I don't mean to nitpick, but if it means your future chapters will better from us pointing out minor mistakes, then I think its beneficial. I like the scene with Harry taking down Malfoy, but 1st years arn't allowed in Hogesmade. Also, Seamus was going to throw a silencing spell, which is learned in 5th year, but it's possible he is just advanced in a particular subject. The additions made to the chapter were good I also like the scenes with Charlie.

Desert=a dry sandy place.
Dessert=something sweet usually eaten after dinner, I remember this because 2 S's = more ice cream. Sounds stupid, but everyone makes grammatical mistakes; especially me, unfortunatly, nobody points them out to me. Otherwise great work on this chapter and I'm Anxiously awaiting your next chapter since you said youreself that it was a setup chapter, but very entertaining nonetheless.

 

I like this fic alot it seems to have the potential to renew the abusedharry fics out there. I liked the chapter because of the realism. Harry isn just getting shipped to someone's house theres an actual process. I just hope he doesnt end up with the weasley's, I would really like something different, and I don't think I've ever read a fic with him at the Diggory's.

 

I just started reading this and i was wondering if i could be considered for laughing at this particular segment :


That night, as he lay in agony with pieces of his rib poking his internal organs, Harry asked God to take him from this horrible house and give him a real family that would love him. If this was too much, Harry asked God to at least have mercy and let him die. God didn’t grant his prayer. Instead, Harry awoke the next morning with no broken bones and all his bruises gone. Unfortunately, when his Uncle saw how that he had been somehow healed, he screamed bloody murder about how “freakish and unnatural” it was, and proceeded to re-break the two ribs and beat Harry with his belt until he passed out from the pain.

Harry never asked God for anything again.

When Harry returned to school following the healing incident, he decided to risk telling a teacher that he was being beaten at home. His teacher looked skeptical, and instantly Harry knew he had made a mistake. When his Aunt and Uncle had returned from the parent teacher conference they’d been called to attend, Harry’s uncle had taken a knife to his throat and threatened to kill him if he ever told another soul.

Harry never asked an adult for help again.

By the time he was 8, Harry had accepted that pain was a major part of his life. In a way, pain and his relatives loathing were the only things he could count on. Every day he was either in pain from a recent beating, or he was wondering when his next beating would come. If he was late, he got beaten. If he was early, he got beaten. If he was too loud, too fast, too slow, or too happy, he got beaten. If he screamed loud enough to disturb his Aunt when he was getting beaten, he was beaten some more.


So far i enjoy your story immensely, harry is strong but not super duper strong and the slytherins are actually being cunning!, row and jack are also enjoyable characters and there is even a bit of manipulative dumbledore, and harry isnt a super rich guy who goes out and buys new everything plus itd be interesting to see what would happen with the diggory's if they adopt him and 4th year goes as it should with the whole character death thing in the graveyard

excellent read!

 

I like the new chapter. The characters are good. Dumbledore is manipulative and not outright pushy. The Slytherins are actually sly in this story. I have however the impression that Harry gets way too trusting, he was much more sceptical to the motives of the people before. Now he doesnt seem to look behind the scenes.

 

Great work Jack only problem is that you seem to have forgoten that Vetriserem is ilegal outside the ministry.

Of course Amos works for the Ministry but I doubt they would just let him have it, so it would probably be dumbles who would give it to the Diggorys to find out Harry's secrets.

 

Yeah, I'm an idiot again.

Thanks for pointing this out, I changed the scene so it's Hannah Abbott that's getting picked on, which actually makes the whole scene better, I think. One of the things I'm going to cover in the next chaper is that Malfoy was getting impatient waiting for Harry's to get his comeuppance, so he decided to ignore Daphne's advice and try to jump start things. The fact that he was willing to try it against an older student is even better, and it gives me some other options for later. I still feel pretty stupid, though.

Lord Ravenclaw - People do seem anxious to turn on Harry, but I think it's realistic since he shows up after years of being missing, speaks parseltongue, and is blasted as a dark wizard by the prophet, espeically given the typical biased view towards Slytherins in general. IMO, it wouldn't take much prodding to get people to turn against him after that, and that's exactly what Daphne was using. Think of how many people thought he was a crazy liar in OOTP, and that was after he'd been a golden boy for 4 years, and everybody knew him already. Remember, Harry isn't exactly warm and cuddly here, and he's not at all what most people were expecting.

With the veritaserum, I know it's a slight stretch, but I figured it's at least believable that Cedric could get his hands on some one way or another since his dad works at the ministry.

A general thought about Dumbledore: if you were in his position, what would you do? You know how powerful and important Harry is, but you also know that he killed his uncle brutally and routinely uses his power to forcefully subdue people who get in his way. All that, plus he has absolute no reason to ever like or trust you, in fact he has every reason to hate your guts. Even worse, he doesn't recognize any of the authority that you have with the rest of the wizarding world, and he's not afraid to leave Hogwarts forever, so you have no real leverage. That's the position Dumbledore is in. I'm not trying to write a manipulative Dumbledore, only a smart one. The fact that he is only doing what I think most people would do in his situation only makes it more interesting to me.

-the Jack

 

Another great chapter...not much to be said that hasn't already.

 

Great Chapter.... even if nothing really happened ... But the whole breaking Malfoy´s bones at the end makes up for it...

 

Chapter 17 is up in the work by author section.

http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?t=2457

There's definitely some good action in this one, so I hope you guys enjoy. Again, if people could put their comments on the draft in that thread instead of this one, I'd appreciate it.

-the Jack

 

I really enjoyed this chapter. It was just the right mix of AU and canon to be perfect. The entire thing with Sirius, Harry and Pettigrew was perfect, not all that much like the books but still similar, unlike other stories were scenes like the one in the shrieking shack are identical to canon exept that Ron and Hermione are replaced with harrys new best friends.

 

Uh I think he wanted us to post in the Work By Author thread Lord Apophis, But yes the chapter draft is kickass.

 

Ok, chapter 17 is up.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2869936/17/

Thanks again to everyone who commented on the draft. There were very few changes, I tweaked the scenes that were mentioned by most of you, but other than that everything is the same.

As always, comments welcome.

-the Jack

 

Like you said, you changed the scenes that needed changing, and everything turned out great. Another good chapter from the Jack.

 

I like this story - as I mentioned in my last review (around chapter four or so), the story is an interesting one, if not the most original premise. I can honestly say the story has improved tremendously since then. The plot twists have been quite good, and the latest? Fantastic! The best yet. Harry's interactions with Sirius, and the resulting bruhaha are quite engrossing - definitely left me wanting more.

-J

 

I really loved the new chapters. I also like your Sirius solution. He's proven innocent (at least it seems so) and Wormtail escapes. The fight scene was also good.

 

I must say, first of all, this fic is easily one of the best I've read of the Slytherin!Harry genre. You've nailed his protectiveness, his desire to keep people safe, and have done so in a manner that made it perfectly understandable for him to be in Slytherin.

Second, chapter 17 seemed rushed on my first read through, but on reading it a second time, it really only seemed to emphasise the chaotic events that were occurring at a rapid pace. Kudos on managing to create a fic of such worth and sharing it with us.

Draco

 

Wow I like Row and Jack way better than Hermione and Ron. Though Jack sometimes acts like Ron, he is much more bearable than him. I absolutely love this Harry, he is smart, powerful, cunning, brave, etc. And the way this story is written..wonderful! Now I just have to wait patiently for the next update....

 

i like this alot, but i dont like the fact that his "sister" has so much influence on his life...but other than that i like the way hes proggressing in his magical and phisical abilities..wel i havent read that far only to the point of where he basicly violates sirius..but i think that that situation was handles pretty well, well nothing else left to say...NOW OFF TO.. reading the next chapter (IF ther is a next chapter)

 

It's great so far, although I consider the abuse to be just a bit overdone. Very few spelling/grammar errors, and a good plot that actually seems like it's going somewhere. My favorite part is the choice that the Hat gives Harry between Gryffindor and Slytherin.