Best Author Responses to Reviews

Sometimes an authorial decision just rubs me the wrong way, and I feel compelled to let the writer know just exactly what I thought of it. What are the funniest responses from authors to your, quite possibly scathing, reviews? Anything noteworthy?

I reckon there's room here for some pretty damn entertaining stories. Anyone feel like sharing?

 

I wrote a review to this guy's 'parody' story and told him it wasn't good. He gave me this.

 

That's some shit pacing. CheddarTrek

 

I manged to call out an author in Spacebattles for a terrible story and started a decent flamewar. I kept getting quoted so I reported the posts and the mods ended up locking the thread.

 

I've got tons. I don't really hold back any punches when giving reviews, or replying.

Root of all evil.
(them) Oct 3, 2015 Hello friend. Would you possibly update the 100k words Harry Potter and the root of all evil? It probably one of my favorite stories and I wish to keep reading it. Thank you.
(me) Oct 3, 2015 no
(them) Oct 3, 2015 Uh. Wow. Thats rude. You could have said "Hey man, sorry, I just dont enjoy writing the story anymore, I hope you find another" but nah. Dick.


On a scale of 1 to 10...
(them) Mar 30, 2015 How much do you hate finding a story you like, reading through it, and finding out it that the last time it was updated was about 5 years ago? Because I'll tell you that I fucking hate it. Let's be clear that this is not a 'FINISH THAT STORY' demand or a pleading PM. This is quite simply a request. Your first story was very good, with a mixture of original ideas and beloved clichés. The sequel, Revolution, continues that. There are 1172 people waiting for this story to be updated. If not, just say it's a dead story that can be adopted. It's a shame to see such a good story be left to gather dust.
(me) Mar 30, 2015 See, the problem is, that it's not a good story. It was full of tired cliches back then, and the years haven't made it any better. The only reason I still have it posted is as an example of how NOT to write a story. That the story has over 1000 followers just shows me that there are a lot of readers out there who have no taste. Have a good day.
(them) Mar 31, 2015 Wow. That was brutal. You realize that about 1000 followers have waited 5 years for a story that was, in their opinion, one of the best they've every read? And even if you don't like the story, put it up for adoption. It's the best option if you want such a 'cliche-filled' story gone.

 

I had someone respond to my fairly short and justified review with what had to've been about 2000 words. I had ended the review with the patented, "this is bad and you should feel bad."

I proceeded to tell them not to be so sensitive and emotional, and that any further correspondence would be fruitless and aggravating for the both of us.

They quickly decided that this was the most egregious response possible and no longer wanted any further contact from me. So I was hastily blocked. I wouldn't have noticed otherwise but on ffn.net when you're blocked it comes up as a notification in your PM. I laughed so hard when I found out. It was so petty and pointless, it really seemed to epitomise the snow flake mentality of those on ffn.net.

My only regret is that I can no longer access the messages.

 

I've been told numerous times in various threads on AlternateHistory.com that I shouldn't criticise the author's grammar in their thread.

Then again that board is a big hugbox safe space where only positivity is allowed.

 

How the frick is a site about alternate history a "safe space?" The whole point of alternate history is dealing with scary and tense political situations.

 

Safe Space loving, echo chamber occupying, hugbox lovers are all about alternate history.
Alternate biology.
Alternate facts.
Alternate reality.

 

You'd think so.

But the mentality over there is basically "don't be mean" and "if you don't have something nice to say, be silent"

 

What weak human beings. In a zombie apocalypse, they'll be the first to go.

 

I should go and write a history of nazis winning WW2...or the South winning the civil war..

 

If I want to get really crazy...I'll have Trump win the electoral college -and- the popular vote.

 

Clearly, the focus shouldn't be on Nazis winning the war, but on their successful continuation of the Holocaust, in vivid detail.

 

I doesn't help that Calbear is a ban-happy fascist who will ban you for any dissenting political view.

I know he banned a good fraction of their writers for refusing to toe his "everyone involved in gamergate is a misogynist" line and then proceeded to ban people who thought he was being way too harsh.

End result is a circlejerk hugbox where few people ever improve and everyone hashes out the same stories over and over again.

 

Gamer gate?

It's been sometime since I heard that name.

Before the dark times..

Before the Empire...

 

This was quite a few years back.

 

I remember being kicked for it then because I posted some meme, good times haha.

Although, to be fair AH is pretty lax and accepting in some areas. For example I'm free to spam threads about any half-baked idea I get and nobody will stop me.