Well, it's no wonder his OC's are flat when he created over 50 of them. Shit, I could hardly think of that much names. least of all real characters, with their own personalities.

 

i just can't get back into it at this moment in time...

 

I read it now and... well, it's certainly not great and the OC are flat. Other than that it's OK. He had a few good ideas, but I would only read it, if I have no other stories.

 

It's not that bad; I, personally, never felt very secure when creating original characters, so the fact that he/she at least tried to do it deserves some recognition; and I know, again from personal experience, how hard it is to actually create a distinct personality for every original character you write about. Sometimes I feel as if they're copies of each other, so, again, it's not easy.


I'll agree, however, that the dating stuff was rushed, especially if something serious comes of it; if it does, then I think it was just the quickest way the author could find to remove the infamous pairing issue out of the way; if Harry just wants to hang out, make out, and relax, then it's fine by me.

Who among us never picked up a girl or a guy they hardly met just to have fun? Live a little, I say.



The one aspect about his/her stories that really bothers me is downplaying magic; Voldemort, in The last Straw was, I believe, underpowered, and I don't think he'd ever stoop to using muggle means.

If using a gun would cause someone to be shunned and cast out of wizarding society, he'd never use it. The purpose of using a muggle weapon, in this particular case, would be the destruction of someone you hate and despise thoroughly, and I believe Harry comes in second place when it comes to V's fear of death and conquest plans; (make that third place) I don't think he considers Harry as someone of consequence.


Sorry for the rant and all, but I have exams ad portas, and need to unload my frustrations.

 

I quite like it.

 

new chapter

bellerophon 30 added a new chapter, I thought it was interesting.
Bonus it had dumble bashing

 

Yeah, the whole action sequence was rather good. Now if he'd just stop with the fucking corners and in-line author coments, it'd be even better.

 

I can deal with the author comments. They are unneccessary and annoying, but I could overlook them. But it actually hurt my eyes to see:

... ... ..

all the time. Its bad enough when people but in ... all over the place, but 8 of them, not just 3?
Plus, it wasn't even when the person was trailing off (like in Sorcery,etc) Sure that story had them all over the place and made me want to hit my head against the keyboard, but at least the author used them when he wanted to show a person trailing off. This author uses them instead of commas, periods and normal transitional words.

 

Well, the story is okay - the chapters are longer than most, which is a tentative plus I suppose. The initial plot is obviously nothing original - the key should be how it goes and how well it's written. The answer to that is that it proceeds "okay" and is written "Just fine". The new American OCs are slightly interesting, but also a bit ... eh, I suppose. I can approve of Harry's relationship initially, but just like HellsingBoy said, not if it becomes serious.

And just like HB said too - Voldie's usage of muggle anything strikes a chord of "that ain't right". On the other hand, his personality is an interesting one - far more calculating and cunning than flat out malevolent and randomly vidinctive.

Guess we'll just have to see.

-J

 

hey another update ....two longish chapters, a nice peek at wizard englands goverment, a bit of action, but mostly filler, still the story is moving along, and it is hard to see what directions it would take if it were to continue for the next year and a half of american schooling of harry

 

The action is great in the story but i hate his characterization and how harry talks he's always doing something like "Well Riko, I just don't know" i have no idea why, but how he writes harry and everyone else really it just bugs me. Complete shit in my opinion..

 

don't mean to double post, can't seem to figure out how to edit my other one.
New chapter's okay, i mean if there wasn't so much god damn filler in this story it would be pretty good, but as of right now there doesn't seem to be much of a plot except for the fact that harry goes to a different school and does a lot for the WWW.

 

New chapter, more filler.
Something needs to happen. Maybe the family meeting will perk things up?
What bell need to do is to figure out a way to make the reader interested in the day to day happenings at school. Teen sex ? Drugs? He has the family fight thing going on. Research on the power he knows not?
Is paradise boring...

 

New chapter up, a little dumble bashing, a peak at the ministry vs death eater
fight, I think it is time for an action scene soon.

 

another update, more of the same.

 

On the overall, I think I'll label this story as a failed experiment. The author tried to create a new setting in the US, but it seems he simply couldn't find it in him to bash his country the way JKR bashed Britain. Even his initial idea to tie Harry up in the war between werewolves and vampires seems abandoned now. Thus, this US magical world comes as an overly logical, uncorrupted and generally problem-free wonderland, where Harry gets to be just "Harry"... which is fine for Harry himself, but not for plot of this story.

The only interesting parts left in this fic are flashbacks to the British war and Harry's trips back to England; Everything else comes as a boring filler material.

 

Thank you ip82, I hope bell can turn this fic around, but as we have both said
"with no trouble in paradise, there is no story"

Come on Bell, you can do it, I know you can

 

It is a great story and I really do not know why some people are picking on technicalities and miss the larger picture.

 

I will go out on a limb and speak for ip82 (sorry if I get it wrong) as well as myself in saying that we are praising the technicalities, and picking on the larger
picture (plot/ lack of plot). Bell has done great work with JKR character's, he has made a handful of great new minor characters, But how many of us really care about Harry's new school friends, or even the school itself.

Until I start caring about Harry's american friends, this is going to be an average fic, with the parts set in england carrying the american parts.

Go Bell, I know you can save this fic!

 

Blind patriotism is the main reason why I practically never read Harry-goes-to-America fics or Random!American-comes-to-Hogwarts fics. I only started this story because I liked the authors other fic, but, unfortunately, it restored my faith in my general fic reading rules.