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Memento Mori by Greed720 - M

Discussion in 'Trash Bin' started by Skeletaure, Mar 22, 2019.

2.4166700839996/5, 12 votes
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  1. Skeletaure

    Skeletaure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Mar 22, 2019 #1
    Title: Memento Mori
    Author: Greed720
    Rating: M
    Genre: Dimension Travel
    Status: In-Progress
    Library Category: Alternates
    Pairings: Unknown
    Summary: Sometimes your life doesn't go the way you want it too. This very much reflected the way Harry's life had gone up until this point. Honestly, he had thought himself destined for greatness. After all, he had been born with magic and talent, surely that meant something? But in the end his life and fate turned out less than glamorous. If only he had another chance...
    Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13407558/1/Memento-Mori

    Somewhat original premise: we are presented with a version of Harry from a world where Neville was the Boy Who Lived. This Harry was sorted into Ravenclaw, joined the Order of the Phoenix then betrayed them to side with the Death Eaters (out of self-preservation). After the war, he ends up in Azkaban after Neville pulls victory out of his ass.

    This Harry then wakes up in the canon world in Harry's body at the start of OotP.

    It's not executed terribly well, in terms of technical writing prowess (in particular, the tone is overly chatty) but it's recently published and (so far) regularly updated. The novel premise and the tolerable writing land it solidly in almost recommended, I think.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 11, 2019
  2. Heather_Sinclair

    Heather_Sinclair Chief Warlock

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    Mar 22, 2019 #2
    The fourth chapter will make or break it, I think. Depends on how the trial goes.
     
    Iztiak
  3. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

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    Mar 29, 2019 #3
    Memento Mori has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 4
    Words: 28,134
    Updated: 2019-03-29 17:39:05 UTC
    Published: 2019-03-11 17:27:13 UTC
    Previously updated: 8 days ago

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
  4. KGB

    KGB Headmaster

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    Mar 29, 2019 #4
    I rather like the premise. A conniving and self serving nonBWL!Harry having to fit into OOTP canon is a good set up.

    Other than that the story is rather disappointing. Ignoring character development opportunities through interaction with Ron, Hermione and Ginny just to skip forward to the courtroom scene was a complete waste. Especially as the scene ended up being the indiest of indy!Harry monologues.

    It kinda reads like someones first ever fic.
     
    Archinist, Mestre, valrie
  5. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

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    Apr 15, 2019 #5
    Memento Mori has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 5
    Words: 36,026
    Updated: 2019-04-15 16:36:30 UTC
    Published: 2019-03-11 17:27:13 UTC
    Previously updated: 17 days ago

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
  6. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

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    Jun 7, 2019 #6
    Memento Mori has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 6
    Words: 43,312
    Updated: 2019-06-07 16:41:49 UTC
    Published: 2019-03-11 17:27:13 UTC
    Previously updated: about 2 months ago

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
  7. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

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    Jun 17, 2019 #7
    Memento Mori has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 7
    Words: 51,582
    Updated: 2019-06-17 16:16:28 UTC
    Published: 2019-03-11 17:27:13 UTC
    Previously updated: 10 days ago

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
  8. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

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    Jun 17, 2019 #8
    LOL - so, Taure's summary of this sounded pretty interesting. But he was also spot on about it not being executed terribly well.

    The war wasn't going well - in part because AU!Neville appeared to be about as incompetent at fighting it as canon!Harry was - and AU!Harry said 'fuck it' and bailed on the Order to fight for the other side and therefore save his own skin. He appears to be blaming Dumbledore for this, since if Dumbledore hadn't played his cards so close to his chest then Harry wouldn't have had to betray them, see? If only Harry had known that Dumbledore had a plan that took into account all the bullshit that Harry was fed up with...

    Then we get this:
    I gotta admit, I snickered. "The Arch-Traitor" really? I feel like this first chapter is an exercise in the author trying too hard to sell us on their AU!background.

    Main issue I have so far though, apart from a mediocre presentation, is that I don't like this Harry. He really is a traitor and he didn't have anything more than self-serving reasons for it from what I can tell (skimming parts of Chapter 1).

    I'm going to keep reading and I'll come back and edit this response with a rating if I make it past the first few chapters. I don't feel like it's early enough to really rate yet but my gut says 3/5.

    Edit: Yeah, 3/5 at best. I can see this being in almost recommended for a fairly original idea but the execution is just awful and this is definitely a Harry-in-name-only character for me too. Some of it is helped by the fact that this Harry is really 22 or so and therefore might love his independence, but something about the whole thing still screams off.

    The trial (for casting the Patronus in front of Dudley) was ridiculously handled. Harry, a teenager, was allowed to more or less control the floor as a smartass with Fudge painted as a blustering idiot. That sort of thing can be satisfying but it has to be set up and this wasn't.

    Still it's a neat idea and I'm going to finish reading to see where the author takes it, so, yeah. 3/5
     
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2019
    Archinist, phazer11
  9. Donimo

    Donimo Auror

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    Jun 17, 2019 #9
    Yeah this is a fantastic idea done poorly. For no reason at all the AU is a canon rehash, what the fuck is that?
     
  10. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

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    Sep 27, 2019 #10
    Memento Mori has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 8
    Words: 52,121
    Updated: 2019-09-27 16:45:09 UTC
    Published: 2019-03-11 17:27:13 UTC
    Previously updated: 3 months ago

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
  11. Drachna

    Drachna High Inquisitor

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    Sep 27, 2019 #11
    Apparently the author decided to discontinue Memento Mori due to harsh comments on a review board :)
     
    Ched, Archinist, Donimo, ScottPress
  12. Zombie

    Zombie Black Philip Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐

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    Sep 27, 2019 #12
    Sounds like a personal problem.


    AN: Hey up all, so I'm sure some have realised that this story has not been updated in a while. I'll be honest, I have been wracking my brain and trying to write the next chapter for the last few months, but have only made it halfway as I keep giving up and writing other things. The reason for this being that I just no longer have the passion for this story that I once had, nor do I have any real will to continue writing.

    In fact after reading some reviews, some of which were critical, not that I have a problem with that, so long as they are polite. Though there were some on a thread on a different site that really pissed me off, partly because they were not constructive, but instead just bitchy.

    That said I reread the story myself and found that I didn't like it, and in some ways agreed with what the critics were saying about Harry's character, his decision and the way some of the scenes were handled.

    It's for that reason that I've decided to discontinue the story and put it up for adoption. The reason being that I never like it when authors just leave their story hanging, and leave people expecting another chapter only for nothing to come. Hence why I am leaving this abandonment note/ adoption offer.

    If anyone wants to take it up please do.

    That said I have discontinued stories before then taken them up again at a later time, but I am not sure at the moment. Let's just say for now I am in the mind to discontinue the story, but could potentially come back to it, but am not confident enough on that to just put it on Hiatus.

    Plus I have been nursing another Harry Potter idea, a Harry has a brother story, only with a very different, and dare I say it, unique spin to it, that I at least haven't seen before. I've already started planning it, and will likely start writing it soon. Though I do have other stories that I have already committed too, so my attention will be split.

    That said though, yeah, sorry if this disappoints people, but I just feel that if I do try to force myself to continue writing a story I am not passionate about or interested in, it will turn out mediocre and disappointing at best, and it will probably put me off the entire fandom. Though that said apparently the 'execution' of my story and my own 'technical writing prowess' is already terrible.

    I know it is annoying when authors do this, but what can I say, sometimes you have to cut your losses and start again. On top of which I know it is annoying when authors leave you hanging, hence the note.

    So if anyone wants to adopt the story, PM me, and then you're more than welcome to take it over. I will put an update on the story if it is taken up. If not then I will just leave the story how it is in case anyone wants to reread or anything.

    Thanks a lot for reading, but I just feel it would be better for me to put my time towards writing stories I enjoy writing, than forcing myself to write one I'm not passionate about.

    Greed720.
     
    Last edited: Sep 27, 2019
    Ched, Drachna
  13. BeastBoy

    BeastBoy Seventh Year

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    Sep 28, 2019 #13
    Somehow I doubt that.

    I agree with Ched that "Arch-traitor" was chuckle-worthy. If the author meant it to be serious then I don't know what to say.

    Edgy Harry's handling of the trial is annoying, and the whole thing feels like a wasted premise. 2/5
     
    Archinist
  14. Archinist

    Archinist Hαn Sαlsæd First

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    Sep 28, 2019 #14
    Greed's stories are all written with a prose that is slightly tedious to get through.

    The story has a bad case of word bloat, though it's not the worst I've seen.

    I wasn't impressed with the technical skills but not totally revolted either. The story also died before it could get anywhere interesting.

    MM was a premise that died due to a lack of inspiration and poor technical skills. Harry was too edgy for my liking, and I couldn't relate to who he was (or even care) since he's thrown in our faces.

    The characters were bland (his backstory was shoved down our throats) and considering the cliches we got (the Potters are an ancient and noble house), I felt (aside from the premise) it wasn't distinguishable from the generic indy!Harry fanfic.

    2.5/5, rounded down.
    --- Post automerged ---
    lol he pm'd me and then blocked me
     
    Last edited: Sep 28, 2019
  15. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

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    Oct 9, 2019 #15
    Memento Mori has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 7
    Words: 51,583
    Updated: 2019-10-09 16:11:09 UTC
    Published: 2019-03-11 17:27:13 UTC
    Previously updated: 12 days ago
    New Summary:
    Sometimes your life doesn't go the way you want it too. This very much reflected the way Harry's life had gone up until this point. Honestly, he had thought himself destined for greatness. After all, he had been born with magic and talent, surely that meant something? But in the end his life and fate turned out less than glamorous. If only he had another chance...

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
  16. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

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    Oct 11, 2019 #16
    Memento Mori (Old) has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 8
    Words: 51,654
    Updated: 2019-10-11 16:22:41 UTC
    Published: 2019-03-11 17:27:13 UTC
    Previously updated: 2 days ago

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
  17. Donimo

    Donimo Auror

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    Oct 11, 2019 #17
    Ched
  18. Zombie

    Zombie Black Philip Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐

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    Oct 11, 2019 #18
    Edited link in OP.
     
  19. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

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    Sep 19, 2021 #19
    Memento Mori has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 3
    Words: 17,885
    Updated: 2021-09-19 09:56:47 UTC
    Published: 2019-10-11 16:19:24 UTC
    Previously updated: almost 2 years ago

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
  20. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

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    Oct 2, 2021 #20
    Memento Mori has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 4
    Words: 24,247
    Updated: 2021-10-02 10:42:56 UTC
    Published: 2019-10-11 16:19:24 UTC
    Previously updated: 13 days ago

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
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