Luna wouldn't but Looney might. Consider the following...

Now that sounds like something Looney might sing cheerfully while skipping down the halls, just because it would seriously unnerve her classmates.

 

...Yes; yes, indeed...That is definitely something that Looney would sing. And something that I hope she does sing, if we see Looney make an appearance in Hogwarts eventually, as I imagine we should.

 

Dirty Limericks!

 

A feat only Luna could accomplish considering Hot Topic has not presence in Europe whatsoever. Well, Luna and that bint from My Immortal

 

Wheres the sequel? The story isn't even half finished.

 

Chapter 1 is due out next weekend.

Jim

 

excellent jim, cannot wait for that.

 

I am counting down the days.

 

Time to reread to make sure I know what all the hell is going on when the sequel is posted this weekend.

 

Wonderful! It's been a while since I had this much fun. What an exciting, intense story.

By the way, I can *almost* believe AD about not knowing that the Weasleys were obliviating Harry: Dumbledore just dropped a baby off on a doorstep once upon a time. He's used to "delegating" and not bothering to supervise his ... er ... minions. The thing is, the Weasleys and Granger probably aren't going to get disciplined any more than Snape does.

>> Charlie chasing Cho << It's probably illegal, but it's funny as hell, especially with AD trying to rein him in.

I can't wait to see Ron's face when Harry eagerly asks him how he liked Quidditch camp, and if he was surprised by the gift. Or does Ron know that Harry paid for it?

I wonder whether Harry has enough pull with Dobby to get him to make EVERYTHING Ginny and Hermione get served taste like strawberries for the rest of the year?

The idea of having Harry endorse Zonko's is *wicked.* If we get Kwan to do the contract negotiations, we could probably get stock in the company for no cash outlay.

I have A Lot more questions, but I'll resign myself to waiting eagerly for the sequel...

 

Man, it's amazing how some people cannot see the difference between whiny pre-teen emo stories, and the real stuff. [SIZE=-2]*rolls eyes*[/SIZE] It's like, reading a fic thinking its authentic Rowling, and then killing himself in the closet out of misery, because: Harry died. Man, I'd hang myself rather then knowingly start to plow through the shitty illiterate emo-fiction. [SIZE=-2]*I wonder if there are any emoticons for hanging, heh*[/SIZE] Though, I'd give you some slack if English is not your native language.

And, yeah, can't wait for the second part, too! Finally, the great fun comes, it's almost upon us!!! Yeah, exhilaration, like, gashing outta my arse. But really: for more then three months we were treated with nothing but filler chapters of the Coming Darkness (substitutes!), and finally -- Finally! -- we'll get to see some kick-arse action. Whoo-hoooo!

 

What the hell is wrong with you?

Review.

On the style: interesting read. You don't get this style much inside or outside fanfiction. Mostly because it asks the reader to imagine themselves as the protagonist, which something detracts from the story because it reduces the scope of your char. by asking the reader to imagine it as a fictional avatar of himself.

That aside, you did an ok job at it. Not too great, not bad. It got messy as hell though and there are a few battle scenes I'll go back and read when I'm feeling bored (which I merely skimmed this time around). and so for

Style: 2.5/5


Content: Let me divide this into two: pre-betrayal and post.

Pre-Betrayal: As most betrayals, your's too is superficial and rather bland since it doesn't really factor in the emotional side of it all. Because of that you lose the brownie points you garnered with the first chapter, which was damn enticing. I cannot see the headmaster being so overt about his manipulation, nor leaving so many loose ends. So, pre-betrayal : 2/5

Post-Betrayal: Now here comes the interesting part. I love your Bill and Harry is pretty damn nice too. You have an interesting crew of characters, nicely developed but not too well. The love angle with the hot mother was a bit over-complicated. The magics systems were interesting and give some food for thought. The battle scenes, due to the style, were undeniably messy. The lost city was hellishly fun, kudos for that. The daemon died a bit too easily, but thats OK since I'd rather the daemon dies through a duex ex machia than harry and or Bill. The letter's to Loony were a Very good plot device and I felt like jumping to the end just too see how she would react.

Plot was basically straightforward, so: 5/5 for sheer enjoyment.

Characterization: Are...OK. Not great in themselves, but they blend well with the rest of the story. 4/5.

Theme: No underling theme really, despite the potential to have one. But then again, this is FF so I'll abstain from rating you on thematic considerations.

Rating: 4/5

Good and interesting.

Looking forward to the sequel.

 

Wanna know what would be worse?

Selling Zonko's his 1/3 ownership in 3W.

 

In Bungle does Harry actually own one-third of the twins shop? I always thought that was a fan fiction creation. Could be wrong though, it's been awhile since I've read the canon books.

 

Turn Me Loose chapter 1 is now posted. A thread for it has been started in the For Review section. Please address all comments concerning that story there and leave this for any comments you might still have about Bungle in the Jungle.

Regards,
Jim

 

Ha! The ending was a killer! Not technically a cliff-hanger, but enough to keep you guessing if that was a coincidence, that Harry collapsed exactly when the wards sensed him. I fully expect the next chapter Harry will be wandering the Hogwarts corridors with a dumbfounded expression, his best friends Ron and Hermione back at his sides. Or am I seeing things? I guess Harry didn't think to include in that oath of his all forms of magical control, sucker!

The only thing I noticed:

The "Who cares?" part looked like he was observing and not concentrating enough. ​

On a side-note, it's a nice unique touch, having Harry dubbing his divers experiences funnily, like "Innuendo 101", or "Coming this fall to a school curriculum near you – Wrestling with Dark Magic 101 – Don’t wait, register today!" And then how he keeps drawing sarcastic parallels in his head. I think these things are what makes your story different. Keep it up!

 

I've read a small bit, maybe a third of the first chapter if that but then focused on something else. So tell me bottom line should I give the whole story a try or just go find something else?

Out of the entire 5 point system what would this story rate as overall?

 

Between 4.6 and 4.9 and thats because no one is perfect.

 

Those big shiny gold stars next to the name/rating give you the number of points out of five. Count them.

And Dranco, it's 4.39. Exactly.

 

What needs to be said has already been said, but I'll zone in on this since no one else seems to have: the last battle was without question one of the most kickass I have come across in fanficdom. Hold it as a standard and surpass it.