oh wow! i havn't read this story in years. I didn't know it was still going on. Gonna go read it soon and give a feedback.

 

I've got the first half of the next chapter done, but every time I think I get close to posting it - there's another thousand words waiting to be written.

If you were disappointed with the last chapter (I was as well), then this next one will be more towards your liking. Next time I get internet access I'll post the first half in WBA.

 

I have the next chapter up on ff.net and pc.net - this one was long enough that I'm dividing it into two parts. The next half should be up within a couple of weeks.

Edit: I want this shirt.

Pasted from WBA:

 

Love the way you fucked with Mr. Weasly Swim. I can't wait to see what your going to do to incorporate this bit of information in later. I also thought the conversation between Lucius and Blackwood. I wonder if Balckwood will hear any thing about "Harry" going to these places.

 

I'm sorry 'bout those last two last sentences. It was late and I was tired. Not a solid excuse but I'm not exactly lucid early in the morning. What I meant was that I found the conversation between Lucius and Blackwood was very interesting. I was also as to whether or not Blackwood would find out about Harry's various debacles, and what he'll do with this information. Will he tell Lucius, or maybe keep it to himself while standing on the sidelines. He might even bring this to Fudge's attension and then Fudge'll attempt, which will then fail desatrously, some kind of political manouver.

 

There is an edit button, use it.

As for the fic, I don't think I have actually read this yet, I'll edit in my review when I am done.

 

Next chapter up in WBA.

Went ahead and added it to ff.net and pc.

 

Very good dialogue between Harry and Oliver's friends. I liked Hermione's reaction to Harry as well.

The Dementer stuff was slightly confusing. I got what happened, but it sort of lost much of the dramatic effect due to the lack of overall clarity involved.

Annoying that Harry as to cradle himself like that, but it's expected.

4/5 for this chapter. 5/5 if it was longer - I feel as if this was just all one scene.

 

What Am said. And I'm going to actually look forward to more interaction with Draco, for once.

 

Where did it lose clarity? Let me know so I can fix where it gets confusing.

 

Caught up to the latest chapter. You wrote it with flair, and I think it is one of the best yet.

The introduction with Hermione was awesomely misleading - I thought you were going to set up for Hermione finding out about Harry being from the future.

I will double back to Chapter 10, when there was a similar situation in the meeting between Sirius and Harry.

For the reader there was the expectation of a cliche, a surrogate father-son relationship, and you crushed it, just like you did with Sherlock!Hermione.

The freshness is excellent, but the aftermath of the Sirius-Harry conversation felt borderline self-conscious. The writing seems internally aware that you had broken a cliche at this part:

This is a little too unerring, IMO. There are time-travel stories when an adult Harry from the future DOES revert to a child and snuggles with Sirius+Remus. If I wasn't go to think about them otherwise, I certainly did after reading that. There isn't anything particularly wrong with this, but it just seems more tasteful to me if you tacitly debunked the cliche without dwelling on it.

That said, it was only borderline if even that, but I thought to mention it if you have anything of that nature lined up in the future.

The interaction with the Hogwarts characters was mature and suitably lighthearted, I enjoyed reading it a lot. Lorraine didn't really strike me as too alluring, but there is time to develop her character if she is indeed going to be utilized in futue scenes.

Does she happen to be the Harry/OFC you listed under the pairings at the top of the prologue? I initially thought the OFC was going to be Queen Mab, but Lorraine appears to be a likely candidate too.

Everything involving the Dementors was a stroke of creativity, from the inhalation reversing the Kiss and the battle leading up to it, to their physiology with the second heart.

The implication is also a fine touch - are they more numerous this time because Harry has more bad memories to offer, or is the timeline indeed changing?

The answer would logically be the latter due to Pettigrew's (possible) absence, which has nothing to do with Harry. At this point, the chapter simultaneously confirmed and allayed my misgivings about the setting shifting to Hogwarts. The Dementor scene was exceptional (I found nothing confusing about it) enough that I look forward Hogwarts on some level, but before the train scene, I was under the impression Harry was there only to snatch Pettigrew.

Get in, nab him, get out.

Now, Pettigrew is hinted to be absent, which might bode for a longer
stay.

The story deserves a 5/5 simply for expanding the setting beyond the typical locations: Diagon Alley, Hogwarts, the Burrow, Grimmauld Place, the Ministry. Obligatory comment about hoping to see the settings described more vividly.

Another noteworthy feature is the nature of Harry's heritage. Sometimes though, it feels like the description creeps too closely to making him seem fey, if you know what I mean. There was the odd occasion when Harry's voice is described and I was reminded of those slash fics featuring elf!vampire!something!Harry. The eeriness I got stemmed from his character was conveyed well by his thought processes and his actions, not from how much of his blood came from a dark veela.

Lastly, I was somewhat disgruntled with the Department of Mysteries being that unguarded. Harry waltzes in. It is amusing, and is consistent with canon. Even by Order of the Phoenx it had no security.

But you made your own addition with the Special Forces Unit. At face value, their highly militarized presence clashes with the DoM's severe insecurity. Minor, probably moot, point anyway.

Wishing you good progress with rewriting the earlier chapters and completing the next.

 

Great update. Dialogue between Harry and Ollie & co. was fantastic, best I've read in a while.

EDIT: 400th post, yay.

 

The next chapter has been sent to beta; I should have it up within the next day or so.

 

Fuckin' A.

 

Sweet! Awaiting more to arrive...

 

Up in WBA. Enjoy.

 

White Rabbit is up on PatronusCharm and ff.net.

 

Superb! Absolutely Superb!

 

Next part has been sent to beta. I should have it up soon.

Final word count: 13,022 words

 

Ridiculously awesome news.