Title: Antisoul
Author: Paselmaster
Rating: T
Genre: Azkaban/Evil/Dark harry
Pairing: none
Status: WIP
Summary: AU of 5th year. An ancient prophesy is about to be fullfilled Harry is caught in the Diggory household uncouncious with his wand in his hand, traces of darkmagic on his wand and the diggory family dead before him. Salazar Awakens. Demons are Loose.

Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2472380/1/


Well your typicle Harry is framed sent to Azkaban only he decides that if the public thinks he is a Darklord in the making then he is gonna be a darklord in the making. He becomes pretty much super powered over night but still i thought it a fairly good read.

 

While I like that Harry figures that if the public belive him to be a dark lord so should he become one so does I not like how friendly Voldemort and Harry becomes. No matter how evil harry would become do I not think that they would ever be allies as they have tried to kill eachother to many times...

 

this got a bit weird. I think hes trying to put like 329781893 ideas into one story, which made it a turn-off for me

 

I agree that makes the story a very big turn-off point. And what is up with Harry just getting stronger and stronger, I mean why doesn't he just go destroy the fucking world on his own now? Does he even need Voldemort now?

You would also think that Voldemort wouldn't really care all that much for Harry, I mean he has spent the last years of his life trying to kill the boy.

 

Oh god no. I was hoping to at least have that things earlier chapters revised before having it posted here.

I don't have much experience in writing, period. I was using this to improve and then post a much better work after I had more experience.

And to all of you Thinking he is just getting stronger and stronger and ready to destory the world, I'm guessing you didn't notice a little something I stuck in there did you. Let me make it clear to you. The light Side contains more power than the dark side. The dark side just regenerates faster. I like having things interesting.

Also about Voldemort and Harry being Allies, heres a little something for you, It's temporary, you think they could work together for long, ::snorts::. Why do you think I am remaking the earlier chapters. One, Harry becomes dark unrealistically fast, Two, he and Voldemort are much too close and needto be more cautious, three, too many errors and very cheesey(sp?) dialogue and four, I had to far of a vision for this and overshot myself by far.

I really didn't need for a whole bunch of people here just telling me that it sucks, with no ideas on how to improve it. So... Any ideas people? Or are you going to completely ignore my post about my own story.

 

There are a few mistakes with grammar and spelling in the chapters. Sometimes it feels if I'm reading a script with some of the lines being the action of what the actor should do.

Such as:

Grethery calls on Most of the other members of the magic council to attack Lord Thanantos.

Seems like a script write there.

It's not super-duper bad, but since this is a piece to help you get more experience then it's not too bad.

Too many one-line paragraphs it leaves the reader feeling sketchy and the work choppy and incomplete. Combine a few of the sentences into a mini paragraph and then split.


Battle scenes seemed off. You need a re-write, so work on the grammar, slow his fall to the dark side and also use more spells for the Death Eaters against Harry. They should know more. Take out the trial, and if you still put it in, take out Ron burning his album it's too overused.


Well I'm tired so take all this with a grain of salt. Hope I can help

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Thanks. I'll try. But you do know that the Grethery moment you mentioned is only the prologue, I like using that to give more history on the subject. Oh the album thing, When I actually wrote that I hadn't seen that in more than one fic. As I said thanks Rostam

 

Well, I try.

Just polish it up a little, and yeah before the album was cool and not cliche. Now it's in every Dark, Indi, Azkaban Harry, cliche filled story to make Harry mad.

 

I'm worried about where your going with this new little Hary that is from another dimension, you seem to be forging a conection to older Harry and it's becoming worriesome. Please i beg you realy i do, you've made evil! Harry now can you make so that he actually wins the war and builds an empire worthy of the statas that you've givin him?

 

You will just have to wait and see, Now I'm not just going to have an evil!Harry win without a fight, thats just too overdone. I'm also not going to have the good counterpart be winning without difficulty as well. Now the connection between the new Harry and the evil one doesn't come into play till later. Now I have a few different ideas on where to go with some of the twists in my fic, just having some trouble picking them. Like the voice that Ron hears, I have plans for that but they won't come into play either. My next chapter I'm hoping to work a bit more on my action scenes, so if anyone has any ideas on how to write them, please message me.

 

He He, the voice ron is listening to MUST be his.....soulmate (JK).

I help parsel get some idea's, and one of the characters in the story is planned after me (guess who... (you will NEVER guess)). (so you all know, i have NO *ucking CLUE what he plans on doing with his story >.< omg he's weird.

he has some *ucked up idea's, i talk to him sometimes about them, and call him a dumb*ss for some of them (he turned down the idea's I LIKED, REVENGE)

parsel is obese


P.S. ADD THE BUNNIES TO YOUR SIGNATURE, LET THEM RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

You pain in the Ass, I am so going to kill you. Also the soulmate thing is definitely not it. Work on your typing format, it's disturbing. Also the unneeded insults shouldn't be there (note the hipocrisy)

Edit: This guys, is my idiot of a brother. He is a big pain in the neck, sorry.

 

parsel=nerd I do so much better in school... He lives nearby me, and is SO lazy, i dont think he really works on updates much.... ever

 

talking to each other in forum posts?

 

Yeah, well, call it a problem we share. Everyone has a quirk. This is just ours.

Sorry 'bout all that. We'll try to stop.

 

i read for the longest time..... somehow harry and tom being all chummy just doesnt fit......making use of eachother yea......

 

sucked sirius's balls

 

What the? ......

 

How did this ever make it into the library? I mean, spellcheck alone would have found the glaring spelling errors. Such as 'amd' for and. My god, don't even get me started on the bad plot.

1/5

Someone move this out of the library.