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WIP An Alternative Prophecy by Don E. Delivery

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Averis, Nov 3, 2014.

  1. Averis

    Averis Don of Delivery Prestige

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2007
    Messages:
    146
    High Score:
    3,065
    LINK
    Title: An Alternative Prophecy
    Author: Don E. Delivery
    Rating: T
    Genre(s): Drama and Adventure
    Status: Work in Progress
    Library Category: Alternates
    Pairings: None (at first)
    Summary: AU. When Sybill Trelawney recites her first prophecy a bit differently, the effects are far-reaching. An orphan girl is raised by her Aunt and Uncle along with her overbearing older cousin, eagerly anticipating the day she can leave them all behind, while a raven-haired boy grows up in his father's shadow, dreaming of making his own destiny once he reaches his parent's alma mater. Fem!Draco, Fem!Voldemort...

    So, this is something I've been working on for the last six months in between Anthologies, song-writing and general laziness. Its not quite approaching perfection, I'll admit, but its about as close as I've come in a dramatic setting and I genuinely want to know what you guys think. It received rather good reviews in WbA with 4 stars, so I'd suspect its library worthy at this point.

    There's about one more update to make before the Prologue is finished, and then I've got 1/2 of the first chapter (from Harry's POV) already written. The Prologue features POVs from Snape, Sirius, Dumbledore, Lucius, James and even Lady Voldemort herself. I do not plan to try multiple POVs with Harry's part of the story and, once the Prologue is complete, our story will pick back up during Harry's sixth year.

    If you can't stand pre-Hogwarts stuff, this probably won't be your cup of tea. There is a lot of action, a fair amount of drama, and nearly nothing is humorous or romantic. I particularly enjoyed reinventing Snape and Lucius' characters.

    Feel free to be tough on me about every single little thing. I'd appreciate that.
     
  2. Spyder

    Spyder Third Year

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2013
    Messages:
    99
    No offense, but a story that is currently comprised of an unfinished prologue doesn't qualify as Library worthy in my book - 30K words or not. Just my opinion, of course, but I just don't see how it could - your tale hasn't even really started yet.

    I won't rate it at the moment... I'll reconsider when it has progressed into actual chapters.
     
  3. JoJo23

    JoJo23 Auror

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2008
    Messages:
    652
    Currently reading part 3 and rather enjoying it. Theres a good use of the implications of the wording change and an excellent use of pre canon being manipulated to really fantastic ends. I really enjoy stories set in the first war but so few get it right in the way you have.
    I usually quite enjoy your stuff, but find it a little too "not harry potter" for my tastes, so Im looking forward to the first chapter of a sixth year story. Fem draco is an interesting touch too.

    That said, as good as the prologue is, did we really need a 5 part one? Feels it may detract more form the story once it gets rolling than it adds and perhaps should have been a separate story entirely.
     
  4. Invictus

    Invictus Heir

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2013
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    2,611
    Location:
    Cidade Maravilhosa
    I agree. While I enjoyed what I read very much so, I don't think that it has enougj material to warrant a place at the library. I would wait until chapter 1 and 2 are ready, at least.
     
  5. Andrela

    Andrela Plot Bunny DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2012
    Messages:
    4,179
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Silesia
    The reason I create Plot Bunnies is because I enjoy world building more than actual writing.

    To have a bunny of mine inspire a story as good as this one is something I wouldn't even dream of, yet it happened.

    What else can I say?

    5/5
     
  6. Yaz

    Yaz First Year

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2014
    Messages:
    31
    Location:
    Manhattan
    I think you mean "to have a bunny of yours inspire an unfinished prologue".

    1/5 from me.

    If people are going to rate something this unfinished, then consider my rating an effort to put this where it belongs... back in the kitchen, where it can (and should) cook a little longer before being considered.
     
  7. JohnThePyro

    JohnThePyro Headmaster

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2008
    Messages:
    1,176
    I've enjoyed what was written so far, that said, I'm mixed on this. It's a interesting premise that I really like. Then again, I still fucking want Minster's Daughter finished.

    3/5 right now, only because we've only seen the prologue. I want more before I say anything more.
     
  8. Knoq

    Knoq Temporarily Banhammered

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2014
    Messages:
    205
    At 30k, it's basically part one of a story. So this post gives a low rating for no apparent actual reason.

    As I actually like divergences like this that take themselves seriously, its a pretty fun read. 4/5

    ---------- Post automerged at 06:24 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:27 PM ----------

    IT ate away his The Curse wrecked his concentration.

    Needs more proofreading.

    ---------- Post automerged at 06:49 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:24 PM ----------

    actually, I am changing my review to 2/5.

    Voldemort, man or woman, would wipe the floor with anyone not Dumbledore. And Lucius Malfoy is lasting far too long in that fight for my taste. Lucius Malfoy should have eaten a Killing Curse before Lucius even cracked off the spell that knocked Belltrix on her ass.
     
  9. Atram Noctem

    Atram Noctem High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2015
    Messages:
    525
    This is a pretty great fic, in my opinion... very mature, and certainly a novel idea. The only qualms I have with it is that the plot seems overly convoluted (at least in regard to similar events in canon), and the writings is generally too verbose, with large passages that ruin the pace, and should probably be cut. I definitely look forward to see what's coming.