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WIP Black Luminary by YakAge - M

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Sataniel, Aug 6, 2017.

  1. Zombie

    Zombie Black Philip Moderator DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2007
    Messages:
    6,031
    The biggest draw back of this story is the whole history before Harry is introduced that they release in tidbits as you go along, typically this is something I'd expect to happen, but then it gets excessive. It focuses too much on Harry being weakwilled in that regard. I get not wanting to be touched, etc, but like, when that's the centerpoint to the formation of your character, its not worth wasting time on.

    I made it through all of it that's been posted, despite that, and it does improve. I really don't like stories where the primary feedback on it is that you need to read it for X amount of chapters before it really gets good and begins to take off. Some people have rough starts on their stories, my writing history is proof of that, but I see it so much it makes me not want to engage at all.

    Overall this story is a 3/5. Its a time waster, its great that it has a bit of content to it and it explores some different tropes that have been common place in the fandom, but I feel like it tried too hard to set itself apart and is clearly evident when they stop trying to differentiate themselves that the story gets better.

    Just work with what you're good at.
     
  2. thejabber27

    thejabber27 Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2012
    Messages:
    362
    So, I'm at chapter 55 now.... Man the pacing is slow. There's some interesting things here. I like the no Voldemort setting, and the starting Hogwarts at 14 fixes some of the problems that year one fics have (mainly the 11 year olds talking too advanced for their age). But still... there are issues, the whole darker bit... darker is a really bad slur, quality-wise I'm surprised it lasted at all because it really doesn't flow in the sentences well. The guerilla warfare that was year one and part of year two doesn't track with Dumbldores character to let it happen, regardless of what family a student is from. Rose seems to be Fanon adult!Fanon!Daphne, I don't mind it much but as of now her past is being revealed way too slowly for how much is written.

    Most of my issues come from the pacing here though and Harry's weird gynaphobia, which is a result of a curse. Also it feels weak that the maids were the reason he was miserable as a kid.

    3/5.
     
  3. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2006
    Messages:
    1,203
    Black Luminary has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 66
    Words: 554,493
    Updated: 2019-08-23 14:40:38 UTC
    Published: 2016-08-29 17:55:34 UTC
    Previously updated: about 2 months ago

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
  4. Crash

    Crash Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2011
    Messages:
    114
    I recently gave this a re-read and actually really liked it. Hopefully with this review some other folks discover it (and sorry to those who thought there was an update).

    The negatives:
    • As mentioned, Harry takes too long to get over the fear of women thing, which is eventually explained
    • Long lead in before it gets good
    • Some of the female characters feel written with lots of fan service in mind
    And yet ...

    In terms of plot, it's well done and thought through. Sure, it drags especially in the beginning, but there are threads the author hints at in some of the earliest chapters that become relevant hints 20 chapters down the line. The actual story is compelling: there's a overarching narrative it's driving toward. Just maybe needs some earlier cruft cut out and some apparently meaningless side plots pruned.

    Character wise, unlike other Slytherin Harry fics, he isn't omnipotent. He screws up and faces consequences. His character actually develops and changes. The other characters are nuanced and have their own motivations, sometimes unexpected. Dumbledore, Prewett et. al aren't painted as idiots or evil themselves.

    Comparing this to other Slytherin harry stories I think I liked this better than Den of Snakes. On the Way to Greatness still tops them both, just by being less over the top and by avoiding some slytherin/gryffindor clichés and bashing.

    It's trope-y enough plus the flaws above that I can't 4/5 it, but I think a 3.5/5 is a fair, if optimistic, rating, especially if judging against the more recent chapters. I enjoyed it + hope it updates. The author has said it's not abandoned.
     
  5. Philly Homer

    Philly Homer What you call elephant cum I call mouthwash

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2007
    Messages:
    587
    Location:
    Look at the name, it should be obvious.
    Just finished reading the whole thing, one of the most ambitious AU’s, I’ve had the pleasure of reading. The world building (especially the historical aspects of this AU) is top notch. It’s frustrating that we get more and more of it in dribs and drabs, I want all of it especially with some answers regarding Harry’s own history particularly why tragedy befell the Potters.

    Don’t think I have encountered a concept such as the Pillars before but it makes a lot of sense to see a societal upheaval after a Dark Lord. Actually, it makes me curious as to why there wasn’t more of a Pillars esque movement in Canon after Voldemort’s first defeat. Wizarding Britain would have saved themselves a lot of trouble.

    The story itself is written remarkably well, apparently the author’s first language isn’t English which is mind boggling considering I had to look up certain words in the dictionary. YakAge captures the voices of certain characters really well particularly Arcturus Black.

    The characters all have depth to them even if you want to throttle some of them at times. Harry’s supporting cast is pretty enjoyable, they all have their shining moments and pitfalls, I get a kick out of lecherous Draco. The only one I couldn’t really stand (surprisingly not Hermione) is Daphne. For the first two years, her interactions with Harry are just kinda painful and though it gets better in 3rd year after their shared history is revealed, I still can’t behind her. As much as I usually love Haphne, I just don’t really care for this Daphne at all. Also, probably has to do with the fact that I’m fully on board team Harry/Aenor! Aenor’s a great OC even if she does seem a tad bit overpowered at times but considering what her origins may be, it could make sense.

    As an aside, reading this I just realized that paired with a Defense Professor could work really well as a pairing. The closest I have seen (other than Black Luminary) is Harry Potter and the Half Blood Romantic but Fleur is teaching Duelling in that one.

    Considering just how ambitious Black Luminary is and how much I enjoyed reading, I’m gonna go ahead and give this one a 5/5 with the fervent hope that YakAge gets back to updating soon.
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2021
  6. iamnotreal

    iamnotreal Second Year

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2016
    Messages:
    58
    High Score:
    0
  7. Microwave

    Microwave Professor

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2017
    Messages:
    475
    lmfao this fic is so long that between every update i would forget what it's about
     
  8. Dubious Destiny

    Dubious Destiny Seventh Year

    Joined:
    May 3, 2018
    Messages:
    211
    I've just completed a re-read of the fic. There are some contradictions (sometimes as soon as the subsequent paragraph) and cliches (mostly in the earlier chapters), but it's highly enjoyable overall.

    The characters are rock solid.

    If I were to judge it on its merit, I'd put 4/5, but this fic has redefined my taste in fanfiction. I'm no longer able to enjoy some of my previous favorites because I'm always comparing it to this fic.

    So I rate it 5/5.
     
  9. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2006
    Messages:
    1,203
    Black Luminary has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 67
    Words: 566,512
    Updated: 2021-10-18 12:58:11 UTC
    Published: 2016-08-29 17:55:34 UTC
    Previously updated: about 2 years ago

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
  10. iamnotreal

    iamnotreal Second Year

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2016
    Messages:
    58
    High Score:
    0
    Here we go! The next chapters for book 3 should each be dropping once a month or so as well : )
     
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