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WIP Ascended Vices by ScottPress - M

Discussion in 'Review Board' started by ScottPress, Apr 29, 2018.

  1. ScottPress

    ScottPress The Horny Sovereign Prestige

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    Title: Ascended Vices
    Author: ScottPress
    Rating: M
    Genre: Crime/Drama
    Status: Work in progress
    Library category: Alternates
    Pairings: nothing's set in stone
    Summary: Harry seeks a purpose of his own. Lines blur for Sirius as he fills the power vacuum left in Wizarding Britain by Voldemort and Dumbledore. The war never really ended. Sequel to Lesser Evils (link to the Library thread for that one).
    Links: WbA FFN

    Yes, I'm submitting my own stuff again.

    Out of the gate, you won't understand what's going on here if you haven't read the first fic. I'm also submitting this for review much earlier in the wordcount than I did the first fic, but it turns out today is the anniversary of the WbA thread, so I thought, why not.

    If I may be so bold, I think my writing is much better now than when I started Lesser Evils, so the beginning doesn't feel like high-grit sandpaper. I also have a solid direction for where things have to go from the outset, which I hope will make for stronger plotting. Updates have been slow (less than 40k words in a year, well...) but I'll put that down to college bullshit last year. I'm hoping to get on a somewhat regular schedule starting in May.

    If you've read Lesser Evils, you pretty much know what to expect: I intend to continue to explore the questionable morality of the main characters (Harry, Sirius, and to a lesser extent, Sturgis and Mulciber), deliver some Dark magic ponderings, some good action, interesting characters (though perhaps not ones you'll want to root for), and most importantly, an original plot, all supported by continually improving writing.
     
  2. SighDuck

    SighDuck Squib

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    One of the best fics going round right now, I'd say. Loving the progression of Harry, and the hard truths he's had to swallow so far throughout AV. Development of Sturgis into such an interesting character has been a highlight as well, and it's certainly original. Unsure so far about Sirius - on one hand, I really admire the way he's evolved into a powerhouse, of sorts, and the hardline he's taking in the war - but at other times he just seems like too much of a dick. I get that you're trying to introduce more interpersonal conflict, but I hope it doesn't become a completely estranging factor between Harry and Sirius, though I wouldn't mind more distance between them as Harry comes into his own. I also feel like your personal style is becoming more distinct in this than in LE, so great work there.

    4/5 so far
     
  3. Dark Syaoran

    Dark Syaoran Golden Patronus Admin

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    Would anyone else like to review? We have 10 votes but only 1 written review.
     
  4. Drachna

    Drachna First Year

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    I liked this story, and I think that if Lesser Evils is in the library then this should be also.

    4/5
     
  5. Zombie

    Zombie John Waynes Teeth Prestige DLP Supporter

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    I disagree.

    One story being library worthy does not make the other story library worthy.

    Considering where Lesser Evils left off and the rate in which this one is moving in regards to characters and who the focus is, I'd say that its not a 4/5.

    I'd say its a 3/5 because I primarily read HP for HP. The other characters are flavor text, currently Sirius, Sturgis, and Hermione now are getting annoying af.

    Like they were an interesting idea and I feel like they've been over developed in comparison to Harry who is severely under developed. I haven't read in a bit, but its also still being written. These stories are better read all in one go.

    I think it was a bit hasty to put it up for reivew right now, because its what, 6 chapters? Not enough to go on. Its its own story, despite being a continuation, and I don't think it deserves entry based on merits of the other story, if that was the case then this thread should be appended onto the first story thread like we do other stories.
     
  6. Drachna

    Drachna First Year

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    I find the other characters that the story focuses on interesting in their own rights.
     
  7. why?

    why? Seventh Year

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    The Triad (Mulciber, Sturgis, Sirius) are indeed very present, and I think that in many ways they're there to create excuses for Harry to go down the path he is. In canon, that's the "power of love" or sth. Here, Harry's friends are sacrificial lambs, and in the place of the "power of love", you've got the three stooges. It would be a stretch to say that this a Harry-centric story, but is the endgame going to be anything but Harry v/s Voldemort?

    By the looks of things, Harry is about to stop moping around and get more proactive.

    With that said, I don't think I'd care to have even more POVs (i.e, Lupin). I think the Hermione thing is about done anyway. I suspect the point was Harry's friends let their nature get the better of them, and it fucked them. Ron and Ginny rushed headfirst and they died. Hermione tried to join the enemy, thinking she could outsmart him, and that worked out brilliantly for her. And that's just another way for Voldemort to toy with Harry. Similar deal with Lupin and the whole thing with the new live horcruxes, I presume.

    The big strength of LE was the plot and pacing. Even though the summer went on for too long, there was always a lot of stuff happening. Loose ends eventually got tied, and if they didn't, they sparked up another thread. It's been called Renegade Cause lite, and I think that's a good thing. I loved RC, but I don't think I ever finished reading it, because after a short break I lost track of everything. I think Ascended Vices just got sidetracked with the Hermione subplot. The Triad and Voldemort are making moves, and so is Harry. It's just getting larger in scope, but I hope that eventually things converge towards Harry.

    On the flip side, the writing got tighter. There's a lot of quirky wizarding world bits that Scott takes care to add, which not enough stories do. And if this is gonna be about the same length as Lesser Evils, then we're about a fifth of the way through, and a lot more time has passed than in the first installment, and a bunch of shit has happened.

    3.5 rounded up, for now.
     
  8. Socialist

    Socialist Professor

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    FFN link is broken.

    I won't rate this yet, cause I don't think there is enough to rate. I will note though that I this felt... frustrating, in a lot of spots. Part of it, like Zombie said, is the focus in non-Harry characters. Another part is Harry's regression, for lack of a better term. Every other character is moving along, doing their own thing, growing in various ways, while Harry is basically moping around being an emo little bitch. This may feel exacerbated by the the slower pace of upgrades, but it feels like Harry has been stuck in a limbo of indecision and uselessness. Contrast the situation with Sirius; a couple years ago he was eating rats in dog form, now he's basically running the ministry. Harry was fucking up shit less than a year ago, and now he's pretty close to becoming an incel shut-in.

    Further, the relationship between Sirius and Harry has rapidly deteriorated to an almost unbelievable degree. This somewhat contrasts with canon, where Sirius showed again and again that Harry is his first priority... it doesn't seem like that is still true in this story.

    So yeah, I can see SP is clearly going somewhere with this, but until I see where, I won't rate.
     
  9. Crownworthy

    Crownworthy First Year

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    Isn't Sirius still being affected by the horcrux?