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WIP Alexandra Quick and the Thorn Circle by Inverarity - K+

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by ray243, Jun 23, 2009.

  1. T3t

    T3t Purple Beast of DLP ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Interesting chapter with an excellent action scene.
     
  2. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

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    Good chapter -- I wonder if these Aurors are specific to the Reservation or if they are a part of the larger Auror Corps as well. Which Territory is Alex in now? I forget.

    Also -- I love Jackalopes. It was super-awesome to see them in a story.
     
  3. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

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    Liked the latest chapter. I'm becoming rather fond of Henry. Moreso than I have been of the majority of adults in this series (most of whom seem like assholes because we see them solely from Alex's perspective). I hope we get to see more of him, though he did irritate me a good bit when he seemed to completely dismiss the things Alex told him (her attacker, the meeting tonight, etc.).
     
  4. Meneldur

    Meneldur Third Year

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    Wait, what? You like Henry? The guy's a total asshole! Not only does he completely ignore whatever warnings Alexandra gives him, he acts like a major dick, and is so obviously racist, it's scary. And it's not like it's solely to scare Alexandra into being good - it's just what he does. "As if Hopi witches are any better"/"This is the boy who went to the white man's school and brought the white man's evil back to us", and so forth.
    It's even worse when you consider that apparently, he knew all along John was involved in Dark Arts, and he still ignored Alexandra's warnings.

    Admittedly, as always, we're seeing it from Alexandra's perspective. And maybe he listened to her and didn't show it. But that's not what his behavior says.
     
  5. Sophie

    Sophie Denarii Host

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    I'd really like to know what that creature was that attacked Alexandra.
     
  6. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

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    Yeah -- I like Henry. It's hard to quantify why, but your post made me realize that maybe it's not a question of liking him so much as of disliking him less than most of the other adults.

    Which brings something else to mind that I'm not sure if I've mentioned before -- AQ is curiously devoid of any adults that I like. In most stories about kids I can at least point to one or two (often more) adults that I like fairly well. That's not true in AQ. I'm sitting here trying to come up with a single adult in the story that I genuinely like and the closest thing I'm getting is Abraham Thorn, and he's really not a nice guy and I can't really dignify him with a "like" moniker though I do enjoy reading him most of the time. I guess Shirtliffe is alright, but again it's more of a disliking less sort of thing.

    Seeing it from the perspective of Alex helps to explain most of it, but it's still a bit extreme. I almost always like some adult or other. It's weird because I genuinely enjoy the story.

    On another note! Something seemed off and I think I've figured out what was bugging me:

    Last chapter Alex mucks around in John's house then runs away using her Seven League Boots to cover a lot of ground. She stops, casts a Lumos or something similar, then Henry apparates in behind her to arrest her. He knows that she has been to John's house just prior, since he went back to inspect her handiwork (mentioned this chapter).

    So he must know that she has some means of traveling rapidly over ground without the use of a broom. He knows how far she traveled since he is the one who picked her up.

    So how come that never comes up and she's free to just run off at the end of the present chapter? Henry never seems to express curiosity about how she covered the distance. I assume he was able to locate her based on her casting of Lumos, so perhaps if she refrains from further magic use she'll make a cleaner getaway this time.
     
  7. Meneldur

    Meneldur Third Year

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    Good points. I actually like Abraham, Diana, Lilith, and Livia, but I attribute that to the fact that I usually like dick characters if they've got good enough reasons for being dicks and are awesome while being such. And the four mentioned above are like that. Henry's a dick, but he's just not awesome enough and without good enough reasons for being so (so a 14-year old dropped you on the head. You're an auror, what did you expect from a duel, sparks?).
    In fact, exactly because it's all from Alex's perspective I find it easier to ignore their dickery. I can always tell myself they have a reason for it and Alexandra doesn't understand or isn't listening because of her age.

    As for Henry knowing Alexandra covered a lot of ground... I think the simplest explanation is he assumed she used her wand to do so. Throughout the entire chapter, he kept it from her until then end. At that point, no doubt he was a bit too upset and distracted to remember that and think she was going to run off for no good reason, especially with John around trying to kill her.
     
  8. thejabber27

    thejabber27 Groundskeeper

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    I like Henry, Maybe a touch too condescending but it works. I think it was a bit silly with Henry not believing Alexandra that she was going to kill John. I mean there would be a public record of why he was expelled and whatever territory Charmbridge was in would have most likely sent the files to the Orange rock offices because he was practicing the dark arts. Alexandra's name would have been in it several times.
     
  9. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

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    Many of my previous concerns, voiced in my last review, were dealt with this chapter. Nice. Alex's reasoning here isn't perfect, but it's good and very much like her.

    Charlie bringing Alex some bread was... awesome. I don't know why, but I loved that scene. Nicely demonstrates the "familiar" aspect.

    Great ending to the chapter as well, though I don't quite believe that the great, big, evil plot Alex was there to foil was something as simple as letting a few werewolves out to run rampant in the middle of nowhere. I look forward to seeing what else happens and/or what this leads to.

    Edit: Again, this chapter felt more like a long scene than a "chapter." Have you released the number of chapters there are Inverarity? Out of curiosity. Naturally any comments I make about the chapters feeling short are moot due to it not mattering one bit once the entire story it out, but I do wonder.
     
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2012
  10. Meneldur

    Meneldur Third Year

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    Indeed. I think this was made very clear. She thinks so herself "Alexandra knew what she was doing wasn't smart."

    Well, it is as old as the Bible... Ravens brought food to the Prophet Elijah when he was hiding. The comparison to Elijah (even if it slim) makes it awesome by association. Heck, when I started the story I was sure Alexandra would be awesome just because her name is the feminine version of Alexander, and the first famous one was Alexander of Macedon.

    Although the fact that she did so and stopped the guys who murdered that woman should help her once the Aurors show up, hopefully.

    Yeah, Inverarity's stated on his Livejournal several times that after all the edits, there will be 39 chapters in the fourth book.
     
  11. Garden

    Garden Supreme Mugwump

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    Awesome story, but I hate the length of the chapters. They feel so short.
     
  12. ray243

    ray243 Seventh Year

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    Well, to be fair, it is meant to be read as a full length novel. At least we don't have wait too long for the next chapter to arrive.
     
  13. Inverarity

    Inverarity Groundskeeper

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    39 chapters total, as Meneldur said. Average word count is about 6400 words per chapter, so gimme a break if I occasionally give you a short one. :p
     
  14. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

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    Break given, ;)

    Though it does seem to be wrapping up quickly, no pun intended.
     
  15. wordhammer

    wordhammer Dark Lord DLP Supporter

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    Wrapping up? Things have been quite unspooled for the last few chapters- Alexandra has really flown the coop, burned bridges wherever possible, blundered into a half-formulated vengeance quest and lost most of her hard-earned maturity.

    Sorry- I only just caught up with this series and I am amazed by the world-building and characterization, but Alexandra makes me want to pull my hair out. Frankly, I'm surprised things have gone as well for her as they have.

    For instance: Death allowed her to trade a favor for almost nothing. I was surprised that she didn't owe two lives, given that she was completely at Death's mercy and wanted to save her brother, besides. That she 'spent' the coin to end a sacrificial ritual only to have Darla throw herself into the Veil instead makes me think the Generous Ones are up a soul. Then again, they aren't the ones insisting on the Regiment, are they?

    I think John Manuelito is quite the badass, and the Law (and Abraham Thorn) would have been wise to keep track of him based solely on Maximilian's reports of his activities in the school Dark Arts club. I don't get why he would want to kill Alexandra, unless he wants to annoy Thorn for some reason. As a villain, he's hard to understand.

    Now that Alexandra is stuck on the Rez and fighting everyone she encounters, I think my forehead has gone numb from all the facepalms. It's accurate, it's realistic, it's infuriating.

    Given her actions, I don't see Auror Tsotsi as anything more than a guy stuck between four worlds who has to deal with this lunatic girl who seems hellbent on getting killed in his territory. His story and background, like so many other characters in the Quick series, are brilliant archetypes of the American cultural experience, as documented in films anyway. It's like he jumped straight out of the X-files, Twin Peaks or Thunderheart.

    On the Grimm front, I'm not as pleased about Alexandra's connection. Sometimes it's nice for everyone not to be interconnected at three levels to everyone else. On the other hand, maybe it's Alexandra's connections between the Thorns on one side and the Grimms on the other that makes her the fulcrum of the story. Diana has a certain Javert-like quality (not that I'd consider Abraham Thorn as justified or even well-intentioned as Jean Valjean, but he probably thinks he is).

    I think the chapters are sized right for a novel. As fanfiction readers, we get spoiled by the relative verbosity of our amateur entertainers. Publishing on paper no doubt encourages more economy in the prose, making editors and authors much more stringent about including only what's needed. Free, electronic publishing encourages the opposite.
     
    Last edited: Mar 26, 2012
  16. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

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    I did a poor job expressing myself, as this was mostly what I meant. By wrapping up I meant that we are already at Chapter 25, and yet I feel like we are only just now getting to the meat of the story in many ways. If we were one third through instead of more than half it'd "feel" better, but as it is things have to be wrapped up in X number of chapters.

    I'm not even sure what the driving force behind this story is yet, as opposed to the other ones which I felt were more clear.

    I really did express myself poorly on that one, heh.
     
  17. wordhammer

    wordhammer Dark Lord DLP Supporter

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    I get what you're saying, now. In the previous tales we had a sense of where the deeper mysteries lay, and where her nature would likely take her. This year's story is less thematically 'tight'. Is Manuelito's fixation on Alex related to Abraham's increased involvement with her? Much of this year's mysteries are related to the older background, and yet I don't feel like this is leading us to a point where Alex can declare whether she's in Thorn's camp or not.

    A lot of this appears to be handling the consequences from previous books (and prior circumstance), rather than a journey in its own right.

    Also, a small peeve- anytime the stars are referenced, it's 'the stars above'. It feels unnatural. What, are you distinguishing them from those stars she almost stepped on?
     
  18. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

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    D: It is Monday and Schnoogle has not got the latest chapter like it usually does.

    But yeah, wordhammer, that's pretty much it.

    Book 1: We meet Alex, and the question of who is trying to kill her and who her father is both dominate the story. Clear things to discover. We also are meeting characters for the first time.

    Book 2: We have the whole plot revolving around the Mors Mortis society and Max. Max turns out to be her brother and is on a mission from her father. This again is a clear plot with a reason to engage in it. We also have the side plot with the JROC.

    Book 3: Max has died and Alex is determined to find a way to bring him back. This provides plenty of motive for everything that goes on in this book. Learning about the Deathly Regiment was interesting as well.

    Book 4: ...Alex goes to school, someone tries to kill her (this is standard by this point), and she decides to go off after John who may or may not have had much to do with it and who she even admits she can't take on in a fight. ...? It doesn't stand up to the earlier books in terms of plot, motive for progressing plot, etc. We do get a great subplot revolving around her sisters though, esp Claudia.

    ^ I am likely missing some major aspects of the current book, so feel free to point out what else is going on. It's just that I've read the first three books at least twice each, so the "overall plots/feelings" from them are a bit clearer.

    I mean, it's still fun. It's still a great read, with lots of goodies like Claudia being her mother and the Hag in the old store in Larkin Mills. & I'm still checking for updates at midnight, so that shows how much I'm enjoying it. ...but we're more than halfway through the story and I feel like we've only covered material for the first third of a story, because I'm still waiting for something.

    Probably came off as a harsher review than intended, especially as I'm an avid fan, but there you have it. Sorry.


    Edit: Ah ha, the chapter! http://www.fictionalley.org/authors/inverarity/AQATSA26.html

    Edit2: I quite enjoyed this latest chapter. The harrowing flight from the werewolves was quite fun to read all around, and the encounter at the very end was good. Also liked Johnny.
     
    Last edited: Mar 26, 2012
  19. Koalas

    Koalas First Year ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    AQ:AtSA is the middle child. If I were to make a comparision I'd say its most similar to Grave Peril. No exactly the most epic of plots, but you can see the beginning of many different plot threads for use later on.

    Though if you're looking for a AtSA contained plot... I would say this Book is about Powers and Abraham primarily. Three times Alexandra has attempted to meet/bargain with Powers. Once with Death in the Lands Below, with the Parliament of Stars at Charmbridge and once again on Bonnie's hospital bed. We also know Abraham has made some kind of agreement with Powers and that he has likely got the better of the Parliament. Additionally we have the revelation about Alexandra's mother showing Abraham is a lot darker of a character then we've seen so far (though I STRONGLY suspect Dean Grimm gave Alexandra a highly edited version of events).

    So, tl;dr, story's about Powers. By the end of the book we'll be getting more information on them and there will be some manner of reveal regarding Abraham Thorn. The John Manuelito sub-arc also serves a dual purpose. Tying up that particular loose end, but also giving Alexandra an in with the Native Wizards that could give her some vital information regarding Powers and the Generous Ones (remember, they know she's dealt with them :awesome).
     
  20. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

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    Aye, all good points.