What Evil Shnitzel said. But no opinion on pairings.

 

Did you people miss this part? Hello? Anybody home? McFly?

On the question of the pairing, I'll happily vote LEAVE ALL ROMANCE OUT OF THE FIC.
Or better known as Harry/hand.

 

Seconded. Especially with a fic like this where the romance doesn't really fit and would only look forced. And you'll get more readers with Harry/hand

 

On the whole romance thing, as of right now I'm not writing with any specific pairing in mind. I have a couple that I think might work, but really what I'm trying to do right now it to develop characters so that if they do get together later, it makes sense.

The question you have to ask is: what type of girl would Harry go for? More importantly, what would have to happen for him and that girl to get together? Can anyone honestly see Harry walking up to Hermione like:

"H-Hey, Hermione, I was just wondering if, uh, well, that is, willyougotoHogsmedewithme?"

I'd have to slap myself for writing something like that , and if anybody honestly thinks that the Harry from my story would do that, then I already fucked up.

If I do end up putting some romance in the story, I want it to be between characters that have defined personalities, not "hey, you're Ron's sister, I love you!" uke:

-the Jack

 

Romance? if you even consider a pairing, it would be Daphne. Otherwise, leave it out.

 

Ok, chapter 15 is up.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2869936/15/

I didn't really change that much from the rough draft. I took out the scene with Lucius Malfoy and changed the conversation with Tracey around a little. I also put in a little more justification for why Harry was went into a coma. Other than that, all the changes were pretty minor, so it's basically the same chapter.

Thanks again to everyone who commented.

-the Jack

 

well it seems like in the romance part your trying to define tracey more....daphne seems like bitch with attitude.....

man that boggart scene was pretty intense, he needs to get his riddikulus spell up....

 

I liked the new chapter, but I think Harry shouldn't have forgiven the twins so easily. If he put Malfoy in the hospital wing for a few days he should at least get some minor revenge against the Gryffindors.

 

I know the drummer from McFly

 

That was pretty random.

 

Not particularly subtle name-dropping.
Right, on topic. Yes. Erm. Screw it. Leave romance out unless you're sure you'll be able to write it well, and not romance for romance's sake. If the girl has something to do with the plot, then sure, knock yourself out. Very good chapter, by the way. Looking forward to more. And now I'll just go away, pretending I didn't write that just so I can say that I vaguely contributed to the topic.

 

I say the confrontation between Harry and Lucious should consist of Harry pissing him off somehow, like in COS, and Lucious decides to pull out his wand, while Harry pwns him with a pinky finger. Once Draco witnesses the pwn he loses respect for his daddy, and their enemity for eachother disappears, or worsens. I think the house politics idea is getting a little out of hand, for example, Harry just wants to learn how to produce a potronus and now all Harry seems to do is protect every house, but his own. He seems to have lost sight of the need to learn that particular spell, when only a few chapters ago thats all he was thinking about.

I was a little confused why the Puffs and Sprout were giving Harry the cold shoulder saying he's really not worth are time, he's a lost cause and that kind of thing is it because they believed the lies in the profit? I thought they were known to be loyal or is that loyalty only to housemates and people that have earned it?

Overall I think this chapter was good, but i think house rivalries are overshadowing the plot. The only houses that fight are Slytherins and Gryffs, but it seems everyone is against Harry.

 

It’s worth reading but I thought it was kind of wordy and hard to fallow.

 

uh... you want draco to be harry's friend? ouch.
i don't find the style too wordy, but that may be becasue i do even worse. ah well...

I would be pleasantly surprised if draco or lucius dies.

 

No I don't think there are friends in slytherin just leaders and followers. At the very least Draco won't try to attack Harry after he has seen how badass Harry is, unless his father is stupid enough to send Draco on a suicide mission when he's older.

 

I would be happy to see one of the twins die for what happened to Harry. But, from what you wrote so far there would more likely be a harry/snape parring than that. I have enjoyed reading it so far and hope that you keep up the great work

 

The rough draft of chapter 16 is up in the work by author section.

http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?t=2376

I listed most of my concerns in that thread, and I'm anxious to see what people think. There isn't really anything exciting in this chapter, but I need it to set up chapter 17, which should be pretty cool.

As always, I appreciate any comments you guys have, and please put all comments on the draft in THAT thread, and save this thread for comments about the final chapters in the story, so nobody (read: me) gets confused.

-the Jack

 

Ok, chapter 16 is up.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2869936/16/

It's pretty long and a lot of it is plot development and set up, but I need it for the next chapter, which should be cool.

As always, comments welcome.

-the Jack

 

Wah, after reading that chapter I just wanna say that I really like your Dumbledore. He's a lot like the Dumbledore from the books, at least in my imagination - a little manipulative and sneaky, but only towards what he sees as the "greater good", sometimes even disregarding what individuals may want.

Reading a Evil!Manipulative!Corrupt!Bastard Dumbledore can be fun sometimes, but I like it better when his characterization comes more in line with the canon.


That's all. Good chapter, I like 'em nice and long.

 

ch16

I am going to say the opposite. I think Canon!Dumbledore sees the "greater good for the individual". I really didn't like how enthusiastic AD was when he realised he could help Harry along in his plan...I know it fits him, it's just...

Well, hard to find a reason. I am going to go and read this revised version now.

EDIT: Ah, btw, i like long chapters, so don't apologise for that... Drool at the sight of good old 20k long chapters.

Re-Edit: Though i can understand why some people like brevity, and how you don't want to put in subplot after subplot. am a bit sad you didn't, though this fic may not be meant as an epic.