Title: Choice of a Dark Prince
By: mohd7590
Rating: M
Genre: Action/Adventure/Horror
DLP Category: Dark Arts
Pairings: Harry/Harem
Statue: WIP
Link: FF.net
HpFanFicArchive.com

Well, I thought the story was good even though it was the first chapter and it was short. He needs a BETA for sure, but his ideas are very good compared to other authors. Well Voldemort lets Harry join him during the graveyard and Harry accepts.

 

I will act like you are not the author for this post.

Also known as: Maximum rating of 3/5

Not Library Worthy

This is unless there was a logical reason for the harem. Looking at his profile, I can tell there isn't going to be; he is a massive fan of harems.

One chapter should never be rated.

I won't rate it because I'm not going to read it. But come on.... seriously.

 

1/5.

One, I notice you've got one post and that it's this rec- that suggests you're either the author or a fan of the author.

Two. It's horrible. The writing is poorly laid out, the sentences are badly structured, there's zero characterization- such that we might as well be watching cardboard cutouts. There's no sense that events are actually happening, just unconnected words on a page.

Moreover, it lacks enough enough content to really be judged for library entry anyways. Furthermore, characterzation aside, none of the characters are acting even the barest bit logically. It just boggles the mind.

I can see that you (since you're probably the author) have an idea here, but it's really, lreally poorly executed.

But don't take my word for it...

 

Actually, if you had any contact with this author's other works you'd see that he improved a lot (which, in this case, means that you can read sentences and be rather certain what he meant to convey by them). That said, it's still horrible. 1/5.

 

No. Try again.

First: Note that there is a preference for stories longer than one (as this) or two chapters long.

Second: This story is shit. The author favors an abundance of commas over the selection of a more useful period. An OC is created for no reason as of yet (but I'm sure later we'll see how gifted she is, how invaluable she is, and probably connect to Harry somehow).

There's also no reason why Harry would suddenly turn sides without a single thought and pledge loyalty - which is done, as to be expected, in the most anticlimactic way possible.

And, following the necessary crutch of cliches for writing of this poor quality, the vaults are naturally hidden from the protagonist, and clearly we can all see this ending badly.

Dramatic dialogue of rambling individuals doesn't make for something that reads well. Description is poor, muddled, and in the wrong places.

Harry's wife? Harem? Really?

I do hope he comes to defend himself.

 

Do I need to say more? horny fanboy anyone?

Anyway, at least his is not rewriting someone's else story like he usualy does. Or is he?

 

I don't mind lemon stories, if the story specializes in just the sex part. For stories such as that, I tend to give a little leeway. But there just isn't enough XXX in this, yet.

I'll hold judgment until it has at least 2-3 chapters.

 

Whilst searching the more obscure parts of the HP community I've stumbled upon the "works" of this mohd7590 person before. Apparently he's really buddy-buddy with Wimvincken on the latter's web-site and they both enjoy badly written unrealistic harem smut stories.

Normally I'm a genuinely nice guy; I don't write hateful things to others and I try not to hurt their feelings, even on this forum. But this guy, he's a fucking retard and I really don't like him for some reason.

Other than Hpfanficarchive.com and ff.net, Mohd7590 has posted on PatronusCharm.net. He isn't very popular there...

Review by artenry from PatronusCharm:

I don't know who you are, artenry, but know that I love you. *sniff*

OP is either a troll or mohd7590 in a lame disguise. If OP's a troll, then this is the third within the last few days.

Tl;dr: mohd7590 is an idiot, OP too.

Sorry for all the hate.

 

One chapter? I haven't been here long; but even I know that isn't cool. Doesn't one of the stickies say that the minimum is like for chapters?

Anyway as for my review the description says it all. Short, no beta, and Harry/Harem. This is acompanied by a lack of believable plot, decent characterisation and horrible writing.

But hey if your that hard up for a harem fic, don't let me stop you.

 

A tense change in the very first sentence of the story. Description is campy, sentence structure is all over the place, and there's bullshit Latin.

My hope is that DLP absolutely crushes his spirit to write more, so that his single chapter remains a single chapter. Mohd7590, you're not fit to write a harem fic. You're not fit to write any sort of fic whatsoever.

I rate this a Fuck You out of five stars.

 

I'm really at a loss for words here. "Shit" comes to mind along with "piece of".

Royalduke, you posted this thinking you weren't going to get torn a new asshole? I would say lurk more, but we already have enough trolls. Fuck off before I hunt you down and beat you to death with my keyboard.

1/5

 

Just awful. Spelling, grammar and basic writing concepts are all lacking. One chapter and it's already obvious how atrocious the plot is going to be.

1/5.

All I can say is just end it now... put it out of its misery.

 

Meh. Way too early to consider for the library. Taking in account the multitude of grammatical errors, I wouldn't consider reading any more of it.

BTW, your reading comprehension skills suck. It's not Harry/Harem, it's Harry/Fleur.¹

_________<small>
¹Okay, so my reading comprehension skills suck. But not as much as this story.</small>

 

Err, TC, you wouldn't happen to be mohd7590 would you? You know, with the whole signing up today and then rushing out to enter this fic for review thing..

 

Not even worth rating in my opinion.

The Dark Lord "moans" in the chapter, and we get to see somebody called Elizabeth- an "average" pureblood aristocrat.

 

His own forum has a library that includes the categories: General, Humour/comedy, Time travel, Multi-pairing, Erotica, Harem, Slaves, Romance, Alternate Universe, Dark! Evil! Harry, Azkaban, Bashing, Heir/royal Harry, Independant and For review.

http://forum.xadro.net/

 

Well, I think that the story had a good idea, but it had a lot of grammar flaws, we are not all perfect. The way he wrote it is quite good, but I like many others don't like OCs that don't have enough background. But sadly, I think he will abandon, or discontinue this story like he did to all the other stories he wrote.

 

No it's not.

 

No. That kind of writing is what gets people killed. His OC was a just another stock character to populate the harem with.

:cheers: