I'm having a hard time buying into the story. From the very first passage, where the author just goes to town on how ugly Hermione is. I probably don't find frizzly Rachel Dolezal-style hair and buck teeth attractive, but it just struck me how the author chose to draw especial attention to it. That doesn't really sound like Harry who never judged people physically.

The author just has the wrong feel for Harry. I'll give him the three months of intensive development, fine, but he sounds far too mature and coolly authoritative. He's still a kid.

There are some cool flourishes and visual moments like the conjured serpent blasting through the ash cloud in the duel vs the Death Eater. That's a plus. But the bigger problem is that the writing feels off. Harry goes from holding his ground against the Death Eater and calmly assessing that this DE is insane - then it's like the lightbulb went off in the author's head when he realized "Oh! Right here Harry should have a breakdown and be in shock!" It isn't convincing at all.

Snape's dialogue is borderline flirtatious in the Potions class. Small detail, but totally mishandled. Ron, Hermione, and the background characters sound alright. The author does a good job at writing the Hogwarts school year and creating the atmosphere of a daily life there.

It could go somewhere interesting. It looked like a completely generic story until he brought a little mystery into the story with the accidental conjuration. I thought "Hey! A writer from FFNet is going off script!" I like that.

3/5. Readable, but the rating is based on strength of possible future content rather than writing style. The writing is hit and miss, but there is potential in the kind of ideas the author comes up with and where he takes the plot.

 

Updated with another Fleur chapter. Fwiw I agree w Taure's assessment of highly readable in spite of flaws.

 

Nothing like getting angry about being treated your age to prove how very childish you are.

 

There's a great review from llTheBloodSuckingVampirell on the FF.net review page for chapter 15 of this fic. It's in response to the AN.

Chapter 15 Author's Note:

Review:

"What is Tanzania?" -- I think this more or less sums up FF.Net.

 

It's probably more apt to say it sums up American education.

I don't think I even heard of Tanzania until college, and that was doing some research on my own for something or the other.

 

You read other peoples reviews?

I kind of like this story. It's not classic, and it definitely has its (well documented) issues, but for the most part they're things that don't bother me.

Harry's way out of character: Fine. Most authors project themselves onto their "Harry" so it doesn't bother me all that much. As long as the story is interesting and has some sort of direction.

Harry's too mean to Hermione: Whatever. The bashing is annoying, but whatever. The vast majority of stories out there bash characters somewhere, it gets annoying, and I rather she was just ignored rather than bashed but it's not a deal breaker for me.

What I do like, however, is Fleur. I like how she's portrayed, and her obsession with Harry has become interesting. I also like that the author has taken a different approach to the TWT than I'm used to seeing.

Overall it's not bad, 3/5.

 

I look to see if anyone has replied to my reviews.

 

If the author replies and you're logged in, you'll get a PM in your FFNet inbox or in your FFNet email.

 

I was talking about other readers.

 

That dropping contractions in dialogue thing is reaaaaaally starting to be my biggest hate in FanFiction...

 

I had to look up what Tanzania was. Not knowing what it is isn't an indictment of American education. It's an indictment of how fucking irrelevant Tanzania is.

 

Football is supposed to teach you about geography.

 

None of you lot watched looney tunes as a kid? Taz the tasmanian devil? The fucks matter with you people when you dont know who this lovable bastard is?

 

Um.... You're thinking of Tasmania, the author went to Tanzania. Those names are pretty confusing though.

 

Kang, Tanzania.

 

This isn't so much a school issue because let's face it who remembers anything from their geography class? At least I can't recall anything consciously I once "learned" there.

But this is something people should pick up as part of a good education background they develop personally through TV/Newspapers/Books/Magazines while growing up.

Granted that expectation is ridiculously naive to expect with today's mainstream media output designed to dumb down the population than educate them.

 

Yeah, I dropped this fic the second the author explained away the shitty dialogue with basically 'that's how I speak'.

Fuck that. I will not forgive. I will not forget.





I'm gonna go jump off a cliff now kbai.

 

I think I might have missed something. In the latest chapter, did Harry just see Pettigrew on the Marauder's Map and completely ignore it?