Title: An Aunt's Love
Author: Emma Lipardi
Rating: M
Summary: Harry comes home from school and Petunia is upset at the change in her nephew. Petunia decides to do what she should have been doing all along. Dumbledore had better stay away. Petunia Dursley is upset.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2196609/1/An_Aunts_Love


Alright, this isn't really a serious entry. I fully expect it to be thrown in the trash bin in a few days. I'll do it personally myself. I just figured this was the best place to put it, for now. I just felt the need to flame the shit out of this story. It's not exactly a hilarious flame, more like scathing criticism of everything she writes. And it's long. 2K words.

I hate this story. I really do. I'm writing this flame to show you everything about it that's ridiculously fucked up. I've only read 6 chapters of this, and already have ~2,000 words in pure flame. I might read the rest later on, but for now, its raped my mind so much, that I had trouble doing simple subtraction.

First, there is no time lapse in between Petunia hating Harry's guts, and Petunia having a sudden change of heart, and loving him more than she does Dudley. What the hell? I could accept this if the change were gradual, and happened over a period of months, not a period of days.

Why was this line even needed? It's adds nothing to the conversation, and it wasn't in the slight bit humorous. How is calling someone a fucking bat funny? The fact that she laughed at hearing it makes the line even more idiotic.

Of course, it's all Dumbledore's fault. It's Dumbledore's fault that Harry has a shitty family, it's Dumbledore's fault that Voldemort killed Harry's parents, and it's extremely unkind of Dumbledore to even think of protecting their last chance against Voldemort. I mean, how dare he? How dare he be so rude to send Harry to his only remaining blood relations?

I see that you're conveniently ignoring the fact that Petunia has done far worse things to Harry than Dumbledore ever has. His only mistake was trusting that Petunia would feel some love for her nephew and raise him with care and give him a happy childhood. This is obviously not the case. How many people do you think lose their parents every day? Harry isn't the only one. However, he has not had any mother or father his only life, only Petunia and Vernon. Again, you conveniently ignore this, and have Petunia blame everything on Dumbledore. Of course, it's not HER fault that Harry is sad for losing his only father figure. It's all because of magic, and especially because of Dumbledore. It's not like she could have gave him a hug or two when he was a child, maybe a few words of encouragement. Oh no, may Hell freeze over before that.

And according to you, Dumbledore is above the law. This is why he was kicked out of the Wizengamot and later on made a fugitive? Yes, of course he is above the law. Because we all know how well fugitives are treated by the police.

Yes, because Hermione is a muggle, and muggles > wizards ALWAYS, right? Muggles are much more intuitive and wizards don't know a single thing to do about a person who is grieving over a lost one. Because, of course, none of them has ever lost anyone before, right?

Ok, now that was just mind blowingly ridiculous. That just screams, "I AM A SNAPE FANGIRL! I LIKE EMO MEN WHO CAN'T LET GO OF THEIR PAST!" Discounting the time when Snape helped Harry in his first year when Quirrel put a jinx on his broom, Snape has never once tried to help Harry. In fact, he's always made Harry's life all the harder in Hogwarts. McGonagall, on the other hand, has tried to help him on occasion, one instance is when she defended him against Umbridge when she told Harry that he would never be accepted as an Auror. She also tried to give him some logical advice, to steer clear of Umbridge, which he did not listen to. And, unlike Snape, she's not a horrible teacher who plays favorites, and gives 0's to students she doesn't like.

Harry tells Petunia everything, it seems. His deepest, darkest thoughts about what people in Hogwarts think of him, even. Also, this makes me laugh because of the previous quotation. First you say that Snape only has Harry's best interests at heart, then you go on to say that everyone in that school only sees Harry in light of his parents. Who, in all of the books up to book 6, has ever done that? Sirius, maybe, but that's debatable and not a solid point that was made in canon. We never knows what goes on in his mind. But I digress, my main point was that no one in Hogwarts, except for one person, ever compares Harry to his parents. Guess who that one person is. Come on, I'll even give you three chances. No? Come on... fine. I'll tell you. IT'S MOTHERFUCKING SNAPE!

Awesome threat, that. Because magic is defeated by cooking equipment all the time.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

In case that didn't make my point: that sentence is incredibly illogical and CLEARLY a half-assed, lame attempt to cover up a plot hole the size of Britney's vagina. Let's look at the logic of that statement, shall we?

You say that they really love him, but they didn't dare show it before he went to Hogwarts. Why? After a decade of emotional abuse, of not recieving birthday or Christmas presents, of getting beat up by Dudley, of having a cupboard for a bedroom, of just being plain downtrodden, you think Harry will choose to stay with them if he has the choice to leave for 10 months every year? You seriously believe that this is a logical explanation?

On the other hand, what if they had loved and cared for him since the beginning? What if they had treated him like their own son? If they did that, he most probably would have listened to them and not gone to Hogwarts.

Even if this were true, she would have said something in the cabin when Hagrid first came. She would have tried to change his mind. But she didn't, did she? You know why? Because she's a stupid bint that doesn't care about Harry at all.

Loooooool. Dumbledore, the greatest wizard of the age, doesn't have the knowledge to find Harry? Because he doesn't have the entire Order at his disposal, or anything. And did you already forget that you had placed Order wizards outside the house? What the fuck do you think will happen when Petunia returns, but Harry doesn't?

Nice. Very nice. That's the way to treat someone who's just been instituted, insult both their size and strength.

There's that clichéd name. Evan James. James Evans. If he's going into disguise, why not just call him Michael Craig or something? Something that can't be connected back to Harry. You know, because that's what disguises and secret names are supposed to do.

What rules are these exactly?

1) Stay at Privet Drive for a few weeks every summer.

...

Yeah, so MANY goddamned strict rules. How the hell does he manage?

Since when is Harry horrified by the sight of food? Seriously, you're making him look like an anorexic chick. Self insert, perhaps? How many fucking emo tendencies do you want the guy to have?

You seriously have something against Dumbledore, don't you? I don't get it, here Dumbledore has been trying to protect Harry, and you hate him, but Petunia has been abusing him all his life and you make her out to be a fucking saint.

Who the fuck does this? No one. They just don't randomly blurt out names, like they expect the other person to know who they're talking about. A much better, and less awkward way to phrase this would be, "Yeah, but I'm not very good at it. My best mate, Ron, is loads better." Of course, that would have to mean you would be a halfway decent author, which you clearly aren't.

Yes, because they don't have phones in a state of the art Muggle institution.

Oooo, here we are to chapter 4, my favorite! This is the chapter in which Hermione replies back to the letter Harry sent her, and refuses to tell the Order anything! Harry, of course, it understandably angry, and rants at her. Then he mellows out and just forgets about it. Yeah, you don't know the mind of a teenage guy that much, do you? I'd fucking bitchslap the cunt and rape her if she pulled that shit with me.

Uh huh...

So, a psychiatrist (at the very least a psychologist, I'm hoping) in a mental institution will take Harry and a letter from a friend at face value. Sure, he's a little doubtful, but the fact that he's not horrified that Harry is even more fucked up in the head than he thought is disturbing as hell to me. He's a fucking psychiatrist in a mental institution. Of course any student there would have fucked up imaginations, he should see this as slightly excessive, but something to help him along in his job to help Harry heal. Then, he should consider the possibility that Hermione isn't real, and Harry is writing letters to himself. Or, if she is real, then she's crazy as well, and she needs to be brought in. Not, "Oh, I need to see if Harry is telling the truth!"

If anything, Hermione should be expelled from school and have her wand snapped for so blatantly and casually breaking the Statute of Secrecy (is that what it's called?). This is just so fucking stupid, I feel the need to strangle you right now. God. Plot holes upon plot holes upon motherfucking plot holes. It's like a thread woven in throughout all these last 4 chapters.

WHEN THE FUCK DID THIS EVER HAPPEN? WHEN THE HELL DID ANY PROFESSOR EVER STATE THIS? GO SUCK ON A COCK AND DIE, CUNT.

No. Just no. Snape has never done his duty as a teacher. He has failed miserably in that area. He continuously degrades Harry in class, "accidentally" breaks his potion samples, and never teaches him a fucking thing. Stop changing facts to support your fantasies about Snape's dick covered in Harry's feces. It's never going to happen, fangirl.

Wow. Just wow. The guy has just gotten the biggest shock of his life, that there is a whole society of wizards and witches that live right under their very nose, and he doesn't even give a shit. He's at the most mildly surprised.

What the hell is with you and the question, "Hermione? Is she a girlfriend?" It's happened every fucking time her name is mentioned to someone new.

Do you have no male friends? Do you automatically assume that any female that befriends a guy is his girlfriend? Or is this just a horrible, horrible foreshadow?

Yes, because a family of 2 dentists and a bucktoothed know-it-all absolutely love these cavity causing snacks, right?

...

Yeah, that's where I stopped. I couldn't go any further. Really, I had to eat a whole box of Samoa's to get rid of the vile taste in my mouth. Then I proceeded to get blazed, in the hope that I would perhaps forget completely about reading your story. Alas, it wasn't so.

 

The story? 1/5
The flame? Priceless.

 

Character development? Character development?

This story has anything but character development. Without any lapse in time, Petunia starts to love Harry. And then, apparently, Snape and Malfoy are the best of friends with Harry. Where the fuck do you get character development from? The only person that I see might be canon is Hermione. Because she believes the mental institution is the best place for Harry, she refuses to help him get out of there. She thinks she knows everything, just like she does in the books. If she's set on a path, she does what she thinks is best, without consulting anyone else. Example: books 3 when she has the Firebolt revoked from Harry.

This is just a highly reviewed, Snape/Malfoy fangirl fic, with an emo Harry and a bitchy Hermione. Nothing new, except for good grammar.

Newsflash, Harry isn't a fucking girl. You are, and are viewing Harry's reaction as you might react. You know what the majority of teenage guys do when they get angry, depressed, and frustrated? They become violent. They get pissed off at everyone. They don't stay in their room, cry, and don't eat. Some, maybe, do this. But the majority don't.

And Harry's reaction to pain and loss wasn't to CAPS LOCK everything. That was his reaction during the past year, when Dumbledore ignored him, and everybody mistrusted him except for his closest friends. Again, he isn't a fucking girl. This is normal for a teenage guy to do in times of great frustration. If I remember correctly, Harry might have been a bit subdued, but was mostly normal by the end of summer in book 6. That's one thing that I think JKR hit spot on. She didn't have Harry whine and cry like a bitch, she made him have the normal reaction.

... so yeah, back to the main point, there is no fucking character development.