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WIP A Game of Style and Brutality - by Barney XII - M

Discussion in 'General Fics' started by Azrael's Little Helper, Apr 19, 2012.

  1. Azrael's Little Helper

    Azrael's Little Helper High Inquisitor

    Dec 24, 2006
    Title: A Game of Style and Brutality
    Author: BarneyXII
    Rating: M
    Genre: General
    Chapters: 10
    Words: 88,821
    Updated: May 7, 2013
    Published: January 4, 2012

    Status: WIP
    Library Category: General
    Pairings: Shown as Harry/Daphne
    Summary: From the historic field of Hogwarts to the famous stadiums of Europe, Harry signs a professional contract with Puddlemere and joins up alongside old friends. With his social life often causing mayhem for the club, it's going to be harder than he expected.
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7711029/1/A_Game_of_Style_and_Brutality

    An excellently written story of a post DH (to a tolerable extent) Harry's endeavour to take up the life of a professional athlete. I'm no English major with an eye or inclination for grammatical excellence but from what I've read the story seems to be very well beta'ed or just carefully proofread. Moves along at a decent pace for what's been shown in 5 chapters with characters portrayed well, especially with the so far limited screen time they get.

    With 5 chapters and near 50k words it seems a good as any time to give a review and in a time where good quality fanfics from this slowly dying series I'd rate this a solid 4/5 - not quite the blow-your-socks-off awesomeness a 5/5 rates but close enough for eager anticipation.

    Checked by Minion, August 20, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 20, 2013
  2. Bill Door

    Bill Door The Chosen One DLP Supporter

    Dec 1, 2011
    Behind You
    Damn it. I was going to rec this after another chapter, you beat me to it. This is by far my favourite non-DLP work-in-progress.

    I'm giving it 5/5 for being the first thing to make Quidditch seem exciting since Philosopher's stone.

    I'd also like to point out that it's not post-DH, it's AU from something like GOF.
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2012
  3. silentclock

    silentclock Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

    May 13, 2010
    Well, I'm probably a little biased on this one, but I'm inclined to agree. I've read good stories that featured Quidditch (Number Games comes to mind), but this is the first good Quidditch story I've read.

  4. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen Prestige DLP Supporter

    Sep 1, 2010
    Germany occupied Greece
    High Score:
    From what is written so far, this gets a 5/5. Definitely Library material.

    However, it may go downhill later, or be prematurely abandoned. It's still quite early.
  5. TheWiseTomato

    TheWiseTomato Tactical Tomato DLP Supporter

    Nov 11, 2009
    I enjoyed it. Characterisations are fairly good, and the author writes an interesting Daphne from what we've seen so far. Future Quidditch action promises to be exciting, even if the actual play itself could use a bit of coherence.

  6. Dark Syaoran

    Dark Syaoran Golden Patronus Admin

    Jun 4, 2005
    Honestly, I dislike Harry's character quite a bit. I read the first chapter and had no desire to continue reading about him. The little bits of humor felt a little bit forced. I don't know what it is. Maybe the whole 'lol he is James' feel.

    The writing itself is solid, no problem on that front. Maybe I'll continue it at a later time.
  7. Clerith

    Clerith Supreme Mugwump DLP Supporter

    Jan 7, 2008
    It's an athlete fic. Pretty much the total opposite of what I usually read. What it does, it does very well, though. Some interesting Quidditch theory. Solid writing, pretty good characterizations.

    Like Syao said, though, Harry is rather bland. Very emotional - or should I say hormonal - boasting teenager athlete. I'm almost tempted to call him a brute. Jock. The girls... well, Harry's hormones here ruin the first impression, but once they actually get the conversation going, it's okay. But when the fact that you have a temper and are insecure about things are your most glaring traits - well, blergh.

    But yeah, an athlete fic. I just can't really get into it. If you like that kinda stuff, good for you. But it's not what I usually want to see in Harry Potter. The characters certainly feel very real, certainly have flaws, and the obscene amount of flirting even made me smile a few times, but it's just not my cup of tea.

    Rating this is difficult, as I can objectively tell it's a good fic, but emotionally feel displeased at quite a few things. I rate it 3.5, and will add the rating to the thread a few updates later, so I can be sure about it >_>
  8. thejabber27

    thejabber27 Sixth Year

    Jan 4, 2012
    I actually find myself liking this fic. But still too soon for me to rate it.
  9. Jormungandr

    Jormungandr Prisoner

    Jul 26, 2010
    Merry ol' England
    I like the characterizations, aside from Harry's; the author is trying to go for a 'pre-mature/pre-7th Year' James feel, but Harry's just coming off as a cunt - nothing like his canon personality.

    Honestly, get an OC called Harry Potter, and you've pretty much got this.

  10. Pythagoras

    Pythagoras First Year

    Sep 24, 2011
    I like the fic as a guilty pleasure, but there's not much substance here and while it is set well in the HP-verse (The wireless, the insertion of wizard history, the 'girl fell in the Atlantic' bit) everyone is just so out of character that it doesn't feel like Harry Potter.

  11. sirius009

    sirius009 Minister of Magic

    Oct 20, 2005
    United States
    Harry is supposed to be a normal teenage jock, nothing more, nothing less. He comes off as arrogant and cocky, but is shown to be an immature kid who's generally trying to hide behind false bravado (and honestly, at 17 weren't we all trying to do anything to get laid?) The other characterizations, particularly Daphne, are very well done. What I really like is that it has become very very clear that while Harry is good, he's not great, he's not Viktor Krum, rather he's a 17 year old with a lot to learn.

    I'll give it a 4/5, but I expect it to either get better, or seriously crash and burn, next 3 chapters are key.
  12. Nerox

    Nerox Professor

    Jan 29, 2012
    It seems pretty unusual that a fanfic authors rewrites the main character to be OOC in an AU story...oh wait...

    Also, your argument is flawed.
  13. Fatality

    Fatality Unspeakable

    May 4, 2011
    Sydney, Australia
    I actually posted a review on what was essentially the predecessor to this story around four or five months ago, and I ended up getting into a conversation with the writer through PMs. The story had a few shortcomings at that stage (mostly when the author was writing the romance) and I think he scrapped it and rewrote it shortly after that.

    He seemed to have a really good grasp on what he wanted to do with the quidditch side and his characterisation of Harry (which is definitely supposed to be quite different from canon Harry). The focus he was looking for was on Harry starting off somewhat raw talent and hardly amazing, but improving his skills at a somewhat realistic way through his career until he becomes a lot better. It all sounded pretty interesting to me.

    Really, the only area where I'd be worried is how the author handles the romance side. The original story had Harry moving in with Padma and considering marriage or whatever within the first few chapters. After that fell through he was going after Daphne Greengrass (who was a bit of a Mary Sue). It was pretty much uninteresting fluff that dragged down the story a lot. It was the main thing I talked to him about, and I'm hoping he steers away from that direction.

    Anyway, what he has so far seem pretty good and I'm looking forward to seeing more. Might be worth inviting him to come over to DLP and post in WbA actually - he seemed like a pretty alright and intelligent guy from the brief conversations I had with him.

    4/5 at the moment.
  14. Rache

    Rache Headmaster

    Mar 7, 2012
    This is good. Really damn good. Not many stories effectively capture real teenage interaction this well. Quidditch was well portrayed. Though this is a bit ooc, Daphne's behaviour was very well captured. Almost in every fanfiction, Daphne is portrayed as a bitchy ice-queen.\

    My final score is 4/5..................:)
  15. Tenages

    Tenages Order Member DLP Supporter

    Aug 19, 2010
    Philadelphia, USA
    I'm with Syaoran. After the first chapter I couldn't stand Harry's character at all. More than that I thought the characterizations of Dumbledore and McGonagall were pretty terrible actually. I don't see McGonagall standing for that attitude and backtalk from a student or for Dumbledore completely ignoring the fact that Harry broke Malfoy's nose deliberately and then got in a knock down drag out with him in front of the whole school. Certainly I don't see him joking with him like nothing ever happened.

    The writing wasn't bad but it wasn't anything special either. Not all that impressed.
  16. Dark Minion

    Dark Minion Bright Henchman Moderator DLP Supporter

    Sep 22, 2006
    I have to agree with Tenages and Syaoran. If someone is into sports he/she might be interested in this, but someone who rates Quidditch chapters as story filler will get bored soon.

    I also didn't like the author's additional or altered Quidditch rules, but I can't be bothered to look up canon to check it.

    I'd rate it 2/5 because I really was bored by it, but as non-Quidditch fan I abstain.
  17. Horton

    Horton First Year

    Feb 26, 2012
    Not my sort off thing.
    4/5 if you like sports.
  18. Portus

    Portus Heir

    Nov 25, 2008
    Music City
    Dad! What the hell are you doing here?! Get Out!?! I told you to stay off my internets! You're embarrassing me! GOD!!
  19. 0jordinio0

    0jordinio0 Seventh Year

    Jun 6, 2012
    Seems that the author is giving the Weasley twins and other professionals to much hype, he's basically made them the Voldemort's of Quidditch and then underskilled Harry to start him at the bottom of the food chain, at the moment he has described Harry as basically twig like even though he's been training for years(3 I think) and has made the Weasley twins buff ass bodybuilders.

    I don't know about the rest of you, but this guy has a serious case of ginger cock loving and needs to get his head out of his arse.

    Imo, this is a 2/5 and only because he has good spelling and grammar.
  20. Mage

    Mage Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

    Apr 18, 2006
    Washington, DC
    Have you actually read the fic? First, the Weasley Twins don't start the final match in the World Cup. Second, They've been professionals for a couple of years. Harry mean while has been in school. I don't care what sport you're talking about, if it is your job to be training and put on weight. Harry meanwhile is playing in an amateur league at Hogwarts where he most likely is able to get by on pure skill. Now, competing with actual professionals he needs the stature to back up his skill.

    I don't know how you managed to pick this as your criticism of the story. There are a ton of valid criticisms made earlier in the thread, but this one is just dumb. Don't know if you didn't finish reading it or what, but I suggest you actually read it and think.