it was..um..my pleasure

and yes they do now think that cursebreaking is cool:}..and want to learn:

ThunderGod
:banana:

 

I liked the latest chapter. Simply because it seemes kinda like normal. A thing which could really happen. No super seducion power and no "he looks so YUMMY". I also liked that Harry isn't some kind of sex god who pleases 3 women at the same time and still is just warmed up. In reality he is just a teenager who never had sex before and is pretty thick.

 

Like the way you introduce warding and what exactly Bill does. I heard somewhere and allways thought Bill was like the Indiana Jones of the Wizarding world. Good to see people share my theory.

 

Rough draft of chapter 7

The rough draft of chapter 7 is in the work by author section, please comment in that section. Hope you like my take on Animagery.

ghst.san - glad you liked the realistic non-sex god Harry. It goes without saying that the author's first time was a bit surreal as well and while the lady in question was only 3 years older she did have a young child. Always beware the single mom!

Naga's Shadow - Glad you like the warding. There will be more of that coming soon. So many stories imply how cool Bill is. I want a story where you actually see how cool Bill can be.

Please let me know what you think of the rough draft in the thread there.

Jim

 

I like it. You could include the Curious George scene but if it ends with a cliffhanger I think it would be better to stop here.

 

Very, very good. I loved it. Harry's character in this story is a breath of fresh air, compared to the millions of other Indy!Harry stories. Unlike others at DLP, I think that it is not within Harry's character to torture/maim/rape/pillage. You have pulled him off perfectly, IMO.

Another thing that I liked about it was the realism. That seems to be a staple with you, no? Everything in this story was like it would be in the real world...well...except for the MILF. At least...for me anyways.

I also look forward to you expanding of your runes/cursebreaking theories. So far, they are very interesting, and exactly how I hoped that you had pulled them off.

 

Marvelous chapter. I get the feeling that the rest of the group is going to be aware of who Harry is before the end of the summer. Not too many 16 year olds have previous experience with the Cruciatus Curse.

Excellent depictions of Animagi and Apparating. I like the idea that doing it isn't without physical repercusions.

 

Its a really good chapter yet again, I liked the animagus theory, and can't wait to see more, this story is really shaping up to be a good one

 

Ahh Jim, you're a wonderful author but I just cannot seem to get into the story. This is my sixith time attempting to get into the story and the PoV is bugging me. Not for any good reason but it just does. I'm going to keep reading it and maybe i'll get into it if I ever make it past chapter 1.

 

Thanks for all the posititve feedback. I will probably add the last scene on tomorrow before I send it off to my ever busy beta.

Naga - Don't know whether or not I'll stop at a cliffhanger, but what is wrong with a good cliffhanger.

Fue - Thanks. I am hoping to make cursebreaking interesting.

Darth B - If they aren't aware of his skills soon, they will be when we finally get back to chapter 1. You also will note that Bill called him Harry at the end of the chapter, indicating that the coverup will be over by September 1.

Xantos - Thanks as always for the encouragement.

Virail - I hope you manage to get into it, but when I started it I knew it wouldn't be for everyone. Some just won't like it or be able to get into it. The ones that do will enjoy it though.

Jim

 

After forcing myself to read the second chapter and by the third I was hooked. It felt like I was "Watching" it instead of reading it. Now you've got me in your nasty web and I'm eagerly expecting the 7th chapter in it's finished form.

Too bad there arn't more well written stories I've read most of the Independant section and a good chunk of the AU and Timetravel one. Thankfully your doing a good job of keeping me sane.

 

Thanks for forcing your way through. Glad you liked the story. The last scene is written and it is off to FairyQ for a looksie. There was some debate on whether or not Harry should be using his parselmouth abilities. I had written a part of the new scene where he converses with some snakes, but I decided against it. In final form, I will mention that he conversed with some of the local snakes, but its a little early to reveal to the rest of the party that particular skill. Considering the stigma associated with it and that Harry wants them to teach him things, its probably not the best idea.

The final scene adds about 2000 words and is our first practical look at Cursebreaking. There is a lot of Harry and Bill interaction in there and you should enjoy it.

I also included the running commentary/joke around here about animage/animagus/animagi? for the humorous aspect. Harry doesn't know the proper terminology and no one seems to want to enlighten him. See you guys and gals are my inspiration.

Jim

ps - Is the avatar annoying or okay? I'm on the fence.

 

Avatar's great. And it is animagus. Looking forward to the final version of the chapter.

 

Well...the avatar certainly isn't inconspicuous. It doesn't bother me, though, because I'm used to ignoring slightly obvious things...

Nice save, with the animagus/animage/animagi thing, by the way. You'll have to add a scene where Bill or somebody corrects him after Harry has been saying it wrong for the whole story, though.

 

The way that I see it is that a person is an Animage when refering to another person but when refering to people in plural sense it's Animagi, and when refering to oneself it's "I am an animagus."

 

The new chapter was great. I liked the extra scene you added at the end alot. The extra amount of dialogue made me almost forget I was reading a second person narrated story. I was a little confused what the purpose of the cave was though. If their sole purpose for the trip is to find this missing city, why are they wandering into warded caves? Unless that is the way into the city?

 

I thought the first chapter was great, it was very unique and interesting. The way you presented it was different in a refreshing way. I've read your other story before, however I didn't read this one because I thought it was parodry. xD Well, I think I'll keep reading. Good luck on future chapters.

 

The new chapter was better than the draft, which was great. However, I didn't think that the cursebreaking part was difficult enough. Maybe the warding was done by an amateur or you aren't done yet, but it seemed way too simple.

Also, why was Harry the first one to notice the white flash of light? These people are professional cursebreakers! They've done this stuff for at least the last 5 years!

Anyways, still a fantastic chapter. This story is the one that I look forward to the updates the most. Good job!

 

I bet the others didn't notice it because they knew not to look right at it.

Excellent chapter. I enjoyed the new additions very much.

 

I feel like elaborating a bit on my last review. Why? Because I love your Harry/Susan fic, and I love the plot of this fic, I just don't think you did the execution very well.


Is Harry ever going to lose Bill, or are they sticking together?

I really don't like your Bill. He is basically a mix of Dumbledore, Hermione and Ron, all rolled in one super friend. Harry needs to learn more spells? Ask Bill! Harry needs help with girls? Ask Bill! Harry needs to know why Dumbledore is stealing his money? Have Bill give him an extremely bias commentary about how Dumbledore is really good, and Harry should "let it go" because it's for a good cause. Not to mention the fact that he doesn't seem like that great a guy in the first place. He clearly knew Harry was funding everything, and seeing Harry wearing rags he had to know Harry didn't know shit about his fortune. And, even if he did, he doesn't seem like the kinda guy who would right a wong simply to do the right thing. He took Harry on the trip more out of obligation then anything else it seems. And the whole atmosphere is more of Harry being Bill's personal assistant or something less then equals, it's like every direction Bill gives, Harry follows without a thought. He lets Bill chastise him, and he acts like Bill is his fucking father or something which always bothers me.

That kind of stuff as well. The All Knowing Bill. I think by getting rid of Harry's friends you're trying to overcompensate with Bill.

And the transformation from Dumbledore to Bill is complete.

Now he's Hermione.

I really think you need to seperate Harry and Bill, because Harry will never be independent when Bill is around, though it might be just me. And, for what it's worth I have been told I'm overly critical, so *shrugs*