deleted. because the people at DLP obviously have their heads stuck too far up their asses to even think about being polite

 

Truly not good. Just a retelling of events with dry commentary thrown in. If you don't mind wasting 30 seconds of your time to read 500 words than by all means read this. This has self-plug written all over it. I recommend posting in the WBA section if you want constructive criticism.
If I had to rate it I would probably give it a 1/5 for its incredibly short length and spelling mistakes.

 

You spelled the word "magic" wrong in the title, you know. Pretty much set the tone for the rest of the "fic". 1/5.

 

Too short to be even considered a story. It reads more like a prologue; at least of half of which was written by Rowling.

Post something in WBA when you come up with something that doesn't have major portions originally written in the canon works. In the meantime, 1 star only because that's the lowest rating that can be given.

 

"The penalty for transgressing againste the rules laide downe by the magikc is deathe for any who defy thereof."

It's a little known fact that the only difference between Old English and the modern equivalent is that Old English randomly added the letter "e" onto 72% of all words.

 

Well ... your story is just :

 

I lol’ed.

The original quotes are usually a good touch, such as in Harry Potter and Death’s Incarnate, but in this it’s just an embarrassing effort at making the story epic, but it just makes the fail all the harder.

You usually know what crap you’re going to get into when the author arbitrarily changes magic to magick or magik.

 

I found Voldemort's dialogue to be out of character. "Goodbye little Harry, go to mama?"???

Oh - I hear spell check is your friend as well.

.5/5 because...this really isn't a story. It's actually a failure of a drabble.

 

Trying to be highfalutin' and failing badly.

Olde English bullshit shoehorned into HP.

No. Just....no.

 

There isn't a sentence that describes the epic fail that is this drabble. 1/5

 

Well, I for one thought this was an excellent piece of literature!

Wait, no, I really didn't.

1/5.

 

Okay, own up. Who gave this a vote higher than a 1?

/me looks at the OP.

 

My money is on the OP.

I'm looking at you Caedra.

 

Caedra, you’re not ashamed of this...?

 

A quote from my review:

"...Your beta should be hung by her ears until she looks like Dobby for a) not catching these things; and b) allowing her name to be put on this."

Seriously, this was supposedly beta-read. "Uunbreakable," indeed.

[Edit: Ah, my rating brought it down to 1 star.]

 

I'd hate to see something like this in the library.
It has six paragraphs so you can hardly call it a story. Wait, no. You can't do that at all.
My rating is 0/5, as there is no story to rate, even if I have to vote 1 due to technical crap.

 

*foresees an incoming ban*

 

...because being polite is what people come to DLP for.

(Link for those too lazy to search on ff.net).

I'm unconvinced that it's not a troll. A stupid idea with horrid execution, all in about 400 words: surely, the OP didn't expect it to do well here...

 

On the other hand, there will always be fail in the world...