man. You can’t even believe in love, or hope, or joy and despair that doesn’t come from an alien abomination. You can’t see the ocean of corruption, yet you’re drowning in it. You’re lost in the wilderness, little child, and only you and the Emperor can know how deep you’ve sunk.

Other lost children have asked me why I stay. Minister of a sad little church, shepard of a tiny flock, drowning in the greed and corruption from above - I’m just one man. I stand here fighting a battle already lost, with the hive in flames, the Governor and his cronies dead, and the black ships standing watch above. Perhaps there is no point to this mad universe; mayhaps it truly is a galaxy spinning adrift from rhyme or reason.

Yet the Emperor, for all his power, was just one man. Horus the Betrayer, Saint Sebastian Thor, and even humble Ollanius Pius were all just men. You are one man, as am I. Each of us may be saints or sinners, as we make of the lives given us.

I look at you, strong in Warp-borne mutations and diseases, and all I can see is weakness. You were so frail that when hardship bore down on you, and when this harsh reality sunk its claws in, you bargained your immortal soul away for relief from a little pain. Your physical strength cannot hide your spiritual weakness: where better men stood fast and died proudly, you sold out your Emperor and your fellow man for your worthless life.

So come fight me, lost children. We’ve all made our choices, and now those choices have made us. I shall bring you into His light with cleansing flame and prayers, and redeem us all in death. Come one or come all, you shall not put a foot into this hallowed ground while I still draw breath.

For I have faith, and that is enough.

Inert, The Iron Rose, ScottPress, Zerg_Lurker, Redsayn, Acquiescing Avian, Ash'Ura, Nevermind, oakgem217
Oment The Betrayer DLP Supporter

Joined:

Apr 11, 2011

Messages:

3,597

Aug 26, 2020 #973

Curse my sudden but inevitable betrayals.

Ur-Fascism is still around us, sometimes in plainclothes. It would be so much easier for us if there appeared on the world scene somebody saying, "I want to reopen Auschwitz, I want the Blackshirts to parade again in the Italian squares." Life is not that simple. Ur-Fascism can come back under the most innocent of disguises. Our duty is to uncover it and to point our finger at any of its new instances — every day, in every part of the world. [...] Freedom and liberation are an unending task.
Click to expand...

-- Umberto Eco, Ur-Fascism

kelkorkesis, Othalan, Download, H_A_Greene, oakgem217, ScottPress, Redsayn, Nazgoose, Acquiescing Avian, Ash'Ura
Nevermind Headmaster

Joined:

Mar 18, 2017

Messages:

1,175

Gender:

Male

Location:

The Medium Place

High Score:

0

Aug 26, 2020 #974

Forever flat to the square right…

Nemrut, 9th Doctor, Swimdraconian, kelkorkesis, Quiddity, Archinist, The Arid Legion, pbluekan, Othalan, Kraken, KHAAAAAAAN!!, ScottPress, someone010101, Raigan123, Phantom of the Library, MuggsieToll, Inert, H_A_Greene, Cjonbloodletter, Genghiz Khan, Zerg_Lurker, Acquiescing Avian, Ash'Ura, Agayek, Alindrome, Redsayn, The Iron Rose, oakgem217, Raiko, DarthBill, Nazgoose
pbluekan Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

Joined:

Jan 24, 2014

Messages:

1,460

Gender:

Male

Location:

Dancing in the Mindfield

Aug 26, 2020 #975

Reclaiming The Remnants | FFN

Sauce Bauss, Blorcyn, Archinist, Ash'Ura, Utsane, Othalan, Raigan123, oakgem217, MuggsieToll, Nevermind
MonkeyEpoxy The Cursed Child DLP Supporter

Joined:

Aug 11, 2011

Messages:

4,040

Gender:

Male

Location:

Colorado

Aug 27, 2020 #976

DLP Dynasty Football League spreadsheet

9th Doctor, Sauce Bauss, kelkorkesis, Quiddity, Archinist, Republic, Ash'Ura, FlyingOctopus, The Arid Legion, Redsayn, H_A_Greene, Utsane, pbluekan, Othalan, carvell, Nauro, Kraken, Panther, Inert, Download, ScottPress, Zerg_Lurker, someone010101, Raigan123, oakgem217, Feoffic, VanRopen, The Iron Rose, DarthBill, Arthellion
TheWiseTomato Prestigious Tomato ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

Joined:

Nov 11, 2009

Messages:

1,065

Location:

Australia.

High Score:

3694

Aug 27, 2020 #977

And that's how Anakin ended up killing Sidious.

Have Australian citizenship, will sham marriage for $$$.

Captain Westeros - MCU/ASoIaF
One man with a shield makes his impact on Planetos. A leviathan task, but Steve Rogers is used to challenges.

THORHAMMER - MCU/Warhammer Fantasy
Thor Odinson is accustomed to landing in strange new worlds. To others, a shocking change. To him? A Thorsday.

Rise - Fable
Orphan boy to Hero of Albion. Cruelty begets vengeance; from struggle comes strength. The Archon's bloodline still has power.

I have a Patreon. Join to read my original short stories and get a vote in what I write each week.
Arthellion Lord of the Banned ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

Joined:

Apr 14, 2017

Messages:

1,397

Gender:

Male

Location:

Georgia, USA

High Score:

4400

Aug 28, 2020 #978

You know you're something when you can line up Arthellion, DR, and Vlad [RIP] on the same side ~ Nazgus

Arthellion Delenda Est -DLP

Scene: a fairly average cemetery, basking in the last rays of the mid-autumn sun, 70 F and not a cloud in the sky. A man, nondescript, wearing sunglasses that were popular several summers ago, but were more likely picked up after that fact, opens a gate that has seen better days. Miraculously, no metal whine occurs as he does so. All the same, he leaves it open, though whether it is out of fear of the grating sound or out of negligence is unclear.

He moves with less purpose than usually seen. It is as if he is looking for someone, but, being unfamiliar with this particular cemetery, he is momentarily lost. Yet soon, he finds a trail, and picks up the pace, moving with purpose to end up in front of one of the most recent graves. He takes in the sight: flowers, lack of tombstone - it is too recent a passing - and the wooden plate with engraving that serves as it for now. He lowers his head, offering a silent prayer, or perhaps thoughts, before leaving something of his own.

It is an engraved piece of wood, similar to the tombstone, but smaller, and far more intricate. Eagle-eyed viewers easily make out the sloth hidden behind, but the circle and large stripe across make no sense to people not in the know. As it should be. After that, the man leaves. Yet, those closeby might hear a whisper on the wind. "Finally, Arthellion is banned."

9th Doctor, kelkorkesis, Quiddity, Archinist, Ash'Ura, Redsayn, Zerg_Lurker, Nazgoose, Kraken, Kravot, Paradise, ScottPress, Nevermind, Raigan123, MonkeyEpoxy, Moridin, Genghiz Khan, DarthBill, Inert, oakgem217, Othalan
Arthellion Lord of the Banned ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

Joined:

Apr 14, 2017

Messages:

1,397

Gender:

Male

Location:

Georgia, USA

High Score:

4400

Aug 28, 2020 #979

You know you're something when you can line up Arthellion, DR, and Vlad [RIP] on the same side ~ Nazgus

Arthellion Delenda Est -DLP

Scene: a fairly average cemetery, basking in the last rays of the mid-autumn sun, 70 F and not a cloud in the sky. A man, nondescript, wearing sunglasses that were popular several summers ago, but were more likely picked up after that fact, opens a gate that has seen better days. Miraculously, no metal whine occurs as he does so. All the same, he leaves it open, though whether it is out of fear of the grating sound or out of negligence is unclear.

He moves with less purpose than usually seen. It is as if he is looking for someone, but, being unfamiliar with this particular cemetery, he is momentarily lost. Yet soon, he finds a trail, and picks up the pace, moving with purpose to end up in front of one of the most recent graves. He takes in the sight: flowers, lack of tombstone - it is too recent a passing - and the wooden plate with engraving that serves as it for now. He lowers his head, offering a silent prayer, or perhaps thoughts, before leaving something of his own.

It is an engraved piece of wood, similar to the tombstone, but smaller, and far more intricate. Eagle-eyed viewers easily make out the sloth hidden behind, but the circle and large stripe across make no sense to people not in the know. As it should be. After that, the man leaves. Yet, those closeby might hear a whisper on the wind. "Finally, Arthellion is banned."

Kraken, kelkorkesis, Othalan, Archinist, Ash'Ura, Redsayn, oakgem217, ScottPress, Kravot
Arthellion Lord of the Banned ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

Joined:

Apr 14, 2017

Messages:

1,397

Gender:

Male

Location:

Georgia, USA

High Score:

4400

Aug 28, 2020 #980

You know you're something when you can line up Arthellion, DR, and Vlad [RIP] on the same side ~ Nazgus

Arthellion Delenda Est -DLP

Scene: a fairly average cemetery, basking in the last rays of the mid-autumn sun, 70 F and not a cloud in the sky. A man, nondescript, wearing sunglasses that were popular several summers ago, but were more likely picked up after that fact, opens a gate that has seen better days. Miraculously, no metal whine occurs as he does so. All the same, he leaves it open, though whether it is out of fear of the grating sound or out of negligence is unclear.

He moves with less purpose than usually seen. It is as if he is looking for someone, but, being unfamiliar with this particular cemetery, he is momentarily lost. Yet soon, he finds a trail, and picks up the pace, moving with purpose to end up in front of one of the most recent graves. He takes in the sight: flowers, lack of tombstone - it is too recent a passing - and the wooden plate with engraving that serves as it for now. He lowers his head, offering a silent prayer, or perhaps thoughts, before leaving something of his own.

It is an engraved piece of wood, similar to the tombstone, but smaller, and far more intricate. Eagle-eyed viewers easily make out the sloth hidden behind, but the circle and large stripe across make no sense to people not in the know. As it should be. After that, the man leaves. Yet, those closeby might hear a whisper on the wind. "Finally, Arthellion is banned."

Kraken, oakgem217, kelkorkesis, Raigan123, Othalan, Phantom of the Library, Archinist, Republic, Ash'Ura, Nazgoose, ScottPress, The Arid Legion, Nevermind

(You must log in or sign up to reply here.)

Page 49 of 108

Loading...

Similar Threads

Make Pictures Funny Again

Jon, Jan 23, 2017, in forum: The Humor Mill

Replies:

4,555

Views:

803,697

Zombie

Dec 2, 2019
Official funny pics 4 teh win.

Oz, Aug 20, 2013, in forum: The Humor Mill

Replies:

4,447

Views:

1,085,846

Jon

Jan 23, 2017
Official Funny Pics Part 3

Oz, Feb 18, 2012, in forum: The Humor Mill

Replies:

2,998

Views:

877,466

Oz

Aug 20, 2013
Official Video Clips Thread

Oz, Oct 13, 2011, in forum: The Humor Mill

Replies:

1,308

Views:

285,220

Jax

Apr 21, 2024 at 5:54 PM
Official Funny Pics Part 2

Antivash, Jun 2, 2011, in forum: The Humor Mill

Replies:

1,998

Views:

643,105

Oz

Feb 18, 2012

Search