Title: A Shocking Discovery
Author: Alorkin
Rating: T
Genre: Drama
DLP Category: General
Pairing: N/A
Status: Oneshot
Summary: A burglar makes a horrible discoovery at #4 Privet Drive.
Link: http://www.ficwad.com/story/43484

Anyways, I was re-reading this narrative and decided to see if it was anywhere on DLP yet and I can't find it so I decided to post it since I found it very good. It's short and sad, so it may not be everyone's cup of tea.

There's also a sequel that can be found on Alorkin's profile page.

If you don't know who he is you can check out his DLP Introduction or go to his FicWad profile.

I liked it enough for a 4/5 at least.

 

Um... what? 1/5 because there's no damn story here.

 

Did you click on the link named FicWad and find it broken or something else?

 

I found what the writer was trying to pass off as a 'story' to be broken. It's abuse porn. Thousands and thousands of words about how everyone pities the hell out of the poor victim and not a word of actual story to be seen. I thought we'd gotten over this when the Azkhaban!Harry days ended.

 

Okay, I just thought the link was broken. Sorry 'bout that.

 

... I feel horrible.

 

Eh, 2/5. It wasn't exactly badly written per se, but I'm new and even I know it doesn't belong in the Library. It was more the complete lack of plot than anything else.

 

Hah, you wusses.

This story had a bit of squandered potential; it was ruined by turning out to be little more than a pity-fest, but certainly the beginning of the story was proficient in style and content for what the writer was trying to achieve.

I would have given the writing a 4/5, and the story (including the emotional impact, which I feel was hindered by its irritatingly predictable and boring middle and end) a 2/5.

So 3/5 from me - it honestly wasn't as bad as I'd thought it would be when I read this thread. Though I would change the genre from 'drama' - there was certainly none of that - to 'tragedy'.

 

I'm going to say 2/5, but only because the writing wasn't atrocious.

It kind of reminded me of those television commercials about the abused animals. This, though, just felt gratuitous and unnecessary rather than emotionally impacting.

 

This. Nice of a career criminal to tell a career law enforcement officer what the definition of burglar was. And willing to brave jail to bring justice to the kid he doesn't know. (And whose funeral he turned up to, and sooobbbbeed as his body was lowered.

0/5. My four year old brother writes better shit.

Also this. But those commercials are better because Sarah McLachlen could get one. Hard.

 

This sucked more than a glory hole in the men's of a Texas airport.

1/5

 

I'm sure those cowboys appreciate all the help you can give though.

 

Don't be bitter cause you have shitty taste in fics.

 

*Shrugs*

I felt the need to defend it at least once.

 

If the Dursleys were charged with murdering Harry, they would probably end up trying to blame each other. In that situation, I wouldn't put it past Petunia to falsely accuse Vernon of spousal abuse and claim that any thing she might have done to her nephew was under duress.

 

As a general rule I avoid Alorkin as the majority of his/her work is just too simplistic and happy go lucky for me. This was a definite change of pace. I give it a 2/5.

 

No. 1/5. Nothing to see here. I can deal with a certain amount of Dursley abuse and angst has its place, but the only redeeming quality here is that the English is readable. Readable does not mean worth reading. If you want angst, there are better sources. Go watch Evangelion or something. The only part of this story that made me actually sad was the time I wasted reading it.

 

Right. Well I can say that my over all impression of this story is squandered potential. It could have been far more descriptive, and just better executed.

That said lets get to the scoring. Since all stories start with a 5/5, as keeping that score is harder than getting it in the first place in my mind, we'll start with the deductions.

-1 point for not knowing that the UK police would solicit a Forensic Examiner or at least a Coroner. Doctors in the NHS would be far too busy with treating the sick to determine cause of death in unusual circumstances.

-2 points for giving Sgt. McCaffrey a mobile phone. While mobiles did exist in 1985 they were the size of a brick and weighed about as much. Furthermore they weren't very common at the time. What can I say...I hate it when people have inappropriate muggle technology in the given time period of their fics.

-1 point for making McCaffrey a Sargent of Police. As we are lead to belive that he is the main investigator of the crime, he should have been listed as at least "Detective Sargent" or Inspector depending on the local police force.

Over all 1/5. Its not badly written its just got glaring errors that anyone who watched a couple episodes of "Thin Blue Line" by the BBC would have caught. And the mobile reference peeved me to no end.