Title: Alchemist's Apprentice
Author: PeaceThroughSuperiorFirepower
Rating: M
Genre: Adventure
DLP Category: Independent Harry
Pairing: No Pairing
Status: Complete
Summary: Expelled from Hogwarts Harry Potter rebels from Albus Dumbledore's iron fisted control. With the help of an ancient Wizard he'll become greater than he ever thought he could be.
Link: Alchemist's Apprentice

It is a post GOF fic written in first person POV. It features an independent Harry Potter who after being expelled from Hogwarts enters an apprenticeship. Harry's magical growth is believeable and done in a logical manner, he doesn't become super-powerful even after a few years of constant tutoring.

On the plus side, the narration is very good so is the writing style. The story is engrossing, the plot is well thought out and it did not fail to hold my attention. The conclusion was well executed showing that in the real world happy endings are rather scarce.

On the downside there are a few grammatical errors, though not overy so.

4/5 from me, give it a try folks.


Edit by Minion, Dec. 10, 2012
Dead link is dead. If you know where to find another copy of the story, please inform the library staff.

 

I thought it was in the library already, but apparently it was only in Almost Recommended.

I give it 3/5, decent enough read but Recycle Bin material. Also, I really hated the moment where he ended the fic.

 

Well, I didn't mind the ending that much, though I wish the author had shown some kind of real confrontation between Harry and Dumbledore. As for Hermione's rebuttal of Harry's friendship, I didn't care that much about it. But that may be due to the fact that I don't like Hermione's character much.

The author also gets a point from me for trying to create a realistic ending.

 

This fic was, meh, It was OK I guess. Would've looked much better as a one-shot though. Almost 16k words spanning 5 chapters and it left me hanging dry in the end. I really would've like it as a one-shot and probably would've given it 4 points if it was.

3/5 for a good read when I'm bored. Could use a bit more substance in between. Recycling bin matierial.

 

Wow, this is literally the third story I've seen with the exact same title. What the fuck, are these people seriously unwittingly choosing a title already used by another story or are they knowingly doing so?

As for the story: Poor Man’s Jbern. The author tried to affect Bungle in the Jungle's tone, plagiarized the concept of spell-chaining and that phrase at least fate gave me the power to compete in the big league. I guess the author acknowledged it, but it still invites comparison, and Jbern is in much higher standing than PeaceThroughSuperiorFirepower.

The writing style was engaging but had chinks in its armor, the flow kept being broken and run-on sentences kept cropping up.

The attempts at originality isn't winning my sympathy either because of the lack of details. I appreciate the attempt at expanding the setting, but I'm not going to favor the story unless Harry actually goes elsewhere. The abridged version of his travels and training abroad is worthless.

Then there are outright cliches: the typical manipulative!Dumbledore which provides a very weak driving force of Harry's apprenticeship with Flamel, the typical evil!Fudge, the typical pathetic!WizardingWorld, the typical authorityabsolutist!Hermione.

I mean, come on, the confrontation with Dumbledore has been written a hundred times already, in exactly the same way exchange by exchange, line of dialogue by line of dialogue, except for a change in perspective.

I'm also beginning to despise these arbitrary endings. It's clear the author just wanted an unhappy ending for the sake of having an unhappy ending. Otherwise, Hermione would have appeared before the last thousand words.

To make that fashion of ending meaningful, you need a longer story. Harry would think over the friends he is separated from. He has to look forward to their reunion. Basically, he needs to have expectations in order to have them crushed. Otherwise, what does it matter? It’s a happy ending as far as the reader is concerned because Voldemort is dead, Harry is free, and a friend he promptly forgot about as the excitement started rejecting him is a footnote.

2/5

 

Many elements taken from both JBern and DRaco make this one a bit anti-climactic. The ending was decent enough, I suppose, but without a little more fleshing out of the story, it's just...average. 3.5/5 It's more of a one-shot than anything else.

 

What's with these bitches takin' mah titlez? Srsly...

Anyway...

I was less than impressed with this entire thing. Big plot device - stolen from Draco664 (In whose story it is not the uber!wandlessMagickz like it seems to be here). Snarkiness/attitude/one-liners - Stolen from Jbern (who does it better, if you like that thing). Title - stolen from me (grrr...).

I might have to foockin' update to show these foockin' cunts what a real Alchemist's Apprentice looks like...

2/5 for me. I've seen worse, but DO NOT WANT.

 

It seems very rushed and it could be fleshed out a great deal. It's a good idea that could be workable. Overall a disappointment

3/5

 

That's exactly what I thought. The story doesn't feature anything new and it's not even getting close to be entertaining enough to get a 3/5

And that's the right place for it. 2/5 For me.

Man, half of my favorite fics feature Harry's character throwing wicked comments and sporting an attitude but that doesn't mean the authors have stolen from Jbern or any other for that matter. If it works in the story it is totally fine by me and beside we all do talk about fanfiction in here.. not quite an original ideas and copy right content.

 

Just for simplicity's sake here's what I said in Almost Recommended when I posted this fic in February:

Seems like most people are in the neighborhood of my opinion. 3/5 works for me.

 

I'm actually ok with most of the story but the ending isn't an ending, it's like the guy just got tired of writing and cut it off there. It's 3/5 for general decency, but -1 for having no legitimate finale = 2/5.

 

It will be worth putting this fic up for review if it gives you the impetus to update your own fic. I truly did enjoy your Time Travel fic. Hopefully you will update soon.......

 

Eh. It's been done and been done better. I was going to give this a 3/5, but there were some issues I had in later chapters (mostly punctuation) that make me subtract a point.

On the other hand, I'll add a point because the ending was very different then the majority of stories out there.

So that brings me back to where I started.

3/5