Title: A Riddled Universe

Author: hazeldragon

Rating: K+

Status: In Progress

Pairings: None

Summary: Being the recipient of the Order of Merlin and also having his picture on the Chocolate Frog Cards was not a big feat for Healer Tom Riddle. As Head Healer at St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries, nothing much surprised him. Little did he know, his life was about to be turned upside down by the arrival of a bespectacled boy with messy hair through the Veil.

Link (FFN): A Riddled Universe

The premise of the story is quite simple. What isn't, naturally, is the events that happen in this different world once Harry arrives in it. Nothing is really how some might expect it, I think. Or perhaps they might, I haven't read too much of these dimension hopping fanfics myself, so I can't serve as an adequate judge.

So while I personally may like it and would go as far to give it full marks, I'd rather some folks here say what they think about it, if you will.

 

2/5

There is something about the dialogue and the flow of the prose that just feels very clumsy and clunky to me. I only got 10 chapters of heavy skimming in and nothing at all interesting at all jumped out at me.

Its all very boring. Riddle is super nice and talented, everyone is seems to be obsessed with Houses (the narrative is full of 'blah blah blah was acting like a Slytherin/Gryffindor/Whatever') and Harry appears to be ridiculously passive. He pretty much lets everything be dictated to him.

Boring, boring boring boring is all I can think to describe this story. There is no hook that really engrosses me. Its not a terrible travesty of a story that deserves ridicule, scorn and 1/5, but I certainly wouldn't call it good or to general DLP tastes.

 

Everyone just seems so dumb in the story, it reads as if Harry is at most 12 years old and Riddle often behaves like a 16 year old. I mean Harry is supposed to be 18 years old, have defeated Voldemort and lost all his friends, however he acts and is treated like every other little kid.

And as said by the poster above, the whole Houses thing gets pretty annoying quickly. Almost every paragraph someone's behavior is described as Gryffindorish or Slytherinesque.
Voted 2/5

 

At least he stopped with the:

'I wonder what's going on?' Harry thought style of writing in the later chapters.

I don't know if that's because he realised it's annoying as fuck or because he stopped having Riddle read everybody's mind.

 

2/5 as well.

A quick scan of parts of the story shows grammatical and spelling errors (using "then" instead of "than", or 'trial' for 'trail') but they don't seem overwhelming. As noted previously, the dialogue and flow become the problem - for me at least. I also found it clumsy and awkward in its characterization, not to mention the plot decisions. Early story examples:

• Harry tests Dumbledore by asking "what's your favorite jam?". Riddle isn't Voldemort in this dimension, but cross dimensional jam preferences are sacrosanct?
• Albus talks about how there have only been six cases of Dimension travelers, and as such there are no laws created to address them. Yet the reader is supposed to believe that while the Wizengamot hasn't passed any laws, St Mungos has procedures in these cases, which apparently includes the need for paternity tests. Why would they need paternity tests if there is no law requiring it?
• Riddle - as Head Healer of St Mungos - commands more respect than Dumbledore (who is Head of the Wizengamot) and only Riddle can keep the Unspeakables at bay - or so Dumbles claims.
• Despite his history with Voldemort, Harry seems completely willing to accept going home with Riddle in this new universe.

Ignoring the dialogue issues, the rest never really rises above those sort of 'convenient' constructs.

Overall, I wouldn't say its a bad story - I just didn't find it to be a very good one.

 

I don't comprehend why, but this story bored me. Perhaps I'm fickle. Nevertheless, I can't rate it that highly if the story can't hold my attention for more than a chapter.

3/5, because it's competently written.