Well you have managed to impress me again, well done here. I really enjoyed the chapter and I don't think I would change a thing. Well done with dodgespell, it sounds interesting. I also think you did a good job with Harry/Karina.

Anyway, good job and keep updating please

 

I'm a big fan of "To Fight The Coming Darkness", but could for some reason not get by the first chapter of this piece of fiction. Reading this thread gave me the courage to soldier on - and I'm glad I did. This really is quite a bit different, isn't it?
Needless to say, it's been added to my story alert list.

 

You have a very original take on Harry's personality. I think the 2nd perspective writing style was very effective in conveying his emotions. And you actually make him act and think like a teenager of his age.

For example, the girls - you realistically have Harry become good with them, you show his emotions when dealing with them like that of a real teenager, and I've seen nobody write a Harry who deals with girls this way: in most stories he just falls in love or becomes Cassanova. Here his goal is only sex, which is realistic for adolescents.

Bill's also well-written as a mentor; in my opinion he's like an older brother to Harry. You have great characterization.

Still, I have a problem with Luna. It's interesting to see your take on her personality, but Harry's letters to her are cliche and too romantic - not like the character you've created, in my opinion. If I'm wrong, explain why in the story.

 

Read the teaser and figured i'd post here rather than the work by author section. The next chapter is quite good, but if your going to squish nine days into one chapter it's either going to be outragousily long or skip around. I hope you don't skip to much, as you haven't jumped in chapter often and the continuality adds to the writing style.

 

Duke - Thanks for the kind words. The next chapter is about halfway done. Unfortunately, it has been a very busy week and writing must take a backseat to real life.

Palt - Glad to see you slogged your way through it. The style is definitely an acquired taste. It seems now I am getting a higher percentage of reviews than my main story.

Beledorhan - Thanks for the compliments on my depiction of Harry and Bill. As for Luna, well I went back and reread her letters to Harry and I see some subtle flirting, but no real romance. Luna has no real interaction skills with her own personality. It may eventually come out that she spends a good 4 hours trying to write just those short little letters, as she has never had to deal with another person her age with her 'real' personality.

Naga's Shadow - Don't worry, I actually have the perfect cover for skipping ahead in this case. The cleansing potion that Thundercloud is having Harry take. He will spend a good chunk of this week in a drug induced haze, which will allow me to advance the calendar and keep the continuity.

Jim

 

Chapter 10 Released

Okay folks, chapter 10 is up over 11000 words to push the plot forward. I hope you enjoy the chapter and let me know what you think of the character development of Harry and the rest. Sorry about the cliffhanger for the animagus ritual, but this chapter has already delayed the next chapter of To Fight the Coming Darkness.

I didn't want to go too heavy into Dodgespell this time. Hack the Jungle Troll makes his first appearance. Paulo shows he is a good teammate, but not necessarily an upstanding individual. Nina Colastos is introduced and Fleur gets alot of story time. Unusual in stories where she isn't Harry's love interest. I put in a little backstory involving Charlie and Tonks.

I open the floor for your comments.

Jim

 

While I am certainly not objective, I have to say that this is a VERY fun chapter, and I'm pleased that we finally got to meet Hack.

 

I enjoyed this chapter very much. I am glad you didn't spend lots of time on dodgespell like you did in the past, less repetitive this way. Hack was great, as well as the warding. Kwan is one of my favorite characters, I like what you've done with him. You added in Fleur nicely too. Can't wait for the next chapter

 

Kwan is really Jackie Chan's uncle...he just needs to say "One more thing" a time or two.

Now why couldn't you just have Obliviated Sanchez? Does Ms 'I make Umbridge look like a 10' really have to know who James is?

Grizzley Bear? Why not croc or something like that?

 

Here's why:

Harry: Obliviate!

Sanchez: Protego! Diffindo! Crucio!

Remember Sanchez is a much better fighter than Harry.

 

Great new chapter. Hack was nice, as was the warding.
And to obliviating: Memory spells can be broken. It's far more easy as it is. What would you think, if someone you work with wipes the memory of a coworker just because he doesn't like her? I wouldn't like it at all, which creates a tense working atmosphere. Not good for the mission.

 

Kwan=Great

Hack=TEH AWEZOMENEZZ!!!1!!!4!!!!11!!!!$!2!!

I really enjoyed this chapter. It was a very fun read, with little to no dissatisfaction on my part. Great job.

Keep it up, update soon!

 

great chap, not a whole lot i can say about it. Cant wait for more of hack, he and harry seem a lot alike. The whole squirrel thing had me cracking up as well. other then that just keep up the good work.

 

Bill (with large skillet in hand): **thwack**

Sanchez: ugh! *thud*

Harry: Damn! That hurt...Obliviate Bitch!

 

I hadn't really considered it as Thundercloud and the two hitwizards were also there. Not exactly a team building exercise. There is no real evidence that Sanchez is a better fighter. She migh know some inventive curses, but Harry could probably take her at this point, but the two hitwizards there would mop the floor with him. That's like saying because Umbridge is older and been around that she could take Harry.

On a side note, because everyone here needs a good laugh now and then here is a review from someone near and dear to the members here....

The following review has been submitted to: Bungle in the Jungle: A Harry Potter
Adventure Chapter: 10

From: tridentwatch
Reply URL: http://
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bleh, dodgeball is boring, and thsi chappie is too long it made me bored plz
make it shorter but with more stuff related to plot next time. Good story tho.
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I guess Dodgespell is safe from him.

Jim

 

Hack was a hoot!
Dodgespell, while interesting as a new concept was held to an acceptable level. I sincerely hope that Harry's lovelife won't turn into a reason for guilt/angst.
Can't wait for the animagus revelations.
You're right of course - this way of writing is an aquired taste, but once aquired is quite addictive. Anxiously awaiting update.

 

The end of the chapter was just EVIL!
I was on the edge of my seat to find out what his form was,the WHAM! cliffhanger.
This fic is very unique, and it has the "Honor" of being my current favorite fic.

 

I have to say that this is one of the best stories in progress on fanfic.net. I like the way you lead into the story where you forshadow the future and show a "Flashfoward" and then start off at the burrow. Only idiots who have never seen Pulp fiction, or any movies that do the same thing by showing a clip of the future and then starting from the real beginning, would be confused. As soon as I read chapter two I knew thats what you were aiming for and its unique as in I've never read a story like it. So all in all great job.

Oh yea...Hack awesome! lol!

 

Thanks for the compliments all. I haven't really used any true cliffhangers in this story, so I figured it was high time I did, sorry if it seemed evil. I am going to attempt to bring the same level of detail to being an animagus as I have to cursebreaking/wardcrafting. I see too many stories where Harry acquires a form or forms as simply another checkoff on their how-to-create an uberHarry and never really explore it.

Jim

 

Indeed, they give Harry a form (all too often phoenix, dragon, or gryphon), and then one never hears about it again. All the attention they pay to it is the laundry list of superpowers it grants Harry in his everyday life. At the absolute least, you have paid as much attention to the process of getting the form as I have ever seen, not to mention we know he will use it at least once thanks to the first chapter.

It really is interesting to go back and reread that chapter after you introduce more characters. As in now it is pretty obvious who paniced and fired the first flame spell. Oh well, every team needs a weakest link, other wise they become the superfriends with leader Harry Stu