Little Kickass Stark and "Ah, that's the blacksmith", gold, pure gold. Buy how could he be confused between Pod "Magical Cock" Payne and Gendry?

 

King of the Guys and Commander of the Jon Snows... hilarious.

 

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Not sure if this has been posted on DLP before, but it made me chuckle.

 

Spoiler

Apparently Arya is Mrs. Martin's favorite character, and in an interview she said she made George promise not to kill her. When asked about that, George said he was just saying that, implying he still might kill her. But is he more likely to lie to his readers or his wife? Therefore Arya probably has author's armor and you can expect her to continue to get lucky.

 

Notice how in the garden, the girls he passes by to get to Tyrion & Sansa pretty much giggle and point? I found that so hilarious.

 

^ That.

In later seasons when Pod goes travelling, I truly hope we get more "Legend Of Pod" moments. Maybe even a situation that needs to be resolved with him seducing somebody. (Or hell, bludgeoning somebody to death with his swingin' cod would make for great television.) It would be the biggest fuck you to all those who didn't like it in the first place, and the most hilarious thing ever in the world. And I anticipate something like that will in fact happen, 'cause the showrunners do call back to their own additions/changes when it comes to character quirks/moments (Ramsay blowing the horn to wake up Theon for torture, making him probably the hornblower that tormented Theon back at Winterfell; Jaime mentionining his dyslexia that Tywin told Arya about previous season; Tyrion's calling himself the god of tits and wine at his wedding; Sam's proud face at being called a wizard et cetera) and keep things nice and consistent within their adapted continuity.

Shit. How long 'til Season Four, again?

 

It's the little details that make this series the best one I've ever had the pleasure to see. That and the most fantastic acting in the television. Really, they don't have a single bad actor there, or a mediocre one. Just from very good to Peter Dinklage and Aidan Gillen. These guys were born play these roles. Aidan speech was so f* awesome, the best original moment in the series.

Also I wanna see a scene were Pod knocks a woman with his cock. She is going down on him, and there he is happy sucky-sucky time, when something startles him and he turns around, knocking the woman down. Total C.O. , Cocked Over.

 

I feel like there's a bit too much thought going into this, man.

Also, Matt..."Legend of Pod: The Travels of Podrick the Seducer" is a great idea for a fic....too bad I suck at humor.

 

The Legend Of Pod: The Wandering Adventures Of A Restless Serpent is something that cannot be played for humour. If I wrote it, it would begin with humble origins as a boy and squire, learning swordplay and thinking himself just a normal lad, before coming into Tyrion's service and discovering his superpower after the Battle Of Blackwater. Soon, Pod grows restless, his hammer giving him an instinctual knowledge of things to come, and so he knows that he cannot stay in King's Landing much longer. However, out of loyalty, he stays through to Tyrion's disappearance, and then joins up with Brienne's merry adventure, as per canon. The hammer assists him, Brienne and Hyle Hunt in a situation involving a whorehouse in Maidenpool, a hedgehog, and Randyll Tarly, and the legend spreads onwards from there.

Pod busts him and Hyle out of the Brotherhood's clutches before Brienne can lead Jaime into a trap, and while the other three venture off to the Vale to go rescue Sansa, Pod fights through the Riverlands (Without getting lost for two books, thus becoming more superior than half the main characters) to return to King's Landing. By now Aegon has taken the city with the help of the Tyrells, and Cersei has fled to Casterly Rock. Robert Strong, however, was left behind in the city for the right opportunity to kill Aegon, but fails when Pod and his wondrous cock is able to destroy the monstrosity. Pod is knighted into the Kingsguard by a grateful Aegon, and the legend continues.

However, as time passes, Aegon's rule becomes tested. Stannis still holds the North, only the Reach and Dorne have officially declared for the new king, Jon Connington has succumbed to greyscale, and when he fails to knock up his wife Arianne, Aegon gets jealous of Pod's prowess, feeling that such a penis could surely do what Aegon's couldn't. So, Aegon frees Qyburn from the Black Cells to find a way to transfer Pod's penis power into Aegon, but Pod, sensing betrayal, makes Varys into a body double, and thus Aegon becomes a eunuch and Varys has a penis for the first time in over thirty years. With his new power, Varys reveals himself a Blackfyre all along and decides to take the throne for himself, killing Aegon before Pod can finish off Varys. The kingdoms are without a king once more, and the tenuous Dorne-Reach alliance in KL slips back into old fighting.

Pod is despondent. His cock has caused more problems than it's ever solved. In his despair, he is seduced by Arianne, and knocks her up. She claims the child is Aegon's, and keeps the Tyrells happy by appointing Mace Tyrell protector regent until the birth. It's a stopgap, Pod knows, but it's enough time to find the true ruler of the Seven Kingdoms. You see, one of Aegon's teachers, Septa Lemore, is really Ashara Dayne, and she relayed a story to Pod of Ned Stark arriving at Starfall to return her brother's sword and body to her, and he also had with him a bastard child, Jon. Pod deduces that Ned wasn't even in Dorne during the war enough to have fathered a bastard there, and travels to The Tower Of Joy to find the truth of Jon's birth.

And oh, what a truth he finds. Pod trains his mind and his penis as one in the desert for ninety days and ninety nights, and gains the power to view echoes and afterimages of the world that once was. Inside the Tower Of Joy, Pod replays the fateful night where Ned and Howland Reed arrived to find Lyanna Stark, having given birth to Rhaegar Targaryen's son. She promises Ned to take Jon as one of his own, and Ned agrees. It's touching, if you ignore that we only get to see the scene thanks to the fact Pod's currently jerking off to keep the quality of the echo at a continual 1080p.

When Pod leaves the Tower, intent on travelling North, he hears that things have changed in his absence. Dany Targaryen is to land in King's Landing with her two dragons, the third - Viserion - having died in the process of Victarion Greyjoy trying to control it with a dragon horn. Pod, fearing another Targaryen ruler to match Aegon or Varys, and with freakin' dragons to boot, rushes to King's Landing. Arianne Martell and Mace Tyrell give up the city to Dany and her army, installing Tyrion, Dany's Hand Of The King 'course, as regent while Dany goes off to scare the Westerlands. She burns Casterly Rock a little, and captures Cersei and Tommen by the time Pod reaches KL.

Pod and Tyrion reunite, in a touching scene, and Pod wonders if Dany's rule is really for the best. Tyrion assures him that yeah, it is, but his words are wind when the Maesters of Oldtown have one of their agents try to kill Rhaegal when Dany comes back to KL with Cersei and Tommen. Rhaegal goes apeshit and nearly ignites the wildfire under the city, but Pod, who knew about the wildfire, of course, is able to stop him thanks to his hammer. Pod also does the unthinkable in killing a dragon with his penis, although he actually used a sword to do it, it's just that the legend of his penis was so vast that everyone just assumes he used his penis.

Dany is initially angry and wants Pod dead for killing one of her children, but Tyrion helps talk her out of it. Pod is a good lad with a good sense of justice, he assures her, and Pod himself is able to prove it by revealing the wildfire caches and apologising for what he had to do. To help prove her loyalty, Pod finds the Maester of Oldtown (Maybe Jaqen H'ghar in disguise, maybe not. WE'LL NEVER KNOW) who started this mess, and executes him. Dany, forever doomed to be turned on by a man who kills people for her and isn't named Jorah Mormont, forgives Pod and tries not to sleep with him.

News from the North comes about The Wall coming down and there's an impeding apocalypse via White Walkers. Stannis has died in the first wave, but Jon, revived as the hero Azor Ashwhatever, is holding the line with the help of Jaime and Brienne, who rescued Sansa from Baelish, sic'd Lady Stoneheart on the Vale for some revenge, and have left Sansa to protect Rickon Stark, who was found by Davos in Skagos and blah blah. Anyways, Dany gets the news, gets some prophecy stuff, and knows she has to kill some White Walkers. Pod accompanies her on Drogon, and the final battle ensues. It's a pretty great final battle, I guess. Pod kills a zombie mammoth with his penis, a feat that everyone thinks isn't as impressive as killing a dragon with his penis, but since Pod didn't actually use his penis to kill Rhaegal, he knows the zombie mammoth is his biggest accomplishment. Especially since the King Of Old Winter was riding that mammoth, and Pod's actions allowed him to be killed by Drogon and Dany.

And so, with the Long Winter at an early end and a new dawn coming, Pod accepts Dany's rule will be different than Aegon or Varys or any of the old Targaryens, and lets her take the Iron Throne. Jon, Sansa, Rickon and Bran and Arya for some reason, all stay to rebuild Winterfell, and Jaime and Brienne with them. Pod helps for a while, but news of Arianne Martell giving birth bring him back south. The rumour mill has ousted the fact that Aegon was sterile and thus, Arianne slept with Pod to have her child, but that's not actually the truth of it. When Maesters reveal it was in fact Arianne that was barren, and not Aegon who was sterile, Dany sees an opportunity, to further the Targaryen line and give her the children she thought she'd never have. She takes on Pod as a consort, and lets Pod, out of his honour, also marry Arianne and make their child not a bastard. And so Pod lives out the rest of his days pleasuring two beautiful women, occasionally joined by Asha Greyjoy or Myrcella Lannister or Margaery Tyrell... Pod is a gentleman knight, and gentlemen knight never gossip about these sorts of things.

Only once in his life did Pod decide to boast about his extraordinary gift. It was the night of a tournament celebrating his son's fifth nameday, and Tyrion and he had gotten quite drunk with Lord Bronn of Stokeworth to celebrate. When Pod returned to his chambers, he found Dany, Arianne, Margaery, and who knows who else, waiting for him. Pod quickly found himself swamped with ladies coming for his D, and murmured this immortal line before he sobered himself up:

"My ladies, there is literally plenty of me to go 'round. LET'S DO THIS."

The End.

STILL FEEL LIKE THERE'S A BIT TOO MUCH THOUGHT GOING INTO THIS, RILEY.

 

O.O....jesus fuckballs man.

 

I don't know how you got access to Hbo's scripts for the next few seasons but I won't tell

 

Because I dit that once. Nah, saw this in a shitty movie. Forgot the name, but the scene where this happened was simply too hilarious, specially since there was a guy and professor there and the guy shouts "Did you Prof.!? He knocked that poor innocent girl with his cock!" CO is totally my though, I claim autorships right. I will sue anyone who steals it. And send Hell's nastiest and lowest demons, lawyers.

Also, great mindfucking story.

 

Something that some of you might be interested in:

The Last ~130 years of Stark Lords Explained

 

Man, the Starks in the Dunk and Egg days? I bet they were thinking, "Man, five dead Starks. This is probably the worst loss of life we're gonna face. After we beat this shit, we're not gonna have things get this bad again." AND THEN, OVER EIGHTY YEARS LATER: "Fuck. We're gonna beat their record, aren't we."

 

Edit: I know this isn't reddit and upvotes are irrelevant but I couldn't find a better image to convey my thoughts on your comment Jeram.

 

Oberyn Martell cast

 

My mental version of Doran Martell: