I've already brought up the fic on these forums and let's just say the reception was of the flamey variety.
But I still think that with a bit of help I can might it work out at some point.

What I want with the fic is to write another version of the seventh book where Voldemort doesn't die due to a wand malfunction. I want it to actually be a battle where Harry beats him. And for once, I don't want him to be 17 or younger when doing it, because to me, that never made any sense though it's very common.

I also thought that the Horcrux (I'm gonna put those bad-boys in funnier places, by the way) hunt and the war in general offered interesting possibilities for character development and I really felt it sucked that JKR didn't make the book grittier and with some darker turns to some of the characters.

Another thing I want to go deeper into is magic. To give a look into some of the more obscure arts.
For example: Necromancy, blood magic, druidism or elemental magic, demonic magic and so on.
And not through the conveniently book on "100 powerful Dark spells that will definetely kill Voldemort" found in Knockturn alley...

I'm not going to be able to write something as awesome as Wastelands of time, but let's just say that's the general direction I'm shooting for.

Now, for the few who are still with me.
The fic starts right after book six at the Hogwarts express. The first chapter's already written, but I just cannot get through the parts leading up till after Fleur's and Bill's wedding. No matter how I try I just can't think of a way of making it all original.
I'm also sort of in need of a beta. Being swedish, I obviously do not have the same grasp of the language as those natively speaking it.
Someone to just bounce ideas back and forth with would be lovely, too. I'd obviously help out in return if there's something I can contribute with.

Flames and questions are more than welcome.

Link to the first chapter of the fic if you're curious: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6495882/1/Harry_Potter_and_The_bRuthless_b_bSeven_b

 

Okay. First things first.

FORMATTING.

I'm sure there are some people willing to help. But they won't help if they can't stand to read what you've written.

Insert some paragraph separation. Honestly.


tl;dr wall o' text ftl

 

Apparently my computer hasn't even got Word. I'll have to get down and fix that. Anyways, try to look at the potential of the idea and the content. I'll be polishing it all up as soon as I can.

 

So...it's a cliche ridden 're-do', then?

 

The man's asking for help. Don't be a dick. Instead of not contributing anything to the thread (at all) but yet more proof as to why a lot of folks don't respect or listen to DLP. Why not actually give some assistance?

Also: Zeelthor, you might consider the WbA section. If they don't like the first iteration, rewrite it and post again. That's generally a place where folks at least attempt to be serious about assistance and constructive criticism.

 

I received criticism for that, but no, I'm not going to be doing any of those if I can help it.

 

No, no, no, no, no, and so on

 

@Walking disaster

I think I ended up at just below 2 stars when I tried that. Mostly they wanted a few more chapters to see what would happen.
The sad part is, I'm sort of half-way through chapter two and I just can't make it interesting but I can't think of a way to by-pass it either.

Then there's a few fields of magic I really would like to throw ideas back and forth about.

---------- Post automerged at 01:51 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:48 PM ----------

These are only examples. But why would Harry not look into the slightly less conventional fields of magic?

Would it not leave a lot of potential for interesting fight scenes if they were given the proper attention?

If you disagree, please specifiy why or I will never learn a bleeding thing.

 

So post up what you have of chapter two and get some ideas about it. Specifically state what your personal problems with the chapter are, then see what folks have to say. You don't have to post chapters in their entirety. Often enough the best writers set out sections at a time and then once they've edited and changed things, repost the complete chapter.

As for different fields of magic, I'm not sure what current attitudes are, though there have been a fair amount of things done already. You might consider doing some thread searching about the subject and see what you can turn up.

 

I hate, hate, hate, hate it when writers use "less conventional fields of magic" to try to write interesting fight scenes, because they lack the skill to write an 'exciting' duel without these juvenile fandom constructs like fucking necromancy.

Don't do that. Don't get carried away with the image of lich!Harry, naked, rune-covered Harry, Master-of-Wind-Earth-Fire-Water lolololol Harry, etc. Add those things to your bullshit filter. These are absolutely the gayest things you can do to ruin your story.

FFnet readers will still bite, but I think even they are being to get bored of it.

Look at up existing or plausible-sounding spells from the DLP grimoire or make up some of your own, think up tactics and clever combinations you can make work. Think up ways to incorporate the environment.

If you can't make something out of Charms, Transfiguration, Hexes, Curses, Apparation, etc., what makes you think you can do something with Necromancy, Druidism, Elemental Magic?

 

I've tried checking this forum for that kind of stuff. The closest I got was a list of spells. While awesome, it wasn't quite what I was looking for.
I considered uploading a thread for discussions about it, but didn't really figure out how to organise it.

Anyway, where would I upload chapter two to?

 

Best idea would be to put it in the same thread the first chapter you put it in was. Starting unnecessary new threads will get your ass flamed faster than giving compliments to LessWrong.

If you have trouble finding it, there's a 'find all threads started by member (Zeelthor)' function if you look at your own profile page. (NOT the CP)

 

Yeah, but it IS a cliche ridden re-do.

He wants to rewrite a significant portion of the seventh book into something that he sees as being better than the original version, using cliches that have been around for years as significant plot devices/catalysts.

Shit that has been basically done to death on ff.net already.

Oh, and one of the main reasons why most people 'don't listen' to DLP, is because when/if their shit is shit, it's usually called out as being shit, and they usually throw a tantrum because people don't praise them mindlessly like the average FF.net reviewer would.

I've actually got a bit of respect for Zeelthor, because he's asking for help/is trying to learn.

Now, self-righteous asshole aside...

Zeelthor, a few things that I can suggest to you is to do research into real-world examples of such 'magic' and lore, even if it's just a brief google search on various websites, and use what you've learnt to create something that is interesting and fairly new - something that doesn't either knowingly or unknowingly fit into the currently cliches seen around in the Harry Potter fan fiction writing community.

Write down what you're going to learn, and think on them - you may be able to develop them into something odd and refreshing to read.

If you want bounce some thoughts off of people, I'm sure that a few people here (as well as myself) would be glad to help. Older, more experienced members would be better since they know how to spot all the cliches/cheese in and out, by now.

 

Juvenile's got nothing to do with it. Necomancy itself would probably not be very useful for the fighting, but would it not be something that'd be interesting. Horcruxes would most likely fall into that branch of magic, would it not?

I'm working under the assumption that I am, or will be good enough to pull off these fight scenes.

Anyways, there's stuff that's interesting. For example. What's the laws on the practise of Necromancy? Is it illegal? What's the punishment if it is?
What's it's history?

The world of magic has limitless potential for creativity and I feel it's a waste not to use that.
If I fail, I'll fail. That's no excuse not to try.

@Jormun: Well, I don't actually intend to use any of the concepts of book seven. It'll be what I had hoped for book seven to do.

 

Edit: Woah, freaking epic ninja...

The Work by Author section, which can be found here, or indeed from the site's main page...I'll have a read of what you've got so far, and edit with any potential suggestions.

Edit 2: @Zeelthor. Fair enough. The writing itself isn't too bad; far from spectacular, and the content is average, but readable.

 

Dude, don't waste your time. That chapter's been re-edited a dozen times already on my computer. I'll post the fresh version along with chapter number two as soon as I've managed to install a proper program for typing.

 

Yeah, everyone's already mentioned the useful stuff. I'll just point out that back-to-back, repetitive training scenes are a definite no-no, particularly in this situation, since you'd be introducing a lot of new skills Harry would have to learn. Good luck with the fic, man.

 

I think that a pure book 7 rewrite is a bad idea because book 5 and especially book 6 destroyed much of the Harry Potter Canon. And it gets difficult to insert new abilities etc. like:

Because there is nearly no mention of these things in the books so you will have some problems with explaining them.



And like Andromalius said, you normally don´t need these things for a good fight.
If you want to write a fic about these things because they interest you write a Dresden Files fic.

 

Twelve Dark Moons might match some of what you're looking for: a slightly older Harry, different magics, dark and gritty atmosphere. The story is completed.

For Salazar's sake, if you're going to link the story you should give us the DLP link--that one is at least cleaned up. The FF.Net one is a wall of text and people here REALLY don't like that.

And why exactly are you asking where to post this? You did have a thread in WbA. You don't have to make a new thread; just tell everyone that it's a rewritten version. It's not like that hadn't happened before.

Also, being DLP, there IS another way for you if you want to gauge your story and bounce ideas without writing out a second chapter. It's called the Plot Bunny thread. You do have a synopsis right? Plot points, etc? If not, then get your shit together. Emulate Andromalius and his mission statement and get a few pages rolling.

 

I'll check out the stuff you linked to, Oruma. What I was actually looking for was a beta and someone to discuss these matters with. The link was for those who wanted to get a closer look to the crap I'd managed so far
You're right that I should've linked to the DLP thread.

@Erandil: More is always better if done right. Let's for example say you have Guy A and Guy B fighting. Why not have them fighting in a hospital? Why not a hospital on fire. With zombies.
Obviously my example is a tad silly, but as long as things can be added without people going "WTF that doesn't make sense", there's no reason not to.

And I haven't actually read Dresden files. The book's in the mail arriving tomorrow, though. xD

Edit: YES! I'm not a squib anymore! Fuck yeah.