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Complete Bungle in the Jungle: A Harry Potter Adventure by jbern - M

Discussion in 'General Fics' started by jbern, Apr 13, 2006.

  1. Erotic Adventures of S

    Erotic Adventures of S Denarii Host

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    Kind of disapointing. I guess anything after the demon fight was going to be less thrilling but there was still stuff I wished to see.

    They have spent the last week or so in this god forsaken city slowly working their way up to the grand prize and then you gloss right over it. All we get is

    Kind of a let down. I was hoping to see Harry and Bill rumage throught the rubble finding cool shit and getting all excited. Also I was under the impression that the demons magic just drained magic while it was near it not drain it's powers forever.

    I'm glad you didn't spend to much time on taking care of the dead team members. While I know it needed to be done I wasn't to keen on reading about 3 different funerals.

    I am going to have to disagree with the-catiff. I really don't wish to see anymore of the Indian girl with the big rack. The Katrina stroy arc was more than enough relationship material for this series. I can't even believe Harry went so far as to knock her up in the first place.

    Also what the hell was with Bill just haveing the throw away comment

    Bill said that was one of the most impressive things he has ever seen a few chapters back and now he is just letting it go as a passing comment. The only way I can forgive this is if in the evil wizards lock box was a copy Golinards with the wards in it. Even then I imagin Bill would have blown his load to see how it was set up. It seemed like a pretty amaing bit of warding.

    Also I am having a hard time grasping just how much gold there is. First you said that Riddle had taken most of it (Most in my opinion means 75% or more) but now you are saying half of whats left 12.5% at most can damage the economy of the entire area. I know how economics works and how it's a poor part of the world but I find that very hard to believe unless there is a HUGE amount of gold left which means Riddle is unimaginably rich.

    Also why would there be any but the most crappy of magical artifacts left behind. I would think Riddle would take almost everything like the expedition has. But no he leave the evil wizards personal footlocker filled with all his books... Not making a lot of sence. You could say it's safer here but I'm sure Riddle has some pretty fucking safe places in England. The fidelus charm seems to be unbreakable from the outside.

    The way Harry delt with the hitwizards was cool. So we see the insertion of Alpha fight club into your story again. I presume Ivan was IP82 (Eastern Europe and all that) I'm not sure who the leader was or the woman but Chuck is probably Chuckdatruck in which case you got his fuckwit personality down quite well.

    Luna was nicely done. Not over the top and not just brushed aside.

    Political!Harry is always fun to watch. Nice to see him fucking over the goblins, one good turn deserves another.

    Also you haven't made it clear what Kwan is going to do know. You said Hack is coming home but is Kwans Job finished as soon as Harry gets on the plane or is Harry going to retain his services as a body guard/teacher. Also did he and the dead members get a set amount of money or a cut of the total booty. If it's a cut Kwan could pretty much retire from the amount of Money you have been hinting at.

    I also REALLY want to see some demon bone weapons.

    Honestly I would have preffered two chapters and for you to spend a bit more time on salvage and a bit less on floating bras.

    TEAOS

    PS my guess at the 3rd Horcrus is the Sorting hat. But then I wonder why it helped Harry in the Chamber and hasn't been subtily fucking with all the kiddies minds over the years. Not a great guess but thats all I got...
     
  2. ChuckDaTruck

    ChuckDaTruck Overlord

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    Hey, S, I'm just grateful for the cameo. :D

    So, Jim's probably gonna shoot me for this, but I'll tell you what ONE of the horcruxes is....

    Kreacher. He acts so odd and crazy because he has Riddle's soul in him.




    p.s. That was a joke.
     
  3. boghi8462

    boghi8462 Backtraced

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    "Ginny, well she seems to have moved on and is dating Dean Thomas. They seem like a happy couple. Hope you’re not jealous? No ugly monster rearing in your chest or anything? I didn’t think so."

    Nice barb at the HBP storyline.:lol:

    About the third Horcrux. Combining "Two ye have already touched with thine own hands." with "The final item appears and both you and Bill look at each other in amazement. Only someone as arrogant as Riddle would do that!" And we can see that it is an object of great importance, placed in plain sight.

    While the sorting hat qualifies, I'm not sold to that idea. TEAOS mentioned one of the reasons, and another may be Harry's dream during his first night in Hogwards. The master soul fragment wanted Harry to try to transfer to Slytherin. Whether the desire was conscious of Voldie, or not, the Hat would have sensed it during the sorting. The proximity of the two fragments would have been more then enough to overcome the "static", and we know from the hurting of Harry's scar during the feast that Tom had the courage to reach out with his senses in the presence of Dumbledork.

    Soooo... What could it be?

    The Head office gargoyle? Aside from the 'receive commands from Dumbles' it would work perfectly, considering what it signifies.

    The Crown Jewels? No, Harry hasn't touched them?

    The Minister's ever present Bowler Hat? Not Important enough.

    Hmmm. Must consider this further. In the mean time, I wonder what are your suggestions.
     
  4. The Silent Knight

    The Silent Knight Seventh Year

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    Nice ending mate. I agree slightly that maybe a bit more on salvage could have been fun, but i'm not too bothered. Now i've got to wait untill you decide to write the sequel. Bummer.
     
  5. World

    World Oberstgruppenführer DLP Supporter Retired Staff

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    Now I may have glossed over some parts earlier, but: Why the fuck did Harry agree to impregnate someone he barely knows? Especially for a fucked up reason as "I know it's the right thing."

    I could understand it if he's just out for a nice fuck with no consequences, but
    "I’d still like to be a part the child’s life"
    is not something I can see a 16 year old Harry saying, not even yours.

    Also, the explanation for the titles at the end. In all honesty, I think that was pretty bad. The execution was decent, what I mean is the very fact that you do it. That is something I would do in an Author's note, if at all, but not in the story itself, because it sure as hell isn't pertinent to the story. The titles work on their own right, which is good because anything directly based on a song is pretty much doomed to failure.
     
  6. Tenebrae

    Tenebrae Second Year

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    Nor am I, but not because I think it would be a bad idea, necessarily, but because I think jbern has disqualified it already.

    Combining the two quotes above, coupled with many logic puzzles tells me that the final object is not one Harry has ever touched. Thus the sorting hat would be disqualified, because Harry *has* touched that.

    Reasoning: the final item appears separately from the two before, whic were specifically listed as being things Harry has touched before. Given that the third is very deliberately left out of that tell me that the previous statement doesn't apply in this case.
     
  7. Wasteland

    Wasteland Second Year

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    Great Chapter as usual. Hopefully the sequel won't be to far away, I know it will be a little while though

    I'm not sure about the whole harry's going to be a daddy thing. I just can't see it actually happening. It seems out of character for him, with his reasoning for doing it making even less sense.

    Hopefully harry doesn't pick up to many demon traits, I don't want harry to become to powerful as I think i might take away from the story. I've seen to many good fics go down hill that way.

    Overall though a great story and I'm hanging on for a sequel and I can't wait
     
  8. Ragon

    Ragon Dark Lord

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    I gotta say as usual I love it. Also I personally like the indian. The other Relationship wasnt my favorite so.

    The horocux's I gotta say.

    1. The sorting hat is always a good guess.
    2. The gargoyle was a new 1 to me.
    3. I would say the Sword of Gryffindor but I think that is beyond even Riddle's abilities.
     
  9. Rehio

    Rehio Bad Dragon ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    I'm not sure which way you mean this.

    If you're saying that it has some innate magical abilities that will stop Riddle, then that's not right, cause from what we've seen it has none.

    If you're saying that getting it from the hat in Hogwarts is beyond him, then I could understand. It'd probably be a bit difficult with Dumbledore around.
     
  10. pontfirebird73

    pontfirebird73 Third Year

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    the last horcux is ................

    Moaning Myrtle's toilet.
     
  11. Tenebrae

    Tenebrae Second Year

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    My suggestions for the Horcrux that is in an obvious location are as follows. Take them as seriously as you will.

    1) A quidditch goal-post at Hogwarts
    2) the Enchanted celing in the great hall
    3) the Fountain of Magical Bretheren at the MoM
    4) the entrance arch to Diagon Alley
    5) the entrance arch to platform 9 3/4
     
  12. pontfirebird73

    pontfirebird73 Third Year

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    I thought about the fountain of magical bretheren but then Dumbledore probably wouldn't have been able to use it in his fight with voldy in Ootp
     
  13. Erotic Adventures of S

    Erotic Adventures of S Denarii Host

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    No it said he had touched two of the three things. We know he has never touched the cup as this story is canon up until the start if this stroy and he hasn't seen it in this story.

    It must be the third item. The third item is something both Harry and Bill have seen and at least Harry has touched.

    It is also something impressive since they say Riddle is cocky to do it. Thats what makes me say the Sorting Hat even if it leaves a few questions to be answered.

    It could be something really random thought like that old wand in the window of Olivanders.
     
  14. huntedorange

    huntedorange Seventh Year

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    Really enjoyed the ending to this story, the final battle was great and a very unique way with the animagus/growth potion so well done. I am also Intrigued about the final Horcrux, it is obviously shocking going by Bill and Harry's reactions. For me it had to be something within Hogwarts, maybe the house or Quidditch cup, possibly even Riddles special award. The only problem i have with this is that Dumbledore, for being a manipulative arse in this fic, is not stupid thus would he not of checked everything in Hogwarts. Cant wait to see what it turns out to be so please be quick with the new story.
     
    Last edited: May 10, 2007
  15. Foz

    Foz Squib

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    I actually think that making Hogwarts the Horcrux would be the ultimate in audacity.
    I can't think of anything else that would be so... audacious.

    ~ Foz
     
  16. huntedorange

    huntedorange Seventh Year

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    Well, to be honest the ultimate audacity would probably be Harry himself. However cliche that may be its still be exceedingly audacious
     
  17. Erotic Adventures of S

    Erotic Adventures of S Denarii Host

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    I like the idea of the special award of Riddles but I doubt Bill knows about it so wouldnt reconise it.

    The school cup is also a good guess. People fighting to win a piece of Riddles soul.
     
  18. boghi8462

    boghi8462 Backtraced

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    For the Horcrux to be "the ultimate audacity", it first has to be intentional. And I doubt Harry was intentional. What about Snape?:cool: Nah...

    Let's try the rational approach, like the Dark Lords/Ladies that we are:
    Horcrux 1 - Diary;
    Horcrux 2 - Ring;
    Horcrux 3 - Locket;
    Horcrux 4 - Cup;
    Horcrux 5 - Crystal ball (in the BungleVerse; God knows what JKR has thought of);
    Horcrux 6 - Snake (according to Dumbledore in HBP).

    Could it be that we are either over-rationalizing or simply forgetful? May I remind you that this is how the Hero usually wins!?!
     
  19. Kokuyo

    Kokuyo Guest


    Why shouldn't he do it? Harry has come to see a lot of things he's taken for granted in a different light. He uses AKs, after all. He's been toughening up, so I don't quite see why he should be a prude about such things.

    The kid will be looked after by the whole tribe. It's gonna have a much better life than Harry himself. And having not known his own father I can see the need to be a part of his child's life. AFAIK he didn't say he wanted to have the father role. He just wants his kid to know him.

    While I must say I wouldn't have done it in his place I see enough reasons for him to go through with it. For one, his mentor had wanted it. It could be seen as a means to honour his memory.



    Oh, and, hello by the way :).
     
  20. liansk

    liansk Second Year

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    I know it's a long shot but goblet of fire kinda fits the descriptions of a horcrux.
     
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