Title: Deathly Hallows
Author: JK Rowling
Link: http://www.amazon.com/o/ASIN/054501...&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=294539501&pf_rd_i=507846

 

Hmmm. That one's gotta be in the "barely readable" category.

 

Apparently not judging by the amount of anonymous neg reps I got from that

Reading through it more actually I would say it's in the almost good category now but I haven't read all of it yet, Harry is pissing me off to much to go through it all in one sitting >_>

 

Black Heir

I thought the idea was kinda cool, definatly a unique twist to the cliche. Harry to escape Dumbledore forces Narcissa Malfoy to marry him using a loyalty contract she signed to the Lord of the Blacks. The fun twists is because he wasn't thinking she managed to get her hands on the contract change it and rip it up. Now they are married and she isn't under his thumb. She is pushy and bossy and hopefully will force Harry into something respectable. It has problems: the updates are horrendously slow, writing is a bit meh and I don't know what it is but it just doesn't have that feel of some of the better writing out there. It also relies heavily on cliche's.

Kinda wish a better writer would take this idea and make a respectable story out of it.

 

In Life or Death I am Free » by Albus Paulson reviews

Harry is thrown in Azkaban by the corrupt Scrimgeour administration. Meanwhile, the return of the Heir of Merlin has been predicted by a prophecy. This tale is about what happens when the wronged decide to fight back. DOES NOT FOLLOW DH. Read and review!
Harry Potter - Fiction Rated: T - English - General/Drama - Chapters: 53 - Words: 39,704 - Reviews: 72 - Updated: 8-3-07 - Published: 6-9-07​

I was just browsing through Azkaban-fics and found this one. It's the first post-HBP Azkaban story I found.

Scrimgeour sent Harry to Azkaban and intents to push him through the veil, soon. Harry escapes and becomes a most powerful wizard. His fiancé Ginny prophecies the upcoming arrival of the Heir of Merlin, and who else could that be than Harry, who becomes head of the Order of the Phoenix. There is no Weasley-bashing, the whole Order and his friends (trio, DA) are on his side.

The story consists of very short chapters (~800 words p.ch.), written in various different povs, describing Harry in Azkaban, his escape and the reactions, and so on.

It is spiked with loads of clichés, canon-pairings, and an unhealthy amount of Ginevra. Harry is the heir of six powerful families, including Merlin. He is the most powerful wizard alive, with a power of 125 (Dumbles and Riddle had only 80). Putting on Merlin's ring and holding Merlin's staff, he suddenly transforms into an older man looking like Gandalf (other characters even say so).

So the whole story is filled with loads of crap. If you really detest Ginny, don't touch it.

Nevertheless I meanwhile reached chapter 26. I don't exactly know why, perhaps it is the changing pov, but I like it. Not as an overwhelming tale, but as an average story for in between.

 

Title: No Wrong Way
Author: Tsukikage Kitsune
Genre: Humor/Parody
Status: One-Shot
Summary: Voldemort tries to prove a certain TV Ad wrong.....Oneshot 350 word drabble
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/752676/Tsukikage_Kitsune

This story made me snort. IMO, it is not Library worthy but a nice short read. Not even a minute long.

 

...what.

He actually assigns characters a 'power level'? Like in DBZ?

What the fuck is this shit?

 

Some authors do it and usually do it even worse with exaggerating Harry's uber powers. It might be a proof that the author lacks imagination and has to revert to DBZ or roleplay terms.

On the other hand in our world everything is measured in one way or another. IQ, breast-size, penis-length, so why not magic, too?

It isn't mentioned in canon (I'm sure Draco would brag about his length ... err ... strength if there were numbers to compare), and personally I would avoid it. But I don't condemn an author just because of that.

. . . btw ... has anyone ever read a scene where they compare wand-length?

 

Not sure about Draco, but do not forget Deathly Hallows :-/

 

Oh - hehehe ... but she didn't mention which was longer.

I so didn't notice that scene.

 

I'm willing to bet Draco has a very small wand. It would explain so much, wouldn't it?

 

Possibly that's the reason the DE's started. Sad men with feelings of inadequacy and nothing else to do on Friday nights.

 

Hahaha.

I can see it now.

'Lucius.'
'Yes, my lord?'
'I'm afraid gaming night no longer assuages my inner turmoil like it once did.'
'But my paladin is almost level--gack!'
'Crucio. I don't recall asking for your opinion. Now, here's what we're going to do...'

 

This fic is way too short and unfinished to even bother sending it through "For Review". I'm mildly intrigued and want to read more, but with only one chapter posted almost a month ago, it may already have hit the fanfiction graveyard.

It's not bad, currently semi-interesting, and depending on what the author cooks up could be very interesting.

But the thing that jumped out at me was the author is 14 years old. And his first fic... is a Harry/Minerva.

Can you say 'unhealthy crush on a teacher'? It's just a bit pervy that someone that young isn't lusting for one of the school kids, but instead his first foray in the world of HP make-believe includes McGonagall "bent over backwards slightly as he snogged her senseless." (Yes that's a quote in the fic.)

Maybe someone's dad needs to hide the granny porn better. Or maybe someone's parents don't understand why he pays so much more attention in Spanish Class. Or maybe someone has seen "The Graduate" way too many times already. Or maybe someone's parents weren't really thinking when they gave their son "Oedipus" for a middle name.

Still, not a bad fic. And I'm intrigued. So it's almost recommended...

 

Yes, I'm double-posting. I'm allowed. And I'm kicking up an old topic to do it.

I'll happily almost recommend this light-hearted little romp:

Only 2 chapters, but it's a highly entertaining premise. Harry trained/raised by James Bond, and he's something of a secret agent himself. The small scenes and ideas towards the usefulness of a trained wizard in the super-spy business are full of potential.

Unfortunately, every piece of enjoyment I got from reading it was utterly ruined by the character of Hermione Granger. Her as an equal to Harry, her as a nemesis, thwarting their plans, and her parents as criminal masterminds (who aren't that bad of course). Put the shotgun in my mouth and pull the trigger please.

Seriously, it's characterizations of Hermione like this that make me long for the days of shitty Harry/Ginny romance. And the worst thing is that Harry's supposed to be a fucking James Bond, junior essentially. I don't need to see him acting suave and dapper and always getting the girl. But to weasel in a trite little romance for Bond's protege? Having Harry "never understand her" when he plays nice, gets kisses on the cheek, and they help each other study? I couldn't stand it.

I think I'm most upset because the idea has so much promise for being fun, light-hearted, humorous, without any effort. With a skilled author it could even be action-packed or adventurous. But as it stands, I had to force myself to finish reading the two chapters because every mention of Hermione was like a dementor to me, sucking all the happiness away.

A Harry raised by Bond in the manner in which this has been set up could be immensely enjoyable and an easy 5/5 and hearty recommendation. But with the use of Hermione and apparent direction for this fic so far, I'll give it 2/5 and a "maybe" on whether I even want to read any more.

 

-Looks shifty-

This is actually a good read. It has everything I like about Harry (save for a little more angst than is necessary) except... he'skindasortashaggingSnape...

Incredibly AU, but the writing is good.

 

Rapid updates, some great parts, but irritatingly close to canon. A perfect candidate for this thread.

 

I agree with nonjon about 'Agent Double O Hex'. I'll just add that, while I didn't mind HHr setup as much as he did, I got pissed off by the mangled characterization of James Bond (no charm or wit at all) and awkward inclusion of M as McGonagall (who then supposedly teaches evil mastermind Hermione without trying to catch her...)

Yes, I know, this is comedy, but still...

 

I've got to agree with you. It's not serious, but it's still great fun.

Then again, I'm one of the few members on DLP that can tolerate Hermione, and in many cases actually like her.

Win. It's going in my Favourites.

As for Bond, I don't think he actually has much of a role in this story other than introducing Harry to MI5.

M as McGonagall made me shudder, though.

 

Harry as Bond's protege has so much opportunity for win that this story has to be at least worth a look-see. I challenge someone to write one better, however.

A one shot for fun.