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WIP A Chance Encounter by spectre4hire - T

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Dr. Strange Lulz, Oct 19, 2011.

  1. Dr. Strange Lulz

    Dr. Strange Lulz Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    Title: A Chance Encounter
    Author: spectre4hire
    Rating: T
    Genre: Drama/Friendship
    Status: WIP
    Library Category: The Alternates
    Pairings: Harry/Daphne
    Summary: What if Harry didn't bump into the Weasleys at Kings Cross on his first day? What if instead he met another family, one that has ties to his parents? This simple encounter will set Harry on a different path including new friends and new ambitions.
    Link: Fanfiction.net


    Slytherin!Harry that begins with a 'Harry-meets-someone-else-on-Platform 9 ¾'.

    It looks as if the author intends to do a full 7 book re-write, and as of 11 chapters and 110,036 words, we're in the summer between first and second year.

    The author is clearly a fan of slow progression when it comes to Harry's transformation from the boy we all know from the first book into what I can only assume will be some sort of Badass!Slytherin!Harry. The characterization is actually one of the things I'm quite happy with though, especially in regard to Harry's group of friends.

    Each member of Harry's circle of friends has a fairly distinct and unique personality. Daphne is sarcastic and rather self-serving but clearly has a soft spot for Harry, Tracy is bubbly yet easy to withdraw (especially when feeling judged based on blood purity), Nott is trying to step out of his father's shadow and be his own man, Neville and Hermione are similar to their canon counterparts while still being influenced by the other members of the group, Hermione becoming slightly more laid back and Neville slightly more confident.

    The personalities don't always mesh well and I think we're likely to see a number of conflicts later on.

    I have a feeling that Nott is going to return from vacation cold and distant after being reprimanded by his father.

    The author has taken some liberties with certain events, specifically the trials encountered on the way to the stone, after reading the same trials countless times I can honestly say it was a refreshing change. Events often take place before or after they did in the books, you can't expect someone in completely different circumstances to stumble upon the same scene at the exact same time, shit's just not logical.

    I think it's too soon to discuss Harry as a character, while he stays close to canon it's easy to see the influence Slytherin is having on him. At the start his acts are brazen and unplanned, though as the story progresses we see his thoughts and actions slowly becoming more calculated, but still not enough to have him be OMGLOOKHOWCUNNINGIAM!Harry. The extent of the change in him really isn't that great, all in all he just becomes slightly more cautious.

    While not earth-shattering or of the epic proportions we've come to expect from authors like Joe, Shezza, NMB, etc. it's still a fairly solid story for what it's attempting.

    For now I'll give it a solid 4/5
     
  2. Carmine

    Carmine Unspeakable

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    Could be sure I've seen this recc'ed before. But whatever. Yeah, I like this story for most of the same reasoning you've said, Lulz.

    4/5 also.
     
  3. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

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    Read this. Did not consider to rec this. Should say all.


    I also can't remember much of what happened, which is probably even more telling. That said, it's readable, and I liked the attempt to subvert the Evil-Dumbledore cliché in the last chapter. So, eh, a 3/5, certainly not more.

    Edit: Oh, right, it has Hermione in it, I remember. The Troll incident. So 2/5.
     
  4. Vira

    Vira Order Member

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    I really wasn’t impressed with this story's start. Slytherin was despised by all the other houses, Ron seemed like a prejudiced git instead of the laidback guy he is in canon… it just seemed very cliché. It did get better once Harry and Draco’s rivalry got taken up a notch, but then there was chapter six and we got this line:

    I haven’t seen this cliché in years, and I wish it had stayed gone. D8

    Anyways, I might read a bit further, but for now, this is getting a 3/5. It has shades of originality, but that’s usually covered up with boring and old-fashioned ideas.
     
  5. Jormungandr

    Jormungandr Prisoner

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    Canon rehash, although I did like Harry decking Malfoy - could of been done in a more dramatic way, though.

    Also, somewhat surprised that him being a Parselmouth hasn't come out already, even if by accident.

    The cliches and other such other over-used plot devices, however, are a bit worrying.

    I'd give this a 3/5 so far - to go up if the author injects more originality into it.
     
  6. thebrute7

    thebrute7 Professor

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    I read it. It was okay, well written, avoided some cliches, kept others. Not really library worthy in my opinion. Almost recommendable as I see it. 3/5
     
  7. Richard

    Richard Supreme Mugwump

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    Just your average Slythern Harry stories. Didn't really bring me in all that much. 3/5 from me.
     
  8. Desmir

    Desmir Squib

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    When i saw 100,000 words I got excited, its not often but occasionally a good story is recomended with a decent length for you to really sink your teeth into.

    This was not one of those stories, as previously said Ron is cliche ANTI slytherin.

    In fact after Harry Potter gets sorted into slytherin, the NEXT MORNING the WHOLE school is whispering about how hes so dark and evil, how hes no good, how he must be so evil to have beaten voldemort.

    (so original, I mean its not like he might have opened the chamber of secrets and was murdering people, all he did was get sorted into Slytherin, something that happens to dozens of students every year FOR A THOUSAND YEARS)

    Not only is that crazy cliche...but Harry is an eleven year old, doesnt know a single spell, is still wrapping his head around magic existing but everyone thinks hes EVIL.

    Ridiculous.

    Slytherin was stained by voldemort, had a bit of a stigma...but the rest of the school were not blatantly attacking the house at every opportunity and constantly degrading it.

    The young gryffindors seemed filled with unholy RAGE at the slytherins.

    It was similar to Draco on the train, he had no class. His proposal to Harry barely made sense. He came to deliver the canon/cliche speech of offering Harry his hand in friendship, to steer him towards the pureblood camp.

    (you will recognize this scene from the hundreds you have read, Harry meets the authors choice of friends, they get along great, Draco arrives just like in canon to attemp to steal Harry's friend, harry defends his friend of two minutes, they declare a blood feud)

    The author doesnt know how to deviate from canon, or perhaps hates draco, so the author does something truly odd.

    In fact you are all in for a treat!

    something along the lines of

    "Oh i see you are with purebloods, and hereditary slytherins......Well I HATE THEM. They may be purebloods but IM A MALFOY and I am a better pureblood, so be my friend and ditch them."

    Harry follows his thousands of clones from fanfiction, tells Draco to shove it, Draco storms off (bodyguards in tow) and Harry is left with his new friend contemplating the beginning of his grand rivalry with Draco.

    Draco is an idiot, sputtering about how amazing he is, during the sorting feast/first day Draco told harry that the Malfoys were the best family in the wizarding world (and OLDER students in the background all agreed....what the hell?)

    Draco is a pathetic point of conflict and theres little effort into it, whoever Harry is with (even if purebloods) Draco objects and hates him.

    Ron is a pathetic cause of conflict, totally biased and unreasonable, ready to launch the fourth crusade against evil slytherin harry (hes ELEVEN).

    And its Ron that makes the whole story totally unbearable. An idiot, uninspired, poorly written draco can be generally OK in small doses and if the rest of the story is good.

    Ron is just totally unbearable.

    The whole story is ridiculous.

    Dont even ask me about Notts "teenage angst" about his dark father with a mysterious past.

    This is no different to the many SLYTHERIN harry stories we read. So far ive not seen anything special, this should not get in.

    If we let stories like this in, the floodgates will open. If you want to kill some time, thats fine, but seriously....the library is better than this.

    1.5/5 (story could be so much better with Draco and Ron written with more effort.
     
  9. Anarchy

    Anarchy Prisoner DLP Supporter

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    Read this a bit ago, but wasn't even close to being good enough to want me to see if there's any new chapters. This is exactly how not to write a Slytherin!Harry story. Desmir covers pretty much everything I want to say about the story, which really isn't much. It's a bunch of cliche, extremely polarizing characterizations.

    2/5
     
  10. Henry Persico

    Henry Persico Groundskeeper DLP Supporter

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    <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman";} </style> <![endif]--> I found the story readable, but I wouldn't recommend it. It has a nice start. Somehow the idea of Harry/Daphne being friends from the beginning seemed new to me; I don't remember other fic that started that way.
    The characters are slightly OCish, particularly Harry, Neville and Hermione. Draco and Ron are douche bags, everybody knows that. The confrontations are childish, but they are eleven years old, so it's ok.
    I particularly liked the scene where Harry beat Draco up (it remind me Potter Law nº XLIV); If I were Potter I would have reacted the same way, so it was a nice change from other fics.
    There're like five good ideas, however the rest of the story is standard, for saying something.
    I think the author tried to avoid the fandom cliché’s reversing its very nature, but he/she couldn't succeed. And introducing Flamel like a late Santa was a big mistake.
    Good grammar, nice spelling and well written dialogs.
    Overall 2.75/5.
     
  11. Rin

    Rin Oberstgruppenführer DLP Supporter

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    This has me worried. It sounds more like the author won't do a full re-write, but abandon it.
     
  12. Jeram

    Jeram Elder of Zion DLP Supporter

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    Tried reading this months ago. Couldn't finish it. Boring, trite, pedantic, preachy, badly characterized, cliched, and just plain dull.

    2/5 - and that's ONLY because it isn't riddled with typos.
     
  13. Padfoot85

    Padfoot85 Sixth Year

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    I agree with Rin. I have a feeling that we might see another year but i doubt the author will be able to pull off all 7 if they're 100k per year. Not saying it's not possible, but usually authors that are able to do 3/4 of a million words are known for that sort of thing and have a pretty good outline and following. This story had neither.

    Decent spelling and grammar although a few mistakes here and there just glare at you. Calling her J.K. Rowlings and then having it right two sentences later makes me wonder about the authors sanity. Or if Rowling invested heavily in baseball gloves.

    I definitely wouldn't kill the story with fire. But I'm hardly chomping at the bit. I'm an avid Daphne fanboy, but having her parents be best friends with James and Lily kind of makes me want to throw things. The author claims that Harry is going to get some stones and work out his inner Slytherin as he grows but right now he's basically canon Harry in Slytherin. Brave, rash and foolish do not a Slytherin make as Snape put it in the story.

    All in all if your bored and need to kill an hour or two it's not terrible. But I'd pass if you have other stories in your lineup waiting to be read.

    2.5/5