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Entry #6

Discussion in 'Q4 2021' started by Xiph0, Jan 19, 2022.

  1. Xiph0

    Xiph0 Yoda Admin

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    Hogmanay on the Astronomy Tower



    It looked rather like a living creature, with its gold and red tail. It soared across the night sky, joining a sparkling silvery bat the size of a double decker and some pulsating, eel-like blue and green spirals that swirled across the dark sky, sending zaps of electricity in all directions. Together, they lit up the entire grounds: Hagrid’s hut, the Beauxbaton carriage, the quidditch pitch and the Lake with the Durmstrang ship.

    Humming excitedly to himself, Albus produced a second red and gold creature, it swelled and it swelled, a glimmering monstrosity shouldering its way out of tight confinement. Sparks tickled his fingertips. A shriek sounded as the firework reared its garnet-eyed head and took flight, leaving a merry crackling and the smell of roasting chestnuts in its wake.

    There were ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’ coming from down below, and Albus couldn’t resist leaning over the parapet. Hundreds of pointy black hats lit up in red and green, then purple as what looked like a wildly spinning amethyst of epic proportions launched itself out of his wand. It exploded into a pleasingly symmetrical sun high up in the air.

    “A dragon, that’s what we need,” he said to himself, and no sooner had the words left his mouth than a lifelike Common Welsh Green flapped its enormous, glitter-based wings and breathed what appeared to be real fire dangerously close to the Whomping Willow.

    “Oh dear.”

    There were worried shouts coming from the students.

    The Willow, however, was quite ready to fight back; it threw thirteen punches at once and sparkling holes burned where it connected. Another roar from the wounded dragon and the whole thing went up in emerald flames, pew pew pew, a last flapping of wings and it disintegrated.

    “Probably for the best,” Albus said to cheer himself up, “let’s give them a cat instead, shall we?”

    No sooner had he suited his words to action (the fur was an explosion of ever-moving glitter and the creature leapt across the sky in pursuit of the bat) than a dour voice sounded behind him:

    “Quite a show you’re putting on for the wee ones.”

    “Alastor!” Dumbledore said, spreading his arms wide in welcome. “I would have brought drinks if I knew you were joining me. And how are you this fine Hogmanay?”

    “If Flitwick or Sprout try to get me to sing Auld Lang Syne one more time I’ll lock them inside my suitcase till next year,” Moody grumbled.

    Albus laughed appreciatively, then they both had to duck as a madly frizzling eel undulated past them, closely followed by the glitter cat which pounced across the roof of the castle in one effortless lounge, just missing the backend of the eel. The pair left behind a strong smell of peppermint and freshly cooked cranberry jam.

    Leaning heavily on his staff and squinting up at Albus, Moody took out his hip flask and had a sip. He didn’t seem inclined to offer any to Albus, and to cover up any awkwardness Albus raised his wand and waved it a little. A swarm of orange butterflies flapped their wings, which had electric blue eyes that shot out sparklers with every flutter.

    “Ah, excellent. Plum tarts, I think. Tell me, how are you finding it so far? Teaching?”

    Moody was quiet for a long time. His magical eye was swirling in its socket, no doubt there was a lot to take in, but his other eye was frowning and remained fixed on Albus.

    “You were right,” he conceded finally. “I had missed it. Being around young people. Not that I would normally compare fresh-faced auror recruits to the idiots that mill about within these walls, but… Though they are bloody annoying, I had missed it.”

    “I recall you speaking very highly of the last ones you trained before you retired. There was a witch – Tonks, wasn’t it?”

    “That’s right.”

    Albus hummed a few notes of a jolly carol and shot one more firework bat into existence, wand pointing over his shoulder. There was an excitable, crackling purr and the noise of desperately flapping wings. The bat, decidedly, smelled of mulled wine.

    “Always so smug, Dumbledore,” Moody grunted. “But I suppose I was beginning to lose myself. I’d been alone for too long, locked away… Nothing but my own thoughts for company.”

    Albus was rather surprised by the level of candour, but before he could respond Moody continued:

    “Your invitation came at just the right time. Gave me things to plan. You could say I was reborn. I find I’d subconsciously begun planning lectures long before I accepted the post. I know better than anyone what they all need to know. What horrors they might meet when school’s out. Which counter curses need be taught to the new generation. I enjoy teaching them, especially as most of them are in dire need of a wakeup call.”

    “All while keeping it perfectly age-appropriate, of course,” Albus said genially.

    “It’s given me a new angle from which to consider my time in the war, too. Remember the trap that killed the McKinnons?”

    Albus shuddered and turned away. The cat looked like a flying squirrel, launching itself over the treetops in the distance, still hot on the eel’s trail. The phoenixes had begun chasing the cat, though, they were shooting ruby red flames after it.

    “I interrogated one of the Death Eaters responsible, afterwards. In ’81, straight after His fall. When we finally caught some of them. Wide-eyed thing this one was, not much more than a bairn –”

    “Plenty of them were.”

    “He fell hook, line and sinker for the propaganda, of course. Bored, too, with his life. Under pressure from his parents.”

    Albus sighed and raised his head to watch his creations soar and explode overhead.

    “In the end, he went along because it felt like a game. Tracking us down, one by one. Setting traps where they thought we might be. We fought back, too, much better than the muggles. It was good fun. Bit of a thrill. That’s what he said.”

    “Unfathomable,” Albus mumbled. The light and colour were making kaleidoscopes of his moist eyes.

    “I’ve come to realize it’s what young people are like. Easily fooled. Outraged at the slightest hint at how the world really works. But you also have to make it a bit of fun, a bit of a challenge if they’re to make a real effort.”

    “We can’t let it happen again. History mustn’t repeat itself.”

    Both Moody’s normal and magical eye stared thoughtfully into his. He nodded and said:

    “That’s why I’m here.”

    They stood in companionable silence for some time. Albus produced another few fireworks; a topaz-winged hippogriff as well as an opalesque acromantula. The latter had firecrackers for eyes and barely kept itself airborne, eliciting some pleasingly high-pitched screams from the students as it propelled itself across the lawn.

    Albus noticed his old friend eyeing his clothes with a sceptically raised eyebrow. Albus had chosen sapphire-coloured robes with a lot of silver brocade and jewels shaped like snowflakes. The matching hat Madam Malkin had let him have for free.

    He almost gave into the impulse of giving Moody a twirl.

    “Nice socks,” Moody said.

    “Hmm?”

    “Your socks. I’ve seen some good ones already this Christmas, but yours take the biscuit.”

    “Hagrid knitted them for me,” Albus said protectively. “He said he chose the yarn according to what colours he thinks suit me.”

    “Looks like he picked every shade of the rainbow to me.”

    Albus smiled to himself as he remembered unwrapping the gift days previously. There had been a lot of ribbon, and even more tape, but it had been absolutely worth it. The socks had looked like pure happiness to him. They had also been so large Albus had a sneaking suspicion that Hagrid had modelled them after his own feet.

    “Yesterday I found out they had somehow made their way into my regular washing basket, although of course they should be dry clean only. Luckily, though, Hagrid had the foresight to make them on the larger side, so there was no harm done.”

    “They look like they fit,” Moody grunted.

    “They’re very warm.”

    Together, they looked out over the grounds. They could hear Professor McGonagall shepherding the students back inside. The cat had finally caught one of the eels and was hovering in the sky, devouring its pray. After the last swallow, the sky lit up as the cat exploded into a thousand white and gold stars. The air smelled of Christmas.
     
  2. Erotic Adventures of S

    Erotic Adventures of S Denarii Host

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    I really this, the view of Barty Jr on the why and how young people join, introspective.

    The interplay wasn’t quiet 100% true to what I think it may be, but still good.
    [\spoiler]
     
  3. BTT

    BTT Viol̀e͜n̛t͝ D̶e͡li͡g҉h̛t҉s̀ ~ Prestige ~

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    Mad-Eye's voice is a little too Scottish for my tastes.

    I dunno. You can read this as Mad-Eye himself ruminating on his life as a teacher so far, or you can read this as Barty Jr doing the same. I presume it's Barty by the way he drinks from his flask.

    In any case, the idea being that children join the Death Eaters because they're bored, they want challenges, they want to rebel against their parents, etc is a good idea, and an avenue that canon does not actually explore. We see Draco be forced into joining the Death Eaters and regretting it, and we see very little other young Death Eaters. Except Snape, now that I think about it, and he just 'fell in with a bad crowd'. Even Barty's reasons for joining the Death Eaters are never canonically stated, though maybe they're implied.

    The idea itself makes sense, but could have used a little more flesh. For instance, I think Albus and Moody (real or fake) could have had more to say about why children see the Death Eaters as something that they can fall in with: them not sufficiently being able to insulate the children from the real world's issues, maybe, or not offering enough pushback against children who have been raised with purist ideology. If that makes any sense.

    Love the idea of the magical fireworks, though. That was neat, especially them all having smells as well. No clue what Hogmanay is, and I don't think it ever came up in the books, either, so maybe that could have used a little more explanation? But then again it's probably fine as is.

    3.5/5.
     
  4. haphnepls

    haphnepls Seventh Year

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    I like the motives of firework and fireworks themselves. I liked the way Albus seemed to enjoy it, even being smug about it. I like how he couldn't help but lean over the wall to see the children. In that, you've showed us why Albus is as great as people seem to think, and it's my favourite representatition of his character. Little things, eh?

    On the other hand, I found his voice when he spoke to Moody a little too forged, too similar to one he uses when talking to his students. Moody is supposed to be his old friend, and I'd imagine that this particular conversation would look something diffeent, if not entirely. Moody too on that front comes short off. In my opinion, he uses too much words to convey messages. For Moody's character, I think it would be better to convey as little as possible through words and more through his posture, grimaces, through what he didn't say.

    I liked the gist of their convo and how you managed to wrap it, but I just didn't care much for the source you've chosen as your guide. It didn't feel as a deep conversation between Moody and Albus, two veterans, friends, and ultimately, old men. Maybe I'm too romantic in these things, shrugs, but it didn't tickle me the right way.
     
  5. Shinysavage

    Shinysavage Madman With A Box ~ Prestige ~

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    Hmm. Is this Moody, or Crouch Jr in disguise? It feels more like the latter, and that would be more interesting, I think, adding a touch of irony and mystery to proceedings; is he looking back at his own youth and realising he has regrets? Reframing it to better build his cover story? Maybe even just jerking Dumbledore around, perhaps. However, if it is Crouch Jr, then it's really straining my suspension of disbelief that he would a) seek out the man who knows Moody best for a private, intimate conversation, and b) successfully pull it off. That perhaps ties into fridge logic about GoF itself, because it's already a bit of a stretch that Crouch Jr pulls off his impersonation so well, even with access to Moody for interrogation and maybe even mind-reading, but still.

    Alternatively, it's actual Moody, which removes a lot of the questions, but adds some (lesser) ones about how the AU is functioning.

    Anyway. Once you get past that, this isn't bad. Technically very solid, and the speculation about why people signed up as Death Eaters is intriguing, if not as well developed as it could have been - part and parcel of it being a flash competion, I guess. I liked Dumbledore's fireworks, too, beating out Gandalf at least on a technical level.
     
  6. Mr. Mixed Bag

    Mr. Mixed Bag Seventh Year

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    I admit there are certain conceptual things here that leave me a bit mystified. This is Crouch posing as Moody, that much was made clear by the timeframe (being in fourth year) and the plethora of hints to readers with knowledge of cannon (drinking from the flask, talking about being alone for a long time). But like, why the fuck is Crouch just strolling up to Dumbledore for a chat while going undercover? And Dumbledore never picks up on a thing, not a single action from his old friend strikes him as even slightly out of character. It just all seems very improbable, almost unreasonable. There are a few other possible issues, like Crouch knowing the details of certain order members deaths (although I suppose its possible that he was the impressionable Death Eater Alastor interrogated, but the parental pressures line seems to dissuade against that reading).

    Some of Dumbledore's speech feels out of character. I'm not gonna give you too much of a hard time over that, though, because I could count on one hand how many times I've seen someone really nail his voice. The interaction the two have, their conversation, I've got to admit does feel a bit on the inconsequential side to me, but it's flash so it's difficult to have anything hit too hard plot-wise. The writing borders between very good and purple. You could get away with about half the details you go for here and still paint a nice picture.

    Basically I liked it alright, especially the fireworks incidentally, which I liked more than any other aspect of what we see. Solid story.

    You repeat 'no sooner' twice in a few lines, reads as redundant.

    This doesn't sound like Dumbledore to me at all. Especially the last bit, I think, with the double question mark approach.

    I know he's not in quite his right mind, but is Crouch seriously dropping the number one guy he's trying to hide from hints about his own life? That's next-level bad espionage.
     
  7. FitzDizzyspells

    FitzDizzyspells Seventh Year DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

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    I wish a little bit more had happened in this story, but the author wrote a really strong interaction between Dumbledore and Moody here. Fun, vivid imagery too. I had no idea what Hogmanay was until now.

    Like Dumbledore, I was also "rather surprised by the level of candour." It does seem OOC for both Moody and Crouch to be this open. That problem could've been easily solved if Dumbledore was asking some gentle, prodding questions (something a little bit more than "how's teaching?"). Even the way the interaction begins — Moody approaching Dumbledore — I would flip that, and have Dumbledore catch a Moody who is lost in his thoughts.

    I recognize that pretty much everything Moody says works both ways (for Moody and Crouch), but it would've been more satisfying if his phrases were a little more perfectly worded. Something like:

    "People have been underestimating bairns for centuries. Never seem to learn, do they?"

    Dumbledore feels about 90% right in this story. Usually he's a little bit funnier, a bit more insightful. But this is still a strong Dumbledore.

    Overall, this is a really strong entry. Great characterization, imagery and dialogue.
     
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