Why is she already suing the school?

 

After the most recent chapter of Atonement, I think I've finally put my finger on my problems with it.

First, it doesn't really read like a book. It reads like a comic book. A decent one, with things changing all the time, but still a comic book. It's very episodic. You can pick it up halfway through and not be confused. You can figure out the characters from context and you don't lose anything from skipping half the story. Antagonists are set up and then left dormant for chapters on end, only coming back when it's time for their arc. I think Doc Ock Bakuda is still running around, but we haven't heard from her in about 15 chapters.

Second is the lack of satisfying resolution to the major arcs. Namely the incompetence of villains. There's plenty of great buildup to the villain fights. The build up to both Coil, Teacher, and most recently Jack Slash was great. Suspenseful, logical, all around great. But that seems to be where all the buildup is going. Madison & Co find out who their enemy is, come up with a plan to take them out off screen, then that plan works perfectly. I haven't seen one time where their plan doesn't go off without a hitch.

The recent ending to the Slaughterhouse 9 Arc was especially annoying. Jack Slash is the king of fucking up plans. He does it on a lark. He can screw people up with a well placed sentence. But instead,

Spoiler

Madison and Riley find him. They give him a big speech about how he's pathetic and they draw him into a rage. Then they fight, and Madison kills him.

It's just anticlimactic.

 

Holy fuck that sounds horrible. Why in the fuck Madison, and I was just about to read that shit. Thank god

 

Tragically, aside from this flaw, and one or two other mary-sueish qualities, the fic is quite an accomplishment. It's still worth reading until you reach the point where you can see though it. It's the only story that's done something decent and readable with Madison. There's no other Worm fic quite like it.

 

Haven't followed it really since the S9 arc but once you realize that it is more of a Spider-Man fic than a Worm fic, you'll like it more, I think.

And really, in terms of banter during fights and thematic stuff, it is probably the best Spider-Man story I have seen. I'm putting it above all of the Ultimate comics and the movies, really. I've laughed out-loud at some of Madison's remarks. No other Spider-Man has managed that.

So yeah, is it great Worm fanfic? No, it has some serious flaws and issue, but still worth reading and as Yak said, it is one of its kind. That and its length are worthy of praise.

 

What fandom would Amelia have to be set in to male it good?

It's a better___ fic than a Worm fic?

 

There is no fandom on earth that would make Amelia a good story.

Also, Speak With the Dead updated. I would have to go re-read the previous Taylor chapter for this one to make sense though. I hope its as good as the Emma interlude -- that was an awesome chapter.

 

In any fandom, Amelia is a mean-spirited, tedious guilty pleasure at best. Okay, maybe the beginning had some potential as popcorn reading but it jumped the rails pretty early and is basically an extended power-trip of horrible people with lots of unintended misery and spiteful horror.

I

 

Speaking honestly? Yeah, that's clearly a fault that I (the writer) have. I could make excuses or reasonings for why it works out that way, but instead I'll just say I'd like to work on it, as well as other flaws. No excuses, it's something I need to work on.

That said, I would like to note that the chapter/confrontation in question has been updated after previous feedback so that it's not quite the same way described in the above spoiler. Still not perfect, obviously, but I hope it is at least something of an improvement.

There are flaws in my writing, but I am willing to try to work on them. This is the longest thing I've ever written by an insanely large margin, and there's going to be both ups and downs to that. Hopefully more ups as we go on from here, because I would really like to pick up the slack.

To that end, I would genuinely, honestly appreciate observations about what can be improved or where I have weak points. I'll answer anything I can, and try to be better about parts where I lack.

In any case, genuine thank you for all comments, both good and bad. Both help me improve.

 

As for Atonement...

Spoiler

After dropping Amelia at the Bonesaw/Riley bs line I was really looking at it odd when it started hinting that Bonesaw was going to turn good because of Madison. I actually dropped it, but, unlike Amelia, I was planning to maybe come back to it.

Now though...seems that it was actually a good warning sign.

 

I remember a story where taylor had dauntless' power but I can't seem to find it does anyone have any idea what it is, thanks

 

Stronger, by Overt Concerns. It's awful.

 

I don't think it's awful.

I think it's a fic that had some warning signs which meant that the more jaded members decided to drop it.

It's written well enough, if the progression is pretty fast powerwise. But the author never got a chance to show where they were going later on. A Cloudy Path has Taylor start of with a good base, Tinker a lot and then have the Tinkering fade into the background for the most part. Stronger could have used diminishing turns as an excuse to do a similar thing. The writer just apparently lost inspiration.

 

Now I remember why I stopped reading

Edit

Also sorry to ask again but what was the name of the story where taylor had grey boys power

 

Hey thanks. I do like the whole quipping during battle thing, it's a lot of fun. Madison entering the Wards actually happened sooner than I meant it to. Originally I had planned on a longer solo career, but things didn't go that way. If I were ever to do it over again, I'd probably have her stay solo for at least another couple storylines to really explore that option before giving her the support system. Maybe not move her to the Wards until after the Coil arc.

 

Welcome to DLP mate!

On the whole, Atonement is a great effort and one of the higher quality fics in the fandom - especially given its length. It's because of that we lament the various issues instead of just writing it off completely.

There's nothing wrong with uplifting endings to each arc. They certainly all end in a way that makes you feel glad with the outcome. Really enjoyed things like Marquis/Amy's relationship, Dinah's crew and all their stories, Rune joining the team, etc. The issue is that positive outcomes are only worth as much as the struggle it takes to get to that point. But since the Birdcage arc it seems to have been too easy for Madison and Co.

It was fine pre-Birdcage, because we were dealing with low level criminals (apart from Coil). But despite the new villains being more and more internationally renowned players, it seems to have been getting easier for them.

Each villain seems to have only one plan. Once the good guys work out how to beat that plan, the villains are easily defeated. And we're not talking people like Lung here - we're talking cunning from the likes of Coil, Teacher and Jack. Madison needs to occasionally fall into a situation so hard and inescapable that she even forgets to play make her nonchalant jokes (S9 arc would have been perfect for that actually).

That's....actually a great way of putting it.

Don't really agree with this. I don't think anyone approaches it thinking "It's a Worm fic, so it has to follow these themes, this style of characters and this style of plot" anymore than we go into HP fanfics expecting a children's book. The issues it has are issues it has regardless of what concept it goes for.


Went ahead and read all of Exiled based on the attention it was getting here. It was quite fun, but not really a quality fic. Sheppard's existence really wasn't all that needed in my opinion, and the same concept could have been done with Taylor alone.

Spoiler

It also annoyed me how Taylor was basically portrayed as someone completely in the right, without any need for guilt.

I loved the first scene where she approaches Annette as this girl after absolution, trying to come to terms with what she's become. She even refers to herself as a "Monster".

But by the end of the story, her dialogue with Annette has turned into that of someone completely comfortable with what they've done and who they are to the point she basically sounds like she's egoistically boasting about her exploits. Doesn't help that basically everyone in the story she fucked over was portrayed as a dickhead.

It ended in a way that made me feel like the author realized writing any further would probably see it really go downhill. I don't think there was anymore that could be written. Ended at a high point, but felt like a bit of a cop out IMO.

Still the epilogue of Taylor in the ME universe could be fun.


Also read Memories of Luthor. Enjoyed it a bit more than Memories of Iron, but just like it, thought it was pretty average. A fun time killer, but that was about it. Everything is just too easy for Taylor. The fact everyone is apparently willing to accept the fact that she is not a parahuman despite her basically creating world-changing tinkertech within weeks of "triggering" is hard to believe.

 

Ryuugi's is here: http://forums.spacebattles.com/thre...ussion-thread-10.274794/page-66#post-12374808
There's a few more, but they aren't great.

 

Nice post, Jarik.
Slane, I'll try to expand a bit on that. First, yeah, I'll second the fact that the reason we spend a fair amount of time getting into the issues with Atonement is that it's pretty good, or at least it has some very good things going for it. If a fic just isn't good, it's easy to just write it off as not good.

Re: your fic. I think the best way I can put my main issue with it is that Madison conforms to situations rather too easily. When she's thinking about Taylor, she's introspective and emotional and guilty. When she's in battle, she's quick on her feet and sarcastic and brave. When she's getting to know Sundancer, she's giggly and sweet. She feels, in short, more like a plot device and a well-differentiated character.

I don't feel anchored by her personality at all. She's got a lot of nice working parts, but there doesn't seem to be any greater whole.

Also, one nitpick thing that nevertheless bothered me enough that I thought I'd mention it: you abuse the hell out of ellipsis. I honestly couldn't get through this part because of how distracting they were:

Yeah, it's a little distracting.

I'll also echo the general comment that things feel a bit too neat with how major obstacles are overcome. Things like Coil and Leviathan just didn't have a lot of tension.

(Take all of this with a grain of salt, as I've only read about half the fic).

Anyway, some real strong elements and some things that seem to be holding it back.

 

Jesus, that's a lot of ellipses. That passage looks like it's partially written in Morse code.

Dammit, I wish Ryuugi would write some more Worm stuff. I am enjoying his RWBY story though, so maybe it's best that he'd sticking to that at the moment.

Wasn't there a relatively well written Crawler-Taylor? I think that Bonesaw or Jack got a hold of her, messed up Danny. The name is currently escaping me though.