Title: As Yet Untitled
Author: bellerophon30
Rating: T
Genre: Mystery/Suspense
DLP Category: Independent
Pairing: Harry/Hermione
Status: Work in Progress
Summary: "A Post-Hallows story, not counting the Epilogue. Harry and company are adults now and new pressures arise, along with a new/old villain."
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4262796/1/As_Yet_Untitled

I am posting this to split off discussion of this fic from the previous "Brave New World" thread. I have categorized this as 'independent' primarily due to the author's previous habits of posting 'independent Harry' type stories.

Review of the fic itself:

Like bellerophon30's other fics it suffers from the problems of wooden descriptive narrative, the "yes, there it is, sports fans" type of direct interaction with the reader, and the use of Americanisms by British people. In addition, he still uses odd dialog mechanics (an example of how annoying it gets is below, tagged for spoilers), as seen here -

Spoiler

The note was unsigned, but barring a resurrection from the dead of Bellatrix Lestrange, it could only mean one person. Harry looked at his manager:

“Is this on the level?”

In particular the (again, possible spoilers) particular wording of this sentence was one of the tipping points for me in downgrading what would have been my rating of this fic -

Spoiler

I was once proud to be a member of the Black family, but somewhere along the pike our clan lost it’s way.

That sentence, in the fic, is claimed to be written by a British person of aristocratic ancestry. That sentence is definitely not typical of my mental image of someone like that.

Before this chapter I would have given it 2.5/5, but now I feel it should get 2/5.

Sadly, the only real thing he needs to fix these fics of his is to get a good beta reader.

 

Uh, you yourself admit this is a load of crap, and I heartily agree. Read the first chapter ages back, and I couldn't believe how such a prolific author could have written so much and not improved in the slightest. Brave New World was terrible, so is this. Couldn't even finish the first chapter it was so bad.

2/5

 

Well, for a while it was borderline for me, in that it did incorporate Fleur (and not in a ooh cool OMG Harry/Fleur way either), and did have its moments of dramatic tension (such as the hints that Harry's "seventh" year of school was not an easy one, and the repercussions thereof, or consider the obscured identity of the 'Weasley informant' to the Malfoys).

It's mainly this chapter that seems to have kind of decided things.

 

It's not the load of crap that I was expecting to encounter after reading the previous reviews, but it surely wasn't a master piece either.
It didn't keep me interested and the dialogue was rather poor. Outside of that, it being a post-hallow fic, also was a min-point on it's own.

bleh 2 stars at most "for being somewhat readable but not really dlp material kind of story (+ it was boring)"

 

I've tried to read this author's work and I've managed to get through half of "Brave New World," didn't find it all that interesting.

I forced myself through the first chapter of this story and can't see it improving on his other works. It seems lack lustre and there is sometimes a lack of emotion.

“You are hereby graduates of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!” This line has no description of the emotion behind it, that seems to be the major problem with this fic.


I don't know if I should leave a rating for this, since I only got through half of the first chapter, but if it counts 2/5 for a lack of spelling mistakes and for the large number of long chapters.

 

This fic has many positives about it that have yet to be mentioned in comparison to the author's other works.

It sets the tone for a reasonable post DH world without the albatross of the ghastly epilogue.

The endless tedium that occurs in Brave New World is not present. In other words the plot doesn't get overly cluttered with the extraneous.

The characters can seem a bit wooden at times, but compared to 99% of stories out there it is tolerable.

Harry's characterization is my biggest selling point for this one in that he isn't the blubbering idiot of canon, he has grown past the weaknesses he possessed in a reasonable way.

Not the best story out there, but certainly not the worst either.

3/5.

 

Are there still people who don't understand the For Review system?

Why the hell would you nominate and suggest a fic for the library when not even you thinks it deserves to go in the library? There's dozens of other threads for things like shit fics, awesomely bad fics, wtf fics, and even almost recommended fics.

If you're not giving it a 4/5 or a 5/5, then you're posting in the wrong fucking place. Because at 3/5 and less, you're not recommending the fic. You're just wasting people's time. If you want to talk about a fic or point others to it, then use a more appropriate spot. Maybe someone else will like it, feel it deserves a 4+ rating and place in the library and they can post it in For Review (this happens a fair amount).

But every time I see someone post something in For Review that they think "deserves a place in the Trash Bin" I want to warn the authorities someone's off their retard meds again. If a fic is "worthy" of the Recycling Bin, then someone on the board should think it belongs in the library and leave it to that someone to nominate it.

Sorry for the mini-rant, but when I see a "recommended" fic that not even the OP likes, I'm left wondering why the fuck I clicked on this dumbass thread.

 

Weak. Very weak.

The wooden dialogue's already been mentioned, and then there are the occasional author commentaries describing the course of action and are also irritating.

1 star because I gave up reading it.

 

When I saw that Voldemort was dead, my immediate thought was "Oh thank God." Given how The Brave New World ended... but if the new enemies in this As of Yet Untitled story die because Harry sinks katanas into their backs and shoots them up, I'm going to laugh my ass off.

To put it bluntly, ellerophon30 isn't good enough an author to get away with the commentary.

Way too much Draco involvement.

This isn't a story, it's some sort of pale, sickly imitation of a Shakespeare play, and a deadened one at that.

I could not rate it 1/5 quickly enough.

Edit: Voldemort's anticlimactic pussy death was actually in The Final Straw, but the final confrontation in The Brave New World is only a notch higher.

 

I read the fic. I'll give it 3/5. But to enjoy it until you have to keep reading to the very last chapter.

 

Honestly, a guilty pleasure of mine - the story isn't that great, but I'm a sucker for things that aren't sucky H/G fapfests that seem to comprise 90% of the post-DH fics out there. It's not nearly at a level that some of the DLP writers excel at, and honestly grates my nerves at some points, but is definitely recycling-bin worthy.

Bottom line: If you like H/Hr without either of them being complete idiots in the post DH time, you'll probably enjoy it. If you abhor meandering writing and H/Hr, or post-DH-and-adhering-to-canon Harry, pass this one over.

2.5/5 -> the recycling bin, but not delete.

 

I also consider this one a guilty pleasure.

Is the writing on the high level that we're used to here at DLP? No. Are the characters three dimensional, constantly growing? Not so much. Is it a complete and total crapfest the likes of which makes me want to grab a torch and pitchfork? Again, no.

This is a somewhat flat story about Harry and co., after the events of DH. It isn't by any means great, but it's a decent enough way to pass time while waiting for updates from my favorite (read: more talented and much better) authors. I'll give it 3/5 for being middle-of-the-pack.

 

As above, this ones a guilty pleasure of mine with a little too much Draco Malfoy for my tastes.

 

I kinda like it. Tolerable epilogue stories are hard to come by. The guy has the same flaws in all his stories -- the wooden dialogue is pretty obvious. Another is that his antagonists never actually manage to do anything threatening. He wrote like a million word story where Voldemort didn't even kill a single major character before stupidly agreeing to a duel and getting waxed.

But I still find myself interested to see where it goes. The author has some decent ideas, the execution is just a bit trite.

 

Hmm, some dramatic tension employed in the latest chapter, plus a good (for his standards anyway ) scene where Narcissa finally snaps and puts her foot in it.

Upgrading to 2.5/5.

 

This story can get really frustrating to read. Parts of this story are cringe worthy with the writing and structure being mediocre at best. Then you come across a portion of it that is really well written and just flows. Its almost as if you have two authors writing different parts of the chapters. Frustrating.

One of the things that..... irritated me about this story is that the quotes/discussions don't reflect the age/wisdom/character/whatever of the person actually saying it.

For e.g:
“Ronald, are you prepared for your new prank responsibilities?”

This is said by Professor McGonagall. Maybe I'm wrong but that does not sound like something that McGonagall would say. Mind you, is it really OOC if this is how the author of this story intended to write it?

I stopped reading this in chapter three. I'm giving it a 2/5. The plot (so far) is forgettable but with better writing it would have been fantastic and something to enjoy.

 

Dumping this fic like a girlfriend with herpes.

You'd think that after having written a bajillion words, Mr. Bell would have gotten somewhat decent at his craft--you'd think that, but you'd be wrong. Most of the same mistakes he made in his first stories are here in spades. Either he doesn't read or disbelieves his critical reviews.

2.5/5; rounded down to 2 because I'm out of gin and in a foul mood.

 

A lot of people are hardwired to think and write in a certain way. And it reflects in how they write. In comparison improving one's grammar is a minor overhaul.

Like most fanfiction, boring, overused, puerile... you can attach a thousand and one adjectives there.

1/5.