Title: Aphelion
Author: Solaerius
Rating: T
Genre: Supernatural/Adventure
Status: WIP
Library Category: The Alternates
Pairings: None yet revealed
Summary: What cannot remain dead will never cease to be, so the elves really shouldn't be surprised when one of their enigmatic gods fall from the sky. The Master of Death, after all, has never adhered to anything so plebeian. Life for the Fellowship is bound to be interesting with him around. Immortal!Mandos!Harry
Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9982446/1/Aphelion

I was pleasantly surprised to find this earlier. The writing is pretty much solid and the story flows quite well in my own opinion. I'd usually have left posting it for review so far since the story is still quite early in development but there are shorter stories in the Library and I figured that since I came across a well written Harry Potter/Lord Of The Rings crossover that isn't about Harry and Legolas playing hide the sausage, why the hell not?

My favorite part of the story is Harry's personality. But it doesn't lack in other areas either. The Master of Death trope is handled quite nicely aswell in this except for the part with Dumbledore - that was somewhat not needed and useless.

He fleshes out Harry's time with the Dursley a little bit. Thankfully though, he didn't just have Harry bitching about how he was abused and arse-raped by Vernon and his tiny todger.

Spoiler

It was intriguing to find out that in this story, Harry had met Death before as a child. And was even hinted by Death back then to become his master.

Anyway, with 40k words written in only 4 chapters. I thought I'd do this both for the story to get props it deserves and to give any of you guys who haven't read it and are interested in crossovers between HP/LOTR a heads up.

Personally, I'd give it a 4/5 right now. Not a 5/5 because I feel he should have fleshed the fighting out a bit more, especially the parts with magic involved.

 

The author admits to not have first hand knowledge of at least one of the worlds he/she wants to cross over. I assume it is Middle Earth, because Valar are presented as Humans who beg Death for a long life. Elves are a result of a bargain between these two and Death.

In the note of the second chapter, the author claims to have done research, so perhaps it is intentional. However, I don't like it.

It is also very preachy about politics, wars and so on. There is a very long description (while still vague) why the current world supposedly failed and was replaced with Middle Earth, never mind that Middle Earth is supposed to be in the past.

Harry is also extremely overpowered, a few trinkets from the HP universe and suddenly he is more powerful than Valar.

It may have been better as an original universe, instead of being pressed into one where most things are defined already.

1/5. The butchering of Middle Earth and the admitted ignorance make me doubt that the author can make this a good story.

 

A big fat "no" for this story, for having the most retarded version of Death that I have seen to date.
2/5

 

Yeah, just look at Death's apparence:

:facepalm I don't even know how to imagine him. Maybe it would be better if Death would just look like Reaper, or something similarly unoriginal.

All in all, it was well written. But that is pretty much only positive thing that I can say about it. All characters serve just one purpose - to make Harry more awesome. And I don't like godlike!Harry too.

About Thranduil... I stopped reading during that phase where he was bickering with Harry, because he is an idiot. He certainly didn't behave like an elven prince. Maybe author made him behave that way because Thranduil was't able to appreciate Harry's supposed awesomeness.

I don't know if I should rate it 1/5 or 2/5. I kinda enyojed first two chapters, despite story's problems. Harry's ridiculous age and power were just so humorous, I couldn't help myself but laugh sometimes. 2/5

 

Gotta love these stories featuring an immortal Harry who's been around for millennia yet still talks like a 12-year old child, posturing for his pals at the playground.

And apparently Harry's not the only one, everything has the voice of a petulant child no matter how the author tries to disguise it.

 

The author rapes the mythos -- Mandos the same level as Illuvitar, Valar begging for their immortality and powers from Mandos, man predating the Ainur.

Character voices are absurdly immature on pretty much everyone.

Author is overly coy about what's going on, to the point of massive confusion. Every plot point is arbitrary and barely even narrated, but rather delivered only in flashes in which characters allude "mysteriously" to many goings on but neglect to use nouns to refer to what they're speaking about.

Author contradicts themselves about the timeline -- did Harry sleep through the end of his Earth or not?

Non-linear narrative temporal shenanigans that feel like the author randomly filling in the past with ad hoc backstory as they think of it.

A Harry whom everyone treats as badass and powerful but who seems to have nothing other than his DH skillset.

"The fascists".

So much bad.

 

3/5 Its great recycling bin fare. I'm enjoying it, but I acept that it is a guilty pleasure.

 

Meh. Aside from wrecking the world and the lame dialogue, the writing is bad. Painfully so. An example from early in the story:

A mother's caress is 'phantasmagorical'? Really? That's the word the author chooses to describe it? Because it makes so much sense. And of course, given that this is the Harry Potter world and he was felled by what is almost certainly a Killing Curse, there's no way the green light could be anything but 'harmless' or that Harry wouldn't perceive it as such--I mean it's not like he has more direct experience with being struck by that curse than anyone.

Then, we're treated to a 'tantalizing' touch as he went 'deeper' into the 'abyss.' I'm sure it was a welcome distraction from the 'cacophony' of 'despairing' screams on his 'final descent' into whatever whatever. (Because the word 'screams' alone isn't nearly evocative enough: one must add 'cacophony' and 'despairing'. Also 'deeper' and 'abyss' are just so ambiguous--'final descent' is needed to hammer home this important point.)

Because more is always more better and superlatively superior.

And so it goes, immoderate blather with little care for choice of words or descriptions. They clash and contradict; they repeat themselves. In a given sentence we may go left, then right, then jello, then left again.

2/5

 

Welcome back Taure

 

This is a travesty of a Tolkien crossover. Give me elfling!Harry any day of the week.