It started off as a guilty pleasure fic but now I can't even enjoy it anymore.

2/5

 

I read through a large part of this today, and at no point in time, did the thought "This is a good story" ever cross my mind. There's too many things (most of which have already been mentioned here) that just bother me.

 

The online reason I read this is because a) The daily updates and b) its mildly entertaining.

 

*only (and *it's, while I'm at it).

That is a vaguely amusing mistake, though.

 

Indeed, the plot don't deserve better than 2 stars, the daily update deserve one more. 3/5

 

A decent timewaster at best. My personal greatest dislike for the fic is its canon rehashing. It's now at the point where

Spoiler

Harry Fred and George are all banned from the quidditch team

Why? I assume it's because Quidditch scenes are pretty hard to write well and not very engaging, considering it is following something that happened in canon, but even earlier so the author doesn't have to deal with the first game. Harry's reaction in that scene was so out of the blue too, I felt like I was watching a bipolar character. More annoying than that though, if the author just wanted to keep Harry out of the Quidditch team, they had ample opportunity with the whole Angelina plotline earlier in the story that kinda just fizzled out into nothingness, which could have made the story more interesting if it was handled well.

Another fairly large problem with the story is the lack of real conflict. Conflict is basically being made up and entirely predictable in all forms. There was a scene with Fleur and her father, and I basically just skimmed over it, and lo and behold, it was pretty much exactly the way I thought it would be. The story's current stage is a canon rehash of OotP, but without the conflict with the Ministry of Magic that drove the majority of that book's plot. We haven't seen Harry get irritated at the slander of the Daily Prophet even once, and with the protagonist not caring about what is being said, the conflict that the author is going for just falls flat, at least for me. Also, Voldemort isn't even being treated like a Big Deal at the moment. If anything, Harry seems more opposed to Dumbledore... who the reader knows is innocent of everything Harry is suspecting him of.

Fleur... I've yet to see her character really done well outside of Dagger and Rose (which had a fair bit of controversy around it when it was being written). It is not an easy character to get right, and the author's attempt is significantly better than most I have tried. I credit the author's attempt, but it hasn't worked well for all the usual reasons. Other users have already touched upon the female friendships dynamic which was more than a bit unbelievable, and there are some really contrived moments with her character in there too. Still one of the better Fleur's I've written, but the story doesn't actually really demonstrate her being a badass, which is what the author is trying to make her out to be. That's not a bad thing in and of itself, but it's somewhat jarring to know that that was what the Author was going for when we haven't really seen anything that indicates that other than stuff that was already in canon (ie: the dragon).

Harry's characterisation, @Taure basically covered that in more detail than I feel like typing out. Its a problem. Slytherin is another problem, but given that he is just used to make Harry more like Slytherin, I consider it to be not worth mentioning outside of just being disappointing.

Hermione and Ron though... While reading this fic, I genuinely wondered if it had been written in 2008. Their characters are handled particularly poorly, are particularly out of character for them (Ron in particular in the beginning, Hermione later on too) and are treated like Ron and Hermione are in -insert bad indie harry fic from '08 here-. It's just bashing, but less in your face than normal.

The only other thing that bothered me enough to be worth mentioning was the basilisk spell. The way it was handled was horrible. He just suddenly can do it, whenever he feels like it, using whatever to make it, without any struggle. Hand-waving a way to make Harry seem more competent, without him actually being shown to have developed more skill was all I took it as.

Despite all that, it's a decent timewaster. The writing is technically solid outside of dialogue (which can be cringeworthy indeed), but the plot and characters really do hold the fic back a lot. I'm tentatively giving it a 2/5, tossing up between that and 3. I just cant get over the forced canon rehash. Almost Recommended is the perfect place for it.

 

Story started okay, but I found it hard to keep up with and eventually dropped it. As people have said theres a lot of cliches and some of the cast make decisions that seem very ooc with little insight into why.

2.5/5

 

For all the story's faults, I have to admit that the update schedule is fantastic. Reminds me a little of when LightningOnTheWave was churning out something like 6000+ words nearly every day or something ridiculous like that.

I wish the author luck on their next fic, because it looks like we're in for a long rehashy ride. Not that all canon rehash is bad - one needs only look to On The Way to Greatness, but the characterization of Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Fleur is severely wanting in this fic. It isn't often though that there's a fic where Ron appears to be acting more maturely than Harry a lot of the time.

 

is it just me or

Spoiler

is Umbridge about to get possessed by the diadem horcrux

?

 

Spoiler

Yes

The update rate is fantastic because the author doesn't actually write anything complex. And when you point it out to him he throws a hissy fit and demands you reread the entire thing and re-rate it because he changed a few sentences.

 

That's fine, you're entitled to your opinion. But what do you actually like about it besides that the writing is decent and it updates daily? What plot points do you find interesting and enjoyable? Sure Harry is more mature and reserved, which is fine. But since this story is canon rehash, when you take away Harry's temper and natural traits you're left with a mildly interesting plot that you could legitimately skip 5-6 chapters and not miss anything.

If you want to rate it 4/5 because it's solid writing and updates daily, that's fine. But lets not pretend that anything about this story (substance wise) is better than a 2.5/5.

 

Nah, I agree with Zombie. DLP is ... jaded in many ways. Imagine someone discovers fanfiction right now. And hey, he always wanted to read a story in which Harry was a bit more independent, a bit more dark. This would be a pretty good fic to recommend. That person wouldn't roll his or her eyes upon reading another 'Slytherin's portrait'.

As it is this is like popcorn fanfiction to me. I come home from work, have a short but decent chapter to read, and am done. It's not technically well written, but it's moderately entertaining and being written or released at a rapid pace. I think I said it before: I'd like to see what the author could do if he took his time but I'm entertained nevertheless.

Another example would be many TV Shows with cases/monsters/whatever of the week. Those episode usually don't add anything to the overarching plot, they are often rather mediocre in quality, but they take place in a setting and universe that you like with characters that you've grown fond of, so it's a nice and relaxing way to pass a bit of time.

 

You've hit the nail on the head! It's nice to read a fic where you can be sure there will be something new to read the next day. As for the criticism, the simple fact is that with HP fandom being so huge, nearly every plot point has been rehashed multiple times.
The one thing that perhaps slightly distinguishes this fic is this seeming massive misunderstanding between Harry and Dumbledore. It seems like Harry, in his growth, has become about as arrogant as he supposedly thinks Dumbledore is, confident in his own infallibility.
As for it being a rehash of canon, it's not more than even some of the best HP fics out there. I think it's perfectly fine using canon as a base from which to expand. We'll see whether the author makes that transition successfully, especially approaching year 6.
I do like the Fleur depicted here. Magically skilled, someone who can step up to the plate. And unusually, a more realistic depiction of her family where the parents are more cautious.
All in all, I'd give it 3.5.

 

Yes. I think this is one of the things this story does exceptionally well: This huge misunderstanding between Dumbledore and Harry. At this point in time Harry is perfectly playing into what's to be expected of someone possessed by a Horcrux.

Especially his actions in the latest chapter (in regards to Snape and what occured as a result of that) are uniquely suited to make him act within this assumption. I really doubt he managed to pull one over over Snape, so if the author doesn't fuck up massively he could actually manage to create some tension and diversion from canon.

 

Its a fine way to pass the time, but dont really understand why the author has paired harry and fleur. The "relationship" came out of the blue and the interaction is pretty boring. And for heavens sake please stop with the portkeys to everywhere. Why a they so easy to make? Why dont everybody have a portkey on them?

2,5/5

 

I would recommend this story. That it's still getting updated once per day certainly doesn't hurt.
It is often pretty cliche, but that's not necesseraily a bad thing. Usual Veela, usual betrayal, DumbledoreBashing.
But it's well written and i have to admit, the nice romance in this enjoyable story always works for me. Pure Harry/Fleur where both are powerful and partners instead of one leading the other. Dark, but not really evil Harry is also always interesting for me.
I just hope that the regular updates continue and the story has somewhere to go.
Give it a shot, the chapters have a nice length and it's enjoable from the start.

I apologize for my bad english writing skills. I'm not really writing a lot in english otherwise.

I would say at this point 4/5.

 

Eh, I don't care about it being canon rehash, really. Canon rehash can be good.

The reason this version of canon rehash feels off or bad, or hollow, is that the plot is driving the characters, not the other way around.

That means there's a natural cap on how good this can actually be, because it's spooling out based on where it needs to go, based on specific plot points. If you think to ask, "why did Fleur do X here instead of Y?", you get a kind of fuzzy, "Ask Again Later" magic 8 ball feeling, because 90% of what we know about Fleur we've been simply told via description.

Stories being driven by plot can be good and entertaining - see The Firm or, like, any of Michael Crichton's books. But they'll never be good stories, stories you actually care about.

The other thing holding down this specific story is that the author's dialogue is about as natural as a Greek facade on a McDonald's, and about as subtle, too.

Fun exercise: count the number of times we're bluntly told Neville's state of mind. This was written by someone with zero confidence in his dialogue's ability to convey tone or emotion without the handicap of beating the reader over the head with the literary equivalent of a tire iron.

 

I came across this several days ago and almost didn't read it based on Taure's initial rec.

This story is enjoyable enough for fanfiction. Though rather plain and not written all that elegantly (there's a lot of unnecessary filler, many cliché elements, and the characterization is variable), it gets credit for fast updates. This can elevate an otherwise subpar story (which this is).

I like Gabrielle's character. Katie is very good. Fleur has her moments. Some of the unique spells (the butterfly spell, e.g.) are interesting and fresh. Harry's drift into amorality and the "Dumbledore raised me to be a sacrifice" thing is overdone, however, and it's not explored interestingly here. The plot seems a shoehorned mash-up of Shaydrall's The Merging (Chamber of Secrets home base with Slytherin's portrait) and canon, which is why it often feels as if I've read this before even though I haven't.

Still, I find it a pleasant enough read to follow it and click on updates, which immediately raises it to at least 3/5 in my book. I don't think with its flaws it justifies a higher rating.