Title: Blackbird Aria
Author: Glass.Paradox
Rating: T
Genre: Action/Adventure/Romance
DLP Category: The Alternates
Pairing: TBA
Status: WIP
Summary: AU There was more than one baby left on a doorstep that night. One ripple in the pond, one flap of a butterfly's wings will alter the course of history and the Second War. Identity, politics, family, and sarcasm. Shippings TBA. 1st in the Blackbird Suite.
Link: FF.Net

Summary doesn't really do the story justice - you should understand what's going on by chapter 2, as chapter 1 is more of a prologue. Might have a slow update rate but is definitely worth reading - the characterization is great and the basis for the AU is pretty interesting as well.

 

The story is a bland and uninteresting take on GOF told from the point of view of an utterly unlikable original character.

2/5

 

Disagree. I think they're characterized rather well, and I value that over how likable they are.

It's well-written, but I have few fears. At chapter 3 now.

Makes me wary, but will keep going.

 

I agree - a character doesn't necessarily have to be likable for the story to be a good one. For example, there are many Dark/Evil!Harry characterizations that you dislike, but the story is interesting despite that.

That part caught my attention too, but I don't think it'll end up being anything horribly outlandish.

 

Agreed. Writing seems bland, the author tends to use the dash a lot to separate phrases in sentences. Plot's not really engaging, I tried to read it and made it to chapter 3 before stopping.

I really have no interest in reading a female OC as the main protagonist, unless the writing and characterization's well done. This isn't.

And the main character is Fleur's sister... Arianne Delcaour? 0_0

 

So the only reason you didn't like it is because it's not Harry-centric? I'm not sure why you think the characterization isn't well done - it's obviously different from canon, but this is AU and I feel the differences are explained fairly well...

 

Think of it like this; why the fuck would I ever read a biography about Albert Einstein, when it is written in the first person narrative of his popular, handsome, bitchin' older brother, whose writing ability is equal to that of a fourth grader?

I doubt that people aren't reading it because it's not Harry-centric; for example, take a look at the Alexandra Quick series. I frankly think it's amazing, and it has a female OC lead in a whole different part of the world. If people think a story sucks, then they like nothing about it, not just the fact that Harry isn't the main character.

 

I disagree with the characterization being bad and the writing being that of a fourth grader. However, having finished what is there, the mary-sue tendencies of the Ari are getting prevalent. Adding whose family she hails from, she has black hair so take a guess, it was turning me off.

I'll give it a 3/5. I like it regardless and so long Ari doesn't get any worse I'll follow it. As to the AU being that different. It's not. It's rehash so far, just different POV and different tasks. I hope that changes with future updates.

 

No, it's not that. It's because the OC the author made the main protagonists seems like a Mary Sue.

Are you the author of this fic by any chance? Just asking.

 

No, I'm not. My ffn is the same as here.

 

Harry Potter fanfiction really went down the shitter after Order of the Phoenix was released.

 

I wouldn't know, I only started reading a lot about 3 months ago. Nevertheless I agree that the best fanfiction generally ignores HBP/DH.

 

Well, I've been lurking here for a while, but since this is actually my story, I guess I should say something.

Actually, I'm pretty surprised it's here at all. I mean, DLP exists because it's members are looking for specific aspects in what they read, right? But the tone/direction of Blackbird Aria isn't really in that vein.

So, the comments;

Yeah, the update rate... Sorry about that. Our current excuse is that we're tied up with college apps, but there should be a new chapter in the next few days. And thanks

Well, it's true that very little has been changed so far. But like I said, the tone of this is more fluffy than most DLP members would like. What specifically would you have changed about the OC?

Well, since it's Harry Potter fandom, I do understand why people would generally prefer stories actually about him. But he does play a greater role later on. I'm glad you like the characterization, though.

... is this a direct comparison? I'm not sure that last part is really fair.

Thanks. To be honest, trying to keep Ari from reading like a Sue has probably been the hardest part in this. She's got a lot of flaws (she's arrogant and always thinks she knows better than most, which can make her be very dismissive, un-empathetic, and occasionally short-sighted). But her inflated opinion of herself doesn't always read that way, it just seems like we're inflating her abilities/personality. But the problems that cause her haven't really become apparent yet. She mostly just needs to lose to a few people and be confronted with that, which happens later.

Same answer for the next post, I guess.



Overall, I'm flattered this got recommended, but like I said - fairly surprised. Esp. since it's short and the plot hasn't picked up yet. Anyway, the criticism here is generally valid, so thanks, I guess. Hopefully you'd like it more as the story progresses.

 

Nice to see you post here - it reassures me that this story will be updated eventually.

 

I actually don't think it's that bad, if you disregard the fact that you routinely confuse ages/numbers and that it's not Harry centric.

For the record, a fourth year would be fourteen or fifteen and students were barred from entering until they were seventeen, not eighteen. Unless you're deliberately making everyone a year or so older.

Just because it's not overwhelmingly gloomy doesn't mean it doesn't belong at DLP.

I'm only on Chapter 2, so I'll hold off rating for now, but I think the story itself is fairly interesting and the writing isn't as bad as some have made out.

With a little more polish this could be a really good fic.

EDIT: For what its worth, I got to Chapter 5 before the Mary-Sue really kicked in. It wasn't a bad story until then with some interesting little flourishes, but the protagonist was far too sure of herself for a fourteen/sixteen year old adoptee and is apparently the only person in Hogwarts capable of reading facial expressions.

A 3/5 until Chapter 5, at which point it becomes a 1/5

 

I suppose I was a bit harsh, but the most recent chapter absolutely killed any enjoyment I had while reading it. I mentioned bland because nothing has really changed from the original story, apart from your OC.

That could change in later chapters, so it's not really a point against it yet.

But the current chapter... The entire interaction from the moment they broke the wards, to the end of the meeting with the professors ruined it.

1. Far too self confident for the situation. To an almost unbelievable extent.

2. Reaching for their wands against Charlie. I mean seriously, even thinking about doing that would be ridiculous considering what they just did.

3. Trying to claim self-defense, afterwards... That's the kind of thing the typical "bad guy" character does, after being found doing something wrong. It doesn't help you sympathize with the characters.

Think about it like this. Rule breaking is basically alright, nobody has anything against characters breaking rules. HP broke rules constantly through the series. But when he was actually caught, he at least acted somewhat embarrassed, or ran for it before anyone could recognize him.

He didn't try the whole "Douchebag lawyer" act, trying to pretend like he had no idea that he had broken a rule.


Meh, besides that, I don't typically read stories like this anyway. I could say your story could become quite good, even if it's not something I would usually enjoy... If not for that scene. That scene dropped the rating several point by itself.

 

@nmb: It's mentioned in an A/N that everybody is bumped up 2 years- people start HW at 13, not 11.

@Iztiak: I don't know about you, but it seemed fairly clear that with a magically enforced contract it's simply impossible to break rules without some sort of obvious repercussions. If somebody tried to get on my case on a technicality IRL I would totally pull the riot act on them (as you call it, douchebag lawyer).

But, all in all, I understand what you mean about the self-assurance (arrogance?) being somewhat overdone. It's not necessarily the case that it couldn't happen in that situation, but there's room for doubt.

 

Fair enough, I never bother reading A/N, I guess to my detriment in this case.

Is there a justifiable reason for doing so, or is it just to make them feel less guilty about Harry and this french chick bumping uglies later in the story?

 

Isn't the French Chick Harry's sister? If that's the case, bumping uglies will be ugly regardless of age.

 

One of my main problems with this fic is the fact that it has no grip in the plot.

We all know more-or-less what's going to happen as the story progresses. This, however is not exclusive to your fic and all canon rehashes suffer from it.

'Who's the father?' is supposedly the sub-plot in this and the only mystery in this story. However, given how much I don't care about the protagonist, I'm sure I'm going to care even less about the answer to that question.

Also, the main character is extremely unlikeable, but more importantly, she's uninteresting. An unlikeable character can be fun to read a la Silens Cursor's Renegade Cause.

She's also portrayed to be more or less perfect. She throws off the Imperius with ease (a talent that many fully grown wizards don't possess), has Holmes-like deductive capabilities, is an extremely talented ward-breaker/ward-layer, so on and so forth.

It's annoying really.

On the positive side, Dumbledore bitch-slapping all the Frenchwomen was awesome.