1. Hi there, Guest

    Only registered users can really experience what DLP has to offer. Many forums are only accessible if you have an account. Why don't you register?
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Q3 2019 Story Competition entries are up folks! Reviewing open untill TOMORROW! (September 24th)

    Once you have reviewed, you can rank your top three
    Dismiss Notice

Oneshot Alice's Wonderland by Vash - NC17

Discussion in 'Restricted Section' started by Antivash, Oct 18, 2006.

  1. vateruncer

    vateruncer Muggle

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2006
    Messages:
    4
    Location:
    wouldnt you like to know
    As stated above it did seem a little rushed at the end but it was to funny to matter. Really the cure was an orgasm that was funny. Altough I think you should do another chapter if simply for Neville's reaction to his mom 'waking up'.
     
  2. Crazy1

    Crazy1 Groundskeeper DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2006
    Messages:
    399
    Location:
    England
    Damn Vash, you get more messed up every day. Please, please, do a sequel!
     
  3. Antivash

    Antivash Until we meet again... DLP Supporter Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2005
    Messages:
    6,956
    Location:
    Ghost Planet
    Thank you, Crazy. I do enjoy getting all demented like that. Beta'ed versions are now uploaded. Dwitbal is to credit for that as well as several ideas, such as Alice mistaking Harry for James.
     
  4. huntedorange

    huntedorange Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2006
    Messages:
    273
    Location:
    Highlands
    yep still love it, the whole alice mistaking harry for james thing makes its for me. good work and btw love the stick aviator, it rocks. peace out lol. i am really drunk wooooo. 6/5
     
  5. Void Sorcerer

    Void Sorcerer Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2005
    Messages:
    301
    Location:
    The Endless Void
    Oh dear lord that was a laugh! Right on Vash, this is why I love your stories; they are unique have good sense of fun, and just plain rock!

    Psh, who needs a sequel, you other perverts can come up with something on your own. (Nothin personal)
     
  6. Tinn Tam

    Tinn Tam Review Goddess Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2006
    Messages:
    1,023
    Location:
    Paris, France.
    Here is my long-due review.

    You were right... That was sick. Not as sick as the "Give mummy more of your love" bit that you inflicted upon me last time on IRC chat, but extremely sick nonetheless.

    Therefore I am slightly worried that I enjoyed it so much. That was brilliant. Perfect descriptions, especially Alice's childish behaviour; great choice of words when describing Harry's thoughts and state of mind; and the cherry on the top: your adding the right sentences/twist to remind me just how perverse the whole thing is, precisely when I am starting to get used to the idea... Such as,
    With the same gentleness he treated his child patients with, Harry rolled Alice so that she was kneeling over the side of the bed as he approached from behind.
    ...and of course, Neville's bursting in.

    The switching to Alice's PoV was a little sudden, and maybe it could've been better prepared... I had to read the beginning of the paragraph twice before understanding it was in her PoV. Though it may be because I'm particularly slow. It was a great idea though, and her mistaking Harry for James was a very nice twist too, so congrats to Dwitbal. Of course, I could be picky and say that by the time Alice was tortured, James was already dead and Harry already had a scar on his forehead =). But that's a detail.

    So, all in all, wonderful little story; if I could write smut (and if I had the time to do so), I would ask your permission to translate it. Alas, as I lack in both the skill and the time, the French population shall remain deprived of this little jewel...

    Last thing: the title is an idea of genius.
     
  7. Nexus

    Nexus Denarii Host

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2006
    Messages:
    465
    Location:
    Strolling along River Styx
    I am going to need serious therapy after that (and I think so is Neville). Vash you sick bastard you! What's next??
     
  8. peregrine1989

    peregrine1989 Third Year

    Joined:
    May 26, 2008
    Messages:
    82
    Vash the fact that you are losing flames is that people who don't want to read your work have learned to avoid it. However for the DLP your horrors shall crawl the restricted section for all time.

    And there shall be much rejoicing.

    The only plot hole in this story is the fact that Harry is having trouble getting sex. He killed Voldemort, he's the savior of the wizarding world. He should have no problem getting sex.

    Everything else in this story was brilliant and flowed well. Neville's reaction and Alice's Childlike behavior all made sense.

    I disagree with Tinn Tam on the change of PoV, but he has probably more experience at this kind of thing.

    5/5 and a Internet cookie. You have once again proved you are the king of this kind of Fanfiction.
     
  9. ZeroTheDestroyer

    ZeroTheDestroyer Auror

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2008
    Messages:
    666
    Location:
    I am getting there
    Pretty evil. I am speechless.
     
  10. jjack1003

    jjack1003 Second Year

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2008
    Messages:
    76
    this is probably one of the funniest and better one shots i have ever read.
    I absolutely loved it
    Hope you do a sequel. lol
     
  11. sincostan

    sincostan High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2008
    Messages:
    547
    Location:
    socal
    Whoa, that's exactly what I thought when I got to the end! I think this embodies everything I look for in a one shot.
     
  12. Manatheron

    Manatheron Headmaster

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2006
    Messages:
    1,166
    DAMMIT NOOBS! I THOUGHT IT WAS AN UPDATE!

    Check the damn datestamp of the last post you numbskulls. '06?!? Ever hear of a necropost! DON'T DO IT!

    Fuckin newbies...
     
  13. Oz

    Oz For Zombie. Moderator DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2008
    Messages:
    8,909
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Baile Átha Cliath
    Erm... last post was less than three weeks ago. Unless you mean peregrine who posted three months ago.... Try to keep up.
     
  14. Manatheron

    Manatheron Headmaster

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2006
    Messages:
    1,166
    No, I meant Nexus who posted TWO YEARS ago should have been the last comment on this thread unless there was an update. And for a thread this old, two months makes it a second necro in all to short an amount of time. So unless you have something more worthwhile than pointless criticism to add...
     
  15. Nuit

    Nuit Dark Lord

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2010
    Messages:
    1,908
    Location:
    The Peach State
    As much as I liked this in my edgy/horny teen years, I'm fairly sure it's closer to a 3/5 probably lower but I'm nostalgic. It's no great work despite being decently written, just some fucked up smut.
     
  16. Innomine

    Innomine Headmaster ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2007
    Messages:
    1,042
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New Zealand
    High Score:
    4,500
    This is likely the oldest necro on DLP haha. Almost 11 years.

    Not sure it’s bad, ie, it’s in the library, but borderline.
     
  17. Psychotic Cat

    Psychotic Cat Headmaster

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2009
    Messages:
    1,122
    Just some fucked up smut?

    Excuse you, but Vash is the finest purveyor of fucked up smut in the history of this wretched hive.
     
  18. Zombie

    Zombie John Waynes Teeth Moderator DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2007
    Messages:
    4,948
    There are no necros in the library. They contributed their review.
     
Loading...