Title: Cheshire's Grin
Author: MrWriterWriter
Rating: M
Genre: Humor/Adventure
Pairing: Harry/Hermione/Luna/Susan (prolly subject to change)
Status: WIP
Link:http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4851121/1/Cheshires_Grin
Summery:Just when Harry thought his life couldn't get any different, he had to find that collar. Independant/SemiCreatureHarry. Bashings. M for later chapters.


Did a search and didn't see it so I posted it.



Edit: Damn I forgot to put the Rating in the title, sorry.
Edit2: Right you are my bad.

 

You also forgot to put the link in too. Also, SemiCreatureHarry. *shudders*

 

I dont like where this is going: Alice in Wonderland crossover? A 12-year old Cat!Harry who likes a 12-year old Susan, and 11 year old Ginny with lust in her eyes.

Creepy.

And then, we have the bashing:

Money-hungry Weasleys, check.

Malfoy!Ron, check.

But the Lockheart scene was pretty funny.

2/5

 

I've tried to read the first chapter, it's just bad.

S&G is alright that's not the problem, it's the subject matter, a magical power granting collar, his changed appearance and this is what really gets me.

Hagrid and the Weasleys see Harry's changed appearance and is like "Hey weirder things have happened." They just accept it.

The whole thing is weak and I'm not going to bother reading the rest of it.

I'm not even going to rate it because I can't be bothered to read enough of it to see if it improves...

[Edit] Alright that's a lie I'm bored so I'll give a couple more chapters a try.

More cliche, twins are cool and Ron's a dick, Harry rants at Malfoy.

I take back the comment about S&G being alright, repeated small spelling errors in the second chapter make it pretty clear to me that the author hasn't had it betad or even read over it properly himself. He also has a bad habit involving perspective changes mid-paragraph.

Very short chapters are also a bit of a let-down, the chapters are only a couple pages long if that.

The whole thing reads like it's written by a kid. That's what it reminds me of, it reminds me of those creative writing exercises I did in my first year of secondary school. Mine were always appalling and they read a little similarly to this.

Went and check the author's profile he's a fan of massive bashing, harems and ridiculously overpowered protagonists. I've read up to chapter 4 and I'm not going to finish it.

It had potential the Alice in Wonderland (the Disney film) had me thinking about the batshit insane purple and black striped cat in that, which had me interested. Unfortunately the cat aspect is just some morphomagic collar that has a voice.

This is fanboy HP, full of cliches, an OP Harry with a harem. The only vaguely different thing about it is the cat thing and even that's badly done.

I am going to give it a rating and that's 1/5. Iceking go lurk more and read some of the Fanfics that have successfully made it into the library from the For Review section lately.

 

Okay. That is almost putting me off of reading this.

Will edit after reading.

EDIT:

God this read like a trainwreck. Once I started, I just couldn't get myself to stop. I was taken by this ridiculous urge to see how bad this could get.

Spelling and grammar suck. This guy needs a beta. And he needs one badly. There is also some ridiculous change of POV in between the chapter.

The collar which Harry has is ridiculous. Also the personality in the collar, which calls itself C, is a male equivalent of a Mary-Sue.

Oh and Harry starts turning into a cat, but he doesn't freak out at all. The rest of the wizarding world is also like, 'Oh you got turned into a cat. Big deal. That happens every other day.'

And lastly, the clichés. Damn! We have bigot!Ron, lusting!Ginny, ridiculously manupilative!Dumbledore, friendly!twins ... I was shocked to not find the magical trunk and multiple family heir clichés.

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Ooooh ... McGonagall with a sixth sense? My fail!sense in tingling.

Fuck! That's creepy. That's Hermione's thoughts if you're wondering. Apparently, she behaves like a brainless twit when she's near Harry.

Alright ... I'm thinking that was supposed to be funny and make me laugh. But all it did was make me wonder what the fuck was the author thinking when he wrote that.

'C' thinks that when Harry faces Luna. Alice!Luna? Wtf. We then come to know that the full name of Alice from Alice in Wonderland was Alice Lovegood, and that she was Luna's Great-Grandmother.

Ooooh... the return of the famous manipulative!Dumbledore. At least he isn't screaming it aloud.

And there we have bigot!Dumbledore. He's also a retard, apparently. One would think that he must have made a clever decision and forbidden the Slytherin house... But well, who says that the greatest wizard of modern times has to be wise.

tl;dr - This fic blows. 1/5.

 

I'll be the first to say that I go for some pretty out-there fics. This, however, was not my cup of tea. Any author who feels the need to use the word "omake" in his author notes is a pretentious asshole who needs to be stabbed repeatedly. Especially since he's using it wrong anyway!

1/5

 

This is perverse, and a menace to the minds of the populace. At least the author didn't have gay bestiality with Harry/Crookshanks.

1/5

 

I'll save him the trouble.

http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1222500/Melnivone

 

*shakes head.

You sadden me.

Here you go Oz:

www.fanfiction.net/u/1222500/MaxPayne'sDeputy

Just kidding. It's been months since I've changed the username, not going to break my record just yet.

 

This wasn't anywhere in the area of credible. Instead, it showcased it's own brand of creepiness and stupidity. 1.5/5

Excellent book quote, btw, Andromalius. I think I'll put one in from 'Woad to Wuin', probably something from the LOTR parody lol

 

Omake = Japanese. Harry Potter & Alice in Wonderland = British.

...I smell weeaboo. Also - tried reading through it; wondered if NEKO!11!Harry is just a representation of a fetish gone wrong.

People here already mentioned several other things that don't need to be mentioned again. Simply put, this could have been hilarious and a good bit of parody or somesuch, but no. It wasn't.

1/5

 

I know omake is Japanese. It's used in America to refer to bonus features on anime DVDs (and, for all I know, in Japan too, since the word means "bonus" or "extra".)

My point was that he's slinging foreign terms when their English counterparts would have suited just fine to make himself sound OMGKAWAII!!11! or some such shit.